Pat probably thinks I forgot about him but I didn’t. He wrote me last month, yeah I know I’m a procrastinator with way too many balls in the air, but he always makes such valid points that I know others will benefit from and he’s done it again!
Here’s what Pat wrote:
“Does submitting to someone of the same sex, while otherwise being attracted only to the opposite sex, make someone bisexual?
Over the last few years I’ve realized that I am sexually submissive with women, and possibly, maybe with the right kind of man as well. But I otherwise have no interest in men. I have no desire for a vanilla sexual interaction with a man. It’s just about dominance and submission.
Have you ever encountered submissives like this and what do you think it means?”
I talk to many, MANY people who are sitting in this position. You guys always hear me talk about the sliding scale of sexuality. If we peeled away all the layers we are all inherently bi-sexual on some level. It’s just that some of us lean more one way or the other. Take myself for example; I have no lesbian tendencies at all. I’ve watched girl-on-girl porn, I’ve actually even participated in threesomes with 2 girls and one VERY LUCKY guy, yet I had no inclination to go near the other women, the urge or eroticism just isn’t there. But I DO know that given the right circumstances and the right mood or ambiance that I might go down that road. Who knows? I’m not about to pigeon hole myself and say, NO WAY I’M NEVER TACO MUNCHING!
I counsel primarily men and there are so many of you guys who are sitting in this position which I would say is right, dead smack in the middle of the sliding scale and sometimes that’s a harder position to be in.
I will say this again and again until I’m blue in the face; Pat’s position is all based on D & s. When you’re feeling sexually submissive, it’s more your need and desire to serve that makes you suck another man’s cock. It has NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation. Guys always figure if I suck a cock I’m a fag. Wrong! Unless you have romantic desires (i.e. Find other men sexually attractive and would go in to a romantic relationship with them) for the opposite sex you are NOT gay! Are you bi? Yup! But remember even bi-sexuality has a sliding scale. It’s our society’s need to label everything that fucks up your heads.
A submissive male who sucks another guys cock is not gay he’s SERVING! He’s PLEASING! It’s coming from that submissive part of you not the sexual orientation part of you. I see more people in pain from having confusing thoughts that don’t conform to what society deems as ‘normal’ that it saddens me. If we weren’t so god damn focused on what our neighbor is doing or who they’re fucking people wouldn’t have to feel this emotional confusion and pain. What you do behind closed doors (consensually) is none of anyone’s business. Would I like for everyone to be able to discuss what they do openly without judgment? Hell ya! Is that going to happen in our lifetimes? Sadly, no.
Even when you are in that submissive situation and you are sucking his cock or doing anything else sexually to this, I’m assuming, alpha male and he’s telling you you’re a ‘dirty faggot,’ even THAT doesn’t mean anything. It’s part of the humiliation streak that goes along with your submissiveness.
I have men who phone me in complete FEAR who say to me, “what if I suck a cock and like it?” So? Let’s look at that, you suck a cock and you like it, chances are you’re not enjoying the oral based on, “oh I want this guy to like me,” it’s because you are SERVING. You are delighting the idea of pleasing this guy and a lot of times it’s at the behest of a Dominant female who’s telling you to do it. In that case you’re doing what you’re told, you’re a good sub in that moment. Just relax and enjoy that wonderful feeling of submission instead of letting your mind squirrels tell you you’re wrong, or fucked in the head. You’re not!!!!
The real key in enjoying what you do is letting go of trying to ‘fit in’ with the rest of the world. Why on earth do you want to fit in with a bunch of fickle, mind-changing, bigoted, paranoid people? It’s a game you CANNOT win. So to try to play it is more ridiculous than you sucking a cock. Do what you love, what makes you feel good and let go of the societal/religious programming.
Sucking a cock in a D & s situation DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY!
I enjoy the submissive side of sucking cocks. I don’t want to hug or kiss a man, just service the cock. I love it when I have a cock in my mouth and the man calls me cock sucker and faggot. At that point in time, that is exactly what I am. I actually feel no embarrassment or humiliation at having cocks in my mouth and swallowing a real man’s semen. I guess I’ve evolved somewhat.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE SUCKING COCK WITH MY WIFE!!! ALTHOUGH I HAVE HAD A MOMENT WITH just a Guy…. I wasn’t a fan of it. I totally will have and will suck up cum with me wife. But with out her…. I won’t touch cock w 10ft pole
Just want to say thanks for the articles which have helped put my mind slightly more at ease on sucking cock.
Although happily married for a very long time, my wife has more or less no sex drive. We very rarely have sex now. But as a typical male, I very much have the need for it and the eventual release.
For a long time, in fact since childhood, I have always liked the same sex and being bi curious. But through my relationship with my wife and the fact i still very much love her, have not had full sex with a man. Nor have i ever been with another woman. With having no sex life, and the need to release my tensions and being bi curious, I plucked up courage and attended a gay sauna. Here, I found safety and to some degree my sexual release but with some guilt. I feel very confused sexually.
I had often had the opportunity to suck a cock. I had always wanted to try, but with the fear of infections etc never did. Obviously, I love having my cock sucked.
On reading the various comments on your site, the time came with a guy who i met at the sauna and who’s cock was just right. Finally, I took it into my mouth and had a great time sucking. What made it even better for me was he did not know it was my first time I had sucked a cock but afterwards he actually said that was brilliant. I have to add that I couldn’t go the whole way and let him come in my mouth. Im not sure if i could cope with cum in the mouth although i’d love to know what its like.
Perhaps it wont be a regular thing, but at least I now know what its like to suck cock.
My main worries are contracting something and my guilty feeling re my wife.
Should I continue now that i have experienced my fantasy?
Hi Dr. Sue
This is tim, the first time i sucked cock i was 16 years old. i hung out with 4 girlfriends and they all dared me to do it and they set up the situation with a group of male friends of their’s. When it took place my lady friends cheered me on. From that point i was hooked and am truly bi and love to serve and please others.
Well done Tim!
Yes I sucked my first dick when I was 13 and keep on after that
I to from giving my first NJ was hooked it happened when I was 13 yrs old. I’m now 65yrs. Old and have come to realize I’m gay as I have the desire to be romanticly involved with men only.So I must be gay.