Pat probably thinks I forgot about him but I didn’t. He wrote me last month, yeah I know I’m a procrastinator with way too many balls in the air, but he always makes such valid points that I know others will benefit from and he’s done it again!
Here’s what Pat wrote:
“Does submitting to someone of the same sex, while otherwise being attracted only to the opposite sex, make someone bisexual?
Over the last few years I’ve realized that I am sexually submissive with women, and possibly, maybe with the right kind of man as well. But I otherwise have no interest in men. I have no desire for a vanilla sexual interaction with a man. It’s just about dominance and submission.
Have you ever encountered submissives like this and what do you think it means?”
I talk to many, MANY people who are sitting in this position. You guys always hear me talk about the sliding scale of sexuality. If we peeled away all the layers we are all inherently bi-sexual on some level. It’s just that some of us lean more one way or the other. Take myself for example; I have no lesbian tendencies at all. I’ve watched girl-on-girl porn, I’ve actually even participated in threesomes with 2 girls and one VERY LUCKY guy, yet I had no inclination to go near the other women, the urge or eroticism just isn’t there. But I DO know that given the right circumstances and the right mood or ambiance that I might go down that road. Who knows? I’m not about to pigeon hole myself and say, NO WAY I’M NEVER TACO MUNCHING!
I counsel primarily men and there are so many of you guys who are sitting in this position which I would say is right, dead smack in the middle of the sliding scale and sometimes that’s a harder position to be in.
I will say this again and again until I’m blue in the face; Pat’s position is all based on D & s. When you’re feeling sexually submissive, it’s more your need and desire to serve that makes you suck another man’s cock. It has NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation. Guys always figure if I suck a cock I’m a fag. Wrong! Unless you have romantic desires (i.e. Find other men sexually attractive and would go in to a romantic relationship with them) for the opposite sex you are NOT gay! Are you bi? Yup! But remember even bi-sexuality has a sliding scale. It’s our society’s need to label everything that fucks up your heads.
A submissive male who sucks another guys cock is not gay he’s SERVING! He’s PLEASING! It’s coming from that submissive part of you not the sexual orientation part of you. I see more people in pain from having confusing thoughts that don’t conform to what society deems as ‘normal’ that it saddens me. If we weren’t so god damn focused on what our neighbor is doing or who they’re fucking people wouldn’t have to feel this emotional confusion and pain. What you do behind closed doors (consensually) is none of anyone’s business. Would I like for everyone to be able to discuss what they do openly without judgment? Hell ya! Is that going to happen in our lifetimes? Sadly, no.
Even when you are in that submissive situation and you are sucking his cock or doing anything else sexually to this, I’m assuming, alpha male and he’s telling you you’re a ‘dirty faggot,’ even THAT doesn’t mean anything. It’s part of the humiliation streak that goes along with your submissiveness.
I have men who phone me in complete FEAR who say to me, “what if I suck a cock and like it?” So? Let’s look at that, you suck a cock and you like it, chances are you’re not enjoying the oral based on, “oh I want this guy to like me,” it’s because you are SERVING. You are delighting the idea of pleasing this guy and a lot of times it’s at the behest of a Dominant female who’s telling you to do it. In that case you’re doing what you’re told, you’re a good sub in that moment. Just relax and enjoy that wonderful feeling of submission instead of letting your mind squirrels tell you you’re wrong, or fucked in the head. You’re not!!!!
The real key in enjoying what you do is letting go of trying to ‘fit in’ with the rest of the world. Why on earth do you want to fit in with a bunch of fickle, mind-changing, bigoted, paranoid people? It’s a game you CANNOT win. So to try to play it is more ridiculous than you sucking a cock. Do what you love, what makes you feel good and let go of the societal/religious programming.
Sucking a cock in a D & s situation DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY!
I do not like to suck the penis. Many women do not like it. My husband also does not like to sucking penis but even more he does not like when I’m suck bull’s penis. That’s why he sucks bull’s penis for me. It is wonderful but it also excites me to the sky when I put a red lipstick on hubby’s lips and he begins to suck penis. My vagina became even more wet than when he is licking her.
Hubby will never put his little penis in my vagina again. In my vagina he can enter, only big bull’s penis.
My husband’s job is to prepare that beautiful big penis for my vagina and to help my clitoris with his tongue to provide incredible orgasms while a bull fuck me, and to finish the bull when I pull out penis from my vagina. To suck and swallow every drop of sperm. Then to finish me. Final orgasm with his tongue which is incredible. Hubby is now a cucksucker and pussy licker. That’s his role. He participates in my satisfaction with the bull.
When we are alone he is just pussy licker. I love it too.
When it’s time for sex with a bull, he again becomes a cucksucker. I’m proud of him.
Im a very straight guy who fucks a lot of women…but I had a gay friend suck my cick and now he wants to be my cock slave….Getting sucked off is my fav thing in the world…I crave it and think about when I jerk off,,,my porn is all cock sucking…I was very scared first because Im an alpha male but I have to admit I REALLY enjoyed it…even the thought of another guy wanting to suck my cock was a turn on…anyway..he;s been over a few times now and sucks me off 2-3 times and leaves…I ill never reciprocate..he;s okay with that..he just want to service my big hard cock….I love it!!!…no guilt anymore…I wondered if that made me “gay”…I dat want to be gay ( no offence) I love women but I want my cock sucked by more guys now…turn on…even watching gays suck each other off now sometimes….Never thought it would be my thing….not attracted to men what so ever…men kissing is a huge turn off…and ass sex isn’t my thing though this guy loves my ass and loves to lick it…something i always enjoyed…..Ive been with hundreds of women..and had great cock sucking girlfriends….but I want to be sucked off by more dudes…its a turn on…..who knew?
When I sucked my first cock, I didn’t think I was gay at all, just curious. I then started seeking opportunities to suck other men, and have probably did it with at least two hundred men now. It took me ten years to turn totally gay, and really make love to a man’s cock. I’m 65 now, and prefer sex with men over women.
Hi Dr. Sue and thank you for your articles. I was searching the internet to see if there were more men out there like myself and there are definitely many of us. I thought about sucking when I was younger then it stopped for years after I met my wife. I grew up in a strictly religious household so thoughts of sucking cock were a no no. I would feel a lot of guilt. It wasn’t until I was about 43 that I started thinking about it again. I’m now 47. I wasn’t getting much sex or very good sex at home, so I started watching cock sucking porn and got so excited of the thought of being on my knees sucking cock. This made me so hard. More erect than any woman I have ever been with. Well eventually after about 6 months of talking to a man I met online, We met and he helped me experiment with my needs and desires. I experimented 4 times with him and enjoyed every minute of it. We would 69 as we were both submissive. Unfortunately I never got up the nerve to swallow and now I regret it so much. I don’t see him anymore (his choice) and started talking to another guy who is more dominant. He doesn’t suck but allows other men to suck him. I have found this is an even bigger turn on for me sexually. He said if I suck him to completion and swallow I will most likely cum myself. I think he is right because when I masturbate I usually cum to the thought of a cock deep in my mouth and ejaculating. This act of sucking cock comes so natural to me and I feel like it is one thing that I am really good at. I really enjoy when deepthroating and feeling the head pass my uvula. It’s like I want to give the pleasure that I am not receiving at home. I want to tell everyone about it but can say a word to anyone. My family would be devastated if they found out. I want to meet this man because he knows me so well and knows what I need as a cock sucker. I try to be extremely safe and that is a reason why I haven’t swallowed. I have been tested myself, but others don’t. What should I do? I want to try this so bad. I want to feel what it’s like to be used for his pleasure. It is like this side of me has been here all along and just waiting to get out. Now that it is out the urges to submit and swallow are too strong to control. He said if I come over his place and do this I will most likely be embarrassed, humiliated, guilt ridden, but ultimately sexually satisfied. I feel like he is so right in more ways then one. What should I do? I still get very concerned about diseases, but yet I don’t want to miss out on this opportunity because he seems to know exactly what I need. Sorry for the long message but I had to get this out. Phew!
Thank you for this comment PJ. If you want to go and suck this dude dick DO IT! The only person who would know would be you and him. You have it in your head that EVERYONE WILL KNOW when in fact, unless you say something no one ever has to know. Diseases via oral are genuine but most viruses can’t live in stomach acid so unless you have open sores in your mouth or a bleeding ulcer you aren’t likely to get anything BUT there are a few that can be caught via oral so it’s not 100%.
I will say that I think you’re teetering more in the openly bi-sexual realm than just this being a D&s thing. Your masturbation fantasies are such that in my opinion, you are more apt to enjoy both and possibly give up females.
Today was the best day of my life. After writing my comment earlier today I felt a sense of relief having found out that my love for cock is not all that uncommon. We are the ones who can talk openly about it with no shame. I left work early and decided to stop by a female friends house to discuss my love of cock. She has an open mind and I just wanted her input. When I told her about my little secret she popped up and asked me without hesitation if I would like to suck a cock right now. I said yes. She told me to get undressed and make myself comfortable and she would be back in a few minutes with a big surprise for me. I was a little confused as to just what was gooing on but I went along with her wishes and waited with great anticipation. She returned a few minutes later in a bathrobe. I reminded her that I was not after pussy. She smiled and opened her robe revealing her breasts which were a very pretty sight. My cock was fully erect whren she asked me to close my eyes. I did as she said, then she said to open them. To my total surprise and delight I learned that my female friend was sporting a very nice
You are definitely not a stright guy
I also don;t have any desire to hug or kiss a man, but I do enjoy sucking cocks, and receiving anal sex.
I am 56 years old single male who has always had a fascination with cock.. This all began at the age of 12 when I began masturbating. I loved the way I made myself feel and did it daily in to my 20’s. I got married and had a good sex life with my wife but used every opportunity to pleasure myself. I h asked vmeave always had a premature ejaculation problem so my satisfaction with sex with women has been very low. Oner night my girlfriend passed out and a male friend who was over asked me if he could suck my cock. He pulled off his pants and I was drawn to his hard six inch cock. It was beautiful. I told him me first and had him sit on the couch as I got on my knees before him and proceeded to suck his cock until he shot his cum in my mouth. I was hooked right then and there. I probably sucked him off twenty more times and lost track of him. It was years until I had another chance to suck a cock. It was awesome. I have decided that me and women are not a good fit. I am about to embark on a new journey where I am going to become a first class cock sucker. I have no interest in men other than to suck cock. I find it very enjoyable and will throw all of society’s stigmas aside and do what makes me happy. Dropping to my knees and seeing a nice hard cock in my face is such a wonderful sight. I want to learn deep throat as that is the holy grail of blow jobs.
Ok Tony I will have to agree with Lion085 that you are not straight and your interesting in sucking cock does not fall in to what I was discussing in the article. Many of you gentlemen commenting on this article are not coming from a D&s standpoint but instead are using this to deal with your homosexual tendancies.
You took the words right from my mouth! It’s good and very relaxing. My friend and I get together a 3 or 4 times a month.
I just stumbled upon this thread, and it really hits home.
I’m a 50 year-old, primarily heterosexual man, but since the onset of puberty I’ve had an overwhelming and near-constant urge to suck a man’s penis. I have no emotional or romantic interest in men, and I never even find men physically attractive as far as face or appearance. But the urge to suck a cock was so strong that as a young teenager, I stretched constantly until I was able to self-suck, which I’ve since done for most of my adult life.
I’ve never considered myself “confused” about my sexuality, because I understood even while I was a teenager that my craving for cock was purely sexual and shallow, and very different from my multi-faceted attraction to women.
I’ve tried to figure out where this desire came from, and my best explanation is that I masturbated a lot as a teenager, and I think I just got hard-wired to associate the look of a penis with incredible sexual pleasure. I think this is also why I only crave cocks that look just like mine–white, circumcised, slightly larger than average. I’m not a submissive guy at all, and I don’t think that’s part of my psychology–for me, I suspect it has more to do with the primal nursing instinct, transferred from a nipple to a penis. That’s my theory, at least.
I used to think I was pretty unusual. If you love and crave cocks, you’re not really straight–but at the same time, I was not drawn to men in any emotional or romantic sense, so I wasn’t gay. I understood it, but it seemed uncommon. But exploring online forums in the last few years, I see my situation is much more common than I thought. And the strange thing is that it seems that many of us guys have a much stronger urge to suck a penis even than most heterosexual women—to the point where many of us (myself included) get incredible sexual pleasure just from the act of sucking.
I guess human sexuality is strange.