Pat wrote in and brought up another really good point, he writes…
…I thought of this while I read one of your posts on financial domination. You said if a guy has been ruined in a divorce, then he has been financially dominated. You then explained that for some it’s painful while for others it’s erotic. That leads me to my question.
It seems fetishes form inappropriate erotic associations. The example of a guy getting off on being financially ruined is an extreme example, but how many other fetishes are “ruining” men in more subtle ways?
I’m thinking of a guy who can’t have an orgasm unless he’s licking his wife’s feet while jacking off. Or a guy who can’t form relationships with women who treat him well because he’s so hell bent on being humiliated. It’s hard to know the difference between a healthy fetish and one that may lead to a self-destructive path.
What do you think? Is it healthy to nurture a fetish or is it a path to ruination?
There’s going to be many differing opinions on this subject. In my opinion, provided you aren’t becoming obsessive about it, it’s very healthy to nurture your fetish.
These thoughts are inherently a very large part of who are psychologically. As many of you who have tried to suppress your fetishes have found out, they always tend to come back.
I believe to nurture your fetish gives balance. It’s the yin-yang theory. If you keep these thoughts and feelings pent up inside of you all the time you become a very frustrated individual. Subsequently you become a nasty person to be around, therefore everyone is affected. But remember what we’ve been taught from a young age, ‘everything is great in moderation.’ Like any other indulgence be it food, drugs, alcohol or sex, your fetish can become an addiction. Therefore you have to be very cognizant of your own behavior. If you notice yourself getting too carried away, it’s time to rein it in. That said if things were that easy no one would be an alcoholic, drug addict, overweight, or sex addict. It’s a fine line that takes your own common sense and resolve to police.
I think to try to squelch it and make it go away just makes bigger issues in the long run. I always say, if you feel guilt, fault, shame or blame about any of your behavior, it’s time to stop what you’re doing. Things such as sex and fetishes are meant to be enjoyed and expressed with no guilt or shame involved. If those negative feelings are there, then you need to look at why they’re there and deal with that before continuing on.
We are here in this life to experience joy. No more, no less. Provided your joy doesn’t hurt yourself or someone else, be like Nike and ‘just do it’. A joyful person spreads more joy and we can all use more of that in our lives.