Camilla asked this question in an email to me and I think it bears discussing. There is a lot of contradictory information out there regarding the subject of sex with submissives, and in this case I’m talking submissive males of course.
The first thing I want to point out is that there are no hard and fast rules that have to be followed when it comes to D & s with the exception of sanity and safety. In order to clarify the subject lets break it down in to a few areas; Pro Dommes, Lifestyle Dommes and Cuckolding.
My view and the way I was trained is that if you are a Pro Domme and you have sex with your submissive that’s a big NO NO. Why? Because when you have sex with the submissive you’re leveling the playing field. You’re no longer dominating him, it’s now even. So in the case of Pro Dommes it’s not recommended because in the long run the submissive is paying for a service and it’s mainly a feeling they’re paying for. Sex with a sub in this format ruins it for the sub. Now I’m not talking oral or strap-on play obviously. I’m talking intercourse with the submissive. It doesn’t work because when you have full intercourse there is no longer any D & s. Now I know there are Domina’s out there who will disagree with me and that’s cool, again no hard and fast rules.
Now in the case of a Lifestyle Domme where the submissives are living with her and are being cared for by her it takes on another meaning. Can it be done? Yes and it is done but it’s considered a huge reward and privilege. It is usually reserved only for the top submissive in the house. It is an honor and the submissives know that. Does it level the playing field? Not usually because they will either be removed from the Domina’s sleeping quarters and returned to their cell when they are finished or chained to the foot of the bed. So you can see the difference between a Lifestyle Domme situation and a Pro Domme situation. As a Pro Domme you don’t have the ability when it’s over to put them back in their place.
Cuckolding takes on a whole gray area that is really very much up to the Superior Female. As the Superior Female in the relationship it is strictly up to you whether you have sex with your cuckold. Lots of women eventually deny completely, tapering off as they go along. Some women will let the cuckold only have sex after the alpha is finished. This solidifies the cuckold’s place because he then feels how stretched his female is by the alpha male and he can see for himself that she cannot feel his usually tiny dick because he can’t feel anything either. Sex can also be used as a reward system or even as a game. It’s all up to both of you how you decide to play it out.
Can you have a full relationship with a submissive male and still have it work out? Yes but it usually takes on a cuckolding atmosphere eventually.
In Camilla’s case she was wondering if it would work having a D & s relationship AND financially dominate him. This rarely works. The reason why is because a spouse or partner doesn’t usually have the leverage that’s required with Financial Domination. There’s a ruthlessness that is needed to properly financially dominate, a fear level that usually isn’t reached in a partnership. Not to say that it can’t be done it just doesn’t work well. That’s why most married men who want to be financially dominated do so with someone outside their relationship. It may be possible if the D & s portion of the relationship is established before it turns sexual. But again it usually ends up turning in to a cuckold relationship anyway.
As with everything I tell you guys, YOU make the rules. Whatever works for you and your partner is perfect.