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Why Do I Keep Doing This?

Articles, Financial Domination, The Submissive Mind

Jamie writes:

Hi i am a married guy who about 10 years ago lost everything to a Wonderful Mistress. i swore i would never do this again but there’s always this burning desire deep inside me to do it all over again.??

Let me say that this is a common question or inquiry that I get a lot. Why is that after losing everything, or throwing out my lingerie, or not going to the glory holes do I continue to crave it? The answer is basically two fold. In one respect you could be having addiction issues. Mind you in Jamie’s case after 10 years you’d think he would be okay by now. Truth is if it’s an addiction issue you never lose your craving for it. Just like a smoker never stops craving the cigarette or the alcoholic still craves alcohol. That’s why you find most refer to themselves as ‘reformed’ or ‘recovering.’ We’ve all heard that an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. Same thing here.

The other issue with this is that in many cases if it’s a true fetish it’s an innate part of who you are. You can’t run from who you are. You can shelve it for a while but the desire will always be there. The key is obviously not to indulge if you know this is a behavior that you cannot control for whatever reason. Easier said than done but it really is that clear. You need to be responsible for your own behavior. Will you have cravings? Yup, but it’s up to you if you cave to your crave.

I do want to point one thing out though. Notice how Jamie refers to his Mistress that he lost everything to as WONDERFUL. That tells me that even though he lost his shirt he still thinks of her fondly. This what the naysayers of the world need to understand and let go of. If someone wants to indulge in Financial Domination or any other fetish because it makes them feel good, then let it go and let them do what they want. Like children you have to let them fall and learn on their own. It’s not your concern. Stop condemning what you don’t understand.

I’m off my soapbox now 🙂

Submissive Guys Have Feelings Too

Articles, Cuckolding, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

I spoke with Matt last week who is presently trying to find the right Dominant woman to serve in real time, not on the phone or in a Pro Domme capacity. His quest brings up a very important point that I want to get across to you submissive guys out there.

First of all I know it’s hard to find a Dominant woman to serve in a relationship capacity. It’s not like you can walk in to a bar and say, hey what’s your sign, mine’s use me, and dropping to your knees, throwing your arms around her legs and not letting go can get you arrested, which is why I tell you guys to go where the Dominant women are.

In Matt’s case he’s had some luck finding the right woman but not being able to connect properly. Like many men out there Matt has to be Dominant throughout the day at work etc. What he wants is a woman he can lavish not only his money and attention but to serve domestically as well. Now you’d think that any woman out there would be jumping at the chance to grab him, but that’s not the case. Too many women get in to the roll of bitch with a whip. They don’t understand that it’s perfectly fine to love and care for your submissive male, which is why I suggested a more cuckold relationship for Matt to look for.

The trick is to find a balance between the relationship part and the D & s part. As a Dominant woman you don’t have to respect your sub as a man, as a matter of fact you probably won’t. But you DO have to respect him as a HUMAN BEING! Submissive males are not robots without feelings, they’re human, and their needs have to be met as well as yours.

Unless a submissive male enjoys being treated like nothing with no conversation or relationship connection you HAVE to take his needs in to consideration. As a couple you have to make rules that each of you will abide by that work for both of you not just one of you. What Matt wants is someone who will basically be in a loving relationship with him but behind closed doors he serves and is very domestic. Unfortunately he keeps finding women who just want him to pick up their dry cleaning and that’s about it. When he would go out for dinner with them they wouldn’t even talk. That’s ridiculous and falls more in to the realm of Pro Domme.

So guys remember, it’s okay to submit but you DO have rights and you DO deserve to have all your needs met just as much as she does. Never short change yourself or serve just because you’re submissive if it’s not something you’re enjoying. If it’s no fun, there’s no point in doing it.

What is a Ruined Orgasm and Why Would I Want One?

Articles, Cuckolding, The Submissive Mind

You probably don’t. LOL. Ruined orgasms are used in cuckolding and male control. It’s a way of draining the submissive without the pleasure of the orgasm.

We’ve all had one at some time or other usually unintentionally. You build up and pull back to that orgasm tip over point so many times that if you’re not careful your orgasm will actually fizzle and die. In the case of cuckolding or just male control you do it to drain the balls and that’s it. The ejaculate will actually just pour out and there will be no muscle spasms or fun stuff to go with it.

Most men don’t want a ruined orgasm but their Mistress doesn’t want them experiencing pleasure for a variety of reasons. One reason is it keeps the focus off their cocks and on the Mistress where it should be.

Is it bad for you, no. It won’t do anything harmful it just doesn’t feel good because you don’t experience a full pleasurable orgasm.

There is no perfect way to perform a ruined orgasm either. You need to know your submissive well enough to be able to feel with your hand when he’s getting to that edge obviously. Never go by his expressions or what he might be saying cause let’s face it he’ll try to get that one slip over the edge. Like everything else it just takes practice. You can also use prostate massage the same way.

Alpha Male – Beta Male

Articles, Cuckolding, The Submissive Mind

I get asked a lot about the difference between an alpha male (also known as a master, bull, dominant male, daddy, or real man among many other terms), and a beta male (also referred to as the sub male, slave, bitch, or loser). There are a million terms to describe either one and yet there’s still some confusion about their place in BDSM or cuckolding, why I don’t know, it seems very clear to me.

Alpha males are the seed spreaders, their primary reason for living is to spread as much of their dominant seed as possible. This goes back to evolution when it really was survival of the fittest just like in the animal kingdom. Alpha males are usually built as such; tall, broad shouldered, large penises, and usually very handsome with defined bone structure. They are cocky and confident. They know when they enter the room they can do or have anyone there. The downside to alpha males is that they’re too cocky, arrogant, and tend to clash with dominant females. This is precisely the reason why dominant women only fuck alpha males and then kick them to the curb. A dominant woman living with an alpha male can get very ugly and rarely works. That’s why dominant women would rather be with the submissive male except for sex.

Most real alpha males suck at making money because they’re too distracted by their penises and their own sense of importance to bother. Besides, why should they when the beta’s are there to do the work for them? Alpha’s are con-artists and usually have a flock of beta’s in some way doing all the grunt work while they take the glory.

Beta males are the worker bees of the world. I liken it to bees because it’s very similar in structure as a hive. Beta or submissive males are the ones working the hive, gathering the pollen, keeping the hive tidy for the Queen, kicking out intruders. They tend to look submissive, wimpy and usually have small penises although there are exceptions to every rule. Whereas the drones’ only purpose is to fertilize the eggs laid by the Queen to ensure the hives colony is always strong. Granted this is a very glossed over version of bee colonies but you get the idea.

Now understand this has nothing to do with the work world. I’m talking relationships here. There are a lot of who I like to call ‘soldier bees’ out there who disguise themselves as alphas throughout the day because they need to be alpha to succeed in business. These are your corporate heads, your CEO’s and CFO’s who spend the day making huge, very important decisions and then when they get home at night fall to their knees and are more than happy to let their Mistress take over the controls. These boys are also the ones who usually fall in to the abyss of financial domination because they have the money to burn and are usually married to submissive women for some sad reason.

As I’ve said before, the absolute worst is the beta male who thinks he’s alpha. My clients will remember this as I’ve said many times, no matter how alpha or GTL or Guido or Clooney you ‘think’ you are, at some point you’re going to have to drop your drawers and then it’s GAME OVER. (Sideline: for those of you like me, who got sucked in to the train wreck TV program Jersey Shore, I’d liken this type of beta male to ‘The Situation’ I swear he’s the only one who doesn’t realize he’s a bitch).

An extreme example of problems that can occur with these imposter alpha’s, are these guys who end up beating on their submissive women. They’re so busy trying to be something they’re not, trying to prove themselves to no one because most people could care less, that they get so frustrated and freaked out about their submissive, insecure thoughts that they subsequently take it out on their submissive women. For these idiots I have 2 things to say; there’s a dungeon with your name on it and a whole heap of dominant women who’d love to have you for dinner (literally), and grow up and quit trying to control something you can’t control. No matter how often you look in the mirror as a dog and say, ‘I’m a cat, I’m a cat, I’m a cat’ it’s never going to make you a cat. So on behalf of women everywhere, for the love of god please stop trying to be something you can never be. Just accept who you are, there’s way more beta males than there are alpha males and real women want you more anyway.

Be proud, be BETA!

Can Cuckolding Ruin a Marriage?

Articles, Cuckolding, Featured

Of course it can if you’re not open.

Here’s the best foundation to make cuckolding work in your relationship:

It’s essential that each partner be honest and upfront about their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to cuckold. The trick is to make it work for the two of you. There are so many different ways to cuckold that the possibilities are endless but at no time should one person jump ahead and do something without consulting the other, unless you agree on that ahead of time.

I always suggest that couples have at least one day a week where they aren’t dominant and submissive they’re Bob and Carol. During this time you sit down and discuss what’s working and what isn’t for each partner. The number one key to making cuckolding work is communication. If one partner resents something the other is doing, you’re in for a big fall. Sounds obvious but it’s easy to get carried away with your roles and just start to assume that the other person is cool with whatever you have in mind.

Lay out ground rules before you start. For some couples the cuckolded male wants to watch his partner get properly fucked. Other couples find that the cuckolded male wants to only listen or hear about the session after it’s over with no participation at all. This just has to do with what senses you use in eroticism. Some people are auditory they want to hear it all but not see it and vice versa. This actually works well to start off with too. Sometimes it’s easier for the newly dominant female to jump on board with the idea of cuckolding if she can choose her fuck toy herself and break the ice by fucking him on her own but telling her partner about it after the fact. Remember, baby steps, don’t rush things and go with whatever makes each person comfortable. Once the ice is broken and she’s more comfortable then she might start bringing her toys home with her for the cuckold to watch.

If during your ‘Bob and Carol’ once a week meetings one person says, ‘I’d rather be there with you when this is going on,’ make sure the other is ready for that. Remember guys, sometimes it’s hard for a woman who’s been newly introduced to cuckolding to get past the fact that you aren’t going to leave her for cheating, or call her a whore during a fight. That’s a BIG no-no. If you decide to go this route, you can NEVER…EVER hold what you do behind closed doors against the other person. The biggest hurdle for a woman to get over is this fear of you doing just that. You can’t have it both ways.

All this being said, I’ve found that most cuckold relationships are actually stronger than their vanilla counterparts. Why? Because there’s no cheating and sneaking around. Everything is above board and both partners are getting what they want. There’s no need to go behind someone’s back.

Male Chastity and Why It’s Used

Articles, Cuckolding, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

Male chastity is quickly becoming a very good way in which to train the focus of a submissive male. As we all know most men are somewhat obsessed with their penises. Not their fault really, it’s something they learn from a very young age. However it can be detrimental when it comes to keeping their focus on what’s most important….you!

When men get sexually stimulated by any of their senses the automatic response is for them to touch themselves, one, because it feels good, and two because it has become a mindless reaction. Stimulation = dick. While that’s not a bad thing and I don’t want to give the impression that touching yourself is evil, when it comes to the training and reinforcing of the male submissive mind though, it’s a huge stumbling block.

A chastity device is primarily used to train a subs’ focus. By using a device such as the CB6000 in the picture, it stops the automatic response of touching and subsequently stimulation and relief. For example, a man gets sexually stimulated by seeing a beautiful woman on the television he goes to touch himself and clunk, hits the device and can’t follow through. It’s a type of cognitive behavioral therapy. When this is reinforced with the visual stimulation you want him to have it begins to turn his focus from outside stimulus to where it should be, on you.

That’s the main premise of using a male chastity device but it goes even deeper than that. Submissive males crave control. They want you to run the show. By taking control of his penis and his orgasms it gives him a sense of purpose. Chastity is the first step in control. Control a man’s penis, you control the man and because we all know that sexuality and fetishes are 99% mental, the visual of his Goddess/Wife/Domme wearing the key to his device around her neck is a strong reminder of why this is being done in the first place. His whole world should be YOU.

The CB6000 is the latest in a long line of chastity devices for men. With each generation of the device it was enhanced more and more based on consumer feedback. Plastic keys are supplied with the device which come in handy should your sub have to go through airport security. As funny as it would be, I doubt Homeland Security would appreciate a dick setting off a metal detector. ‘Lucy, you have some splainin to do…’

Is male chastity a necessity? I would have to say yes, if your ultimate goal is get your sub to stop concentrating on his pleasure and start zeroing in on yours.

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