So many of the gentlemen I speak with find themselves ashamed of their submissive feelings. Pesky little feeling shame is. It’s always there to kill any enjoyment we might be feeling. So let’s start by looking at shame.
Shame comes from a belief that we are not fitting in to a preconceived box. It can stem from a belief that what we are doing is wrong because we don’t fit in to a box we either didn’t create or one that we created that doesn’t serve us. This is what is generating the rampant suicide we are dealing with right now. People don’t feel like they fit in to a box they didn’t create in the first place or they’re trying to fit in and aren’t accepted.
In the case of submissiveness the most important thing to realize is that you aren’t 100% submissive. No one is. We are all both dominant and submissive depending on a series of factors including, mood, circumstance etc. Let’s say you are sexually submissive and now think your manhood is jeopardized. Well I can assure you that if I took you and put you in a situation where you had to save your child you wouldn’t be submissive.
I always tell guys who are in white collar jobs that the next time they’re in the boardroom I can guarantee that at least one guy sitting at that table is wearing panties and at least 2 more are wishing they were. So would you call a CEO of a huge corporation, who spends his day making important decisions that will affect the lives of his employees as well as the consumers and is an alpha male all day long but then goes home and drops to his knees for his wife…weak? No he’s a mix of domination and submission. And that same CEO who has the ability to come home and play off of his opposite side will be one of the most clear-headed, calm and focused men in that company. It’s because he is able to express both sides of himself that makes him balanced. Compare him to the guy who beats himself up mentally all day because he has thoughts of sexual submission and then has to hit up his wife as an ‘alpha’ male because that’s what’s expected of him and you have an unhappy and stressed out guy on your hands.
One of the biggest issues we have as human beings is constantly trying to put everything in to boxes with labels. Labels are the bane of our existence. I understand the need for them from a language perspective. We need to differentiate to describe. But we take them to crazy new personal levels that cause most of the ills of our life here on this planet.
For example, all religions think they have the answer and are the only true way to whatever salvation you’re looking for. Sexuality is another label frenzy area, followed by gender. And let’s not forget our good friend’s skin color and politics. But nothing is that black and white. NOTHING. No one is 100% hetero, 100% gay, 100% bi, 100% male, 100% female, 100% dominant, 100% submissive, 100% black, 100% white, 100% liberal, 100% conservative or any other thing you want to throw in there.
As a collective whole humanity is a delicious mix of souls. And if we break it down even more, each of us as individuals are a unique, yummy recipe that goes in to that mix of souls.
Until we can get it through our heads that there is nothing BETTER THAN anything else and that nothing in this world is the same and that’s the whole point, we will continue to frustrate, belittle, bully and destroy each other. None of us are the same. Not even identical twins. Except for one thing, we are all human beings – flawed and beautifully individual.
The difference in all of us is why we’re here. And that’s the cosmic joke being played on you right now if you have any kind of prejudiced thoughts. If we had no difference we could not create. And each one of us is an amazing creator. We create by thinking, “I like that, but not that.” We create by noticing difference and choosing what pleases us and focusing on it. And what pleases me will not be what pleases you and that’s the whole point. But we get caught up in looking at what ‘the other guy’ is creating and because it displeases us we think that we should stop ‘the other guy’ from what they’re doing when in fact it has no bearing on us and what we’re creating over here unless we focus on it.
Difference is the point, without it we have nothing.
So stop trying to fit in to these boxes created by someone else in THEIR vision and start really appreciating who you are in all your glorious diversity and then look around you at all the fantastic variations of things there are to appreciate or discard. The choice is yours. But don’t disparage the stuff you don’t like. Just don’t focus on it and it won’t be a part of your experience.
Put the shame away since it’s only you demeaning you and take with you the personal freedom of being who you are in this moment because this moment is all you have. Don’t ruin it with guilt, fault, shame or blame. Just be you in all of your individual glory, submission and all.
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