This was a comment left on Can Cuckolding Ruin a Marriage and I felt it needed more of an explanation than a comment reply would justify.
Hi Question for you. My (now ex) bf likes to be cuckolded. Either he drops me at theirs and waits or he watches and partly joins. He told me very early on about his fetish and I allowed it to happen after about one year of dating (we’ve been dating two years ago). Now I do find it exciting and also a turn on that he seems me as a goddess however… I would rather we had vanilla sex. I did it only to please him. I did it so he won’t leave me for another woman who will cuckold him. I could never fully understand how him wanting me to be with others meant he loved me. He got upset and said he thought that I wanted to be with other guys and broke up with me. He says he doesn’t want to date me anymore but wants me to date others and text him to tell him about it. This has been going on for three months now. I’ve refused to do it as without a relationship from him then I do not want to sleep with strangers. I do not want to give him sexual satisfaction without having my needs met either. I feel so unloved. So hurt. So confused. Is he using me? What should I do?”
This brings up many issues that are common when cuckolding is brought up to a woman who has no idea what it is.
So I’ll break this down piece by piece. My first red-flag is this lady saying, “I did it only to please him…” Ladies, I implore you, NEVER, EVER do anything just to keep a man…EVER, like Taylor Swift NEVER EVER! Ok, that’s number one. Unless this man is King Midas and there’s some sort of payout somewhere you never compromise your own needs to make someone else happy. But I get it because women do this all the time. It’s ingrained in to us to please. Be good little girls, be quiet and make sure everyone is happy at all cost to the detriment of our own mental and physical well-being. So the first thing that went off the skids is this lovely woman doing it to ‘please’ him.
As the comment goes on it’s obvious that this guy is nothing more than an intensely selfish faux submissive male. The selfishness starts with his lack of trying to help her understand what cuckolding is. He fails to tell her it is a female led relationship and that she was to be calling the shots, not him. The fact that he would occasionally, ‘participate,’ proves this guy is in it only for himself and his baby gherkin because if he had presented this right he would NEVER have been able to participate and she would understand why it’s actually a loving act when done right (heavy emphasis on those last three words). But you see if this selfish douche bag had told her the truth he would have lost his control.
But the narcissism doesn’t stop there nay, nay, this fine example of the male homo erectus goes on to begin his gas lighting of this beautiful lady with this gem – “He got upset and said he thought that I wanted to be with other guys and broke up with me.”
I can hear it now, “YOU BITCH! YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO FUCK OTHER MEN!” This guy is a treat, isn’t he?
Ok, so now Captain “It’s All About Me” decides that she can be allowed the HOLY HONOR of being in his life but ONLY by texting him when she’s on a date with another guy. Are you fucking kidding me? Who the hell does this ass wipe think he is?
Now to the sweet woman who has been living a nightmare I’m sure you can tell what my advice is. LET HIM GO! He’s not worthy of you. Not even close. He is a pig. He has no clue what cuckolding really is. He doesn’t know what it means to be submissive. And wants to use you for his own McMasturbation fun. None of which has anything to do with cuckolding. And what are you getting out of this? I’ll wait… I’m not seeing any Goddess worship going on here, are you?
You are doing the right thing by not giving him what he wants because what he wants is disgusting. YOU are not the issue here. And you are wonderful, loving, beautiful woman who deserves to be loved and respected not bullied and controlled. This guy is a learning curve and I’ll say it again, he’s NOT WORTHY OF YOU. Kink or no kink.
Unfortunately this shit goes on so much more than you could imagine. Men with the most distorted view of what cuckolding is and don’t get me started on these same men not having a clue what submission is about. Hint: It’s not about your dick.
Ladies cuckolding is a female led relationship whereby you have sex with other men to satisfy your sexual urges. You run the show. Cuckolding is also about a submissive husband who loves to see his wife sexually satisfied in ways he cannot provide. The husband is NEVER REPLACED nor is the relationship, as a matter of fact without the relationship it CANNOT be cuckolding. The relationship is the most important thing and must be protected, not flaunted.
So if you see any signs similar to what this woman is going through when your husband brings up cuckolding, you need to snap back and tell him, I don’t know what you’re thinking of but it’s NOT CUCKOLDING.