Hello Dr. Sue, i guess this is more of a comment. I have always been amazed when a finsub will actually spend beyond his means while being the property of a Fndom. I mean even setting major bills aside just to tribute what his Mistress requires. For example at the end of 2016 while paying tribute to my Mistress with her demands, i was able to pay off my mastercard, i felt great. Now at the close of 2017 my credit card was back up to just over 11,000. I had even said to myself i wasn’t going to let that happen and it did.
You face what almost every single finsub faces – the addiction of giving.
Just like I wrote in, Why Do We Engage in Risky Behavior?, you become addicted to the dopamine rush you get each time you tribute. And, like any junkie, there will be times when you get yourself under control just like you did in 2016. You got your shit together and paid-off that card while maintaining your relationship and tribute levels to your Goddess. Well done! Like you said you were really proud of yourself and rightfully so.
But then one day on a whim you gave a bit more than you normally would because you knew the card was empty, (after all you don’t cancel a paid-off card that’s what ‘they’ teach you right?), so you think, “ah no big deal, there’s nothing on the card what harm could a few bucks be?” Your brain is jonesin for the dopamine rush so it’s nudging you on because it knows that there’s a pay-off with extra tributes. Extra tributes equal more Drain-High, (a term I coined about that intense arousal you experience each time you tribute; the more you’re drained the higher you get), and before you know it you’re pushing SEND on whatever payment platform you happen to be on and your dick is in your other hand and you’re wanking (if allowed) like a maniac because NOTHING feels this fucking good. Sound about right?
This goes on for a while and before you know it, just like you said, the once paid-off credit card is now back up to it’s limit and probably higher because your bank(s) would have enticed you a couple of times with limit increases. And here you sit, back in debt but the really weird part is, even that is turn-on on some level.
You are on the same hampster wheel as most humans on this planet. Whether it’s porn, BDSM, food, booze, drugs, shopping or whatever your particular vice happens to be, and we all have them in some way or another, it’s very easy to fall under addiction’s evil spell. And THAT is what your economy is based on. Consume.
What do they call you when you buy something? A consumer. We don’t even really give much thought to that word, that’s how programmed we are. Everything is based on the masses consuming goods. How do we do that? We create fear and continuous stress. Think about this past year as an example. Doesn’t matter what country in the world you live in you heard a continuous cacophony of Trump. And that creates stress whether you’re for him or against him, doesn’t matter. It’s been non-stop upheaval. Non-stop change. And humans HATE change, it makes us nervous and edgy; it makes us sick.
Notice your addictions creeping back in to your behavior this past year? Maybe you have been sober for several years and have started hearing, ‘what could one hurt?’ more lately. Sound familiar? This low-grade continous stress is what’s doing it. So now you wake up a year later and you’re back in debt going, “Wtf just happened? Everything was fine a minute ago.”
We all know everything is good in moderation but let’s face it if we could live life moderately no one would have any of these issues.
And I’d love to say that I have a magical pill that will cure you of your addiction issues but the reality is, there is no pill. It takes strength and determination to kick anything. It takes really wanting to change.
There’s the other one, why would you want to change this behavior when it feels so good? Sending that money or buying that gift feels like electricity going through you, nothing makes your dick harder. Wanting to change is the hardest one of all Dorothy. And all the heel clicking in the world won’t help you if you don’t want to.
But when you’re ready, you will. Unfortunately when it comes to pumping your system full of chemicals you don’t always hit, ready, before you slip home.
So where does this leave you Rich? Even though you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you, cause, well, that’s me. You know how to reel yourself in because you’ve done it before. Just repeat that pattern. Realize that without you knowing it you’ve been under more stress than usual coming from sources beyond your control but now that you know about them you can do what you can to eliminate or diminish their effects on you by shutting off the news i.v. in whatever form(s) you get it in. Learn to meditate, it’s not fruity, it’s real. And think…moderation. Don’t chastise yourself. Don’t freak out and say you’re stopping findom forever. Just snap yourself further out of your coma and grab the reins again.
You need to go back to ‘conscious consuming.’ The past year you’ve been ‘unconscious consuming or zombified consuming,’ and banks love that. They sit there salivating with every dollar you put on credit. So give your head a shake, come out of the fog and go back to consciously consuming again. Consider it more like you wandered off-track and now you just need to wander back on it again. But you don’t spend your time, off-track beating yourself up for being off-track, it makes no sense and you stagnate. Now you’re not moving on either track you’re just standing there like an idiot yelling at yourself. Just stop that and simply own it, ‘I fucked up but I’m moving back on track.’ Done. Then give it no more thought.
We complicate and dramatize things. We throw the word addiction around a lot too and usually it’s not an addiction unless we see an issue like Rich’s where he’s gone in to heavy debt or if you start compromising other parts of your life; your job, your relationships, etc. Regardless of what type of addiction or craving you’re dealing with you have to begin with saying you’ll stop being so hard on yourself, you’re already under pressure, don’t make it worse for no reason. Get back on your track/path and watch what you’re doing. If you want to ask for help from your deity of choice, feel free to pray for strength, but know that you already have everything you need…you know what to do.
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