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Submissive Guys Have Feelings Too

Articles, Cuckolding, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

I spoke with Matt last week who is presently trying to find the right Dominant woman to serve in real time, not on the phone or in a Pro Domme capacity. His quest brings up a very important point that I want to get across to you submissive guys out there.

First of all I know it’s hard to find a Dominant woman to serve in a relationship capacity. It’s not like you can walk in to a bar and say, hey what’s your sign, mine’s use me, and dropping to your knees, throwing your arms around her legs and not letting go can get you arrested, which is why I tell you guys to go where the Dominant women are.

In Matt’s case he’s had some luck finding the right woman but not being able to connect properly. Like many men out there Matt has to be Dominant throughout the day at work etc. What he wants is a woman he can lavish not only his money and attention but to serve domestically as well. Now you’d think that any woman out there would be jumping at the chance to grab him, but that’s not the case. Too many women get in to the roll of bitch with a whip. They don’t understand that it’s perfectly fine to love and care for your submissive male, which is why I suggested a more cuckold relationship for Matt to look for.

The trick is to find a balance between the relationship part and the D & s part. As a Dominant woman you don’t have to respect your sub as a man, as a matter of fact you probably won’t. But you DO have to respect him as a HUMAN BEING! Submissive males are not robots without feelings, they’re human, and their needs have to be met as well as yours.

Unless a submissive male enjoys being treated like nothing with no conversation or relationship connection you HAVE to take his needs in to consideration. As a couple you have to make rules that each of you will abide by that work for both of you not just one of you. What Matt wants is someone who will basically be in a loving relationship with him but behind closed doors he serves and is very domestic. Unfortunately he keeps finding women who just want him to pick up their dry cleaning and that’s about it. When he would go out for dinner with them they wouldn’t even talk. That’s ridiculous and falls more in to the realm of Pro Domme.

So guys remember, it’s okay to submit but you DO have rights and you DO deserve to have all your needs met just as much as she does. Never short change yourself or serve just because you’re submissive if it’s not something you’re enjoying. If it’s no fun, there’s no point in doing it.

Are Naked Pics of YOU on Someone’s Computer?

Articles, For Ladies Only

I had a request last week from a guy who wanted me to humiliate him by posting pictures of his wife, naked, all over the internet. He, of course, would supply me with all these photos that he has taken of her probably during intimate moments she thought would only be shared by the two of them. My flat out answer was HELL NO!

Not only is a violation of the law but it’s a supreme violation of this woman’s privacy and human rights. It honestly disgusted me that he wanted someone else to put her pictures all over the internet so he could get his rocks off.

Now guys I know some of you go into chat rooms and post pictures of your wives (ladies make a note of this) and essentially you all have a nice little circle jerk. Or in some cases you’ll share them in chat rooms with dominant males who then tell the husband what he’d do to her blah, blah. Even this disgusts me because again you’re doing this without her knowledge or approval.

I’m all for having a fetish but I don’t think it takes a freakin rocket scientist to figure out how really horrible this practice is. So let me reiterate, you have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to be doing this. Just because you may be in to humiliation at this level doesn’t mean your wife or girlfriend is. As a matter of fact I can guarantee you she would be subject to a range of emotions from shocked, to horrified, to violated and everything in between.

Obviously what I say isn’t going to change what you morons are doing you’ll continue to do it. I am however more interested in letting the ladies out there know what you guys are doing so hopefully they can keep an eye on you.

One way of dealing with this is if you don’t want pictures out there then don’t take them in the first place. I subscribe to this to a degree. Think of all the sex tapes and pictures of celebs that have been leaked. Granted most of this is publicity based but it’s the same thing. Don’t want anyone to see you naked, don’t take naked shots. But when you’re in a trusting relationship with someone you expect them to respect you. You assume (never do this) that the person will only use the pictures or videos for their own purposes.

And please Dominas don’t fall in to this trap. I’m not saying you have to respect your sub’s wife or girlfriend but you certainly shouldn’t do something to someone you don’t even know. You have no idea what this could do to a person. I’m not saying it’s wrong in the cases of blackmail where the sub supplies you with pics and you hold them as leverage, but holding on to them and publishing them are two very, very different things. Pictures distributed that way can ruin careers, families and worse. So use your heads girls. And gentlemen, I know it’s hard but try not to be pigs, cause this really is pig behavior.

Can You Actually Make a Living as a Financial Dominatrix?

Articles, Financial Domination, For Ladies Only

Rich emailed and asked if it’s actually possible for someone to make a living at financial domination and blackmail. And the answer would be, yes of course!

He found it strange that at the end of the week a woman wouldn’t be getting a steady pay check. Let’s look at this realistically. Is it easy to make money as a Financial Domme? Absolutely not. There are many women who get in to the game thinking it’s a way to make fast money. ‘I’ll throw up a website and then men will come flocking to me and give me all their money.’ They soon realize that’s not the way it goes.

As a Financial Dominatrix you are self-employed. Now according to Rich it’s safer to get a pay check at the end of the week but let’s face it millions of people are self-employed and don’t get a steady pay check. That’s capitalism baby. If you’re self-employed you know you don’t get a check at the end of the week. You hustle your ass to make sales or do whatever it is you do. Self-employment is very rewarding no boss, you set your own hours, and your salary isn’t capped. It’s up to you by however much effort you put in to your work how much you make. On the downside your income fluctuates and if you’re not a disciplined person and make yourself get out there every day you’re probably better working at Walmart.

Many girls make a very good living at being a Financial Domme. Very few make a fantastical living.Â The ones who think it would be a breeze and they can just watch soap operas all day while their bank accounts fill up are gone pretty quick looking for greener pastures somewhere else usually the local 7-11 when it dawns on them that this is work!!

For those of you who doubt that you can make a sustainable living at Financial Domination you need to take a look at one of the oldest (not by age) and most successful Financial Dommes that I know of. I think it’s safe to say that if she wasn’t the one who pioneered the fetish she was one of the ones who did, and that would be Princess Sierra. Princess Sierra is one of the most ruthless, cruel, heartless women in the business, qualities that are essential in this line of work. Now if you guys are going to run over to Sierra’s site thinking you’ve found the Domina of your dreams, my advice to you is WATCH IT! You are playing with the ultimate fire. If you succumb to her, you don’t get free. She’s not one who plays at this like most of the other so-called Financial Dominatrix’s out there. This has been her life for many years and she makes more than a comfortable living at it BUT she is the ultimate Mafia Princess, once you’re in you can’t get out. She doesn’t fuck around.

Girls you can learn by watching her but it wouldn’t be wise to think you can outsmart her or steal her subs or any other juvenile behavior that is floating through your mind right now. She doesn’t take prisoners whether its men or baby dommes who try to screw her over. Whatever you do, don’t just look at someone like Princess Sierra and think you can just copy and duplicate her. She is successful because what she does isn’t an act., it’s who she really is and THAT makes the difference right there.

That said you have to remember that a lot of what real Financial Dominatrix’s get is not necessarily a lot of cash per se but gifts. If you have enough cash to cover your bills and then your entire house and life are paid for by others it’s a good deal. But again, it’s rare.

So can you make a real living being a Financial Dominatrix? Yes. Is it easy? No.

Is it Wise to Have Sex with Your Submissive?

Articles, Cuckolding, Financial Domination, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

Camilla asked this question in an email to me and I think it bears discussing. There is a lot of contradictory information out there regarding the subject of sex with submissives, and in this case I’m talking submissive males of course.

The first thing I want to point out is that there are no hard and fast rules that have to be followed when it comes to D & s with the exception of sanity and safety. In order to clarify the subject lets break it down in to a few areas; Pro Dommes, Lifestyle Dommes and Cuckolding.

My view and the way I was trained is that if you are a Pro Domme and you have sex with your submissive that’s a big NO NO. Why? Because when you have sex with the submissive you’re leveling the playing field. You’re no longer dominating him, it’s now even. So in the case of Pro Dommes it’s not recommended because in the long run the submissive is paying for a service and it’s mainly a feeling they’re paying for. Sex with a sub in this format ruins it for the sub. Now I’m not talking oral or strap-on play obviously. I’m talking intercourse with the submissive. It doesn’t work because when you have full intercourse there is no longer any D & s. Now I know there are Domina’s out there who will disagree with me and that’s cool, again no hard and fast rules.

Now in the case of a Lifestyle Domme where the submissives are living with her and are being cared for by her it takes on another meaning. Can it be done? Yes and it is done but it’s considered a huge reward and privilege. It is usually reserved only for the top submissive in the house. It is an honor and the submissives know that. Does it level the playing field? Not usually because they will either be removed from the Domina’s sleeping quarters and returned to their cell when they are finished or chained to the foot of the bed. So you can see the difference between a Lifestyle Domme situation and a Pro Domme situation. As a Pro Domme you don’t have the ability when it’s over to put them back in their place.

Cuckolding takes on a whole gray area that is really very much up to the Superior Female. As the Superior Female in the relationship it is strictly up to you whether you have sex with your cuckold. Lots of women eventually deny completely, tapering off as they go along. Some women will let the cuckold only have sex after the alpha is finished. This solidifies the cuckold’s place because he then feels how stretched his female is by the alpha male and he can see for himself that she cannot feel his usually tiny dick because he can’t feel anything either. Sex can also be used as a reward system or even as a game. It’s all up to both of you how you decide to play it out.

Can you have a full relationship with a submissive male and still have it work out? Yes but it usually takes on a cuckolding atmosphere eventually.

In Camilla’s case she was wondering if it would work having a D & s relationship AND financially dominate him. This rarely works. The reason why is because a spouse or partner doesn’t usually have the leverage that’s required with Financial Domination. There’s a ruthlessness that is needed to properly financially dominate, a fear level that usually isn’t reached in a partnership. Not to say that it can’t be done it just doesn’t work well. That’s why most married men who want to be financially dominated do so with someone outside their relationship. It may be possible if the D & s portion of the relationship is established before it turns sexual. But again it usually ends up turning in to a cuckold relationship anyway.

As with everything I tell you guys, YOU make the rules. Whatever works for you and your partner is perfect.

My Husband has a Fetish…Now what?

Articles, For Ladies Only

The first thing you need not do is panic or jump to conclusions. Having a fetish or a chronic sexual issue doesn’t make your partner a sexual deviant. Unfortunately our society is still very skittish when it comes to sexual expression. I say it’s unfortunate because I know that if everyone were left to their own devices and providing simple, logical and common sense rules are followed there is no reason why we can’t be more sexually expressive and be very healthy human beings.

That being said you’re probably sitting there thinking, ‘I don’t care about society, I care about my relationship with this guy who is obviously not who I thought he was.’ The first thing I would suggest you do is read my article on what a fetish is and how it originates and you can do that here. If you’ve already read it we’ll go on…

Knowing that a fetish is simply a set of circumstances that came together at the precise right moment in time usually as a pre-adolescent, I want you to understand that for that reason this isn’t something your partner sat down and chose and if it was something they were truly okay with themselves they’d be singing it from the rooftops and not care what others think.

There’s a certain amount of shame that comes with these feelings so if you discovered this on your own through evidence around the house then you can understand why he’s been secretive. It’s got nothing to do with him doing something wrong he just doesn’t know how to tell you. And let’s be honest, if he sat down and told you it probably wouldn’t have gone well. So here are some steps I would take when you discover this or he’s led you to this post because he’s too chicken to tell you himself. 🙂

Educate yourself instead of jumping to horrific conclusions. You’ll find most fetishes involve the male being submissive and this can prove to be a big plus in your life if you learn about it and use it, which is what he wants you to do anyway.
Sit down and discuss it with him AFTER you’ve done some research. This does not mean you sit down and spend 3 hours chastising him. Keep a cool head and learn from him. Every single person who has a particular fetish will have their own subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) nuances that they enjoy that won’t be in any research you’ve done.
After you’ve done your homework and you’ve talked to him NOW do your thinking. Is this something that you might be able to work with? Are you willing to give up on the relationship because of a small sexual issue? Remember fetishes are usually not a big deal. We’re the only ones who make them a big deal so do some serious thinking before you trash a perfectly good guy over something like this especially since as I said before, most of what you’ll find is submissive behavior and that’s very easy to work with.

Try to keep in mind that a fetish isn’t a reflection of you or your relationship. Don’t take it personally which we women tend to do. ‘What did I do wrong?’ ‘Maybe if I’d been a better lover.’ These feelings were there way before you came along I can assure you. As soon as you start thinking, ‘who is this guy?’ you’re mind will be happy to fill in those blanks and give you all sorts of negative and usually unfounded thoughts.

My suggestion is always to try to work with the fetish and not against it because the more you push against something the bigger it gets. And if you really need more help you can always contact me and I’d be happy to shed more light on it for you. Just don’t throw in the towel too quickly, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what a little knowledge and patience will do for YOU!

Male Chastity and Why It’s Used

Articles, Cuckolding, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

Male chastity is quickly becoming a very good way in which to train the focus of a submissive male. As we all know most men are somewhat obsessed with their penises. Not their fault really, it’s something they learn from a very young age. However it can be detrimental when it comes to keeping their focus on what’s most important….you!

When men get sexually stimulated by any of their senses the automatic response is for them to touch themselves, one, because it feels good, and two because it has become a mindless reaction. Stimulation = dick. While that’s not a bad thing and I don’t want to give the impression that touching yourself is evil, when it comes to the training and reinforcing of the male submissive mind though, it’s a huge stumbling block.

A chastity device is primarily used to train a subs’ focus. By using a device such as the CB6000 in the picture, it stops the automatic response of touching and subsequently stimulation and relief. For example, a man gets sexually stimulated by seeing a beautiful woman on the television he goes to touch himself and clunk, hits the device and can’t follow through. It’s a type of cognitive behavioral therapy. When this is reinforced with the visual stimulation you want him to have it begins to turn his focus from outside stimulus to where it should be, on you.

That’s the main premise of using a male chastity device but it goes even deeper than that. Submissive males crave control. They want you to run the show. By taking control of his penis and his orgasms it gives him a sense of purpose. Chastity is the first step in control. Control a man’s penis, you control the man and because we all know that sexuality and fetishes are 99% mental, the visual of his Goddess/Wife/Domme wearing the key to his device around her neck is a strong reminder of why this is being done in the first place. His whole world should be YOU.

The CB6000 is the latest in a long line of chastity devices for men. With each generation of the device it was enhanced more and more based on consumer feedback. Plastic keys are supplied with the device which come in handy should your sub have to go through airport security. As funny as it would be, I doubt Homeland Security would appreciate a dick setting off a metal detector. ‘Lucy, you have some splainin to do…’

Is male chastity a necessity? I would have to say yes, if your ultimate goal is get your sub to stop concentrating on his pleasure and start zeroing in on yours.

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