Rich writes:
Hello Dr. Sue maybe you have touched on this subject in one way shape or form but we know after some individuals have lost everything to there Findoms, and in some cases has i’m sure caused depression at their losses. Do you think a finsub has ever committed suicide after his Findom has bled him dry and cuts off contact with him, blocking him from contacting her after he has become addicted to her.
This is a great question Rich but one that I have no factual information on however that doesn’t 
mean we can’t come to some logical conclusions.
In the digital world we live in today we have never been more connected yet disconnected. The internet affords anonymity and fosters a façade lifestyle. It allows us to connect with each other instantly yet we don’t really connect at all. The issue with this type of lifestyle is that although we can connect digitally and talk to people we might have never met, it can also breed indifference and disconnect.
We’re a throw-away society now. Someone pisses you off, you block and move on. DELETE, DELETE, DELETE. So in this new BDSM online realm, there is a lot of throw-away behavior. When you don’t physically see someone it’s easier to disconnect from your empathy. And if a Domme doesn’t give a shit about her sub she can do a lot of damage. Now I’m not saying that all online Domme’s don’t give a shit about their subs, nothing could be further from the truth but online domination is a way to keep subs at arm’s length. So although you can foster a fantastic relationship with folks online, the chances of you getting burned are very, very high. And fosters the façade, disconnect, throw-away mentality more than financial domination.
If a Domme is just in it for the money, and many are, she’s not going to care that the sub is smitten with her beyond all hope of sanity. She’s not going to give a rat’s ass about the fact that he just had his wife walk out on him, taking his kids with her because he bankrupted the family. It’s like Goodfella’s, “Fuck you, pay me!” Because findom is very much like classic cosa nostra.
Now before my lovely findom friends have a thrombo, there is another school of thought on this that we have to consider and that I remind men of when they call to bitch about what the horrible woman did to them.
The horrible woman who never held a gun to your head and in most cases isn’t even in the same geographical area as you didn’t come to your home and force you to pay her, did she? She didn’t hold a knife to your wife’s throat and demand all the money in your retirement account, did she? No, YOU have to take responsibility for that. YOU sought out the services of this woman to do EXACTLY what you asked her to do. So if you fall down the rabbit hole and find yourself living in a cardboard box with a gun in your mouth, that’s on you. These women are NOT therapists or trained mental health experts who can see when someone is getting out of control; therefore the onus is on sub. Now that’s a harsh reality but a reality nonetheless.
I have personally heard horror stories but none of them involved suicide. I have heard of families irretrievably broken with kids who try to contact the Domme to get her to stop ruining their family. Some of the stories are truly heartbreaking. I deal with men all day long who are dealing with the consequences of the decisions they’ve made and the addictions they’ve developed. And although I can’t say I have heard of anyone committing suicide over a findom discarding a sub I’m sure it’s happened somewhere at some point.
But who’s fault is it? The pusher or the junkie?
What do you think? Sound off in the comments below.
Dear Dr Sue.
Thank you for your answer. I was reading the reactions to this topic and also comments in twitter and I think it is not really right to put so much blame to findommes for something like that. The men are also adults and should know what they want, so if they cross some lines, should not really blame dommes for it.
Agreed and I mention that but one the responsibility should lie on both. The Domme shouldn’t get a free pass for being a heartless cow.
Hello Dr Sue.
It was very interesting to read about your thoughts in these matters. I was wondering if it could be possible to get the contact information of the Domme that you were talking about?
I don’t know who it is for this reason in particular. I don’t want to give this person more attention.
So many findommes are completely irresponsible. They engage in the same abusive behavior – that were the genders reversed – The #metoo crowd would unify against the perpetrator and rightly so.
I did some sessions with goddess venus (now Lalita Lolli). I explained to her that I was clinically and manically depressed, on anti-depressants but all she cared about was her income. She encouraged me to fuck over my marriage, go into debt and gave me affirmations of being worthless, useless, impotent, not worthy of love, affection, kindness, human interaction, etc.
She told me she didn’t care about my wife other than the fact that she’d be better off after discovering what I loser I was and would be better off taking the kids and leaving me.
When I tried to explain that it was all too much for me, she just laughed and told me to pay her even more.
There was no aftercare.
I left the session extremely depressed and swallowed a bottle of xanax that evening and had to be hospitalized.
I reached out to her and told her what happened and her response was simply to block me because I wasn’t paying her for further conversation.
I periodically read her postings about being an ethical domme and really, it’s just a joke. Most findommes will fuck over their own family for money.
OMG I’m so sorry Zack. That’s horrendous. This is exactly what I’m talking about. And you are unfortunately 100% correct in your assessment.
Bryson Heald committed suicide Jan. 2, 2019. His findom relationship is noted in the following tweet. https://twitter.com/unsatiatedblood/status/1081712629645799424?lang=en
This is just sad. And should never happen. The state of Findom is absolute garbage now. This should NEVER happen to anyone.
Hello Dr. Sue, is she still a Findom in the business.
Don’t know Rich that was years ago and I don’t even remember the Domme’s name. Why? Is a woman trying to get you to die so she can cash in on your life insurance not enough for ya?
Hello Dr. Sue, lol, yes i suppose so. Where my life is now and how much it has changed i still must keep a sense of humor.
You should never have to ‘keep a sense of humor’ because of your Domme. That’s not a relationship Rich.
Yes Dr. Sue that is true. I guess we Finsubs who have been under the control of a Findom for many years, and in that time her controlling many aspects of our lives forget that sometimes. For many years now i have sent the Findom i serve a percentage of my paycheck every week. I have given her over the years everything their is to know about me, my income, where i work, the hours i work, where i live, of course she could have found that out by knowing my real name. I’m an open book. The only thing she doesn’t have on me is my social security number. Once a couple of years ago she wanted my bank acct numbers, i was actually able to side step that one and not give her those. She hasn’t yet pushed the issue again. I do believe over the years and she does keep many things private i think she has been able to get a few men to place her on their bank accts.
Maybe she’s actually a Black widow Spider Dr. Sue. I know when i have discussed my cancer with her she doesn’t show much sympathy, even her knowing me for years now.
Call her whatever you want Rich but she’s waiting for you to get sick and die. End of.
Yes Dr. Sue. I guess i cannot fathom how cold that must be to want a person to die to benefit from it. I would never want a persons health to deteriorate to benefit from their demise. I mean even knowing the Woman i serve, i don’t know the real personal side of her, i mean her upbringing. Wouldn’t you think Dr. Sue she was brought up in an uncaring household when she was younger to be that type of person to want to benefit from my death. I guess it’s hard for me to wrap my head around it.
Yes Dr. Sue but still i don’t get it i have faithfully sent her money every week for five years, as well purchased her expensive gifts, funded trips she went on, and i’m still doing this while i’m still able to work and make a living. I’m a good slave to her.
Because you’re expecting her to care for you and it’s obvious she doesn’t. She looks at you as an ATM and that’s it. You clearly have a one-sided relationship with this woman.
Yes Dr. Sue, you’re right.
I’m still surprised she wants me to relocate to actually live with her at her home as most Findoms don’t take their relationships with finsubs to that level. I mean she did make it perfectly clear i couldn’t come an go as i please, i would be confined to a cage in the home. She said i would be permitted to leave the house to go to work and doctor’s appointments. She also stated i would no social life, no friendships with co-workers outside of work.
Hello Dr. Sue, i can’t do it, i tried, she has this hold over me that i can’t explain. I have decided i’m going to make her the sole beneficiary on my life insurance policy. She should benefit. I’m afraid of dying.
You should be.
Both situations are not only possible but highly likely especially in this day and age.
Hello Dr. Sue i was going to also leave another comment i have mentioned that i have a served a Findom for over four years now so we have grown to know one another pretty well. Two years ago i was diagnosed with bladder cancer, my doctor did go and remove it but i have to go into the Hospital every three months now to get checked as it does recur. I mentioned this to my Findom and this is the first time she had an interest in my relocating to where she is as her live-in slave, she is fully equipped with torture dungeon and cages where she stated i would be kept, but the stipulation is when i arrive and get settled we see her lawyer and place her on my life insurance policy, making her the sole beneficiary.
Well that’s…. opportunistic.
Hello Dr. Sue thank you very much for your elaboration. You’re very correct we’re all responsible for out actions and decisions. May i ask, you mentioned that kids of broken families tried contacting the Findom, do you know if she stopped after that. I hope things worked out. Thank you again Dr. Sue i always look forward to your thoughts on these topics.
No she didn’t.