Pat probably thinks I forgot about him but I didn’t. He wrote me last month, yeah I know I’m a procrastinator with way too many balls in the air, but he always makes such valid points that I know others will benefit from and he’s done it again!
Here’s what Pat wrote:
“Does submitting to someone of the same sex, while otherwise being attracted only to the opposite sex, make someone bisexual?
Over the last few years I’ve realized that I am sexually submissive with women, and possibly, maybe with the right kind of man as well. But I otherwise have no interest in men. I have no desire for a vanilla sexual interaction with a man. It’s just about dominance and submission.
Have you ever encountered submissives like this and what do you think it means?”
I talk to many, MANY people who are sitting in this position. You guys always hear me talk about the sliding scale of sexuality. If we peeled away all the layers we are all inherently bi-sexual on some level. It’s just that some of us lean more one way or the other. Take myself for example; I have no lesbian tendencies at all. I’ve watched girl-on-girl porn, I’ve actually even participated in threesomes with 2 girls and one VERY LUCKY guy, yet I had no inclination to go near the other women, the urge or eroticism just isn’t there. But I DO know that given the right circumstances and the right mood or ambiance that I might go down that road. Who knows? I’m not about to pigeon hole myself and say, NO WAY I’M NEVER TACO MUNCHING!
I counsel primarily men and there are so many of you guys who are sitting in this position which I would say is right, dead smack in the middle of the sliding scale and sometimes that’s a harder position to be in.
I will say this again and again until I’m blue in the face; Pat’s position is all based on D & s. When you’re feeling sexually submissive, it’s more your need and desire to serve that makes you suck another man’s cock. It has NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation. Guys always figure if I suck a cock I’m a fag. Wrong! Unless you have romantic desires (i.e. Find other men sexually attractive and would go in to a romantic relationship with them) for the opposite sex you are NOT gay! Are you bi? Yup! But remember even bi-sexuality has a sliding scale. It’s our society’s need to label everything that fucks up your heads.
A submissive male who sucks another guys cock is not gay he’s SERVING! He’s PLEASING! It’s coming from that submissive part of you not the sexual orientation part of you. I see more people in pain from having confusing thoughts that don’t conform to what society deems as ‘normal’ that it saddens me. If we weren’t so god damn focused on what our neighbor is doing or who they’re fucking people wouldn’t have to feel this emotional confusion and pain. What you do behind closed doors (consensually) is none of anyone’s business. Would I like for everyone to be able to discuss what they do openly without judgment? Hell ya! Is that going to happen in our lifetimes? Sadly, no.
Even when you are in that submissive situation and you are sucking his cock or doing anything else sexually to this, I’m assuming, alpha male and he’s telling you you’re a ‘dirty faggot,’ even THAT doesn’t mean anything. It’s part of the humiliation streak that goes along with your submissiveness.
I have men who phone me in complete FEAR who say to me, “what if I suck a cock and like it?” So? Let’s look at that, you suck a cock and you like it, chances are you’re not enjoying the oral based on, “oh I want this guy to like me,” it’s because you are SERVING. You are delighting the idea of pleasing this guy and a lot of times it’s at the behest of a Dominant female who’s telling you to do it. In that case you’re doing what you’re told, you’re a good sub in that moment. Just relax and enjoy that wonderful feeling of submission instead of letting your mind squirrels tell you you’re wrong, or fucked in the head. You’re not!!!!
The real key in enjoying what you do is letting go of trying to ‘fit in’ with the rest of the world. Why on earth do you want to fit in with a bunch of fickle, mind-changing, bigoted, paranoid people? It’s a game you CANNOT win. So to try to play it is more ridiculous than you sucking a cock. Do what you love, what makes you feel good and let go of the societal/religious programming.
Sucking a cock in a D & s situation DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY!
Allen
This is very interesting. I am in the same boat here. I’m a submissive man and pleasure my wife all the time when we’re having sex. And I’m good at it giving her multiple multiple orgasms. My record is 12 orgasms. I need to give her at least 3 to 5 every time. She wants me to have an orgasm as soon as she does but I don’t do this because once I do, I’m not interested in pursuing it any more – for the time being.
I’m only submissive in bed. My submissiveness does translate to men too. Getting down on my knees and having a dick in my mouth is the most submissive act there is.
I’ve always recognized that it is because I’m submissive. And my cock sucking interests and abilities have evolved over time.
I don’t think I’m gay because I do love women and I love pussy. But I’m certainly bi. At this point though, I would be interested in having a boyfriend on the side and I would do everything his girlfriend would do and especially get in his pants whenever he needs it – no excuses, no period excuses, no nothing. He is a man and has needs and I must fulfill his needs when he says. That’s the way it should be with a husband and wife, that’s the way I want it with my wife but NEVER get it, and that’s the way I want to be for my boyfriend if I ever find a boyfriend. I just want to be there for a man to suck his cock the way I want my cock to be sucked and the way I want my wife to be there for me which again she never is.
So while I want to be in a relationship with a man and want to be his “girlfriend” and satisfy his cock sucking needs and I want to to do everything for him when I’m at his place like prepare dinner, clean up, do the dishes, cuddle in his arms and watch tv, get him a drink when he tells me to, do his laundry and fold his underwear, give him a blowjob first thing in the morning (his alarm clock), make him breakfast, on my knees when he gets out of the shower and dry his body, start dressing him especially his underwear and socks, see him out the door as he leaves to go to work, then clean up, and finally leave and go to work myself. I’d get to him very early in the morning to do his morning routine.
I would love to do all of that for him. But, I don’t see a guy in the street and just after him as I do a woman and a nice body.
Hope that makes sense. I welcome your comments Dr. Sue.
Thanks.
Allen
Dr Sue
Yeah Allen you are gay. This is not a D&s issue. You’re gay.
Ali
I started sucking men cock at the age of 9 and anal penetrated at 10 years old and i loved it since then , but i am still attracted to women , and i am not sexually or emotionally attracted to men beside loving serving them and being their bitch .
Joseph
If your wife was smart she would figure it out that she can fuck any man she wants any time she wants right in front of you and there ain’t jack shit you can do about it. She could carry it even further and make you suck the dick that just fucked her and make you eat the man’s cum right out of her pussy. She’s missing a golden opportunity to do whatever pleases her for as long as she wants. There’s nothing like the feeling of submissiveness you feel when you’re sucking one man’s dick while another man pounds your wife’s pussy and then you are made to suck the dick that just fucked your wife. And why can’t you do anything about it if you don’t like it? Well, you certainly wouldn’t want your friends, family and co-workers to know what turns you on. That could be downright embarrassing.
Steve
Hi
You hit the nail on the head. I am not attracted to guys, at all but enjoy the no drama sub side of blowing a guy to completion ,when they need relief. Don’t understand it and was tormented about it for years. Glad to know others feel the same. Tried to talk to my X about it and she just says I am gay and won’t accept it. I am not attracted to guys at all. Never kissed , cuddled with or done anal. I don’t want to date a guy or be emotionally involved with a guy. But to get on my knees and give him relief is great for me. Thanks for post this page. Steve
Dr Sue
You’re welcome Steve but you can’t get made at your ex. She’s not fetish psychologist and she doesn’t know, what she doesn’t know. To most people everything is black or white with no grey area. Unfortunately sex, sexuality, fetish, gender are ALL GREY. And no one fits in to a nice neat little box.
oral tony
Finally a sane voice thank you so much Dr.Sue
I’m a bi oral sub for men im here to serve there needs as a oral sub and I love doing it but I have no
interest in men in any other way Dr.Sue nailed how i’ve been feeling about it but have never heard anyone describe exactly the way I feel.
Dr Sue
I’m glad you feel validated tony!
Tim
Norm says
I first sucking cock at 7 years old !! My uncle was 19 at the time .. he had me sucking him !! Till my dad cought him and beat his ass . Fast forward 6 years and my best friend dad suck me off then ask me to suck him I did he made me swallow his load !! I was hook I suck him for a year at the age of 15 I become his sissy bottom !! So I say sucking cock will turn you gay it turn me gay 40 years ago
Incognito Thomas
Dr. Sue This article is one of the best on the subject that eliminates the “fear” and confusion. Honestly it was refreshing and truly clarified the many thoughts I had going on. Although I haven’t sucked cock yet and not sure I will. I do believe in the right situation I would for the simple reason of serving and pleasing.
Thank you so much for posting this!
Caia Smith
As a PSO and a Certified sexual educator I love the way Dr. Sue shoots straight from the hip. Being confused about one’s sexual orientation is incredibly difficult and then you throw sexuality in and it becomes a ticking time bomb. Watching porn can excite you but most likely you don’t want to be an actual porn star. No more than touching another man makes you gay or even bi for that matter. It is possible to be fluid and just be aroused. Society continues to want to label everything and everyone because this makes it easier for them to understand . Dr. Sue validates sexuality and clears up all this very outdated rhetoric. Kudo’s to a sane and reasonable voice!
John Orama
I would love to suck another man’s dick been thinking about it for two yrs wanna feel him shooting his big load in my mouth
Bill
Same here. Married, but have ed. Have strong desire to suck cock/
Troy
I am a married man of 35 years and in my late 50’s. I was first introduced to sucking on a mans cock when I was Just 10 years old, my girl friend at the time had an older brother whom she taught me to suck off and we did this together. “Long story”. I never saw it as a bad thing as I wasn’t aware of it being bad until I was older and taught by society and religion that it was wrong. I do not find any attraction in men. Not then nor now. But from that time forward I have learned that sucking a mans penis can be rather enjoyable as long as no one is forced and every one is clean.
The thought of holding hands with a man or being sexually attracted to them does not happen for me. But when I think of holding a cock in my hand and feeling it in my mouth I get sexually aroused. The taste, feels and textures that I get from it is erotic to me. That moment of accomplishment when you feel their ejaculate as it fills your mouth is amazing. The reward of tasting ans swallowing a persons semen is pure fulfillment. I would categorize my self as a male that enjoys some sexuality with men but not even bi sexual as I cant find attraction for men outside of the enjoyment of sucking a cock.
So I find myself lost in society and with no real home. My wife knows that I have enjoyed sucking a mans cock and that I would like to enjoy it more, yet she has not been willing to allow me to do this either with or without her being there. I would not say I would like to do it often but a couple times a month could satisfy my desire for a mans cock. Maybe some day maybe never time will tell.
Bill
I never sucked on a cock but I would love to. I’m always fantasizing having a older cock in my mouth and in my bottom. I am married though. I have played with other men and I love holding their cocks in my hand while I’m on top sliding it in me… That feel so good to me… Lol, I’m thinking about leaving my wife for some good cock. I am more submissive than dominate. I heard so much about the taste of the mans load and really I can’t wait for that. Yummy yummy yummy….