Findom Dilemma

Sean writes:

“I am curious to know about a situation I am in with a financial domination Mistress. I found this person online and she has a pretty serious website and business geared to findom, and she often exposes many men who stop contacting with her, disobey her rules or no longer pay up in their contracts. Unfortunately, I have some kink for this kind of stuff, which I’m doing my best to work thru in the real world right now, but in the meantime I’ve got a lot of fear regarding our interactions so far. I am glad to say I at no point agreed to enter some contract with this woman, although she tried over and over.

My questions are can she go ahead and post some of the pics or emails I’ve sent her anyway? I’d imagine she can do whatever she wants, but is it illegal for her to do so. At this point I won’t pay her, but I’m afraid she’ll just “expose” my emails and pics I’ve sent her, which would be extremely humiliating as it is all fantasy.

Also, how does she get away with doing this to other men? How come they don’t have a way out of this besides paying her to remove every single piece of info she exposes them on. Or is it possible that some just don’t want to or some are too embarrassed to seek real legal help? Is there anything I should do or tell her in order to make sure my info is protected?”

First of all thank you Sean for sending this in. I wanted to post this on the site and answer it because you have some great questions that a lot of men are asking.

For anyone who doesn’t know what financial domination is, let me explain quickly how it works. Many years ago financial domination was done correctly, and when done correctly it involves women using their female seductive powers to entice men to give them money with no sexual exchange. So if we look at hookers, you exchange money for sexual acts. In the case of financial domination, there is no sex act being exchanged. It was seductive and men loved it. Fast forward to now and what we have is a sea of women who, because of the mainstream media attention on financial domination have simply become beggars. It’s become GIMME, GIMME, GIMME with very little return on your investment seductive or otherwise. And many old-school dominatrices want nothing to do with it because of the negative connotation associated with being a financial dominatrix. Put another way, the class has gone out of the kink. It’s gone from high priced escort to street corner hooker to now they might as well just sit around with tin cups in their hands.

Unfortunately the financial domination kink (it’s not a fetish), still remains for most men. Why? Money equals power. And when we look at the basis of submission – removal of control or power exchange – what could be more enticing to a submissive than having their money controlled in some way? Enter the beggars.

Usually what happens is gentlemen such as Sean are cruising around looking for women who will indulge their submissive side in one way or another and they trip over financial domination. Or now because every media outlet has run some sort of article or mini-documentary on the subject perhaps you read or watched a piece on findom and you noticed yourself getting aroused.

For some men they find themselves drawn to findom because they are looking for a bigger and better ‘loss of control’ rush. They’ve indulged some of their kinks but they want MORE! They want to really dive in to their need for that loss of control. It’s no different than a junkie looking for a bigger and better high. It’s the same dopamine rush in your brain. No matter how you found it for many men the addiction begins. And it is a true addiction. Remember the dopamine (among other ‘feel good’ neurotransmitters melting your brain making you crave more).

At this point you might be in Sean’s position or worse. As Sean says, he never entered in to a ‘contract’ with this woman. But know this, contracts mean nothing. They are not legally binding. They are used simply to exert mental control and for some men, they WANT that contract to make them really feel it. That’s why you see contracts thrown around but they really have no hold. And some women have been taken to court and ended up in prison for this type of behavior because it is technically illegal. A contract or just findom in general can and has be found to be extortion or bribery.

I’m going to caveat my contract information with this, there are some women (infinitesimal number) who have had lawyers help them create real ‘debt contracts.’ These contracts are legal and are similar to if you had borrowed money from someone and are paying it back over time. The only difference being that there is no initial borrowing. These CAN be legally binding. However as of this writing there has been no legal precedence set for this type of debt contract in a court of law. After consulting with a contract solicitor client of mine I have no doubt they could be fought successfully in court. Note though that I said the number of women who will pay to have these contracts legally created is so small that you’d have a hard time finding them. Even most who say they use debt contracts are just using the words. Don’t forget, most of these broads are flash-in-the-pan, fly-by-night chicks who just want the money, have no imagination and will actually steal other women’s pics etc. They don’t look at it as a business they just copy what they see other broads doing.

This brings us to Sean’s question about exposure. Sean has sent pics and has had emails with this woman and as you read he fears having these pictures and correspondence exposed. To answer his question, “…can she go ahead and post some of the pics or emails I’ve sent her anyway?”  The answer is yes of course she can and many do. Some even post on social media although doing that will get their social media account shut down in a hurry if it’s something like a driver’s license, passport or other personal information. Can she instead put this personal information on her website, yes but again she runs a great risk not that most care.

I’m going to say something about exposure to you that will kill your buzz if that’s you’re kink. If it’s just a picture of you that she’s planning to put on social media or her website. No one cares. Seriously. Women put these pics up and it’s only for the benefit of the male who want’s the exposure. Literally, NO ONE CARES. So the funny part of this for you boys who love to have photos ‘out there’ of you with your dick in your hand or some cow’s name written in lipstick on your gut is no one gives a rat’s asshole. They roll their eyes and keep scrolling. Unless they’re another male who loves exposure and then he’s just going to beat off to the idea of it for himself. So unless your wife has been keeping an eye on you, which why would she if she trusts you, and is hunting down your online activity then the exposure you seek is just a myth. It’s vapour. Who the hell would be spending their time actively looking for you online in compromising positions? And if they did find you, you could also ask the question, “Well wtf were you doing on Princess Pinhead’s site too huh?”

If you are foolish enough to send someone you don’t know information about yourself that responsibility falls strictly on you. You are playing a very dangerous game with your life. Yes your life. Why? Because the influx of women in to this genre is such that many are sick, twisted and looking to fuck you up because of daddy issues or worse. I’ve heard horror stories; women selling passport, driver’s license and birth certificates on the dark web. Identity theft is rampant within findom now. Marriages obliterated and families blown apart all because you wanted to get your dick hard. Some of the more fucked up women are even infecting computers with child porn once you give them access to your computer via sites like Teamviewer. I shouldn’t have to tell you where that will get you.

I’ve seen young daughters of men who have been financially ruined begging and pleading with women online to stop hurting their families. It’s truly heartbreaking. And you can’t blame the findom because YOU ASKED FOR IT. You literally asked to have this done to you. You sought out the services of a woman you don’t know to FUCK YOU UP. She didn’t come to you (Mind you that has even changed with the amount of begging and male trolling going on online). But my point is, no one held a gun to your head and said you have to do this. You are the one who has to take responsibility for your actions, no one else. You can’t blame the dealer for the junkie. So Sean what you deem ‘fantasy’ is great if the woman you’re working with also agrees that it’s just ‘fantasy.’ The problem is for most of these women, they just don’t care about you. Even if you agree that it’s fantasy there is nothing stopping them from taking it further. And let’s be real you didn’t seek her out to have her care about you or your wife or your kids. You went there hoping she’s be ruthless.

Which moves us to Sean’s final paragraph of his email, “Also, how does she get away with doing this to other men? How come they don’t have a way out of this besides paying her to remove every single piece of info she exposes them on. Or is it possible that some just don’t want to or some are too embarrassed to seek real legal help? Is there anything I should do or tell her in order to make sure my info is protected?”

Essentially you’ve answered your own question Sean. She gets away with it because very few men will do anything about it. Why? Because to do so would risk them having to tell their wives, family members or co-workers what they’ve been doing. How can you take your computer to a repair shop after she’s locked you out of it because you gave her control of it in a jerk session when it’s been infected with child porn? To do so would risk arrest. Remember possession is nine tenths of the law. How can you tell your boss that the email he just received of you shoving something up your ass was all just ‘fantasy?’  How do you explain to your wife your 401K has been depleted because you decided that you wanted to know what it felt like to have your control stripped from you and it got a little out of hand? How do you explain to your family that you’re getting foreclosed on because your Domme took your mortgage payments? Blackmail in findom is real and getting more and more real as the days go on. But all of it, anything you indulge in, is on YOU. Sure there have, as I said, been women who have been charged and convicted of extortion and are sitting in prison as I write this. But that number is very small because just as you said, there’s shame in indulging in this behavior so it becomes easier to pay whatever the ‘buy-out’ is and move on and hope that she doesn’t continue to come for you because even a buy-out doesn’t guarantee she won’t. I mean would you go to the cops right now Sean? Somehow I doubt it.

So Sean is there a way for you to protect your information and pics that you’ve volunteered to send to this woman? No. You’re fucked. If you want to protect yourself, don’t play the game. Instead you need to ask yourself why you chose to enter into this in first place. What is wrong with your life that you need to seek this type of destructive behavior? And only you know the answer and the answer is different for every man. But know this – if you keep playing with fire you will eventually get scorched or worse.

This would be a good time to read my articles Domme or Psychopath and Why Do We Indulge in Risky Fetish or Sexual Behavior? To gain a little more insight.

What do you think? Sound off below.

(Grammar Nazi’s hit me up on Twitter)