First of all let me preface this article by saying that I will be stating the obvious which in turn will piss some people, mostly guys, off.
There seems to be some sort of misconception in the world of BDSM that you can serve an online Domme by just ‘being there,’ and that just doesn’t cut it.
So as a service to you boys who may be new to the game or are just wandering around feeling confused and wondering wtf or maybe you’ve been called a ‘time waster’ or a flake here’s most likely the reason why.
Obviously if you lived near your Domme there wouldn’t be an issue, provided she was for it, to serve her in various ways; cleaning, household chores, errands etc. But if you don’t live near her or don’t have the means by which to physically serve it poses an obvious problem.
A lot of you boys who serve online do so because you’re married or live in a small town and in some cases you just don’t have the balls to serve in real time and all that is okay because that’s where serving an online Domme can become very convenient.
Now here is where some of you will get pissed off. There is really only one way to serve online as a submissive male and that is financially. No this is not some stupid ploy to promote financial domination it is, as I state earlier, logical and obvious.
That’s not to say that you perhaps can’t be of service in other ways such as if you’re good in web design or graphic arts you might be able to 
serve her by helping with her website and such. I’m not here to give a whole bunch of ideas in which to serve virtually because you have to decide what your strengths are and what you can do for her and then you have to see if she needs what you have to offer.
If you can’t come over and scrub my floors and mow my lawn because you live halfway around the world what can you do for me? Remember the point is to satisfy that urge to SERVE. Sure there are some guys who get off on giving or having their money coerced out of them but when we look at this logically there is no other way in which to really serve online unless it’s monetary.
Okay maybe you’re not independently wealthy and no one says you have to be. It’s actually not that big of a deal. Say for example you’re a foot guy (I don’t know why I always pick foot guys for examples) and you’ve found a Mistress whose feet you adore and maybe you can only afford to pay for her pedicures. GREAT! That’s a way to serve. It’s not about cashing in your 401k or retirement fund. It’s about knowing that you just paid for her feet to be pampered which YOU would do if you could be there in person but can’t. Maybe you’re a shoe guy and love high heel shoes. Well head to her wishlist and find a pair you find particularly sexy and buy them for her.
So keeping this in mind I’ll lay out some simple rules to follow if you’re going to serve an online Domme.
- First of all determine if you’re submissive or just a fetishist. For that you might want to read my article on Are you a Sub or Not. The reason for this is don’t pester a Domme, any Domme if you’re not truly submissive and want to SERVE her in some way. If you’re just a fetishist in a certain area it doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun with a Domme but remember she’s looking for loyal, consistent subs. As a fetishist you’re not likely to be either of those.
- If you have no money and no viable means of serving a Mistress then don’t bug her or keep telling her she’s wonderful on the off chance you might get her attention. This only serves to irritate most women. You boys who behave this way are like mosquitos and are only annoying.
- If you only have the means by which to pay for a pedicure here and there, TELL HER. Don’t put yourself out there as Diamond Jim when you’re not because it’s really obvious. Remember we’re talking any online Domme here not Financial Dommes. Financial Dommes want Diamond Jim and if you’re not you’ll be kicked to the curb so fast it’ll make your head spin.
- Always be respectful. You would think this would be obvious but a surprising number of you boys get very crabby when a woman says, “If you want to serve me then do so with a tribute.” She’s not necessarily being a money grubber it’s just like I said YOU have to answer the question, “What can you do for me?” and if it isn’t something she needs then money really is the only logical choice.
- If you tribute or send a $20 gift certificate don’t expect her to gush about how wonderful you are. Or more importantly don’t think she’s going to give you the sun and the moon when it comes to her time. What you guys have to realize is that this is a BUSINESS. If you were to walk in to Walmart and try and barter for price on a chocolate bar you’d be asked to leave. Use your heads. Would $20 buy you hours of stripper fun…no. I think for some reason men think this is some sort of virtual game. That Dommes just sit back and file their nails and watch Maury all day long. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most of the ladies who do this type of work are doing so to pay the bills just like you. Many of them are putting themselves through school, as cliché as that may sound it’s true. Her time will be limited and it just stands to reason that it will be spent where the money is. That’s just good business sense. So don’t take it so personally when she doesn’t fawn all over your $20 tribute. I’m not saying it’s not nice, it is but $20 doesn’t buy you much in this economy no matter where you’re doing the spending.
I guess what I’m trying to get you guys to see is that asking for tributes or gift certificates is all part of doing business online and getting angry over it is ridiculous and actually insulting.
Here’s an example that happened to me. I raised my rates a while back from $1.99 per minute to $2.99 per minute and man did I ever hear you boys throw temper tantrums. I haven’t raised my rates since I started working on Niteflirt in 2008. When you do the math $1.99 per minute works out to $119.40 an hour and I have to say that’s hella cheap for REAL THERAPY which I provide. But I was told that I was being a bitch, a snob, that because I was on the radio I was full of myself. So apparently the cost of living doesn’t apply to me. Prices go up around me but I’m supposed to stay the same, which by the way I did just because everyone freaked. So I have to now make serious budget cuts because it’s getting harder and harder to live on the $1.99 per minute. I’m not whining I’m showing you how all of this is a business. It may kill the fantasy for you guys be everyone on Niteflirt, Talk Sugar and all the other phone services have to pay rent or mortgages like you do. You may think of it as entertainment and that it’s disposable but WE as in the ladies and gentlemen you do business with DO NOT! This is our life. So stop being so bitchy about the answer to the question How Can I Serve You? Money talks, bullshit walks.
Tell me what you think.
What we’re talking about here isn’t payments its Tributes.
The proper definition of a Tribute is a sign of Recognition and Respect for a Superior who you value above all others.
The only amount that matters is the value you put on it!
If you truly believe your Mistress is Superior to you there should be no question in your head of offering less than your best.
My Goddess is 3000 miles away from me and gives me far more of her time than I’ll understand why… this sub can only assume she chats with me so much because she finds me in some way worthy…I pray.
I Tribute my Goddess in the only way I can and that’s financially. I’m not a wealthy man and She’s very understanding about it, but I move Heaven and Earth to fulfill the need I feel to show my Respect for Her.
We may chat like friends at times but She and I both know my place is obviously below her.
Just to point an important fact out to whoever’s reads this, I am not submissive by nature as I find most people out there to be lacking in one way or another. We’re only Human after all.
Then I met my Goddess.
my submission was obvious to me.
Thank you Dr Sue for your articles.
Thank You Dr. Sue
slut was one of those that would pull back when a Mistress or Goddess, Domme would bring up money. I have always been willing to buy her shoes, perfumes and fine wines and things that i guess i felt was nice to give. When i began being trained by a Goddess, she became upset that i didn’t buy things from her list of things she wanted. OMG what was i thinking. You are so right it was about me not Goddess.
If i am going to serve a person then serve them. As much as i think i understand this lifestyle i need to look at the Big Picture and not just my wants or likes. i will be sending an apology to Goddess and a gift from Goddesses List.
Once again thank you for breaking it down so a slut can understand sluts self.
johna
Good slut!! That’s how it’s done. Nice piece of self-awareness there! Keep up the good work.
The problem with your argument is that it assumes every online Domme is looking for the same service you’re looking for. You’re really just looking for labor. That’s fine, but your preferences are not the absolute authority on Domme/sub relationships. Your inability to recognize value outside of the box you’ve constructed for yourself is limiting, and I just hope you don’t limit others while spouting your personal preferences as gospel.
I think I’m in the minority, but I DO have a single sub who serves Me without paying monetarily, and that’s Davros. Notice I said monetarily, because he DOES pay for My time. And not by “amusing” Me, but by ACTUALLY doing things that further My business. I’m gonna make him blush here but I know he won’t get a big head over it lol.
Davros is one of My best slaves, and he spends MAYBE $200 per YEAR on Me. Like literally $16 per month, which he saves up in his penny jar and splurges on Me sometimes, rarely, when he can afford it, and I appreciate every time he does because I know that he’s putting in a LOT of effort and honestly risking a lot for himself sometimes by doing so.
But Davros is out there working for Me EVERY SINGLE DAY. Every day I get AT LEAST 1 email from him about a new project he’s done for Me, from artwork and graphics for My website to entire new functions that I can use to make My website even better. And, of course, he completely manages the back end of RateMyTinyPenis.com by approving all comments, deleting all spam posts, and approving 10 new pictures a day. The website would not function without him, so of COURSE I’m going to give him my time.
But he IS making money for Me with those things. I make money from RateMyTinyPenis.com, from the new features he’s making for My websites, and I will make tons from the new project he’s designing for me – something that’s never been done before in the online Domme world!
When someone new approaches Me, I can afford to give them about 5 minutes of My time. I have been around since 2005, so you can imagine I have A TON of guys messaging Me every day. So when you message Me, you get My attention for 5 minutes. At that point, I will have to either get payment or direct My attention to those who HAVE paid. It’s just business, honestly.
Oh, Sue! You complete me! I shared this on twitter and plan to be sharing this with any new sub’s who dare to beg for what they can do for me. It becomes exhausting and this article has summed it up perfectly! Thank you!
I like the article Dr. Sue and thank you for writing this. As you might recall I am somewhat new to accepting my submissive side and feel extremely comfortable now that I am with the woman I call my Mistress. I actually find myself being able to compartmentalize the business side for her. In fact I am impressed not only by her but others that do it right such as yourself in this business. Respect and admiration. Yes being in this relationship with her is amazing for me but she does need to pay her bills and I get that. In my opinion it’s about common sense from the male perspective and being respectful to her. I don’t expect her to send an email, or tell me every time I might tribute or send a gift. I don’t expect her to reply back to every email . But when she does oh my does that feel so good to hear or read the words from her. Even a simple thank you does it for me. Her time is valuable.
I do what I do for her because I know she really appreciates it and that’s what matters to me the most.
Thank you again for what you do. Your articles have been informative and truly does help me understand not only myself but also from the Mistress perspective. That is as important.
Awww Thomas you’re so sweet and you’re in good hands that’s for sure. Every day is new experience and your learning never stops whether you’re submissive or dominant. And you’ve got the right perspective. I think guys forget that we are out here doing what we do and we love it but yes, we have to pay bills just like you guys do. And although many men resent the idea of money involved in their submission, I resent that my mortgage has to be paid, but that’s life.
Wow. Love it. I’m glad that you could spell it out for these guys. They go looking for findom and are totally shocked that a tribute is asked to verify they aren’t a time waster. Thank you. Btw very edgy and fun to read!
You’re quite welcome!!