Is BDSM Something You’re Born to Enjoy?

L sent in this question via In Bed with Dr Sue

[sic] Are born loving BDSM or do you grow an appreciation for it??

Unlike your sexuality you are NOT born to love BDSM.  BDSM is an acquired taste that can be honed over time.

BDSM in and of itself is something that comes from exposure. Exposure to pop culture for example can leave a lasting impression on the brain. For example, many men have been influenced growing up watching such shows as Batman and Wonder Woman and then acquiring a penchant for female domination based on the good or evil characters in the show.

Fetish, on the other hand, is something that is born pre-adolescent; so in the 4 to 9 year age range. Understand though that in those moments it’s never sexual but if the right incident happens at the time brain synapses are being formed a child can develop a fetish. I frequently use the example of a male child being pushed down and sat on in the playground at school. In that moment, if the synapse is formed you will also find that the child will acquire a fetish for female domination.

Another example is a client who had his sister constantly tickling and pushing her feet in his face as he was growing up which created a fetish for both tickling and feet. The interesting part is that I could put another male child through the same experience at the same age and he wouldn’t get that fetish because the brain synapse wasn’t formed in that moment.

A love for spanking and corporal punishment is another common kink that is usually derived in childhood either by family or school depending on where you grew up. Picture Catholic schools in days of yore, the sister with the ruler spanking or wrapping at knuckles can create a fetish for both the punishment and the authority figure involved.

So it may feel like you were born loving the things you do but in fact it isn’t that simple.

Thank you for writing in L.