2020 so far has been a very difficult year. And it has brought up very difficult questions and topics that everyone needs to self-reflect and answer.
One of those questions is how we treat minorities in this country and the privilege that some of us have.
After a period of reflection I saw some things I did not like that I was doing that wasn’t beneficial in my outlook toward minorities and people of color.
I no longer look at interracial porn or cuckolding porn that reinforces racial stereotypes.
My wife and I honestly started taking a break from porn, big black dildos, and toys in general. We found it very refreshing to go back to the basics and explore each other again.
We also gave to charities that support people of color in our local community.
First of all J let me say that this was beyond refreshing to read. And on behalf of those of us who care, I’d like to thank you and your wife for taking the time to do that self-reflection and realize that maybe some of what you were into had some negative intentions.
Now as I told you privately I don’t think you needed to stop enjoying what you both enjoy but if it was feeling negative, that’s all that matters and I commend you both for changing your game.
Race and sex, or more specifically race and kink will always be linked and not necessarily in a clear and concise way. Race play is a genuine kink and although I’ve heard of zealots who feel that any race play is racism they would be wrong.
I have never, in the decades I’ve been doing this work, spoken with a white man who wanted me to degrade the black race to rub one out. Never. The race play that I have been asked to indulge has always been by a person of color and as I mentioned earlier, it is a very real kink and no one should be ashamed to indulge in it.
That said it is important that you realize that when it comes to kinks and alternative lifestyles such as BBC and cuckolding that African American men are not just walking penises. I shouldn’t have to tell you that there are more to these gentlemen than their dicks but if that’s all you see, then you need to sit down, just as J and his wife did, and re-think your motivation or intent when you play. If to you think, the big, bad, black man is ‘taking’ your wife, you might want to do some self-evaluation because your plantation side is showing. This is what I mean by intent.
But if you genuinely have a preference, as we all do, for certain colors and characteristics, that’s just a sexual preference it doesn’t make you racist as we all have our own likes and dislikes. But if your likes are further marginalizing someone you need to look at your intent and maybe make some changes.
So if you’re white and looking for ways to help both within the adult industry and out in the real world, there’s lots of things you can do:
- Support African American producers and artists
- Even more so I would like to see you gentlemen who profess to be submissive spend your money on the women of color in the community. No one is more repressed, YES EVEN IN THE ADULT INDUSTRY, than black women specifically. Many adult platforms don’t even have black categories nor will they promote these women on their front pages. Black women of every career choice, adult or not have to work way harder than any other color for respect, position, and empowerment. So let’s see you patronize these beautiful women’s clips, audios and phone services.
- Re-think the use of certain symbols such as the spade that is used quite a bit in the cuckold lifestyle. The use of the spade is nothing but racist when referring to black men especially when it has to do with cuckolding. You really need to stop doing what your friends think is cool and re-think that one. Better yet, do some research on this symbol and learn about it. And if your argument is that it was once used in a positive light, remember this, so was the swastika. Once it’s been bastardized, the symbol is dead. And if that symbol makes people feel uncomfortable, it might be time to dump it.
- Before you just chuck money at a charity, check to see if that charity is legitimate and the money will definitely get to the communities you want it to go to. Right now there are many scams that are riding the Black Lives Matter movement.
- Support black owned business and businesses run by anyone of color in your local area. Source out where you’re doing your shopping. Maybe there’s a small business run by someone who is marginalized that you could give your business to.
- Try random acts of kindness. Next time you’re in line getting your latte at Starbucks, see if anyone of color is in the line behind you and make a point of paying for their order. It’s small things like this when done by more and more people that make a difference.
- Volunteer your time to a worthwhile cause that will help keep the movement in motion. Black Lives Matter is the most obvious first choice but a quick Google search will get you a myriad of other causes that you can help.
- Don’t make your help an Instagram moment. There is nothing worse than seeing these airhead’s attending a rally or protest doing selfies trying to look ‘woke’ for more likes. If you’re going to do this, do it from your heart, not from your ego.
It might be hard a look at your motives and intentions, to ask yourself the tough questions and to be honest with your answers, but unless you’re willing to do that, you’ll never grow as a human being.
Let me know what you think in the comments below.
If you‘d like to learn more I urge you to listen to the following shows or do some reading: