Many of the men I talk to tell me that they are no longer having sex with their wives. In some cases women have shut down for over a decade or more. That makes me sad. Here they are in this perfectly viable relationship and she has closed up shop. But why? Why do so many women reach a point in their relationships where they seem to take their sexuality, pack it in a box and then put the box on a shelf in the back of the closet?
Well there are a myriad of reasons but what I’ve noticed from the couples I’ve counselled it primarily comes down to her not being sexually satisfied and rather than bring it up and discuss it, she simply shuts down.
Because I’ve worked with so many couples who live the cuckold lifestyle I’ve been able to really find out what causes this shut down. And quite honestly it really is the fact that either the male is too small or just doesn’t know how to please her in bed. So rather than call it quits on a perfectly good relationship these women call it quits on their sex lives. They sacrifice their own sexual satisfaction for the sake of having a good friend, great husband and/or father and provider for the family. And really when you look at it that way it makes sense. You can see the thought process in that. “Ok, so he sucks in the sack, I’m not about to break up over that.” And what they do is, just like most humans, rather than confront the situation which could possibly cause their partner pain; they slowly start to shut down.
Women aren’t as invested in sex as men are. It’s not that we don’t love it, we do. But because we are the care givers and nurturers we learn from a young age to put ourselves last for the greater good and that’s exactly what goes on in the breakdown of sex lives.
The pattern is usually the same for men with small to average penises and/or men who suck at sex. You start dating and everything is hot. You’re having sex sometimes two or three times a day. Then you get married and it slows to a couple of times a week. NOT because she wants it to be that way, but because the responsibility load is greater. There’s career, kid and family obligations up the wazoo. And by the time you find the time to fuck, you’re too tired. Then the sex starts to slow to a couple of times a month. Then every couple of months until it dwindles down to nothing.
So when a man comes to me and says, “Whaaa my wife won’t fuck me anymore,” I ask him, “What did you do to kill her?”
Now some of you might think that’s harsh but truth usually is. Because the fact is, if she was really in to the size of your dick and how you fuck, she would make the time for it. If fucking has become a chore that she easily gives up, that’s on you.
How do I know this? Because of watching these same women, women who have shelved their own sexuality, come to life again with the right dick.
Now before you freak out and say sex isn’t everything in a marriage. I agree with you BUT you still have to take this in to consideration if the sex was ‘ok’ at the beginning. Why did it stop?
Of course as I stated earlier, there can be a myriad of reasons why couples shelve their sex lives. There can be medical issues on both parts, there can be a lack of connection as partners but many times when we really drill down it’s because the wife was NEVER that in to sex with her husband in the first place. And in those cases when something different and new is introduced it breathes new life back in to the wife. But that takes men wanting to do the work to keep the sex interesting and not many men want to, either due to fear of their wives thinking anything new will cause them to freak out or it’s all just too much work. It becomes easier for them to just throw on some porn and jerk off. And in almost all cases, NOTHING is ever said, mentioned or brought up between them. Everyone goes on their merry way living life in complete blissful denial.
And no I’m not saying that every couple with a shitty sex life needs to cuckold but you DO need to change up the routine. You need to be honest with one another. Your wife needs to be able to tell you the EXACT reasons why she’s not in to it anymore. And YOU need to LISTEN – even if it hurts. Then you both need to decide to make the necessary changes.
Here are some suggestions:
- SEX TOYS – if your dick is too small for her, go to the sex shop TOGETHER and get a dildo that is more suited to her size preference. Buy two and keep one in the car for spontaneous play outside of the house.
- Get some remote controlled sex toys, one for each of you so you can play randomly throughout the day if you’re both working. You never know when you’ll get a charge from your partner.
- CHANGE OF PLACE – If you’re always having sex in the bedroom, try peeking your head out and picking a new room. Even better, find new places to have sex away from your home like the car, public bathrooms or secluded parks. (Just don’t get caught)
- ROLE PLAY – Role plays can be great fun! You can pick from a range of scenarios the obvious ones being cop/prisoner, teacher/naughty school kid, super hero/villain. Anything that gets you being creative with one another. This is also a great way to switch common roles. Let her be in charge, you boys know that’s what you want anyway. This is a great way to let her test the waters without it being weird and scary.
- LIFESTYLE – If you’re feeling adventurous and you think your relationship is strong enough try experimenting with different lifestyles such as cuckold, hot wife/voyeur or swinging.
So instead of whining that your wife is no longer having sex with you and calling her a frigid bitch maybe you need to do a relationship check-up to see where you killed her. When did you murder your wife’s sex drive? Cause a woman who loves her man’s dick, doesn’t put it in a box on the shelf. So if you’re in the back of the closet in that box along with her sex drive you need to find out why. Time to man-up gentlemen, find out the truth and actually talk to the woman you, at one time, found hot enough to marry and maybe breathe life back in to her forgotten sex drive.
I feel like this article puts waaayyyyy too much on the man, in the typical overly feminist man-hating ways that are so popular today.
You said men should man up and talk to their wives, but what about those of us that have tried? Spent countless nights trying to coax out whatever the problem is. What about those of us that have been entirely up front and told our wives that if we aren’t satisfying them, we’d like to change that. Those of us that have offered to let them have sex with another man, use toys, or whatever it takes to bring back that spark? Those of us that have suggested seeing a doctor or therapist/counselor only to be met with resistance to even begin, or appointments made and then canceled for arbitrary reasons? Those of us that have tried to communicate until were blue in the face. What are we to do when we’ve tried everything that every “expert” has suggested, only for her to immediately fall back into the old patterns?
What you haven’t addressed is the large portion of women that use sex as a control mechanism, or in other words, abuse. The women that don’t want to communicate and would rather just continue to leave their partner unfulfilled.
You also didn’t mention the aspect of sexual satisfaction in a relationship. Studies have shown that the rejecting partner (in this scenario, the woman) maintain levels of sexual satisfaction equal to that of couples engaging in regular sex. Meanwhile, the man being rejected consistently indicated lower levels of satisfaction both sexually and in the relationship as a whole.
Men, contrary to what this “doctor” says, a wife that refuses to have sex with you is not necessarily your fault. Sure, there could be all kinds of reasons that it is, but it isn’t black and white, and not every case of withholding sex is because of your “tiny dick” as this “doctor” put it. Also worth noting, is the complete opposite could be the cause. I’ve encountered women that didn’t like to use lube because it made them feel like less of a woman because they weren’t able to get wet enough for a large penis, resulting in painful intercourse.
Bottom line, this appears to be the typical feminist propaganda trying to put all the blame for women’s shortcomings onto men. The reality is this isn’t a simple subject. Its very complex, and articles like this only serve to make it worse.
First of all you totally negate your argument when you choose to attack me and my character. What you have said is absolutely true. However you fail to realize that my articles are intended for a very small segment of the population. Perhaps you don’t identify with that segment and that’s okay. But in future, there’s no need to be mean to get your point across.
I thought he was right on with his interpretation of your “blame the man”.
Yes I am blaming the man. What’s your point? If a woman is having a great sex life, she’s not about to just stop it for no reason. And if everything else has been exhausted, then clearly it’s the man.
I agree with Dr. Sue. If a wife is no longer interested in sex with her husband, the husband should feel fine qith satisfying those needs with other women, sex workers etc.
Dr. Sue gives the best advice!
You missed the point of the article completely. You should try to fix what you have first.
Yes could be a reason. As a woman in a marriage from my perspective I feel like women need to also be courted like in the beginning of the relationship. I understand relationships evolve and responsibilities take over (especially with children) but being taken out, having a date night and doing something fun to reconnect may help. Otherwise it just feels like something to check off the list of things to do for the day like make the bed, do laundry, get the kids ready for school, make the family dinner, get your husband off and then finally I can go to sleep. Lol that’s why women like romance novels, they need to be excited more mentally that just the act, because then it becomes a chore.
Hi Dr.Sue,
I agree with you 100%. I was married for over 30 years, with the last 10 being sexless with her. I tried toys, videos, even bought a strapon for her to use on me,but it seemed nothing really helped
Then I saw an email, she was in communication with an ex bf if hers, saying how I never satisfied her sexually, I was too small to bring her to orgasm,and that she missed what he had to offer
Of course they exchanged pictures and I saw that he was around 8″. Compared to him, I look like a little kid. I knew I was always small, and accepted that I wasn’t probably wssnt able to satisfy women. .she never found out that I knew about what she was doing. It wouldnt have made a difference anyways. Other than jerking off and watching gay and humiliation porn, I shaved myself smooth,and started to service real men. I’m good at it and always finish them off. I dont even have them touch me, as I jerk myself off while I do it. It’s like u said. They say size dont matter, but it really does. I could have communicated till I was blue in the face, but if she wasnt satisfied, or happy with my cock size, there was nothing else I could have done.
I disagree with you Andy. If you had manned up and asked her what the issue was when you found out the truth. You could have told her you understood and got her cuckold you. You had options. You chose not to fix this. Yes nothing will change your child-like dick (not cock) but you could have let her get fucked and maintained your relationship.
Realistically, a real woman would communicate. If she doesn’t have the guts to speak up, and instead just cheats with some ex-bf, she’s not worth anyone’s time. Woman up, take some responsibility and learn that the world is not about you.
Nothing should be done behind someone’s back and discussion should be had, in a perfect world. Unfortunately that means a human being taking responsibility for their actions and that doesn’t happen very often.
I’m surprised you didn’t mention how communication is key. I would have happily accepted permanently locked chastity cuckold if that would have made my ex-wife happy.
I learned after she left me, many years after, that my ex-wife was very unhappy with my hedonistic sexuality. Not that I cheated on her (which I did), not that I liked boys too, but that I was ignorant and selfish in bed. But to turn that around (defensive much?) she never complained! I mean, I’d try new things with her, and rarely she’d disagree. She was embarrassed that she was turned on by certain things, and she did voice what was uncomfortable and just not her thing, but most times she was more than just a willing, but active partner. because that’s what a wife / gf did in her mind…(I later learned)
3 girlfriends later and single for over 2 weeks for the first time since I was 19 (now 45) I’ve been chaste for 3 yrs. my recent ex and I had a problem conceiving, and her depression led to zero sex. I focused on myself sexually, but included chastity to help focus. we separated 3 months ago and am taking a year off relationships.
You mention how often “nothing is ever said” but I’m surprised you didn’t mention how communication is key. I hope to find a new situation in the future as a FLR cuckold sissy.
Call me nutty but this sentence couldn’t imply communication more. “Time to man-up gentlemen, find out the truth and actually talk to the woman you, at one time, found hot enough to marry and maybe breathe life back in to her forgotten sex drive.” But hey, maybe you don’t think of talking as communication.