I spoke with Matt last week who is presently trying to find the right Dominant woman to serve in real time, not on the phone or in a Pro Domme capacity. His quest brings up a very important point that I want to get across to you submissive guys out there.
First of all I know it’s hard to find a Dominant woman to serve in a relationship capacity. It’s not like you can walk in to a bar and say, “hey what’s your sign, mine’s use me,†and dropping to your knees, throwing your arms around her legs and not letting go can get you arrested, which is why I tell you guys to go where the Dominant women are.
In Matt’s case he’s had some luck finding the right woman but not being able to connect properly. Like many men out there Matt has to be Dominant throughout the day at work etc. What he wants is a woman he can lavish not only his money and attention but to serve domestically as well. Now you’d think that any woman out there would be jumping at the chance to grab him, but that’s not the case. Too many women get in to the roll of ‘bitch with a whip.’ They don’t understand that it’s perfectly fine to love and care for your submissive male, which is why I suggested a more cuckold relationship for Matt to look for.
The trick is to find a balance between the relationship part and the D & s part. As a Dominant woman you don’t have to respect your sub as a man, as a matter of fact you probably won’t. But you DO have to respect him as a HUMAN BEING! Submissive males are not robots without feelings, they’re human, and their needs have to be met as well as yours.
Unless a submissive male enjoys being treated like nothing with no conversation or relationship connection you HAVE to take his needs in to consideration. As a couple you have to make rules that each of you will abide by that work for both of you not just one of you. What Matt wants is someone who will basically be in a loving relationship with him but behind closed doors he serves and is very domestic. Unfortunately he keeps finding women who just want him to pick up their dry cleaning and that’s about it. When he would go out for dinner with them they wouldn’t even talk. That’s ridiculous and falls more in to the realm of Pro Domme.
So guys remember, it’s okay to submit but you DO have rights and you DO deserve to have all your needs met just as much as she does. Never short change yourself or serve ‘just because’ you’re submissive if it’s not something you’re enjoying. If it’s no fun, there’s no point in doing it.
Submissive men may have feelings, but those feelings are of little consequence. once a man declares himself to be a submissive male he forfeits his needs wants, and desires. they no longer exist. they are replaced by the needs, wants, and desires of his Mistress. His “manhood”, if it even existed in the first place, is replaced by servitude. His “person” is replaced by “object” A thing for whatever the Mistress desires. I am most uncomfortable with male submissives who argue that they matter, that they have significance, that they are a being worthy of consideration. We are not. In the hierarchy of D’s and s’s we are the bottom.
respectfully stan
Those women Matt is finding sound less like Dommes and more like women just trying to take advantage of a submissive because they think it’s an easy way to get errands done. You find a lot of them online who have the words “it’s all about me” or “your needs don’t matter” in their profile. Usually they’re in their early 20’s with a spoiled brat attitude. No thanks. I may be a sub but I may be inclined to put a girl like that over my knee for an attitude adjustment.
Another possibility is they are just discovering their dominant side and think they are supposed to be a “bitch with a whip.” It’s not for me but that’s what most submissive guys ask for, especially if she’s finding them online, so we can’t really blame her for trying to fill that role.
I was surprised that you say a Domme probably won’t respect her sub “as a man” Dr. Sue. Maybe I’m out of touch but I couldn’t submit to a woman who didn’t respect me. Furthermore, I would expect that if she was really into a D/s relationship she would be able to see past the stereotypes about what a man is. Isn’t breaking the taboos of mainstream society one of the big thrills of this lifestyle? If I were to share this side of myself with someone who is supposed to understand it and enjoy it, and then have her tell me she doesn’t respect me because of it, I think I’d find the nearest door and never look back.
Be careful that you are not just telling one side of the story. I have come across various so-called submissives who are really just pretending to want to please, when it is just about them living out their sexual fantasies. And when we don’t give them exactly what they want when they want it, they accuse us of being “Pro Dommes.” A true submissive needs to understand and the needs of their Goddess so that he may better serve her. That takes time. And yes, sometimes he will have to jump through a few hoops to earn her trust. There is a training period, and it may entail a trip to the dry cleaners.
It is a fine line we lifestyle Goddesses walk. Too Dominant, and we are tagged “Pro Domme,” to cordial and we are labeled, “not a serious Domme.” When I am getting to know a submissive, I respect him as a human being. Often in those beginning stages they tell me, “You are not dominant enough,” because I’m neither crass nor whip carrying. However, any sub who has stayed with me long term knows not to confuse my kindness for a lack of dominance.
Excuse all the typos! I’d go back and edit it, but I’m being Dommed by the system! 😉
Agreed 110% Sapphire. And lately you boys have been even wishy-washier than usual. It’s incredibly annoying and you need to remember that we, as Domina’s, can’t read minds that’s a service on Keen we don’t offer. So for the love of GOD, yeah I said it, state what you’re looking for men!