You guys are asking some fantastic questions that deserve posts because to answer them in comments just wouldn’t give the question justice, nor would it help others and if I can take a question and work it in to an article to help others I’M ON IT!
Cuckwannabe and K have brought up some points in the comments of Can Cuckolding Ruin a Marriage?, that need to be addressed regarding cuckolding.
Cuckolding, like everything else has changed through the years and not necessarily for the better. K points out that most of the articles on cuckolding just yammer about how amazing it is as long as you keep the communication open, and nay, I’m guilty of such articles. But what is the reality of cuckolding? Is it all sunshine and roses? And the answer to that would be HELL NO!
Our beloved internet has unfortunately skewed this lifestyle to the point of total distortion. I have been in a cuckold relationship for over 20 years. I have counselled sub males and couples who were interested or incorporated cuckolding in to their lives for almost as long. Cuckolding, like any other alternative lifestyle takes work and if you’re not careful, if the female is not in control, all hell can break loose.
K was wondering what the statistics are of couples who break up and I don’t know as there have been no definitive studies done. So based on my own observations and this is in no way a clinical study, I would say the percentages would be 40% successful and remain together and 60% go up in flames. So as you can see, it’s not an easy thing to do. But I reiterate that my ‘stats’ aren’t really stats they are observations by one person.
But why do these relationships crash and burn? And for those of you going “well duh” I mean besides the blatantly obvious issues of jealousy and resentment. If everyone is so cool with it all, how could it possibly go wrong?
Well it starts here: (these are NOT in order of any importance)
- Not Understanding What Cuckolding Is – Right off the bat most men think cuckolding is a fetish. WRONG! Cuckolding is NOT a fetish it is a lifestyle alternative to traditional monogamy. Cuckolding IS a female led relationship. It is NOT about you sitting there watching your wife get fucked. That is called voyeurism.Cuckolding is a relationship whereby the construct is the wife is dominant and the hubby submissive. Does this mean you are doing D & s stuff like adding sissification or anything else in to the mix? NO. That is strictly up to the individual couples. But the power dynamic IS ALWAYS – female dominant, male submissive. Anything else is NOT CUCKOLDING. So if your fantasy of cuckolding is you jacking off to your wife taking some guys cock you are waaaaay off base and as I said before, that’s voyeurism.And in the relationship the wife has sex with other men because her partner, in some cases cannot, but in most cases wants to see his wife be sexually satisfied by another more ‘alpha’ male. But more importantly because the woman has taken control of her own sexual satisfaction.Nor is it Hot Wife-ing. That is a derogatory term that turns cuckolding in to voyeuristic perversion. The term hot wife originated in the old chatrooms of internet yor. Where guys would pass pics of their wives (usually without their knowledge) around with other guys in a pseudo-circle jerk. “Wanna fuck my hot wife?” Calling a woman a hot wife completely objectifies her and goes back to our voyeur boys. It turns her in to a piece of meat, something to be traded like fucking baseball card. So if you’re big on that term you need to look at why, chances are it has nothing to do with cuckolding and has more to do with pimping.
- Your Wife Isn’t in to It – Women tend to want to please. It’s in our nature plus how society raises us. So I’ve seen case after case of women engaging in cuckolding ‘just to make her husband happy,’ only to end up with the relationship in tatters. The problem is if she’s only doing this to make you happy, she will feel dirty and disgusted with herself after each encounter. Eventually that wears on a person and she pulls the plug.This is usually based on miscommunication. Husband tells her about cuckolding. She’s not really in to it but doesn’t come right out and say so but any moron could tell in her body language that she’s not impressed. Husband chooses to ignore said body language and takes her lack of refusal as a green light. Both are to blame here because there’s that damn communication bug-a-boo. This usually ends up with tears and a break-up or worse back to vanilla sex, silence and a massive wedge in the relationship because both are ashamed of themselves; her for participating and him for asking in the first place.
- Female NOT Leading – This goes back to #1. Many couples engage in cuckolding with both being submissive and I can’t red flag this enough. First of all, as I stated above if she’s not in control it’s not cuckolding. But take that out of it and let’s look at the reasons why she needs to be QUEEN BEE.You have an alpha male in the room. If both of you are submissive who is in control of the situation? The alpha male. Does the alpha male care about your relationship or the two of you? NO. Nor should he, that’s not what he’s there for. But what could possibly go wrong? The primary issue is psychological head games. If the woman is not in control of the room and the men in it there’s no one protecting the relationship. The husband is in sub-space and will do anything this alpha male requests of him. He’s useless. What if our alpha buddy wants to make the husband cross a line? What if alpha boy wants to make the wife do something she’s not okay with? And that’s just skimming the top.I have worked with men who have gone through horrific psychological and physical pain from alpha males hell bent on destroying the relationship. There are even professional bulls who now make it sport to TRY to break up marriages. They keep score (no shit). If you don’t believe me listen to my show on Cuckolding Extremes and hear it from the husbands themselves. (you can listen at the bottom of the page)The woman has to be in charge of what goes on, period. Does it mean she can’t be sexually submissive in the moment? NO. Of course she can. But that alpha male/bull is there at HER bidding and to do what SHE wants. Nothing more. Any deviance from that is not just playing with fire but bathing in lava.
- The Loss of Respect – This was brought up by cuckwannabe and is a slippery slope but usually only applies in cases where other fetishes are included such as forced bi, feminization and sissification to name a few and someone’s respect changing is a personal thing and will vary from person-to-person. But those are the top three.For some, but not all men, submission usually comes with many different combinations of other kinks and fetishes. Some men want their wives to make them suck the alpha male’s dick. Some men want their wives to put them in panties and lipstick. Others want to be made in to a sissy 24/7. And for many of those same men this doesn’t come out until they are comfortable enough to tell their wife after they’ve been cuckolding for a bit. So it comes, to the wife anyway, out of nowhere.If the wife in our scenario is really in to the sexual attention she gets by both the alpha and the sub and really isn’t into any heavier D & s then the idea of her husband being feminized can become an issue and here’s why.When she married you, this whole cuckolding/girlie thing was never on the table. She knew nothing about ANY of the kink world or alternative relationships. So she doesn’t understand the psychology behind submission, nor should she. She married a MAN. Her HUSBAND, not her wife. She’s not a lesbian and the idea of you behaving this way will turn her off. So even though you think sucking the guys’ dick to get it hard is a HUGE turn-on, she probably looks at you in disgust. And IF the alpha male sees this and decides to use it to his advantage he can also throw a wrench in the works by feeding off of her disgust making what she feels even stronger.Now on the flip side of it, there are also women who find all that a turn-on. They love watching their husband suck dick and even enjoy dressing them up. And if you have a wife that will indulge that you get on your knees right now and thank your lucky stars.Loss of respect out of just simple cuckolding is rare unless, as I said, the female is doing this ‘just to please.’ If she’s not into seeing her husband submit to another male it can be a HUGE turn-OFF. But that brings us back to communication again. Not discussing this prior to will ALWAYS lead to disaster.
- Using Old Lovers as Bulls – DING-DING-DING!! I want you to hear disaster warning sounds with this one; tornado sirens. This is the WORST thing you can do. NEVER, EVER, EVER use old lovers as bulls. It’s an easy start and I get that but it will come with a host of issues.Old lovers come with emotional baggage. I don’t care how much you think you have your shit together ladies if you use an old lover for a bull in cuckolding you are again bathing in fire and stand a HIGH RISK of developing feelings for this person again thus jeopardizing your relationship. And we do this because it’s human nature not to remember the shit that drove you nuts about them and only remember the good stuff. It’s so easy to slip back in to loving feeling for this person that the risk is just too high.In that vein, the other bad idea is the whole BFE (boyfriend experience). Some of you boys want your wife to have a ‘boyfriend.’ At this point you’re gone to some weird place with no name that is in no way cuckolding. Maybe some form of poly relationship but not cuckolding.Cuckolding is NOT about replacing the relationship at all. It’s about experiencing something as a couple together sexually. It’s not something that is done every night. It’s more of an enhancement of an FLR. Once you replace the husband with a ‘boyfriend,’ it’s over.
- *Not Having Sex with the Sub* – I have starred this one because if I were to make this in order I would actually make this my number one no-no. So much of what goes on in cuckolding now is what I consider to be extreme and completely against what cuckolding is meant to be. And this practice of no longer having sex with your husband is relationship DEATH.Unless the hubby has erectile issues, or his penis is micro and penetration is almost non-existant you should NEVER, EVER delete sex from your relationship. Once you do that, the relationship is over and cuckolding ceases to exist.I will reiterate this so you can really get it, cuckolding is NOT about replacing the husband. It’s about a strong woman who knows what she wants sexually and goes out and gets it because her husband for whatever reason cannot provide it. Not unlike what men have been doing for centuries… make that millennia. But that’s it, sexually, nothing more.But in order to maintain your bond as a couple you have to continue having sex or your intimacy level will drop and you will disconnect. This I’ve seen so many times it’s unreal. Wife reads that she is supposed to be tougher and not have sex with her vile waste-of-skin husband. What do you think that kind of conditioning will do? It’s obvious. And just because Becky is doing it doesn’t make it right or healthy. As a matter of fact, I can tell you Becky is not going to be married for long, unless he’s wealthy, because she will get bored with it all.
Cuckolding when done sensibly it CAN strengthen your bond.
I think this comment that was left on the same article that spawned these questions really says it best. This is cuckolding done right. This is from husbandisacuck. And even if it’s not real, since we have to take it with a grain of salt (cause I mean come on 23 men on your wedding night, who has time?), the concept being described is right:
We’ve had a cuckold marriage for over 20 years now. My husband feels most loved by me when I have sex with other men. And I want him to feel loved by me as often as possible. We arranged for our wedding photographer to have sex with me just before our wedding, and we had 23 men join us on our wedding night to help consummate our marriage. We have had men live with us throughout the years which has not only been very nice, but also convenient.
Most everyone we know knows about our relationship, even mine and my husband’s parents and siblings. We do not hide who we are. My husband loves to see me with other men. And I will admit that I do like all the attention. Being able to cuckold my husband has made me happier, and love him more, than anything else ever could have.
Knowing that I can make my husband happy, and feel loved by me, by loving other men makes me feel special. I like knowing that my enjoying other men makes my husband feel most loved by me. And being able to have other men enjoy me, a married woman, fulfills their fantasies, too. And that means a lot to me and my husband.
Every year on our anniversary, my birthday, my husband’s birthday, New Years, Christmas Eve, etc. we have men to our house and they all make love to me, in the presence of my husband. I am their gift, and what they give to me is their gift to my husband, and to me. My husband gives to me what these other men can’t give me, and the other men give to me what my husband can’t. It’s a balance.
Although most of the other men do more with and to me, sexually, they make me love my husband more each time I am with them. I believe that cuckolding is what has made both me and my husband happiest, and our love for each other stronger.