One of the most common themes with my clients when it comes to any fetish or let’s paint it with a broader brush, anything of a sexual nature that costs money is GUILT, especially for you Financial Domination slaves.
Unfortunately our society deems anything pleasurable as being BAD. It could be a religious upbringing that’s ringing in your ear or god forbid…your mom, sex has always been the #1 BAD thing to do. It’s detrimental that we still try to repress each other this way but it seems to be a given cause you guys are always feeling guilt or shame.
Here’s what I tell my clients if they’re feeling bad about what they’re doing. If it’s not based on deceiving someone, like a spouse for instance because deceit is a whole other huge ball of wax, if it’s just the money think of it this way, if you had a hobby of say golf like the pic I chose or tennis or hockey or whatever it is, you’d be spending HUGE sums of money on equipment, green fees, dues, uniforms you name it. What the hell is the difference between calling someone and getting your rocks off and going golfing? There isn’t one.
We live in an extremely fast-paced, stressed to the max world. We’re bombarded with demands and the need to try to please people all the time. We live in a far more stressed out world than our parents did. I would much rather see someone play ‘raise the rate’ or call one of the girls and jerk off, or dance around in a bra and panties than have him not do anything. Most of you guys playing with fetishes or phone sex or Pro Dommes are not the ones with the hobbies I mentioned above. Therefore you guys have no way of blowing off steam.
You need to look at what you’re doing as your ‘hobby,’ everyone else be damned. It’s going to mean you’ll be a much more pleasant, happy and believe it or not well-rounded individual than if you did nothing to relieve stress. It’s a yin yang thing. You can’t be in demand and constantly running all the time and expect to maintain a healthy mind and body and the only reason it seems like it’s bad is because you can’t sit down at Starbucks and share a caramel macchiato over the complete fucking you took last night either to your wallet or your ass.
For example people don’t realize the amount of couples engaged in cuckolding. Trust me your neighbors are probably doing it but they’re not gonna talk about it around the pool and just because people aren’t talking about it, doesn’t mean it’s not going on or that it’s bad.
So go ahead and start enjoying what you’re doing, GUILT FREE, SHAME FREE. Remember what I’m always telling you guys. If it doesn’t feel good DON’T DO IT! If it does, GO FOR IT! We’re here to experience happiness, not happiness depending on if the Joneses down the street say it’s ok, or your mom or even the Pope. Fuck em and enjoy YOUR life.
Coober
I think feeling guilty is all part of the game.
Dr Sue
I disagree. If you feel guilty, you shouldn’t engage in the activity. Guilt and shame negate your ability to enjoy any activity.
Dick Wheybrew
You’re conflating vices with hobbies. You could also think of smoking as a hobby or drinking as a hobby or picking your nose as a hobby. Really, when not done moderation and/or under socially appropriate circumstances, those are just bad habits.
Even if I concede your point and we classify fetish behaviors as a “hobby,” not all hobbies are created equal. Some collectors are barely distinguishable from people with an OCD diagnosis. Even “healthy” hobbies when done to excess or irresponsibly are dangerous. If you run but don’t take enough time to recover, you can easily injury yourself. Or take for example all the women and men that suffer from exercise bulimia.
The better hobbies, I would argue also have a sense of long-term goals /benefits and often involve building/joining a social group. Please go ahead and argue that being a findom’s sub has both of these qualities (because superfluous examples really amuse me :).
A third characteristic of a good hobby might be that someone’s not deliberately and manipulatively trying to get you hooked on doing it and doing it more. I’ll be fair and say findoms and some game developers have a lot in common there.
Should people feel shame or guilt over their fetishes? I wouldn’t tell people how they “should feel” about anything. The important thing to remember is that feelings aren’t facts, and a better question to ask would be “is this really how you want to spend your time?”