As time goes on more and more males are fucking with what was supposed to be a lifestyle that allows women to be empowered by their sexuality and to have what men have had for thousands of years, options.
Cuckolding was meant to be a female led relationship; one where women take control of their lives, their relationships and their sexuality. Now because of men, cuckolding has spun into a glorified rape fantasy. Men wanting to see “their women” DRILLED by a HUGE COCK while they pump their peanut watching like some drooling letch in a back alley porn theater, aka the Hot Wife fantasy. (The term Hot Wife coming from the old Yahoo chatrooms in days of yor, where men would trade photos of their wives without their knowledge and circle jerk with each one saying what they’d to the other’s hot wife. smh) And as a fantasy that’s great (not that you shared pics without your wife’s knowledge, that’s never cool), the problem is these terms have become interchangeable with cuckolding.
And as if the term Hot Wife wasn’t bad enough now we’ve progressed my friends, now there’s Slut Wife. So now we’re slut shaming women for deciding who they want to fuck, despite the fact that cuckolding is, when practiced right, done with the complete approval of her husband. Hmmmm, not seeing slut in there anywhere myself.
Let’s breakdown the word SLUT, it’s a horrible word when you’re referring to a woman. And it’s usually hurled by men who those same women have turned down for sex. So tell me, why is it that when a man fucks a pile of women, he’s considered virile, a STUD, but the minute women choose what to do with their bodies and who to do it with they’re sluts? Let me ask you this question; at what number of lovers is a woman considered a slut? Because I mean if you’re going to throw the word around shouldn’t we get the memo on the parameters?
The stupid thing is neither of these terms refers to cuckolding in the first place, as I said before. These are fantasy situations where men love the idea of their wives being desired by other men. Why we have to use derogatory terms for the women when in fact, it’s the men who have fetishized them having sex with other men, is beyond me. It’s absurd.
And I’ve seen this in cuckolding. I’ve heard from women whose partners begged them to have sex with other men and then when they did, they get a slew of the usual nasty terms; slut, whore, and bitch, thrown in their face when all they were trying to do was to fulfill YOUR fantasy and when they do they get clobbered.
Cuckold relationships are not about your wife being annihilated by some GODZILLA COCK. It’s about watching a woman take control of her sexuality and her own pleasure whether that pleasure is with you, her husband, or another male and then being supported by you, her husband, for doing so because you, her husband, find the power in her pleasure and control intoxicating.
Cuckolding is not about your wife fucking a new guy every night, nor is cuckolding about you being replaced by some moronic male with a big dick. When cuckolding is done right it brings a couple closer together not farther apart. That’s why when I hear this crap about women not having sex with their husbands anymore I have to point out that at that point you are no longer cuckolding your husband, you’re now in a full-time, lifestyle D&s relationship and I give it a very short amount of time before your relationship goes up in flames.
Bulls should never be more than fuck toys for women. Not boyfriends, not buddies, not someone you see several times a week or hang out having a beer with at your backyard BBQ. If this is truly to be about women taking what they want, when they want it while protecting, quite fiercely, their relationship, then seeing bulls as anything more than a dick is counterproductive because this isn’t about your wife living in a Harlequin Romance. It’s about sex, end of. It’s about a woman choosing who she wants to share her body with based on her desires in the moment. Not about some idiot with long, billowing, hair in a poet’s shirt and leather pants waiting to whisk her away. That’s YOUR job. The romance and the intimacy are for YOU. And that intimacy gets even stronger when you play the right way.
This type of relationship is meant to level the playing field. But men don’t like that. They have to insert their dicks into anything that women try to make their own. So now you have “professional bulls” who try to take over and destroy marriages, men beating their meat to the idea of another man taking over his home and life so much so that in many cases they actually let it happen. Then the husband can’t understand how he’s now living alone, no longer cuckolded and no longer married. And the wife can’t understand why Mr. Stud dumped her the minute she tossed her husband and the only one coming out on top is THE BULL! He’s laughing all the way to the bank in some cases. Husbands paying for these men to take their wives on tropical vacations, expensive dinners out without the husband and even alleged bulls getting paid a regular salary to keep fucking with the couple. And I’m not even touching the idea of women being bred by these guys, that’s a whole other topic and kink in itself and not necessarily a good one.
You boys forget that porn is ENTERTAINMENT, not reality, even if you’re watching what you think of as ‘real porn’ done by amateurs. It’s all done to get you to buy. But too many of you base your sex lives on the fantasy you’re watching. And much of what you see falls under the category of, just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
Cuckolding is about a couple who choose for their own personal reasons to have a female led relationship (and not always an FLR, but usually) whereby she controls everything, including the money along with having sex with other men. Now that sounds dry but when you have a submissive husband it’s heaven for them. Not because they’re wimps, quite the contrary. Cuckold husbands are some of the strongest males out there despite their sexual submissiveness. It takes balls of steel to watch your wife being pleasured by another man. So much so, that most men can’t handle even the thought of it and because they aren’t strong enough to handle it, they degrade the male who can handle it by referring to him as weak and any woman who engages in this, as a slut.
It’s not about women being hot enough to pass around like a fucking hot potato, or slutty enough to fuck a ton of guys. It’s about empowering women. And if you are a woman and you find yourself reading this I implore you to never refer to yourself using these terms, even if you’re in the adult business. It’s unnecessary and perpetuates a stereotype that makes women only something to be used.
And if you’re a man whose reading this you need to do some soul searching because if you can refer to your wife as a slut, then you certainly don’t care about her much. If you think of her as a hot wife, well, aren’t all wives hot? I mean you married her so I’m assuming you think she’s hot. It’s a bit redundant if you think about it. And they certainly don’t share pictures of their wives getting plowed by some guy without either of their knowledge with strangers on the internet, as many of you do.
Real men who are in to real cuckolding do so because they love watching their partners express their sexual confidence. They get off on seeing that confidence and passion in ways they can’t create themselves. They do it because they are proud of their wives for expressing their power and they find it exhilarating. And they never, ever refer to their wife as a slut or a whore because they are doing it for the right reason. They’re doing it because they love their wives. So what’s your reason? If it’s for anything other than what I just listed, you’re not a good candidate for cuckolding. You’re more likely a misogynist who cares only about his own satisfaction and not uplifting women, the way real men do.
What do you think? Sound off below.
Being in my late 70s with a wife much younger, I have ran on to this article at the right time. My wife is on the board of directors for a large company and she could become its president. She lacks the confidence, the empowerment, and the feel of freedom including sexual freedom. I have encouraged her throughout our marriage. I am her cheerleader. I was a successful businessman and I’ve had my 15 minutes a couple of times. I have diabetes. It restricts blood flow and curbs the nerve endings. I’m really not much good in bed anymore. I will gladly accept the submission role as a cuckold. But as you said, cuckolding is not entirely about sex. YES, she has expressed her desire to have a thicker cock in her. I believe cuckolding me would better our love, better our communication, and better our trust. I think she would discover a complete feeling of freedom more so than when she was single because of my love and support for her. Having sex with another man with her being in charge, having orgasms ftom a man’s cock and telling me to sit in a chair and do my thing, may boost her confidence in herself. She has never had an orgasm from my thin cock. I think it will empower her to think she CAN be in charge. Women have been sexually oppressed. I want to give her sexual freedom, confidence and empowerment. I’m about to have a talk with her. She’s a lovely lady.
I agree with your scientific ? and statistical analysis ? completely. I honestly only got into Cuckolding because dominant women make me really horny. Just like Dr ???? Sue said, my intoxication comes from seeing my wife or girlfriend full of self confidence and very strong. I think ? this could be evolutionary.
I also think, that this lifestyle could be another higher level of feminism… There are now 4 waves ? of feminism, this could be the final and fifth one ??.
I am 58. My wife is 40. Married 6 years. We are very much in love. Sex is good most of the time. But, I do have diabetes, low T, and periodic ED. So occasionally sex doesn’t work out. And I admit, I am not ferocious in bed. Yes I take care of her. But I would not be opposed for her to get ravished from time to time. I finally shared with her my interest in a one sided open relationship. We are slowly exploring together, I am a little farther along than she. But she acknowledged my feelings and thanked me for sharing. Says she has no problem with open communication, fantasies, etc. And she is processing and I know that takes time. She has requested we read some ficticious books containing some cuckolding scenarios. So I cautiously take that as a good sign. What I love about Dr. Sue’s comments are that cuckolding can be done in a responsible way whereby it works without the extreme bullshit, that is not for me. The “rules” Dr. Sue recommends are so helpful and essential to making cuckolding work in real life. I am not a sissy boy, gay, or anything else. I will confront any bull who thinks he is entitled to any more than servicing my wife for a few hours once a month. Or any intention of breaking up my marriage. So my point is, I am just a “normal” heterosexual male who just happens to be ok with the cuckolding kink. And I am not interested in another woman.
My wife and I have started our journey with a dildo as suggested. A little teasing and other fun things. Role play takes a little getting use to. My wife is hesitant to do more at this time. And I am not totally sure I can handle a the real thing yet. Maybe someday in the near future. Until then we follow Dr. Sue’s advice, slow it down, and use a toy.
Cuck angst is real. Not sure how that happened, but it turns me on. My number one goal is to make sure my wife’s wildest sexual needs are periodically met by someone other than me. For the periods in between I will happily do the best I can, and honestly I do pretty good. A second goal of ours is to see if our communication and trust will become deeper than it already is, if that is even possible. Doing the taboo without secrets. Sharing the excitement. Understanding each other in a most intimate way. Mind blowing!!
I hope my wife will embrace sexual freedom someday and use it to make our marriage more fulfilling, our bond tighter. I want her to appreciate me for being a guy who consents to this and understands I want the best for her. Please send encouragement as cuckolding is a thing that can really help people and marriages. I am ready to learn more. Thank you Dr. Sue!!!
That’s all wonderful BUT, you have to understand that this isn’t for all women. And if your wife only ever wants to role play and use the dildo and that’s as far as it goes, you will say, YES MA’AM and you won’t bug her for the sake of your penile happiness. RIGHT? This is about YOUR WIFE, not you. So it’s her decision in the end.
Dr. Sue. It finally happened for us this weekend. My wife talked face to face with another woman who was “experienced “. That was all she needed to say yes. My angst was harder than I thought. But my wife sat down with me for a couple of hours and talked me through it. – she said I have veto power, but she reminded me how badly I wanted it – and she also reassured me that nothing was going to change between us. When the Bull arrived and we met him for the first time, both of us breathed a sigh of relief. My favorite part while they were having sex was hearing the immense pleasure she was experiencing – like nothing I had heard before. The Bull even told me to come in the room and showed me some techniques I could use to please my wife. He was very laid back, polite, yet he ravished my wife for at least 2 hours without any hesitation. Boy was he good!!! She had at least 8 orgasms. Also we didn’t know she could squirt. She soaked several layers of bedding, sheets in the hotel room. Had to call housekeeping. Wife was totally exhausted, yet she was still incredibly horny after he left. It took me awhile to understand what the fuck he did to her. It was amazing. I thought I was good before, but nothing like this. My wife and I are already planning her next Bull. I can’t thank you enough Dr. Sue for the work you do. The gift of freedom my wife now feels changed her. She’s happier, more loving towards me, and for the first time admitted she held back verbalizing her fantasies because of her social conditioning. We are a Christian couple, but my wife said she will no longer be bound by beliefs that are not true and genuine. And we think the Bible gives consenting couples the right to do what they think is best for their marriage. Couples need to pay attention to this. It was 100% therapy for us. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We love you!! Keep up the incredible work you are doing.
A.S. Is my husband. I am the reluctant wife mentioned above. So to all wives out there with questions, it’s ok ask them, but don’t shut down the opportunity. It has been a very therapeutic weekend!!
Hello Dr. Sue. My wife had 3 more lovers in December 2022 and January 2023. We had one problem in January so we took a break. Essentially we tried to do too much with one encounter and we didn’t communicate well.
My wife came to me about 4 weeks ago and wanted to try again. She’s had 3 more lovers this month. Two were great and one just didn’t do it for her. The biggest trouble we are having is finding a Bull – the search goes on and it’s hard to be patient.
In the meantime we both enjoy learning more about cuckolding – we are finding nuisances we didn’t realize at first. Your articles and podcasts are very helpful, but we had to listen to them more than once to understand how to do cuckolding correctly. The best thing we did was work on shifting our mindset and get my wife to take the lead of her sexuality. That did not automatically happen. She was raised to be submissive and I, of course, was raised to be in control all the time. The first time we heard you say cuckolding is FLR, we didn’t believe FLR was essential. A few months later, and with some cuckolding experience, we heard you again, and realized we had to change. She is getting more comfortable with taking charge of her sexual freedom. I’m getting better at letting go. She still wants me to be the one spending the time and screening potential candidates. But, when she assumes control and texts the Bull on her own it is a better cuckolding experience. She finally is feeling empowered and letting go really does bring me more joy.
She is also getting better with mild humiliation – that didn’t happen automatically either, and takes time. Once she started make a few humiliating comments, she begin to see the fun and now humiliates a little more. We discussed what is fun humiliation.
The idea of Cleanup was disgusting for both of us at first. Then one day, while reclaiming, I dove in, I couldn’t help it. She was surprised how much fun it was. First, she just liked seeing me get excited. But, now she sees it as affirmation of our decision to have a cuckold marriage. Now She doesn’t have a lover without wanting me to do some Cleanup. I don’t feel gay or Bi, and the thought of cleanup alone is not stimulating. But, during the reclaiming phase, I view Cleanup as Hot sex with my wife without connecting it to homosexual behavior. Nothing wrong with homosexuality, I’m just not Gay. In your podcast about going too low in front of your wife, you may want to discuss cleanup.
At first we didn’t understand the difference between reclaiming and aftercare. There’s a big difference and Aftercare is important. Not sure everyone agrees, but we see aftercare as the transition between a BDSM scene and going back to real life – husband and wife living a normal life.
Lastly, we both initially thought of cuckolding as 24/7, the wife being a dictator and emotionally abusing her husband, etc. We now better realize it is a fun BDSM game we play periodically. We switch our roles easier and know what to expect and do. Then we transition back to “normal”.
Questions. First, is more research being done with Cuckolding? Second, would a National Bull education program and registry work?
Thanks again.
Glad to hear you’re coming along so well. In answer to your questions first, no there is no research being done in cuckolding and a National Bull education program and registry is good in theory but most couples especially cuckold’s don’t want moderation. They want extreme. So between getting couples to play smart and getting men to not only register but learn something they think they already know… I’m afraid I would remain doubtful that it would happen.
While I agree with much of this article, I have to object strenuously to something you say at the beginning, and in several of your other articles: “to have what men have had for thousands of years”. That is crap. That is total bullshit. For “thousands of years”, and even today around the world, MOST people – both male and female – have struggled at hard labor to eke out a meager living. Such men do not have the time or the energy or the opportunity to screw around. A tiny, tiny, TINY subset of the male population have had lives of privelege which enable them to have multiple sexual partners, but these rare individuals are not representative of the male gender as a whole.
I don’t think it’s as tiny a subset as you think AW. But I get your point.