Jamie writes:
Hi i am a married guy who about 10 years ago lost everything to a Wonderful Mistress. i swore i would never do this again but there’s always this burning desire deep inside me to do it all over again.??
Let me say that this is a common question or inquiry that I get a lot. Why is that after losing everything, or throwing out my lingerie, or not going to the glory holes do I continue to crave it? The answer is basically two fold. In one respect you could be having addiction issues. Mind you in Jamie’s case after 10 years you’d think he would 
be okay by now. Truth is if it’s an addiction issue you never lose your craving for it. Just like a smoker never stops craving the cigarette or the alcoholic still craves alcohol. That’s why you find most refer to themselves as ‘reformed’ or ‘recovering.’ We’ve all heard that an alcoholic is always an alcoholic. Same thing here.
The other issue with this is that in many cases if it’s a true fetish it’s an innate part of who you are. You can’t run from who you are. You can shelve it for a while but the desire will always be there. The key is obviously not to indulge if you know this is a behavior that you cannot control for whatever reason. Easier said than done but it really is that clear. You need to be responsible for your own behavior. Will you have cravings? Yup, but it’s up to you if you cave to your crave.
I do want to point one thing out though. Notice how Jamie refers to his Mistress that he lost everything to as WONDERFUL. That tells me that even though he lost his shirt he still thinks of her fondly. This what the naysayers of the world need to understand and let go of. If someone wants to indulge in Financial Domination or any other fetish because it makes them feel good, then let it go and let them do what they want. Like children you have to let them fall and learn on their own. It’s not your concern. Stop condemning what you don’t understand.
I’m off my soapbox now 🙂
Hi Dr Sue,
here we go again. I just got approved for a loan to pay off 20k of credit card debt. Should have money in 3 days. I can hear my drink glass and feel the loss of control about to happen in more ways than one. The urge is off the charts. Feels so real
thank you for all you do
gweggy
Good boy
I don’t condemn financial domination. I just don’t fully understand it. I don’t it’s something I would be into anyway.
Wouldn’t this be considered a paraphilia? Or am I getting it all wrong? I have fetishes trust me, I am a 24/7 kink loving bdsm lifestylist and to mention it is also my job. To me it just sounds like he has a lack in self control.
I agree with your analogy comparing an out of control fetishist to an alcoholic, Dr. Sue. That’s exactly what I was talking about when I wrote you asking if it is safe to nurture a fetish. For one person, who has it in perspective, maybe it is. For another, it may be debilitating.
Another point analogous to an alcoholic is a fetishist may have to hit rock bottom before they get jolted back into reality. Jamie, having lost his shirt to his mistress, yet still craves her, hasn’t hit that point yet. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy. I think any activity that comes to the point of irresistibility, despite destructive consequences in your life, is an addiction that requires help. I guess that makes me one of the naysayers 😉
As far as a fetish being an innate part of who one is, I partially agree. For someone who fetishizes and object such as shoes or a body part, feet for example, that may be. I think there is a direct link to that particular object that was implanted at an early age. Other fetishes may not necessarily be about the act itself, but about a more generic need such as losing control. I think financial domination fits into this generic category, but I don’t have this fetish so maybe I’m wrong.
In any case, maybe someone who is out of control could find a different fetish that meets the same need (without the life altering consequences), much like a smoker may turn to chewing gum or using a patch as a substitute for the cigarette.
That’s it for my soapbox speech too 😉 Nice to have you back, Dr. Sue!
Very well said Pat, as usual. You are absolutely right on all points. What I’ve found is that the object fetish usually leads to trolling, which leads to “oh look, I never knew Financial Domination existed, this looks interesting…” and so it goes. And thank you, it’s good to be back but I’d still expect interruptions here and there, the issues with my Mom are ongoing but we finally have a good team of people working on it.