Ask Dr Sue

Poppers and Domination

Rich writes:

“i have to admit i’m kind of green with this question as i don’t know much about it or the attraction, but i’ve never engaged in it myself. My question is many Findom’s make these videos, but instruct the purchaser of the video or potential slave to inhale poppers through out the clips. May i ask do you have any idea what these poppers do to enhance the videos, i mean what is it supposed to do to the man/sub.”

First of all Rich, let me explain what poppers are for anyone who doesn’t know. Poppers are a from a class of chemicals called alkyl nitrate. Most of us know them more commonly as amyl nitrate.

Poppers come in tiny glass bottles filled with the chemical. You’ll see them promoted under lots of crazy names like Rush, Jungle Juice or Maximum Impact. When you open the bottle there is a distinct odor that smells like video head cleaner, which is how they used to be marketed because they fall in to a grey area when it comes to legality.

Poppers came to fame during the sixties and seventies in the gay clubs as they were thought to have a relaxing effect on smooth muscles such as throat and anus. But what it also does is give you a brief euphoric high.

You crack popper bottle and take a deep breath then hold it and exhale and you get a head rush that many men find arousing. It makes you floaty not unlike taking several shots of alcohol but it wears off rather quickly which is why you see in the videos you mentioned, the women instructing men to do it again and again.

This practice isn’t just FinDom based it’s used widely in all areas of not just domination but sexual play of many kinds. The idea behind using the poppers in the case of domination or financial domination is to get the subject high and then instructing them to give them money. It’s a form of forced intoxication not unlike when women get guys to get drunk for the same reason.

Like I said, poppers fall in to a grey area legally and you would need to check your local laws to see if you can purchase them. If not you can always buy them online.

BUT… like everything there is a caveat. Inhaling chemicals of any kind is risky and there is no difference with poppers. You have to understand that you are fucking with your brain which I don’t recommend to anyone. I get why men like them, I get why women use them in their repertoire but I don’t think it’s wise. It’s actually quite dangerous.

Inhaling too much amyl can run from a brutal headache to unconsciousness, seizures and death. Just like anything else too much of a fun thing can be bad for you. So clearly you have to be careful playing because if you have any pre-existing medical conditions or even conditions you might not know about this could cause a serious health issue.

So there ya go Rich. You’ve just had your popper education for the day. Definitely a play at your own risk situation.

Are Most Beta Males Cuckolds?

Articles, Ask Dr Sue, Cuckolding

Rick in the UK writes:

Dear Dr. Sue,

I came across a cuckold’s blog who was in awe of black men and their size, whilst talking on behalf of white men being totally inadequate with regard to all this, which gave me a thought; are most beta males potentially cuckolds who have been prevented by society from being their true selves?

I only ask because I consistently notice that white beta males, and particularly millennial men, don’t question multiculturalism, unlike Alpha males, who surely instinctively see other tribes as a threat to their own women and everything else. It has also been suggested that white single women favour multiculturalism because it is nothing more than a giant shit test for their own men and the patriarchy as a whole too.

Thanks,

First of all thank you Rick for writing in such an awesome question. Unfortunately it’s a question that has no real definitive answer. Only because when we start to talk sociology there are an infinite number of possible outcomes. I think the key to your questions lies in one word, ‘most.’

…are most beta males potentially cuckolds who have been prevented by society from being their true selves?

The answer to that is it’s possible. Where it unravels is in difference and choice. I think many beta males would love to be cuckolded but not all. I will say that I do believe that society prevents all beta males from being their true selves regardless of their individual kinks.

We raise all of our male children to be strapping, alpha men. We push them in to sports, we shove toy guns in their hands at a young age and in many cases we even teach them to stuff their feelings down. It’s sad and it’s wrong. It puts undue pressure on men to be something deep down inside they aren’t.

I can’t tell you the number of calls I get from men who are in complete inner turmoil about the fact that they shouldn’t be having submissive thoughts at all. That it means they’re weak. And THAT is sad and wrong. Submissive doesn’t equal weak. It never has but pop culture and the media would like you to believe that it does.

As for the multicultural aspects of cuckolding I can tell you that you’re right there are two schools of thought. There are many black men, regardless of their D&s position who feel that interracial breeding is actually ruining the black race. That by breeding with a white female you are essentially diluting the race. Which in biological terms it does.

But there is also the school of thought that by breeding with what society deems as the perfect female which unfortunately is a blonde haired, blue-eyed, white woman, that you are taking the best of both races and combining it to be a ‘perfect child.’ And when you think about it both theories are correct.

Now when it comes to women and multiculturalism you’ll have that same multi-layered effect. Are some women banging black men as a giant fuck you to white guys and possible men in general? I personally don’t know of anyone with that motive but I have no doubt that it’s out there. Just as much as the reparation thread runs between alpha black males and cuckolded white males. If you think that black men aren’t fucking white women in front of their husbands because it’s another giant FUCK YOU to the white man you’d be mistaken. They are and they are more than happy to tell you that.

From my own experience and those of other FLR wives who are in to interracial sex, remember not everyone is, we fuck black men because they fuck better than white men. It’s really that simple. I have found that even the most alpha of white men don’t hold a candle to black men. Sorry gentlemen but my beautiful boys of color are better at it than you. Don’t believe me? You can test it yourself simply by analyzing porn. There is an innate quality that black men have that isn’t in the white male; primal confidence. And it cannot be replicated.

White, alpha, males come from a place of desperation and fear. They try too hard. They are constantly trying to prove their alpha-ness. But black alpha males don’t need to; they just know they’re the best. That’s as simple as I can boil it down. And that confidence plays a huge roll in the bedroom.

Look at racist white males for example. Now there is an exaggerated form of what I’m talking about. They fear men of color. Why? Because they know that they suck and they know what they did and they fear it being done to them. Even if it’s not conscious, which it won’t be, that fear is being replicated generation after generation. Whereas alpha black males are more like the characters portrayed in Black Panther. There’s my pop culture reference for the day. But do you see the confidence that every person of color portrayed in that film? Wakanda Bitch!! That’s what white men fear. That’s why they teach their sons to shoot and protect their poor, frail, little white wives from the big, bad, black man. It’s why they sleep with guns under their pillows. They know if given a chance their frail, white wife would probably have a kick ass time with the scary, black man. And because of that fear now anyone of color has to sleep with a gun under their pillow because they fear getting their ass capped by a nervous white dude.

Okay that’s a bit over simplified but it illustrates my point. You see how the confidence is different? That plays out in the bedroom and women love it. And beta white males love it because they know they can’t compete. It’s part of the mind fuck. They know they’re looking at a more superior race and more superior cock than their own and they LOVE it.

So you see how there is no real answer because there are so many different motivations, opinions and feelings involved.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments below.

Clean up Duty

Articles, Ask Dr Sue

James writes:

I just wanted to get your thoughts on cleanup duty as it relates to cuckolds? I’m not saying anyone should be forced to, but I think in general that cucks that have a small penis should be eating semen produced by men with larger penises, either in-person immediately after ejaculation, or after that fact (such as a used condom being brought home, etc). But only from safe and trusted sources of course.

I have a 4.5″ penis, which according to your article is pretty small. It is a little above the 3-4″ range you gave for not being pleasurable to a woman, but I don’t think the half inch will make much difference. Also, one doesn’t necessarily need to have a wife or girlfriend to be a cuckold and even eat semen.

I actually have a female friend that I am not romantic with, but she and her husband know I’m submissive and have a small penis and so she occasionally teases me about that and also saves her husbands ejaculate from his 8 inch penis in her freezer in 2oz containers. When it is full (about 12-15 loads), she gives it to me to eat.

My thoughts on clean up duty. Well James, I, like you, think that if you want to eat a bull’s cum you go right ahead and do so. It’s up to the couple what they want to try.

However, I’ve found that most cuckold males, because they are submissive, will already want to perform clean up duty and eat cum. It’s part of being in the submissive state. Nothing better than sliding your tongue in to a yummy cream pie. Even worshipping a big cock is part of being in the submissve state.

So my thoughts are, if you like what you’re doing then go ahead and do it. You’re just lucky you have a couple to play with. Most men don’t. So enjoy!

What Penis Size Do Women Really Want?

Articles, Ask Dr Sue

Rick writes:

Dear Dr. Sue, I have just read your article on penis size and would like to know your thoughts on a recent study which found that the global average to be 5.2″ long using precise methodology rather than self reporting. The same study also found that women’s preferred average size for both one-night stands and long-term was approx. 6.3″ long / 4.8″ thick. Some observers have considered that those who come forward for tests are confident about their size as well, meaning that the real average amongst the general population could be lower. The reason I ask is that I have come across quite a few submissive cuckoldresses’ adult dating profiles who often request well-hung, VWE, 7″+ etc – so is this the size in reality they are looking for? When you look at further studies, men in excess of 7″+ are perhaps 1 in every 20, again based on data that might be generally skewed because of the subjects’ confidence in coming forward. Many thanks,

First of all Rick, the words ‘submissive cuckoldress’ to me are an oxymoron. The entire basis of cuckolding is that it is a female led relationship. But the more this catches on in the mainstream the more it’s becoming bastardized. I know that’s not your fault but just know that if you have it in your head that women take a backseat to the bull in the relationship then you have it backwards.

As for the issue with penis size. It has been my observation that most women want larger penises. They want to feel deeply penetrated. The problem is when you ask a woman what they want, they lie. They instinctively say, “Oh it’s not a problem. I don’t care how big he is.” That’s a knee jerk programmed reaction. When you press these women to choose between a 4″ and 8″ penis they always take the 8″. I showed this during my show on penis size. [Posted Below] You’ll hear when I push them past that automatic, “It’s not the size, it’s what you do with it,” reaction, that they want the bigger size.

But to be fair it does depend on the woman. Some women are frightened of big cocks. I find most ladies who are afraid of them have never had them or if they did the guy was too rough and didn’t know how to use the damn thing.

So will we ever find out what women really want? Not until we can get everyone to stop playing games and answer honestly.

Addicted to Giving

Articles, Ask Dr Sue

Rich writes:

Hello Dr. Sue, i guess this is more of a comment. I have always been amazed when a finsub will actually spend beyond his means while being the property of a Fndom. I mean even setting major bills aside just to tribute what his Mistress requires. For example at the end of 2016 while paying tribute to my Mistress with her demands, i was able to pay off my mastercard, i felt great. Now at the close of 2017 my credit card was back up to just over 11,000. I had even said to myself i wasn’t going to let that happen and it did.

You face what almost every single finsub faces – the addiction of giving.

Just like I wrote in, Why Do We Engage in Risky Behavior?, you become addicted to the dopamine rush you get each time you tribute. And, like any junkie, there will be times when you get yourself under control just like you did in 2016. You got your shit together and paid-off that card while maintaining your relationship and tribute levels to your Goddess. Well done! Like you said you were really proud of yourself and rightfully so.

But then one day on a whim you gave a bit more than you normally would because you knew the card was empty, (after all you don’t cancel a paid-off card that’s what ‘they’ teach you right?), so you think, “ah no big deal, there’s nothing on the card what harm could a few bucks be?” Your brain is jonesin for the dopamine rush so it’s nudging you on because it knows that there’s a pay-off with extra tributes. Extra tributes equal more Drain-High, (a term I coined about that intense arousal you experience each time you tribute; the more you’re drained the higher you get), and before you know it you’re pushing SEND on whatever payment platform you happen to be on and your dick is in your other hand and you’re wanking (if allowed) like a maniac because NOTHING feels this fucking good. Sound about right?

This goes on for a while and before you know it, just like you said, the once paid-off credit card is now back up to it’s limit and probably higher because your bank(s) would have enticed you a couple of times with limit increases. And here you sit, back in debt but the really weird part is, even that is turn-on on some level.

You are on the same hampster wheel as most humans on this planet. Whether it’s porn, BDSM, food, booze, drugs, shopping or whatever your particular vice happens to be, and we all have them in some way or another, it’s very easy to fall under addiction’s evil spell. And THAT is what your economy is based on. Consume.

What do they call you when you buy something? A consumer. We don’t even really give much thought to that word, that’s how programmed we are. Everything is based on the masses consuming goods. How do we do that? We create fear and continuous stress. Think about this past year as an example. Doesn’t matter what country in the world you live in you heard a continuous cacophony of Trump. And that creates stress whether you’re for him or against him, doesn’t matter. It’s been non-stop upheaval. Non-stop change. And humans HATE change, it makes us nervous and edgy; it makes us sick.

Notice your addictions creeping back in to your behavior this past year? Maybe you have been sober for several years and have started hearing, ‘what could one hurt?’ more lately. Sound familiar? This low-grade continous stress is what’s doing it. So now you wake up a year later and you’re back in debt going, “Wtf just happened? Everything was fine a minute ago.”

We all know everything is good in moderation but let’s face it if we could live life moderately no one would have any of these issues.

And I’d love to say that I have a magical pill that will cure you of your addiction issues but the reality is, there is no pill. It takes strength and determination to kick anything. It takes really wanting to change.

BOOM!

There’s the other one, why would you want to change this behavior when it feels so good? Sending that money or buying that gift feels like electricity going through you, nothing makes your dick harder. Wanting to change is the hardest one of all Dorothy. And all the heel clicking in the world won’t help you if you don’t want to.

But when you’re ready, you will. Unfortunately when it comes to pumping your system full of chemicals you don’t always hit, ready, before you slip home.

So where does this leave you Rich? Even though you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you, cause, well, that’s me. You know how to reel yourself in because you’ve done it before. Just repeat that pattern. Realize that without you knowing it you’ve been under more stress than usual coming from sources beyond your control but now that you know about them you can do what you can to eliminate or diminish their effects on you by shutting off the news i.v. in whatever form(s) you get it in. Learn to meditate, it’s not fruity, it’s real. And think…moderation. Don’t chastise yourself. Don’t freak out and say you’re stopping findom forever. Just snap yourself further out of your coma and grab the reins again.

You need to go back to ‘conscious consuming.’ The past year you’ve been ‘unconscious consuming or zombified consuming,’ and banks love that. They sit there salivating with every dollar you put on credit. So give your head a shake, come out of the fog and go back to consciously consuming again. Consider it more like you wandered off-track and now you just need to wander back on it again. But you don’t spend your time, off-track beating yourself up for being off-track, it makes no sense and you stagnate. Now you’re not moving on either track you’re just standing there like an idiot yelling at yourself. Just stop that and simply own it, ‘I fucked up but I’m moving back on track.’ Done. Then give it no more thought.

We complicate and dramatize things. We throw the word addiction around a lot too and usually it’s not an addiction unless we see an issue like Rich’s where he’s gone in to heavy debt or if you start compromising other parts of your life; your job, your relationships, etc. Regardless of what type of addiction or craving you’re dealing with you have to begin with saying you’ll stop being so hard on yourself, you’re already under pressure, don’t make it worse for no reason. Get back on your track/path and watch what you’re doing. If you want to ask for help from your deity of choice, feel free to pray for strength, but know that you already have everything you need…you know what to do.

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