Cuckolding

The Quiet Quitting of Men Sexually

Articles, Cuckolding, The Submissive Mind

You may have heard the term “quiet quitting” in the media lately. It is primarily used to describe employees who have chosen to put in the least amount of effort into their jobs. It means that basically the employee is “phoning it in.” They have lost their enthusiasm and just don’t care anymore but they don’t leave the job.

What I have noticed is that this behavior extends beyond that of the work place and is now showing up in different areas of life and for the purposes of this article I’m talking about the quiet quitting of men sexually.

More and more I hear about men who have, for one reason or another, decided to quietly disconnect from their wives and surprisingly it has connections to cuckolding.

What do I mean when I say that men are quietly quitting their sex lives within a relationship? Well what I and others have been observing are husbands/spouses who want their wives to cuckold them so much that they feel by turning off their sex lives with their wives that this will then spur them on to find another lover. I’ve even heard of men who are letting themselves go physically along with the sex shut down; men gaining copious amounts of weight and quite literally going so far as to make themselves unattractive to their chosen mate all for the sake of pushing their partner into someone else’s arms.

To say this is disgusting doesn’t even scratch the surface of description for this type of behavior. Men everywhere are addicted to porn to such a degree that they are choosing the porn over actual sex with their wives. They are choosing to create their beloved porn scenes by quietly disconnecting from their spouse and according to these men, making it all but impossible for their wives NOT to have an affair.

This type of behavior is beyond the stratosphere of selfishness and catapults it into a bizarre form of narcissism. These Jabba males feel that if they make themselves repulsive they will eventually get what they want, a wife who will cuckold him or at the very least she will leave him for another male which is also incredibly erotic to these men. Relationship be damned, love be damned these guys want what they want and they are willing to basically kill themselves to get it.

When I discuss this with real cuckolds who understand what cuckolding is truly about they get visibly irritated with these guys. Cuckold’s who know that the lifestyle is not about them but about their partner see this as the weakest form of male conduct and they don’t believe they should be calling themselves cuckolds because they don’t deserve the title.

There are wives ‘out there’ right now who are scratching their heads wondering what happened to their relationship. Why does he not want to have sex anymore? Why is he letting himself go to the point of only playing video games and stuffing his face with fast food? Why is the man I loved doing this? What did I do to create this? Because don’t forget as women, the first thing we do is blame ourselves. Where did my husband go?

He’s gone to his basement or closet or wherever he hides to watch his beloved porn and masturbate. He doesn’t want to have sex with his wife anymore because in his mind being cuckolded is more important than a healthy relationship. He rubs one out because in his mind it’s the best orgasm he’s ever had watching cuckold degradation porn. THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS DAMN IT and no one is going to stop him from either getting his wife to have an affair or leave him all together. No matter what, the pursuit of creating that porn for himself becomes tantamount to anything else in his life. The idea of being left in the dust is his entire being now.

The thing is there’s no discussion about what he’s doing with his partner. There is no communication. Perhaps he’s asked her to cuckold him and she either didn’t understand it or thought it was stupid, so there’s no point in talking about it anymore so the easiest thing to do is to completely disconnect and quietly quit the marriage. But in most cases there is no discussion at all about anything. He has never expressed his intention to his wife, he has never told her what he wants and why, he just shuts down, which then leaves his wife in the position of not understanding what the hell went wrong when what the hell went wrong was her husband became a porn addicted moron who thinks that life is only about sex and the next orgasm. Not once thinking that PORN IS ENTERTAINMENT and NOT REAL LIFE. These are also the men who because of their low self-esteem are joining the whole pussyfree thing without telling their partners as well, once again leaving their wives wondering what the fuck. They literally don’t care about their wives which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what cuckolding is about.

So ladies, if you find yourself in this position I would suggest checking his phone and computer for his porn outlets and then confronting him with what you’ve found. If he is wanking it to interracial and/or cuckold porn the likelihood of him going down this road is very high. The problem is, if he doesn’t get REAL psychiatric help this won’t change. His addictions have become his whole life and as with any addiction, everyone and everything else in this world can piss off for the sake of his next fix. So if he refuses to get help you have to make a choice yourself. Carry on with this vile behavior and pretend everything is normal and be miserable, or leave his ass and move on with someone more deserving of your love and attention. Personally I’d choose option B because there is nothing worse than watching someone you love spiral out of control and into an early grave and anyone who would choose this over their relationship isn’t worth your time.

I will even go so far as to say that even if you did cuckold him. Even if you chose to make him happy and have sex with other men it will never be enough. He’ll want more and more because his high will need more and more stimulation to get him off. He’ll want to you have a ‘boyfriend’, he’ll want you to go away on vacay with your new boyfriend, he will start to crave sucking your new boyfriend’s cock and more. My point is nothing will satisfy someone with this type of mental illness because they will always be searching for a bigger and better high. And there is no difference between what your guy is doing and having a heroin addiction; the intoxicating substances in this case being dopamine, serotonin and orgasms.

Unless your man, and I use that term very lightly, wants to change what he’s doing NOTHING YOU DO will change him. It’s not your job, it’s his. So jumping through hoops will only frustrate you because it will never be good enough. He’s lost down the porn rabbit hole and as I said, you deserve a better life than trying to please a narcissist.

The Truth About Pussyfree White Boys

Articles, Cuckolding, Humilation, The Submissive Mind

The Truth About Pussyfree Whitebois

I’ve done a few shows on the subject of the Pussyfree Whiteboi “gang” for lack of a better word. But I know that many of you would rather read than listen to a podcast so I’m going to go over my take on this entire subject.

For those of you who aren’t aware, the entire lifestyle of cuckolding has been degraded and one of the factions of this degradation is this pussyfree whiteboi mentality. I hesitate to call it a group or a movement because of its absurdity. It genuinely is a mental state more than an ideology although they would beg to differ on that.

Cuckolding in its true form is one of female empowerment, not something for perverted males to see “done to their wives.” It was originally based on the same principles that men have lived by for millennia that being, “if I’m horny I’ll fuck who I want, not who is expected for me to fuck.”

The closest thing cuckolding comes to is swinging and one could argue that cuckolding is an off-shoot of that lifestyle, the difference being the female takes the lover she wants and the male does not nor does he engage in the scene at all.

But once again we can’t possibly let women have something for themselves and as time went on the internet exploded and so did the information and porn on the subject. Males incapable of living moderately are always looking for their next sexual high and cuckolding became the porn du jour. Combine the voyeuristic aspects with women fucking, in some cases, massive cocks and you have a porn addicts’ wet dream. Now sprinkle in, “what if it was my wife or girlfriend,” with a little thread of humiliation and it just skyrockets the average male libido into the stratosphere. And of course the porn industry, such as it is now, will always cater to whatever the trend is on any given day and at the time cuckold porn was what all the cool kids were watching. After all it IS a business.

God forbid a woman be “allowed” to choose her lover and enjoy the sex she wants, no no, we can’t have that. So the extremists (yes there are extremists in everything not just politics and religion) decided to push the envelope and what has happened is the once female empowering sexual lifestyle starts to change into being all about a ‘wife’ getting annihilated by massive cocks. You’ve read some of my articles on this change, I’ve bitched about it for a while now.

And of course, because men cannot be happy with what they have and, as I said earlier, simply must strive for that next high, porn changed yet again. Now cuckolding has eliminated the need for women at all. Which I might add, means it’s no longer cuckolding by-the-way. Now it’s all about the destruction of white men by black men.

You see cuckolding started to really lean hard into the interracial thing because usually a woman was trying to find larger cock and who has the proverbial big dick more than black men? When cuckold porn swung hard into interracial the game changed.

What has happened is one of the most fascinating and pathetic psychological changes. It is well known that the primary purchaser (yeah, right, like you guys pay for your porn) of porn is white males. And it was white males who were wanting to see women, primarily white, being pummelled by big, scary, dark penis but something else happened as well. The men watching this porn started to become fixated on black cock, not the pussy it was pounding. And the producers, many of whom are black males, realized that this was the best way to program white men. Think about it, if most white guys are watching an average of an hour a day of porn even three times a week, and that’s being conservative, think of what you can do to someone’s mind with that type of attention and time.

They realized that it was their cocks that were the prize, not the pussy getting the cock and the porn changed to white male destruction porn. And I’ll be honest with you, fair enough. If you guys are willing to allow yourselves to be programmed this way, that’s on you.

So now the porn involved the degradation of the ‘husband’ or ‘cuck’ in the porn. It became about seeing the ‘cuck’ pummelled by penis and not the pussy. It is now about watching a man lose his sense of self-worth only to become addicted to superior, black, cock. And not just a purveyor of big, black, cock porn, no now it’s about losing your entire soul to these alpha males. Giving up your family, your money, your career and everything you worked for up to be able to do one of three things; wank off only to interracial porn with your friends online, actually serve an alpha black male by offering up your holes, or by offering your money or both. Wives be damned, children be damned, professions be damned.

Once these ‘men’ make the decision to be pussyfree for the sake of black cock they are sinking to levels of narcissism that are mind boggling. We don’t just jerk our lives away that would be too easy. No you see in order for these weak, feeble, worthless males to sleep at night this is all done under the guise of, are you ready for this… SACRIFICE.

Yes you heard it right. You see they feel that they are sacrificing their sex lives for the sake of the BLACK NEW WORLD ORDER. I’m sorry but this is the most hysterical thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Why? Because 99.9% of these males couldn’t get laid in a woman’s prison if they paid for it. They are the incels, the pitiable idiots who are living in mommy’s basement. Not because of the economy, I get that a lot of people have to move back home right now, no these are the ones who were already in that basement prior to the pandemic and all hell breaking loose.

These anemic males have the audacity to think they are doing a service to humanity by SACRIFICING a sex life they never had in the first place. Who are you kidding? No one was breaking down your door before so what exactly is it that you’re sacrificing?

Now let’s add in the layer of those who are married or with someone who choose to go down this path. What gives you the right to decide that you will never have sex with your wife again? Misogyny at its finest you pea-brained morons. Let alone those of you who ‘choose’ to destroy not only your life but the lives of your wife and kids for the sake of a stroke, really?

As I’ve said before, if you’re single and you want to throw your life away because you can’t possibly compete in the bedroom against a black man, you do you boo! No one wanted you before and that won’t change so if you want to throw your life away, have at ‘er. But when you start to fuck with other people, now you’re in douche territory and that is where many of you are sitting right now.

So you can hide behind your theology of somehow sacrificing nothing for your ‘cause.’ Whatever helps you sleep at night. But in the end everyone can see exactly what you are; controlled, weak, torpid, miserable, useless males of the human species. You are NOT helping the black race move forward, you are just being your typical privileged, selfish, white, male selves, only thinking about your own satisfaction. Your alleged, black new world order erases black women completely. So how does that move the black race forward? Watching white “snow bunnies” get fucked by black cock serves only one thing, you. Oh sure maybe you’re entertainment to some black masters but know this, once you’re broken you then become of no value at all. These black alpha males don’t give a rat’s ass about you. They hate you. So when you have no worth, and let’s face it a video game that you’ve played to the end is no longer any fun to play, you will be discarded like the garbage you are. Not even your black master will be bothered with you and you’ll be left alone, with no money, no friends, no family, and no life. But here’s the really fucked up part about all of this, that last sentence just turned you on, didn’t it? So get off the cross, we need the wood.

And by-the-way I’m well aware that not all of you pfwb’s are in fact, Caucasian but that’s even worse if you think about it.

Is Will Smith a Cuckold?

Articles, Cuckolding

Well this is an article I never thought I’d be writing. But Nissa on Twitter brought up the subject to me and after talking to Amelia Divine I was shocked to hear that there is some ridiculous ‘theory’ that Will Smith is a cuckold and that when he slapped Chris Rock that he was trying to assert his manhood.

I don’t know what goes on at your knitting circles gurls but y’all have been sniffing way too many poppers. So in the spirit of trying to correct misinformation I’m going to explain Will & Jada to those of you who, for some reason, don’t get it.

Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are in an OPEN relationship. This means that they decided because they spend large amounts of time away from one another that they would give a green light to either one having sex with other people within the rules that they agreed upon. Jada broke those rules by having sex behind his back, thus she cheated. Why? Because she broke the rules they set out as a couple. It ceases to be an open relationship when there is deception because once you have deception what goes along with it are betrayal, resentment and distrust. All of this they have be very open about publically.

Will Smith was not trying to gain his manhood back from some perceived devaluation of him to cuckold status. He is a broken man. A man who is struggling. A man who is dealing with a lot of demons that none of us are privy to, nor should we be. He was upset because Christ Rock made a joke about Jada’s hair which due to her battle with alopecia, she now chooses to be very beautifully bald.

Did Chris Rock know about her alopecia? I’ve heard no but that’s not the point. Will Smith committed a felony on live worldwide TV. Not because he was trying to whip his dick around but because he saw Jada roll her eyes when Chris Rock made the joke. He was triggered in that moment. Not because he was trying to ‘be a man’ but because he saw his wife hurting. Was it right? Fuck no. But it is what it is.

And just so you gossiping queens can be even more clarified like butter I’ll explain, very simply, the different types of alternative relationships.

What is a Poly Relationship?

Poly, as the name implies means more than one. In poly relationship you love more than one person. They also tend to live in what are known as poly pods. This is NOT just based on sex. These are several people men and women who all love each other. Again, each pod will have its own rules. Want to learn more about Poly relationships? Listen to my show on Poly Relationships with Domina Kiara and Daddy Matt.

What is a Swinging?

Well I shouldn’t have to tell you this one. It’s one of the most widely accepted sex practices in the world. This is based solely on sex. It’s where couples have sex with other singles and couples, sometimes in group settings and sometimes in smaller settings. Swinging is not a relationship, it’s just a sexual lifestyle.

What is a Cuckold Relationship?

A cuckold relationship is an offshoot of swinging but usually goes deeper than just sex depending on how the couple decides to play. In this relationship, usually the woman is in charge especially in the bedroom. It is about a woman exerting her sexual power and preference the same way men have been doing for centuries. She has sex with other men, based on the rules the couple sets out and the husband usually but not always watches but doesn’t participate. If he participates it is no longer cuckolding, it’s swinging.

A cuckold is NOT weak, a loser, broke or stupid although they are portrayed that way because they choose not to follow societal standards. Most cuckolds are very successful men who simply enjoy watching their wife be sexually satisfied by another man. That’s why many cuckolds are not cuckolds they are simply voyeurs. It only becomes a true cuckold relationship when the woman is having sex with whomever she wants, the husband is not, and she runs the show.

What I find hilarious when people put cucks down when who do you think ran the households in most families in the fifties, sixties and seventies? The wife. She handled all the finances and ran the house. She just wasn’t fucking who she wanted or if she was she didn’t say anything. But now, for some reason, cuckolding has been labelled as a weak man’s game when in fact it takes HUGE BALLS to watch someone you love have sex with someone else.

There are obviously many more alt relationship types but these are the main ones and clearly the ones that needed to be interpreted. And so is Will Smith a cuckold? The answer is a resounding NO.

Now let’s try to spread joy instead of unsubstantiated gossip, shall we?

Ask Dr Sue – Perception is Everything in Cuckolding

Articles, Ask Dr Sue, Cuckolding

N writes:

“I’m 28 and cuckolding was something that aroused me since my early 20s. It stems from my desire for submission and humiliation which grew stronger over time.

There are two things that stop me from experience either a scene like this, or a cuckold relationship. First being the fantasy vs reality part. Since a lot of things are best kept as a fantasy. Perhaps I’m not really into this in reality.

Yet when I hear a woman talking about cheating on an ex of hers, or reading real experiences about women that degrade their boyfriends behind their back with other men. I get an instant erection and heart palpitations.

Secondly, is the kind of person that I am. Obviously being submissive and/or a cuckold, doesn’t mean that someone is physically or mentally weak or unattractive. I’m good looking and I don’t have an issue with finding a partner for sex. And who I am is completely opposite of these sexual desires, so to speak. Which makes it more difficult for me to accept a role that would put me in this position. And at the same time it makes it more intense, since humiliation is arousing to me. It “hurts” more because of that. Kind of like <<the bigger they are, the harder they fall>>.

The summer that passed, I met a young girl that’s super submissive. We were chatting quite a bit. After a week or so, we met and kissed for hours, then we kept talking online. She liked me a lot and was interested in trying a dominant role with me. She enjoys being masochistic and submissive to dominant people, and shared a fantasy of hers. She’d like to keep a guy waiting for her while she’s busy with other people. Even sent a picture of a used condom after she had sex to tease me.

I shared a few desires of mine with her. But of course not the whole truth (a lot of things that interest me and most likely her as well). And that’s due to the two reasons that I mentioned above.

Not having masturbated for a while and/or being a little intoxicated, makes it easier for me to open up. You know how it goes.

Hell, I even wished that she or other women would somehow learn this side about me and then I’d be “forced” to be honest.

With all that being said. My question is how do I approach this if I decide to get serious about it? I even thought of having someone “expose” me to them, or even paying a dominant person online to do so. Not any random person, of course.

What do you think?”

You open up a myriad of complex issues here N but I’ll try to weave this in such a way that will make sense to you and anyone else who is reading this.

I think too many men think that if they are submissive that is all they are. We tend to think of things in black or white terms and that doesn’t work with sex or many things actually.

Just because you have a sexually submissive side doesn’t mean that is all of who you are. We are all both dominant and submissive, we just tend to lean more towards one or the other but depending on the circumstances and people involved we can switch. For example, I don’t think if I was holding your mother at gunpoint you’d get all submissive in the moment. I believe that how you are identifying yourself could be the issue. You may not even be a cuckold you could be a voyeur. You boys tend to base your sexual identities on what porn you watch forgetting that porn is entertainment, even the amateur shit.

So part of what you could do is to shift your perception. You are a guy who enjoys some submissive stuff in the bedroom. Doesn’t mean you can’t be dominant in the bedroom too, just means you like to do both including possibly watching your partner have sex with someone else. I would suggest you read my article Cuckold or Voyeur to see.

Here’s another reason why I can tell you are basing all of this on porn. A submissive woman is NOT the type you want to try any cuckolding with. Someone has to be in charge in the room and it can never be the bull. Again, this is the porn perception of cuckolding. You also don’t want to do extreme humiliation with a partner or you’ll risk losing them.

As you say, much of what men enjoy in porn is best left in fantasy. Doesn’t mean you can’t play it out in the bedroom in role play scenarios but for many couples that’s as far as it should go. And you never start a cuckold relationship right from the start either. Doing that ensure you will end up no longer in a loving relationship but just a typical D & s one. Cuckolding is a very tricky and not easily sustained lifestyle and it is NOT for everyone even if you think it could be.

Your point about the perception of cuckolds is a great one and one that I brought up recently with another sub. Cuckold’s are perceived as dumb, useless, weak, and broke. All of those descriptions are so far from the truth it’s unreal. A cuckold has to be in a very strong relationship with his partner. He has to have balls of steel to watch someone he desperately loves have sex with another man. The true successful cuckold relationships I’ve counselled or have known myself are wealthy men in great relationships who are in no way humiliated or stupid, they just enjoy watching their wives be satisfied by dick they cannot provide occasionally. Not every day, not every week, not even every month, it’s done as a special occasion. It’s treated as something special because it is.

So maybe today’s word should be perception because perception is everything. Perceive yourself as a stupid weak male and you will be seen as that. Want to be in a healthy relationship, be honest first with yourself, then with your partner in ALL areas of your life but especially in the bedroom otherwise you’ll be yet another statistic locked in an unsatisfying marriage because that’s what you were ‘supposed’ to do.

Oh and getting someone to expose you to someone else is the biggest bitch ass move ever. It’s rude, it’s selfish, it’s narcissistic, and it can be traumatizing to whomever you’re exposing yourself too. And don’t get someone else to be your spine. Exposing your kinks to people who are not interested or are not involved with is cowardly and no one will ever want to be in a long-term relationship with a bitch. Man up and own who you are and what you enjoy. Do that, and watch how someone will enter your life who enjoys what you do.

Switching to Voyeur

Articles, Cuckolding

I know I already discussed the whole are you a voyeur or are you a cuckold in another article but it bears a more in-depth discussion because I believe a lot of men are not in fact, cuckolds.

I’ve noticed many men lately thinking they are cuckolds when in fact, they aren’t. They are simply voyeurs. But what’s the difference and how can you tell when you get a boner watching cuckold porn?

Well the first thing you need to realize is that cuckold porn isn’t real. It’s entertainment like any other genre of porn. Thus it doesn’t depict real life experiences, which is why when kids watch, it distorts their view of what goes into a real sexual relationship. In the same way, cuckold porn does the same thing when you watch it. You get a distorted view of what cuckolding really is. And just because you get turned on by cuckold porn doesn’t make you a cuckold. In fact, more men are voyeurs than true cuckolds. But how do you make this distinction?

In my article Cuckold or Voyeur, I examine the extremes of voyeurism in cuckolding. And yes you do need to ask yourself why you want to see your wife or significant other annihilated by big cocks because if you want to see her choked, spit on, and basically debased, that’s an issue unless of course she likes that.

There is a subset of voyeurism however, that I didn’t discuss and I will here. You see some men are very much middle-of-the-road kind of guys. And what I mean by that is they are switches for the most part.

Now I know many of the uppity, clique types in BDSM will tell you they don’t believe that there is such a thing as a switch but that’s just ridiculous. We are all switches it just depends on the circumstances as to which way we’ll lean. Think about it, everyone has a “B” side. Some really like both sides and some like to lean more towards one or the other. In the case of BDSM I’m talking about dominant and submissive. And insisting that people be one or the other is absurd.

In my article The Game Submissive Men are Forced to Play, I talk about the duality we force men to deal with daily. You must be alpha to conquer the world but what if you don’t like to be alpha all the time? And that happens to many, many men. Even the most dominant of men like to take a break and not have to think for a while and let someone else call the shots. That just makes sense. It’s not easy being dominant all the time, especially if that isn’t how you feel deep inside.

For example I consider myself pretty much dominant 90% of the time. But even I get sick of always making the decisions, despite the fact that I would never relinquish my control of everything. That’s why I have sex with somewhat dominant males, it allows me the chance to just chill and let go for a while. Now does that mean I let myself get choked and spit on? Of course not, but that’s just because I don’t find that erotic. But I do like to get pounded and ravaged like any other woman.

All of this brings us to the voyeurism in cuckolding.

If you think the idea of your sweet wife taking over the reins in your relationship is either absurd or there’s no way you’re willing to relinquish that control, BUT you would love to sit back, relax, and watch her take a cock bigger than yours then chances are you aren’t a cuckold, you’re a voyeur and more and more men are realizing this.

I’ll do my Jeff Foxworthy impression her:

If the idea of your cock being locked in chastity is outrageous you’re probably a voyeur.

If the idea of submitting to your wife makes you laugh you’re probably a voyeur.

If the idea of being humiliated turns you off you’re probably a voyeur.

If you picture yourself in the position of the husband in the cuckold porn you watch usually with the sound off you’re probably a voyeur.

If the idea of your sweet submissive wife being taken by a cock bigger than yours without any of the aforementioned aspects to it you’re probably a voyeur.

Here’s another example. My husband falls in the middle of voyeur and cuckold. I don’t put him in chastity because if your man is properly trained they don’t need it nor does he want it. I fuck other men in front of him but rarely does he do anything bi-sexual; only if I ask him every once in a while because I know he enjoys doing it from time to time otherwise he doesn’t care either way. Now we DO live an FLR. I run everything including the money and all decisions defer to me. So you can see how he straddles the two and to be quite honest for me, I don’t want to see him that submissive. I don’t want to be with a bitch in panties. It does nothing for me. But is he tied up during my encounters with other men? Yes, not because he’s into bondage but because I want to ensure that he isn’t touching himself while he’s watching me. I find it disrespectful plus it makes the time after the bull leaves way more fun because he’s losing his mind with lust by the time he’s cut loose.

Now you can see why just because you like cuckold porn or the idea of your spouse being fucked in front of you doesn’t make you a cuckold necessarily. It just makes you a guy who likes to watch what his woman looks like when she’s taking a bigger man. It’s just that simple.

BDSM or Abuse Where Does the Line Get Crossed?

Articles, Cuckolding, Femme Domme, Financial Domination, Humilation, The Submissive Mind

The subject of BDSM and abuse is a touchy one. Many people think BDSM is abuse, period. But that is an incorrect conclusion based on a lack of knowledge of what really happens when BDSM is practiced in a safe, sane way.

Some would argue that what goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is none of anyone’s business, and they would be right – to a point. If everyone were to practice BDSM the way it was meant to be done, as I said, using SSC (safe, sane, consensual), RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) and PRICK (Personal Responsibility Informed Consensual Kink) there would be no issues and we could just close the door on the subject. Unfortunately there are those who either don’t know what they’re doing because they were never trained and have no interest in learning because it’s easier to just say you’re a Dom/Domme than actually train to be one in an unregulated industry, or in some cases the people involved are truly mentally ill or just plain evil/psychopathic. And some of you won’t know the difference until it’s too late.

I’m going to tell you a few true stories about submissive males who got themselves into situations that in my opinion are not BDSM but abuse. You can draw your own conclusions.

I used to speak with a lovely gentleman, K, who met his wife in a Yahoo chatroom in days of yor. He was very submissive and meek and he loved his wife who cuckolded him with black men (she herself was African American, K is white) and even became pregnant with a bull’s child. All pretty standard stuff right? Not so. You see he would call and talk to me about the beatings he endured. And I say endured because pain was not his thing.

K would get very harsh beatings several times a week, sometimes just because she was in a bad mood. And by beating I mean with a leather belt using the metal buckle end. There were days when he could barely move from the beating but still had to get to work and then get home to do his domestic chores lest the man get another beat down with the belt/buckle.

Using a leather belt can work brilliantly as an at-home flogger, however where I feel she goes over the line is in the use of the belt buckle combined with the fact that her husband wasn’t into pain. Domination isn’t about terrorizing your sub, unless they like that. It’s not about taking out your frustrations on someone at all let alone to the point where it’s almost impossible to walk. Especially your spouse who I assume you love or you wouldn’t have married them.

But K also drops the ball too. If we apply PRICK, he never stood up for himself and allowed himself to be abused. But even this is over simplified. Subs can become so weak to their spouses that they are unable to stand up for themselves which was the case with K. I tried to get him to talk to his wife but he didn’t want to do it out of fear of her wrath.

Another gentleman is up to his eyeballs with his Financial Dominatrix. You’ve heard me write about Rich several times here on The Review and he’s still in deep with her despite our continued discussions to get him to let her go.

This “Domme” is quite simply, a psychopath. Rich is in a continuous tug-of-war with her begging for his freedom. Rich is also battling cancer. Our illustrious Domme doesn’t care. She has threatened him with both ruination and physical harm if he doesn’t pay. She doesn’t care about his cancer and has in fact, laughed about it. She has put him under continuous stress and pressure throughout his cancer treatment despite his doctors telling him he needs peace. He has a very good job and could end up completely ruined if she exposes him. He has no choice but to comply with her demands again, out of fear. Is Rich partially to blame for this? 100% But that doesn’t take this findom princess’s behavior off the hook.

These relationships are NOT BINDING regardless of what women try to tell you unless you get into a legal debt contract/loan agreement with them which would require legal documents. Keyword being ‘legal.’ Very, very few findom’s spend the money to create proper legal documents. Fuck most of the alleged dommes don’t have the originality to create their own content let alone pay for legal documents to be drawn up, which is why I say just dump the bitch. Change your email, if necessary dump your bank accounts and open new ones then don’t let the screen door hit ya on your way out. Bye!!

Findom is a buyer beware situation. You asked for this and you got it. You can’t bitch about it but at the same time when someone comes to you as the dominant in the room and says they are battling cancer and would like to stop serving, you say thank you for your service and let them go. It doesn’t make you cooler, or tougher to be a cunt. Lack of empathy, narcissism, coercion, charm makes you a psychopath not a Queen. So in this case I say the line is crossed when cancer is put on the table with no buyout at the very least and when you threaten physical harm now we’re talking a felony. Sprinkle in a little coercion and she wouldn’t be the first Domme and certainly not the last to be brought up on charges. Just sayin’.

The next situation is distressing but it is not the first time I’ve heard a similar story. Not long ago a friend in the community brought me a situation with a married couple, once again getting into cuckolding. In this case, the husband has a spinal cord problem and is wheelchair bound with difficulties having sex, though not impossible, and he has to use a catheter and diaper. Not a fun situation to find yourself in, so an open marriage seems like a logical choice right? Well once again we have a woman who seems to have gone off the rails. This woman, let’s call her R and her ‘bulls’ are not just terrorizing this man, we’ll call him J, but they are abusing him physically and in his mind he has no other option but to deal with it. What started out as a loving female led relationship before the spinal disease has turned into a nightmare.

R and ‘the bulls’ have sex upstairs, J is not allowed to watch but only listen from the first floor. Lovers stop by his room and berate him on their way out, setting the TV remote just out of J’s reach. It gets worse.

R started cancelling his caregivers. She will pull him out of his chair and onto the bed, take off his diaper and then call her friends to come and watch her change him. Or she leaves him in his dirty diaper for hours. She takes him out of the wheelchair and sits him in a chair in the corner for hours. He is not allowed out unless a charity organization takes him out.

This is not humiliation, this is abuse. This is not domination, this is abuse. This is not love, this is abuse. And what does she hold over him? If he leaves her, he has to go into a home. He loves his wife despite her treatment of him. This again, in my opinion, is coming from an individual who has a form of Stockholm syndrome. He lives in fear everyday of being put in a home so he endures her torture.

Again, I know some of you will say that based on PRICK these men weren’t taking care of themselves and asked for what they got but I still don’t think anything is that cut and dried. Although I do believe that the submissive has a responsibility regarding their own behavior and willingness to be abused, I also know that many submissives become targets based on their inherent weakness.

But as the dominant, in my opinion, you have more responsibility. You’re the grown up. You’re the “one in control.” You have the soul of the individual who is on their knees in front of you, whether they are physically there in or not, in your hands. That’s the whole point of power exchange. But if the one in control is not in control of their own mind and emotions, they cease to be in control and the inmates are running the asylum.

When BDSM ends up in the media it’s usually based on the actions of one of these out of control dominants which then paints the entire community in a bad light. Not everyone who practices BDSM is a psychopath or a simp. But it’s up to you to do your homework. Most of the folks who engage in any type of BDSM, fetish or alternative lifestyle are fun, happy and as together as any of us are. We just like to have more fun on the edge but not over the line.

What do you think? Sound off below…

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