After being involved in many different aspects of the sex industry over the years, from my former pro-domme work, to owning a sex shop (without viewing booths, ewww) and then, the since the dawn of the internet the online sex industry as an online domme and now therapist, you notice trends. And one of those trends is when the world/life is as tumultuous as it is now respectful behavior goes out the window.
So in light of what seems to be a spiralling downward trend I want to give you gentlemen a refresher on how to behave when you call or initiate a conversation with a phone sex operator, cam performer any other performer and they’re really simple I promise.
NEVER HANG UP ON ANYONE
This is one of my personal pet peeves because I know that if you were hung up with the frequency that performers are on you’d lose your mind.
I understand that for most, calls are a jerk-n-go situation and as soon as you cum many of you have no interest in conversing any longer and in the case of subs, you temporarily lose your submissive feelings. (Now you know one of the reasons behind chastity) I also understand that in some cases you are ambushed by your wife or someone else and you freak out click and END. But here’s what I want you to remember when you’ve just blown your load and your finger is hovering over that button to end the call, there is a real flesh-and-blood human being on the other end of the line. That voice is not a robot, it’s not AI it’s a real person just like you. Now put yourself in their position, they just got you off preferably in the manner you wanted and now you’re going to thank them by treating them like the shit on the bottom of your shoe by disregarding them and most of all, disrespecting them.
This contemptable behavior comes from continuous or excessive porn watching. It’s part of the disconnect between what’s real and what is fantasy. But whatever the reason it’s beyond rude. You say thank you to the clerk when you buy a pack of smokes but the faceless female on the other end of your phone call gets to hear CLICK.
Or worse, you’re in the middle of a conversation, everything is going fine and you hang up on the performer in mid-sentence. Now this is BEYOND rude. If the call or communication isn’t going the way you wanted, take a moment and address it with the performer, allow them to rectify the situation don’t just hang up like you’re swiping left while rolling your eyes. Chances are there was a miscommunication on your part because you didn’t convey what you wanted clearly or the performer didn’t understand what you wanted. Either way, you don’t just treat this living breathing human being like they’re nothing and hang up.
Think about what you do for a living. It doesn’t matter what it is. Now what if you were constantly disrespected after giving perfectly good service? (Domination and submission notwithstanding) After a while you’d probably go postal. Now imagine you’re a domme and subs are behaving this way. It’s not very submissive to hang up on someone you called as a subordinate.
No one is asking you to gush over the call, just thank the person and then say good bye. See I told you it was simple. And if the call/session was good, always leave feedback. We live in a feedback/review driven world and for many of the ladies and gentlemen who you speak with those ratings can make or break their business. If the call wasn’t that great, EMAIL the performer and tell them why so that they can correct it in the future, don’t just be an asshat and leave troll feedback.
Now in situations where someone walks in unexpectedly let me give you a piece of advice. When you instantly or hurriedly end a phone conversation like that you look suspicious as fuck. When you’re caught in a situation like that you simply say in to the phone, “yeah sure I’ll talk to ya later. K bye.” That leaves you in a position of saying the call was with anyone you know and tells the performer exactly what is happening. We aren’t stupid, we’ll get the cue. Your ass is saved and the performer isn’t left with yet another hang up to go with the six they already had to endure that day.
When you communicate with a performer of any kind you need to make your needs very clear. I talk with many men who complain to me that the performer didn’t listen to them. When I start really peeling the layers of what happened during the communication, I usually find out along the way that you, as the caller, didn’t express what you wanted instead you assumed that whatever you were looking for would somehow be communicated through telepathic means. Try to remember guys you aren’t calling the Psychic Friends Network. We aren’t inside your minds, yet. So you have to be crystal clear about what you want.
Again the best way to look at this is to remember that you are talking to a living being not some AI creature with no feelings. A smart customer builds relationships because relationships make for much better calls. It allows the performer to get inside your mind and learn what you want and what truly makes you tick. A good performer will look for all the little clues that you drop during conversations and weave them in to the next call. Clues you never knew you were dropping.
DON’T BE A CHAT CHUMP
Many of the sex communication platforms whether it’s phone or cam have chat features…and I HATE them. Why? Because chat/email/text are the absolute WORST kinds of communication. There is no emotion or feeling behind these methods of conversing. I’ve had customers freak out because I said ‘hello’ the wrong way. (no shit) Sarcasm for example, is very hard to discern in chat.
In my position as a therapist I do everything I can to avoid doing therapy by chat because of those miscommunication issues. When you’re trying to help someone that last thing you need is for something to be misunderstood.
There is another reason why I hate chat and that is the lack of respect based on how you communicate. I’ve lived through and heard of so many horror stories about the behavior of you boys in chat. So let’s address some chat issues that are universal.
-Do NOT type in hieroglyphics (if you don’t know what that is I suggest you look it up) or to put it in terms you’ll understand – emojis. USE YOUR WORDS!
-Do NOT use acronyms, hashtags or excessive slang. I don’t respond to “LOL OMG I tink ur hot BB.” USE YOUR WORDS!
-Do NOT ASSUME that a conversation YOU initiated in chat can be drifted away from. So many of you start conversations and the performer responds but then never hears back for, in some cases, a month. Always END a chat conversation. Again, it’s dismissive and intensely RUDE not to. You can do that with friends and family but not in these situations.
How you communicate says a lot about you. Using ridiculous abbreviations that the performer has to keep looking up to decipher, tells the person you’re talking to that you’re lazy and you don’t care about whether the other person can even read the text.
And finally, chat equals cheap. On some of the platforms the performer can set their own chat rate but most of the more popular one’s are a fixed rate per chat volley. I’ll use Niteflirt as an example of a fixed rate chat feature.
Niteflirt charges you – the caller – .69 per chat volley. The performer receives .46 per volley. Many of the performers you are speaking with are highly experienced, educated and talented folks who have earned their stripes. So unless you have genuine communication issues such as social anxiety, or a disability asking a performer to get you off for .46 is insulting.
Chat should only be used as an introduction, a way to see if the performer is interested in what you’re in to. If you want to continue in chat for any length of time, it should include tributes of $10 to $15 every 15 to 30 minutes at the bare minimum or whatever the performer asks for. If you find that too expensive you need to look at another way to get off.
A fellow performer recently shared a situation she had in chat with a customer who came to her for financial domination. The problem was his idea of paying a tribute was to send pictures of money. Now okay, even I laughed at the ballsiness of that move but it really was beyond insulting.
So gentlemen as you can see the issues really are simple to fix and adhere to:
- Never hang up on a performer. Always thank and say good bye.
- Never assume that the performer knows what you want.
- Always leave positive feedback and address negative feedback by email.
- Use full sentences in chat and don’t be a cheap chat chump.
But the most important thing I want you to take away from what I’ve shared with you is that everyone you speak with; cam performers, phone sex operators and anyone you have the privilege to have fun with online and off are LIVING, BREATHING, HUMAN BEINGS. They have feelings, they deal with the same daily issues you do, they have families and bills to pay and none of them deserve to be treated like garbage. So let’s see some of you recognize your nasty behavior, take responsibility and make a conscious effort to be a better person to sex workers of every kind.
What do you think? Sound off below.