I used to say that cuckolding, along with any other alternative relationship, must have wide open lines of communication. But when I got to thinking about it, ALL relationships need wide open communication so it’s not just alternative relationships but in the case of relationships that go beyond the ‘norm’ it is imperative that all parties be honest and forthright.
For example a gentleman came to me with an issue he was having with his wife being less than honest with him. It seems the two of them had decided to get in to swinging several years ago and that led them down the road of cuckolding as the husband wanted to explore his submissive side.
Now when I say they were in to swinging they did it all of maybe four times. It wasn’t like it was a weekly thing. It’s more like they dabbled in it as they did with the cuckolding once they decided to give that a try.
Sam and Sarah are your typical couple who have been married for several years. Sam had always had a fantasy to see his wife with another man but wasn’t necessarily in to his submissive side and considers himself to be a switch which was why they went the swing route. Sarah was naturally unsure about all of it but thought it might be hot so she went for it and they had some fun. Then like any couple, life got in the way and their kinky side was shelved due to work and home responsibilities.
When Sam got in touch with me, he and his wife had been cuckolding here and there for the last three years. His original complaint was quite vague saying that recently his wife had started hiding her conversations with other men and even outright lying to his face and how could he fix the situation. It seems she was still in touch with a guy they had used as a bull on a couple of occasions but who Sam thought had drifted away when he and his wife had moved out of state.
Over a period of a few weeks Sam kept me in the loop while his wife continued lying and he continued catching her in those lies. When I asked him why he didn’t just confront her with the information he said when he did she would get in to an argument with him and would turn the situation around on him making him think he’s crazy. This is what people do when they are confronted with their fabrications. In the meantime the dick pics and videos continued to come in to Sarah without her discussing it.
At one point they got in to another argument and agreed to stop all cuckolding behavior. No more discussions, role plays or using the ideas as foreplay. That lasted less than a week and three days after their anniversary it was covert sexting as usual for Sarah and Sam feeling like he couldn’t possibly have given her more in the relationship yet it clearly wasn’t enough.
All of this brought up feelings of inadequacy in Sam. Which may sound crazy since he’s taken the submissive position in this relationship but remember he’s not always sexually submissive. He started to doubt his own sexual stance. Maybe Sarah needed a more alpha guy and because he’d been submissive perhaps she had lost respect for him. All of these feelings are completely normal given that they couldn’t sit down and discuss them without arguing.
This continuous push and pull went on for weeks while he and I worked on his self-esteem and insecurity issues. He even got to the point where he had hacked her phone so that he would receive the same texts she did and Sarah continued talking to now two different men, one long distance and one local without mentioning it to Sam.
After finally badgering Sam to talk about his feelings with Sarah and confront the lies so they can move past him he did it. They got in to a very emotional discussion that lasted for hours but all the feelings were put on the table and they could finally see what each was missing. They were lucky. This relationship was on the verge of a complete melt down. He was already deciding how he could live without his kids and the woman he desperately loved because he couldn’t live with a liar.
No part of cuckolding or any alternative relationship can survive in the face of deception. The point of open relationships is the word OPEN. You have to be open with each other or resentment builds and resentment will murder a relationship.