Pat probably thinks I forgot about him but I didn’t. He wrote me last month, yeah I know I’m a procrastinator with way too many balls in the air, but he always makes such valid points that I know others will benefit from and he’s done it again!
Here’s what Pat wrote:
“Does submitting to someone of the same sex, while otherwise being attracted only to the opposite sex, make someone bisexual?
Over the last few years I’ve realized that I am sexually submissive with women, and possibly, maybe with the right kind of man as well. But I otherwise have no interest in men. I have no desire for a vanilla sexual interaction with a man. It’s just about dominance and submission.
Have you ever encountered submissives like this and what do you think it means?”
I talk to many, MANY people who are sitting in this position. You guys always hear me talk about the sliding scale of sexuality. If we peeled away all the layers we are all inherently bi-sexual on some level. It’s just that some of us lean more one way or the other. Take myself for example; I have no lesbian tendencies at all. I’ve watched girl-on-girl porn, I’ve actually even participated in threesomes with 2 girls and one VERY LUCKY guy, yet I had no inclination to go near the other women, the urge or eroticism just isn’t there. But I DO know that given the right circumstances and the right mood or ambiance that I might go down that road. Who knows? I’m not about to pigeon hole myself and say, NO WAY I’M NEVER TACO MUNCHING!
I counsel primarily men and there are so many of you guys who are sitting in this position which I would say is right, dead smack in the middle of the sliding scale and sometimes that’s a harder position to be in.
I will say this again and again until I’m blue in the face; Pat’s position is all based on D & s. When you’re feeling sexually submissive, it’s more your need and desire to serve that makes you suck another man’s cock. It has NOTHING to do with your sexual orientation. Guys always figure if I suck a cock I’m a fag. Wrong! Unless you have romantic desires (i.e. Find other men sexually attractive and would go in to a romantic relationship with them) for the opposite sex you are NOT gay! Are you bi? Yup! But remember even bi-sexuality has a sliding scale. It’s our society’s need to label everything that fucks up your heads.
A submissive male who sucks another guys cock is not gay he’s SERVING! He’s PLEASING! It’s coming from that submissive part of you not the sexual orientation part of you. I see more people in pain from having confusing thoughts that don’t conform to what society deems as ‘normal’ that it saddens me. If we weren’t so god damn focused on what our neighbor is doing or who they’re fucking people wouldn’t have to feel this emotional confusion and pain. What you do behind closed doors (consensually) is none of anyone’s business. Would I like for everyone to be able to discuss what they do openly without judgment? Hell ya! Is that going to happen in our lifetimes? Sadly, no.
Even when you are in that submissive situation and you are sucking his cock or doing anything else sexually to this, I’m assuming, alpha male and he’s telling you you’re a ‘dirty faggot,’ even THAT doesn’t mean anything. It’s part of the humiliation streak that goes along with your submissiveness.
I have men who phone me in complete FEAR who say to me, “what if I suck a cock and like it?” So? Let’s look at that, you suck a cock and you like it, chances are you’re not enjoying the oral based on, “oh I want this guy to like me,” it’s because you are SERVING. You are delighting the idea of pleasing this guy and a lot of times it’s at the behest of a Dominant female who’s telling you to do it. In that case you’re doing what you’re told, you’re a good sub in that moment. Just relax and enjoy that wonderful feeling of submission instead of letting your mind squirrels tell you you’re wrong, or fucked in the head. You’re not!!!!
The real key in enjoying what you do is letting go of trying to ‘fit in’ with the rest of the world. Why on earth do you want to fit in with a bunch of fickle, mind-changing, bigoted, paranoid people? It’s a game you CANNOT win. So to try to play it is more ridiculous than you sucking a cock. Do what you love, what makes you feel good and let go of the societal/religious programming.
Sucking a cock in a D & s situation DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY!
When I was in High School I was friends with this gay guy and I admitted to him that I would love to see him give another guy head. He knew of a sort of straight guy that was OK with it.
I told them I just wanted to watch as I had a boyfriend. A very straight very homophobic boyfriend. I just sat there and my friend got on his knees and started sucking this guy. Immediately I got extremely turned on!
Just watching my friends head bouncing up and down and the slurping sound, wow! Guys give head different. We like to make love to a cock with our mouths, guys SUCK it! Good information for women.
I got in close, this guys penis was awesome! So freaking cute, all wet from my friends mouth and rock hard. My friend looked over at me and held that cock like he was offering a lick on a popsickle.
I could not turn it down so I put it in my mouth and tried to imatate how my gay friend did it. Suck it like you mean to suck it dry he said. I didn’t take long until this guy was blasting away in my mouth.
Gay friend was jealous, he wanted that treat. But he got it later when the guy recovered. This was the first but not nearly the last time we sucked guys together.
After school we lost contact and I married this straight guy ten years older than me. I never told him about how wild I was until one day I was prowsing porn (he knew and didn’t mind) when I found one of two guys sucking each other and he walked in.
He asked if watching a guy suck another turn me on. I said hell yes and added, have you ever sucked another guy? Expecting him to say no or hell no or not answer I just stared at the screen as this guy gobbled down the other.
A few seconds went by and my husband said, well yes a few times. I was almost floored but I got a twinge like I get when I see a cop looking like he might pull me over. Another fantasy about what I would have to do to get out of a ticket. Another post I guess.
There I was, hot and horny as hell. I grabbed his hand and pulled him to bed and crawled between his knees. I asked him to tell me all about it as I suckled my man. He went on and told me about a friend of his, when they would get drunk they would suck each other and once he ass fucked the friend but afterwards they stopped hanging out.
This was not what I would have suspected from my super straight tough guy husband! He usually takes a long time to cum when I am blowing him but not this time, he was pumping it out quick and I was gagging it down hard in a few minutes.
I never told him about all the guys I blew with my gay friend before, that is why I am writing this. An admission to him and who ever cares.
Now I want to see my husband suck and I know just the perfect guy. Balls in your court husband, suck it for me and I will give you that threesome with my best friend Lilly you wanted. She has already agreed, suck her husband while we watch and you can finally drill her like you want and I will put on a show with her for you.
By the way, OK yes I have had sex with her. And she give fantastic head. Want to watch? Read this and we can have them over this weekend.
Diane this is BRILLIANT! I hope you had fun over the weekend!
I just wanted to update you on what happened after I wrote this. I showed it to my husband and we had a long talk. It seemed to really turn him on when I went into detail about my past sex exploits.
We agreed he would try some things for me. I set it up so he would feel comfortable. I even invited Lilly. We met at a bar, had a couple and all headed back to our place. The guy was totally OK with getting his dick sucked because he knew he was going to have a lot of fun with Lilly and me afterwards and guys really usually don’t care who has their lips wrapped around their cocks.
He pulled it out and I sat next to him and started sucking then motioned to my husband who came over and got on his knees. I waved it at him and he opened his mouth and went at it! It was such a turn on for both Lilly and me that we went at it!
All in all everything happened that night between everyone and my husband admitted to loving it all! And me, I love seeing guy on guy shit.
If I let a guy fuck me how many times does he have to do it before I am classified as gay
@Andrew murphy
The official handbook says it must be three consecutive times without any straight sex in between. But there are seven different types of gay, so you should be more specific…
So does sucking cock in a NON D&s situation make you gay? I suspect not. I identify as straight (with some submissive tendencies – cuckolding fantasies and SPH) and I like to suck cock. I’m not the least bit drawn to or interested in the person they are attached to. Sucking cock is all about me, not them and while this may seem narcissistic or self-centered, ultimately its them who get the pleasure of unloading in my mouth.
I love being dominated by and serving men. Dont want a man touching my penis, and even better with a dominant female involved. I enjoy serving others sexually, pushing myself to do the nastiest freakiest things to please. It helps that the real deal feels better than being pegged, plus when pleasing a dominant man, the rewarding sensation of him cumming, in or on me, i prefer in either end. I had a roommate who broke me in when he peeped on a GF pegging me, making me eat my own cum. He heard me say how i want to be used, and please in every way possible, and how i would be ok with her fantasy of watching me serve a man. That night, he dominated me, forcefully. I let him use me any time he wanted, because i love serving. That GF loved watching us, and even had him bring another guy in to join.
I dont think of myself as bi, just a straight guy who enjoys being a whore to pleasure anyone who wants to dominate me.
Is it required to have any intellectual component ?
I love oral on a woman. I love it so much, with her permission, my gf would let me ever so gently lick her as she napped. I just loved her pussy!
So why not the same with sucking cock?
Is it possible for some to have it on a completely sensual ( taste, feel, see, smell) level?
I believe so.
Sucking another male’s penis is in fact a homosexual act. However it is a natural / normal human expression and from a biology and anatomy standpoint an erect penis in its size and contours were by nature “fitting” for insertion within a mouth be it male or female to give oral pleasures to plus the soft delicate tissues of lips and tongue upon a very sensitive glans was meant to be versus a rough hand upon a penis being much abrasive and desensitizing to it. Another note to consider is that ejaculation of life giving substances should never be wasted but either deposited within a female vagina or consumed when swallowed as a precious gift.
I have only done it one time but I think about it a lot, I did enjoy it, It felt so good in my mouth.
I am outwardly straight and have straight relationships but I tried sucking cock a few years ago out of curiosity and since then can’t stop,I’ve just got in from sucking a guy off in his car,I loved it… But I would never want to be with a guy in a relationship,so I don’t consider myself gay for that reason but am I wrong to even try and categorise what I do or how I feel ??
Sexuality is so fluid that it’s ridiculous to try to categorize yourself. You enjoy what you enjoy. Who cares?
I’m the same. I love the look feel and naughtyness of sucking a cock but the second I cum it’s all gone. I don’t find men attractive at all only cock.
I feel exactly the same! This site is good as it eases my mind I’m not alone here. Only attracted to women but really want to be seen butt naked and sucking their cock, some dirty talk, and just to overall feel degraded and humiliated. But nothing crazy like slapping aha. But when i cum after thinking of this fantasy i’m not that interested until a while later. I am at the point I’m comfortable with my sexuality, i know I’m straight, and i know what i want from men, just cock in my mouth, and ass spanking, dirty talk and different cock sucking positions they can see me in. I think its more the psychological side that turns me on, especially thinking about what they are thinking and seeing when I’m pleasing them.
Never done it before though, unfortunately time wasters everywhere. Sorry I just feel the same way you do 🙂 just the cock not the man.
I know I will take flack for this, but I am going to disagree with these people. I truly believe that sucking a cock , service or not is a homosexual act. While I am a submissive male, such activities are a hard limit for me If it isn’t for you fine. But for me such activities are well within the parameters of homosexual behavior.
Naw you won’t get flack for that Stan. You have a right to your opinion and I’ll stand by that right.
I also consider it homosexual behavior, and consider myself to be a cock sucking faggot. I didn’t start sucking cock until I was fifty, but have done it quite a bit over the years since then. I still love women, don’t like hugging and kissing with men. Much of my enjoyment is from being an exhibitionist, being nude in front of others, and being watched as I suck a man.
Ric Carter
Somers, Montana
What about glory holes? I like the idea of sucking cock with a condom of course on another man, I just can’t get the “you’re gay” if I do it outa my head.
I don’t find men attractive at all not one bit
i sucked a cock once and don ever since, i always seem to gravitate towards gay porn. there might be something in the cum..
I have sucked a transgender cock and loved it. There is nothing better then sucking a feminine cock.
Wanna try that myself
Chicks with dicks is such a turn on! I always wanted to suck a TS and play with there tits while Humming on that nice TS cock.
I have had a fling with a stunning goddess of an amazonian TS chick who had a awesome cock, and was very dominate. She loved dominating me, even fucked me in public almost daily. I would voluntarily be a live in slave for another such TS.
Yeah, cum, is yummy, and full of Protein! I enjoy it, but not just swallowing, I prefer some in my mouth, the rest all over me.
Whether you actually do it or not isn’t what would determine your orientation, Joe. The desire itself is enough. Many people are in the closet about their sexuality. Most are likely hiding more from themselves than other people.
However, “gay” means you’re attracted to men and only men (if you’re a man, of course). So, if you are attracted to women, get the “I’m gay” out of your head. I’d say you’re not gay but you are probably bisexual, whether you act on your desires or not.
Thank you Pat!!! xox
I agree. I have absolutely no desire to hug or kiss a man, but am quite willing to suck a cock, with the hopeful end game of receiving anal sex from him.
Ric Carter
Somers, Montana
Thank you for this post, Dr. Sue. I don’t relate to the submissive side of the fellow that first asked the question, so I don’t fall into that category. But I am married and am only attracted romantically and sexually to women. However I have only recently admitted and embraced the fact that I have a physical (not romantic) attraction to a beautiful erect penis also. Not the man, the penis. After decades of being fascinated watching women suck mine, making me cum and eating my ejaculation, I finally tried it myself.
I have to tell you, I felt strange but not gay doing it. It felt very natural like I should have been doing this from a long time ago. It wasn’t about submission. I was doing this for me because I enjoyed it. And I didn’t stop until he came because that was my goal.
I have absolutely no desire to hug or kiss with another man, but I do enjoy sucking a nice shaved cock. I am fascinated watching semen shoot out. I do feel ashamed at times for not keeping the cock in my mouth and swallowing the load. I actually prefer to be a bottom, and take a cock in my ass. I consider sucking another man as foreplay leading up to them penetrating me.
Ric Carter
Somers, Montana
Amen.
I get completely turned off if a guy touches my penis, unless a woman is involved. I have had several guy friends who were gay or bi, and would let them know i am straight but enjoy dominant men using me for their pleasure. That i love the humiliating feeling, of enjoying a man’s hard penis, and serving a dominant man even though i am not aroused by men. I have finally gotten to where i am comfortable seeking a dominant man who enjoys having a submissive total bottom str8 guy who would do pretty much anything to pleasure them.
Needless to say, those many of those friends enjoyed making me serve them. They knew they could grab my head and push my mouth onto their penises any time they wanted. That i would let them fist me even. They enjoyed teaming up on me, and wanted to DP me, so i obliged once they started groping and spanking my butt, and bent over. I have this total submisive slave bottom desire, and if some guy with a foot long beer can thick cock waived it at me, i would probably be chicy and coy and hint that ll he has to do, is take it.
While it sounds totally gay, i dont think about the guy at all. I enjoy how it feels, to know i have pleasured someone sexually. From being penetrated, to giving oral, my thought is only, “i am here to serve and pleasure this penis, and fortunately it feels good in the behind, and i love feeling how much a cock throbs in my mouth. I love cum. The more the better. On my face, body, ass, or in the mouth or ass. I love being able to actually know i did my job well. I have a neighbor guy who his wife will never give him BJs, he comes over and shoves my face on his dick and fucks my face. He also fucks my girl, and she loves to watch me blow him, and be a cuckold. He does want to try fucking me, and my girl is eager, and is gonna make me eat his load out of my backdoor. She loves filming me with guys, and i love when she has me on webcam, seeing guys and girls getting off to watching me serve. I seriously would not hesitate to do gay,bi, or ts on guy porn, as long as i can do extreme kinky stuff and push the envelope.
“…a foot long beer can thick cock …”
You find many of those? On a human?
Call Guiness. Make somebody famous.
That title is a more direct way of asking what I was thinking, but was afraid to say, Dr Sue. Although, I’ve never done it, it does tend to creep into my submissive fantasies often enough that I know it’s part of who I am.
I never thought I was gay because if I have to choose, women win, hands down! It’s not the same at all. I mean even a non-sexual but engaging conversation with a woman with lots of eye contact can be arousing. I’ve never had that experience with a man even though I’ve had many interesting and stimulating conversations with other men.
I think you’re right that sexuality, once you get past the social constructs and taboos, is messier and less well defined than popular culture would have us believe. Sexual practices across the rest of the animal kingdom are pretty fucking hilarious, including our closest cousins, chimps and bonobos. Dominance and submission sexual rituals are fairly common, even amongst members of the same sex. Why should we be any different?
But as you say, religion has standardized the right way to have sex and what it means if you violate that. Even though I’m not religious, I’m sure it has trickled down into my subconscious.
Your advice is reasonable. Whether or not I will be able to follow it in the real world I’m not sure. As you’ve noted, some alternate sexualities are not likely to be accepted in our life time. This still tends to be one that once you’re “out” there’s no going back and people will cast their own judgements on you.
Now Pat, have I ever not been brutally blunt?? 😉