First of all let me preface this article by saying that I will be stating the obvious which in turn will piss some people, mostly guys, off.
There seems to be some sort of misconception in the world of BDSM that you can serve an online Domme by just âbeing there,â and that just doesnât cut it.
So as a service to you boys who may be new to the game or are just wandering around feeling confused and wondering wtf  or maybe youâve been called a âtime wasterâ or a flake hereâs most likely the reason why.
Obviously if you lived near your Domme there wouldnât be an issue, provided she was for it, to serve her in various ways; cleaning, household chores, errands etc. But if you donât live near her or donât have the means by which to physically serve it poses an obvious problem.
A lot of you boys who serve online do so because youâre married or live in a small town and in some cases you just donât have the balls to serve in real time and all that is okay because thatâs where serving an online Domme can become very convenient.
Now here is where some of you will get pissed off. There is really only one way to serve online as a submissive male and that is financially. No this is not some stupid ploy to promote financial domination it is, as I state earlier, logical and obvious.
Thatâs not to say that you perhaps canât be of service in other ways such as if youâre good in web design or graphic arts you might be able to 
serve her by helping with her website and such. Iâm not here to give a whole bunch of ideas in which to serve virtually because you have to decide what your strengths are and what you can do for her and then you have to see if she needs what you have to offer.
If you canât come over and scrub my floors and mow my lawn because you live halfway around the world what can you do for me? Remember the point is to satisfy that urge to SERVE. Sure there are some guys who get off on giving or having their money coerced out of them but when we look at this logically there is no other way in which to really serve online unless itâs monetary.
Okay maybe youâre not independently wealthy and no one says you have to be. Itâs actually not that big of a deal. Say for example youâre a foot guy (I donât know why I always pick foot guys for examples) and youâve found a Mistress whose feet you adore and maybe you can only afford to pay for her pedicures. GREAT! Thatâs a way to serve. Itâs not about cashing in your 401k or retirement fund. Itâs about knowing that you just paid for her feet to be pampered which YOU would do if you could be there in person but canât.  Maybe youâre a shoe guy and love high heel shoes. Well head to her wishlist and find a pair you find particularly sexy and buy them for her.
So keeping this in mind Iâll lay out some simple rules to follow if youâre going to serve an online Domme.
- First of all determine if youâre submissive or just a fetishist. For that you might want to read my article on Are you a Sub or Not. The reason for this is donât pester a Domme, any Domme if youâre not truly submissive and want to SERVE her in some way. If youâre just a fetishist in a certain area it doesnât mean you canât still have fun with a Domme but remember sheâs looking for loyal, consistent subs. As a fetishist youâre not likely to be either of those.
- If you have no money and no viable means of serving a Mistress then donât bug her or keep telling her sheâs wonderful on the off chance you might get her attention. This only serves to irritate most women. You boys who behave this way are like mosquitos and are only annoying.
- If you only have the means by which to pay for a pedicure here and there, TELL HER. Donât put yourself out there as Diamond Jim when youâre not because itâs really obvious. Remember weâre talking any online Domme here not Financial Dommes. Financial Dommes want Diamond Jim and if youâre not youâll be kicked to the curb so fast itâll make your head spin.
- Always be respectful. You would think this would be obvious but a surprising number of you boys get very crabby when a woman says, âIf you want to serve me then do so with a tribute.â Sheâs not necessarily being a money grubber itâs just like I said YOU have to answer the question, âWhat can you do for me?â and if it isnât something she needs then money really is the only logical choice.
- If you tribute or send a $20 gift certificate donât expect her to gush about how wonderful you are. Or more importantly donât think sheâs going to give you the sun and the moon when it comes to her time. What you guys have to realize is that this is a BUSINESS. If you were to walk in to Walmart and try and barter for price on a chocolate bar youâd be asked to leave. Use your heads. Would $20 buy you hours of stripper funâŠno. I think for some reason men think this is some sort of virtual game. That Dommes just sit back and file their nails and watch Maury all day long. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most of the ladies who do this type of work are doing so to pay the bills just like you. Many of them are putting themselves through school, as clichĂ© as that may sound itâs true. Her time will be limited and it just stands to reason that it will be spent where the money is. Thatâs just good business sense. So donât take it so personally when she doesnât fawn all over your $20 tribute. Iâm not saying itâs not nice, it is but $20 doesnât buy you much in this economy no matter where youâre doing the spending.
I guess what Iâm trying to get you guys to see is that asking for tributes or gift certificates is all part of doing business online and getting angry over it is ridiculous and actually insulting.
Hereâs an example that happened to me. I raised my rates a while back from $1.99 per minute to $2.99 per minute and man did I ever hear you boys throw temper tantrums. I havenât raised my rates since I started working on Niteflirt in 2008. When you do the math $1.99 per minute works out to $119.40 an hour and I have to say thatâs hella cheap for REAL THERAPY which I provide. But I was told that I was being a bitch, a snob, that because I was on the radio I was full of myself. So apparently the cost of living doesnât apply to me. Prices go up around me but Iâm supposed to stay the same, which by the way I did just because everyone freaked. So I have to now make serious budget cuts because itâs getting harder and harder to live on the $1.99 per minute. Iâm not whining Iâm showing you how all of this is a business. It may kill the fantasy for you guys be everyone on Niteflirt, Talk Sugar and all the other phone services have to pay rent or mortgages like you do. You may think of it as entertainment and that itâs disposable but WE as in the ladies and gentlemen you do business with DO NOT! This is our life.  So stop being so bitchy about the answer to the question How Can I Serve You?  Money talks, bullshit walks.
Tell me what you think.
All males who call on Pro Dommes for any reason should read this article. As a male sub, i would like to add these points too:
* If you have a fetish of getting off to bossy women and just want to hear a voice giving you orders, call someone and do it buy the minute. BUT, if your fetish includes calling a Financial Domme and disregarding Her requirement of tribute because you’re already paying by the minute, don’t be surprised if She blocks you,
* Know yourself …… are you truly a servant, or ONLY WHEN YOUR COCK IS HARD !! If it’s the latter, don’t waste ANY Female’s time and PAY HER for the attention you need when your little penis throbs. Pay Her, thank Her, praise Her, and be gone.
* Disrespecting a Woman should result in castration.
Bless ALL of You superior Ladies and Thank You for the direction only You can give us in this world.
xox m2sub4u
I’ve had a number of requests for online, email, and phone sessions for free. Yes, you see, these subs just wanna see what they’re getting, before they schedule. Of course, they expect me to believe their BS, and they throw insults when I don’t.
I’ll gladly send pics of equipment to a potential client, but that’s it.
Genuine potential in-person clients can truly utilize distance sessions to see if a domme is right for them. They can get an idea of style, personality, equipment/space, and see if someone truly enjoys her work.
If that’s someone’s legitimate goal, how can they expect to see what could happen, if they don’t pay (or send a wishlist gift)?
AMEN SISTER!!…You hit The nail on the head a lot of these guys are Jokes and are not at all submissive,I get a lot of them Just calling On Niteflirt asking Me for Permission to cum after they have Been jerking off already Before the call.LOL for those Phone jerkers a 1 min call and asking Permission to Cum I simply deny them hang up on em and Block em,Not Worth My Time Not Submissive in anyway shape or Form..Dr.Sue Thank you for Posting an amazing Well written truth about Us all..
This really needed to be said out loud. The constant arm wrestling about tribute with subs is exhausting and time consuming. From now on I’m going to give this link to everyone who thinks that their servitude, or indeed the “entertainment” that they offer, should be enough tribute.
Thank you, Doctor Sue!
GREAT ARTICLE!!!! EVERY FUCKING WORD!! I’ve been an online Domme for 7 years now, and a financial domme for about 5. Doctor Sue, your articles are like waterfalls of awesome in this desert of stupidity. ESPECIALLY that bit about ‘sitting home and filing Our nails’ made Me laugh out loud! I have NEVER worked harder at a job or in a classroom than I do at promoting, making new assignments, clips, ptvs, pics, and other stuff for boys that want to ‘serve’ Me but whom I probably will never even meet.
Before I go into My thoughts here, I’d like to say that I’m sitting here with a lap full of packages from My good boys, and that I’m actually in a good mood. But this is something I feel VERY strongly about, so I might come off as a bit bitchy xD
The big issue with online is that there’s a lack of control in the physical world. Think of it this way – I LOVE bondage and CBT. So a boy calls Me or tributes Me for a cam session and I get excited because – guess what? – I like to be served as much as you like to serve Me! That’s what I decided when I stepped into the world of Domination – I won’t do anything that is not something that I enjoy. However, say you’re a quick cummer – you only pay for a 10 minute session with Me. The BIG issue here is, whether I was done playing or not, you hang up when you cum.
The problem there is two-fold. Firstly, I wasn’t done playing, as in your fantasy was fulfilled but Mine was not. I, the Dominant in this ‘relationship’ has been let down. That should not the goal of any good submissive, fetishist, or kinky player. If you only care about yourself, try being a Dom instead lol. But say you do want to be considered a sub or slave and owned by Me, but live even just a few states away. How can I punish you for your letdown? Payment. It’s the ONLY WAY.
And here’s the thing – These Women (Myself included) are PRO DOMMES. Pro as in PROFESSIONAL, as in, WE GET PAID FOR OUR TIME. you are paying for a service, nothing more, nothing less. And as Bella said, ‘you get what you pay for.’ The Women like Myself who have been here for many many years are often loathe to log in to Niteflirt or YIM because We get bombarded not just with regulars, but with new boys wanting to serve Us. Which is GREAT! ….IF they know how to pay for Our very precious and limited time. Remember what I mentioned earlier – We work HARD to put out new content for you to enjoy. That doesn’t mean We don’t enjoy it, but it DOES mean that our time is limited. Therefore, as Doctor Sue pointed out, LITERALLY the only way for you to ‘be worth Our time’ is to tribute in some way.
That’s not to say that I don’t have needs that can’t be met otherwise. But guess what? Even My graphics design slave (who I just found this week on NF and am SUPER excited about!) tributes and sends gifts regularly. Not as much as those who don’t have an applicable, useful skill for Me to exploit, but he STILL does, and he EXPECTS to. That should be the attitude of ALL those who approach a Domme, be they submissive, fetishists, slaves, or just kinky players.
Thank you for hitting the nail on the head.
I hope that every male whom actually takes the time to read this comes away with the understanding that serving online only does mean that monetary means is required.
It absolutely amazes me when males complain about even a trifling tribute amount,and then have the audacity to rant and rave when you are not kissing their ass and devoting every spare moment you have with them. If this is how they treat females they encounter real time,then it is no shock that they are into online only service.
But don’t you know, they can serve us by enteraining us with their little cocks! lol I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked if I’d accept ‘entertainment” at service.
Amen!!! All the way around. It is funny how quickly women get judged when they know what their time is worth and yes folks we deal with higher prices as well. The days of making a $1000 a month and living comfortable of it is long gone.
Most successful Mistresses are a lot of things wrapped all into one and part of that is being smart and business savvy. If you are looking for domination on a budget you need to rent a Video instead. Go fantasize, but if you are looking to actually serve and to be of real use to a Lady, want her attention on a regular base you best learn how to sacrifice a little bit and make it worth her while.
I am sorry, but to me $10, $20 are a tip that I would leave a Waitress as a particular nice restaurant who gave me good service, not something that I see as a tribute of adoration.
Thank you Sue for this very blunt and educational post. A must read I dare say.
One more thought,…. you get what you pay for. When you want to have the attention of Elites and experienced Ladies you better be willing to reach into your wallet and be grateful they allow it. It’s just like going to see a Surgeon, the higher the skill levels the higher the fee for the procedure.
Well said Bella, “you get what you pay for” is such an appropriate phrase for this subject. And BTW if you are nickel and diming you’re probably not all that submissive either… think about it.
Funny…I stumbled on here while dealing with my own fetish/desires issues…I’ll leave those aside… But evrything said here is true!!…I don’t completely get the FinDom kink..but to each there own…that said. relevant points made…here are a few.
1. these woman (mostly woman right?) are entrepenuers/contractors, they are self employed…they don’t just have to keep one person happy…they need to keep everyone happy. they work for everyone…not an easy thing to do..remember..jsut because the service charges $120/hr, doesn’t mean thats what the contractor gets…
2. Listen, I get it…guys(mostly guys right?!) don’t want to get ripped off..but service providers want to get paid. There is a world of free porn out there…if you don’t have/dont want to spend the money…go to free stuff (be careful of malware;))
3. My big takeaway from the article…learn what you are..a lifestyler or a role player. and you get what you pay for…just like any other service provider… a surgeaon, or a plumber…check refrences…trust your gut… and at least tip as much as you would for a good meal….you should be just as satified đ