First of all let me preface this article by saying that I will be stating the obvious which in turn will piss some people, mostly guys, off.
There seems to be some sort of misconception in the world of BDSM that you can serve an online Domme by just ‘being there,’ and that just doesn’t cut it.
So as a service to you boys who may be new to the game or are just wandering around feeling confused and wondering wtf or maybe you’ve been called a ‘time waster’ or a flake here’s most likely the reason why.
Obviously if you lived near your Domme there wouldn’t be an issue, provided she was for it, to serve her in various ways; cleaning, household chores, errands etc. But if you don’t live near her or don’t have the means by which to physically serve it poses an obvious problem.
A lot of you boys who serve online do so because you’re married or live in a small town and in some cases you just don’t have the balls to serve in real time and all that is okay because that’s where serving an online Domme can become very convenient.
Now here is where some of you will get pissed off. There is really only one way to serve online as a submissive male and that is financially. No this is not some stupid ploy to promote financial domination it is, as I state earlier, logical and obvious.
That’s not to say that you perhaps can’t be of service in other ways such as if you’re good in web design or graphic arts you might be able to 
serve her by helping with her website and such. I’m not here to give a whole bunch of ideas in which to serve virtually because you have to decide what your strengths are and what you can do for her and then you have to see if she needs what you have to offer.
If you can’t come over and scrub my floors and mow my lawn because you live halfway around the world what can you do for me? Remember the point is to satisfy that urge to SERVE. Sure there are some guys who get off on giving or having their money coerced out of them but when we look at this logically there is no other way in which to really serve online unless it’s monetary.
Okay maybe you’re not independently wealthy and no one says you have to be. It’s actually not that big of a deal. Say for example you’re a foot guy (I don’t know why I always pick foot guys for examples) and you’ve found a Mistress whose feet you adore and maybe you can only afford to pay for her pedicures. GREAT! That’s a way to serve. It’s not about cashing in your 401k or retirement fund. It’s about knowing that you just paid for her feet to be pampered which YOU would do if you could be there in person but can’t. Maybe you’re a shoe guy and love high heel shoes. Well head to her wishlist and find a pair you find particularly sexy and buy them for her.
So keeping this in mind I’ll lay out some simple rules to follow if you’re going to serve an online Domme.
- First of all determine if you’re submissive or just a fetishist. For that you might want to read my article on Are you a Sub or Not. The reason for this is don’t pester a Domme, any Domme if you’re not truly submissive and want to SERVE her in some way. If you’re just a fetishist in a certain area it doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun with a Domme but remember she’s looking for loyal, consistent subs. As a fetishist you’re not likely to be either of those.
- If you have no money and no viable means of serving a Mistress then don’t bug her or keep telling her she’s wonderful on the off chance you might get her attention. This only serves to irritate most women. You boys who behave this way are like mosquitos and are only annoying.
- If you only have the means by which to pay for a pedicure here and there, TELL HER. Don’t put yourself out there as Diamond Jim when you’re not because it’s really obvious. Remember we’re talking any online Domme here not Financial Dommes. Financial Dommes want Diamond Jim and if you’re not you’ll be kicked to the curb so fast it’ll make your head spin.
- Always be respectful. You would think this would be obvious but a surprising number of you boys get very crabby when a woman says, “If you want to serve me then do so with a tribute.” She’s not necessarily being a money grubber it’s just like I said YOU have to answer the question, “What can you do for me?” and if it isn’t something she needs then money really is the only logical choice.
- If you tribute or send a $20 gift certificate don’t expect her to gush about how wonderful you are. Or more importantly don’t think she’s going to give you the sun and the moon when it comes to her time. What you guys have to realize is that this is a BUSINESS. If you were to walk in to Walmart and try and barter for price on a chocolate bar you’d be asked to leave. Use your heads. Would $20 buy you hours of stripper fun…no. I think for some reason men think this is some sort of virtual game. That Dommes just sit back and file their nails and watch Maury all day long. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most of the ladies who do this type of work are doing so to pay the bills just like you. Many of them are putting themselves through school, as cliché as that may sound it’s true. Her time will be limited and it just stands to reason that it will be spent where the money is. That’s just good business sense. So don’t take it so personally when she doesn’t fawn all over your $20 tribute. I’m not saying it’s not nice, it is but $20 doesn’t buy you much in this economy no matter where you’re doing the spending.
I guess what I’m trying to get you guys to see is that asking for tributes or gift certificates is all part of doing business online and getting angry over it is ridiculous and actually insulting.
Here’s an example that happened to me. I raised my rates a while back from $1.99 per minute to $2.99 per minute and man did I ever hear you boys throw temper tantrums. I haven’t raised my rates since I started working on Niteflirt in 2008. When you do the math $1.99 per minute works out to $119.40 an hour and I have to say that’s hella cheap for REAL THERAPY which I provide. But I was told that I was being a bitch, a snob, that because I was on the radio I was full of myself. So apparently the cost of living doesn’t apply to me. Prices go up around me but I’m supposed to stay the same, which by the way I did just because everyone freaked. So I have to now make serious budget cuts because it’s getting harder and harder to live on the $1.99 per minute. I’m not whining I’m showing you how all of this is a business. It may kill the fantasy for you guys be everyone on Niteflirt, Talk Sugar and all the other phone services have to pay rent or mortgages like you do. You may think of it as entertainment and that it’s disposable but WE as in the ladies and gentlemen you do business with DO NOT! This is our life. So stop being so bitchy about the answer to the question How Can I Serve You? Money talks, bullshit walks.
Tell me what you think.
I am in a loving but more or less vanilla marriage. I am in near-constant conflict about my sexuality…I have these kinky predilections, but I did not, in my youth, indulge them enough to satisfy my curiosity. Or, more likely, they are part of who I am.
Findom, when done right, is appealing because it’s one of the few ways I can serve, in my present situation. There is that, and there is also slave labor, when it is possible. I was able to serve a master in that way for a time. I was happy because it was about service and not about sex, which I think is important. I think he was not the right person for me longterm, but the experience was a good one, and one I’m happy to have had.
Thanks for reading.
Parasites who need or better still should be FORCED to get a real job
Therapy ?? Do me a favour
95% don’t pay tax and in the UK over 80% claim state benefits
Ive successfully closed down 3 all of them arrested charged and found guilty of benefit fraud and tax evasion
Good for you.
I love this! I will be sharing this article. Most of my subs are good subs. But then there are those who just need to read this article. I couldn’t have said it better! Actually the “good subs” need to read this too because they sometimes act like they don’t get it smh.
I just did a Youtube on something similar to this about what PTVs are all about to a Domme.
Recently, I was on one of the sites like collarme, honestly I can’t remember which one, and one supposed sub was willing to “serve” and wanted naked pictures. I told him I didn’t do naked pictures and if he wanted to serve he had to call and get instructions or purchase the ptv that suited what he was willing to do/pay/etc.
His response?
“Your a fat ass. I bet your pictures are all fat.”
First, notice his grammar. LOL Did he get angry and go off the deep end? These fake subs are a total waste of time. If they want to buy a a video or mp3 of a fetish they’re into then go for it, but don’t send me a message and demand I send something that I’m very upfront and clear about and then waste my time even more by being a disrespectful troll. All it does is get you blocked by not only Me, but many of my Domme friends as well.
Required reading for all!
I have to say I agree with everything, the article is fantastic and the comments make sense to me. I thought I would add some of my thoughts.
Doing what I do most people assume, wrongly as it happens, that I am a real man hater. Nothing could be further from the truth. I like men. I would go so far as to say I love men. So being a dominant, financially savvy woman like me, what could be better than to control the finances and lives of men knowing that they are getting off on it?
As I understand it, the fetish of being financially dominated can come about in any number of ways. I believe it is misunderstood by lots of people. Don’t worry, I am not going to get technical here. But it’s fair to say that we all have things that turn us on and how this happens who knows; but its not something that can be controlled.It just is. We all have differing likes and dislikes and thank God! What a boring world this would be otherwise.
The thing is, if you get all hot looking and what society might consider “normal”; boobs, bums, stockings etc then good for you. If, however, your kinks are somewhat different, how ya gonna get some satisfaction?
This is why the online Mistress is a “God Send” for lots of individuals. It makes us available to lots of people who otherwise would not be able to satisfy certain needs. I hope that the individuals I work with feel that they get value and feel safe and happy. I love my job and I have met some wonderful individuals from my work. However, it is work and to mirror other comments I do work very hard. The exchange of “intimacies” of whatever kind for money is no different to other service jobs.