I may get some flack for this but I’ve been hearing of so many complaints these days I had to get on my soap box and wag my finger.
There are so many girls jumping on the Pro Domme bandwagon because they think it’s fast and easy money. Because of 
this, service and quality are sucking royally. Being a Professional Dominatrix is not an easy job as with any job you need to know what you’re doing before you can call yourself a professional.
A good Domina learns for many months with other experienced Domme’s the art of what they do, key word being ART. That means learning about the submissive mind not just standing there wielding a whip and smacking someone with it and most of all it means being a true dominant female.
Too many women are jumping in who aren’t even overly dominant again due to the lure of fast, easy money. You may get a few first time guys who come to see you but I guarantee you won’t get repeat customers and word will spread really quick that you suck.
Being a professional dominatrix means offering a service to a client. Therefore the happiness and satisfaction of that client should be first and foremost in the mind of the Domina. If you go in to this line of work thinking, ‘it’s my way or the highway,’ you’ll bomb, big time. As a service provider it’s up to you to ensure that your client is getting what they need. That means extensive discussion prior to the appointment to see what your client is in need of.
Now I’m not saying that you should do everything your client wants but that should be stated quite clearly on your website. For example if you don’t do golden showers, make sure you have that stated. If you’re forte is smothering but you suck with a whip make sure your potential clients know this. Don’t profess to be everything to every client. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and obviously you want to play up your strengths.
It’s a shame when I hear from a sub that his first experience with a ‘Pro Domme’ was horrible because you’ve just ruined it for that guy in many cases for good. Many guys then think that when the session sucks it’s because either what they’re in to is too weird or that no one understands them. Most of these clients NEVER see a Pro Domme again. And that’s a travesty.
Being a Dominatrix of any kind is an art. It means extensive research and training to be good at what you do. The horror stories I’m hearing are just sad. Women who refuse to do what the client asks. Women who say they’ll do what the client asks then go and do what they want. Women who treat these clients like shit and speak down to them before ever finding out what that person is in to. What if he’s not in to humiliation girls??? You need to LISTEN!!
And let me blow the lid off what you’re thinking, ‘my clients are submissive so they won’t ask for a refund if they don’t like it.’ Bullshit! If you think your client isn’t happy for some reason it’s up to you to find out why and fix it. That may mean a free session but if you’re taking your business seriously this won’t be an issue. And yes submissive guys, you DO have the right to a refund!!
Unless you are a Lifestyle Dominatrix it’s NOT all about YOU. You are being paid to provide a service it would be nice to see you provide it. These women who are doing so poorly in this business just make the whole industry look bad.
Incompetent Greedy Dominas. i was beaten unconscious once by a slave girl while the “Domina” was on the phone in another room, making another appointment. my desire to kneel before a Woman remains strong, yet common sense tells me to be cautious and discerning. petcock
I see this in the video production industry. Hiring a fetish model who does everything from being tied up to acting dominant on cam, and assuming they have real Domme sense is dangerous. I will never again trust a random fetish model I don’t know with serious dominant play on cam. They can be irresponsible, too vain to consider consequences & big picture, & too ignorant to pay attention to risk & submissive feedback. Lesson learned: instruct them on exactly what they have permission to do, & do not allow them to make independent risky choices in a filmed scene. This was for someone else’s store. I would never trust a non-Domme with a real victim (or even verbal pov) in my own productions.
Also, these fetish models take their fantasy video ‘experience’ and do real time sessions, which is why clients now expect much more for much less $. Clients get a half assed session & I get fewer clients for intense, real experiences.
This article is extremely timely for me after recent incidents.
I went to a so called Pro Domme in Pittsburgh Pa where I live for my first experience and all she had me do was give her a massage with lotion. So disappointing. Do I have to say everything I want? That takes all the fun out of it.
I have had guys ask for refunds for two reasons:
1. They start to panic before a session begins, but after they give tribute.
By panic, I mean suddenly start talking crazy, like saying that I might have men hiding somewhere, ready to cross boundaries without consent.
Um, no. I wouldn’t do that.
2. They enjoyed the BDSM and/or fetish stuff, but are angry that I wouldn’t have sex with them. My ads and website state that I don’t. I explain on the phone that I don’t offer escort services. If someone is such a jerk they think that, “No,” doesn’t apply to them, I’m sure as hell not going to comp a session.
I don’t give refunds, and I don’t feel that subs should expect any pro-domme to offer.
If, for some reason, an issue arose and had to do with ineffective communication on my part, I would consider. But any complaints I’ve had were because of the sub not telling me stuff*, telling me lies (“It’s cool, I’m not looking for sex.”), or being paranoid beyond belief.
*If someone wants to be “forced,” to do something, and tells me to please not do that, I’m going to assume that it’s a boundary unless they told me to begin with, the “no…” request would be part of roleplaying.
As you know Sue I am a Lifestyle Mistress who happens to do what she loves professionally. What a strange combination I know. Actually not so strange since a lot of lifestyle Mistresses ended up going down that road as of late.
Being a Professional Mistress is by far one of the “jobs” where you need to be empathetic, skilled, educated and have the intuitive skills of a psychologist and almost therapist to be professional and good.
For one, I only take on the appointments with men I feel have the right attitude and I can connect with on a solid level.
What many don’t understand is that you have to be very solid in your skills. You must be able to READ your submissive client within minutes. Literally. Where as a lifestyle Mistress you have weeks and month to learn your submissive as a Professional Mistress you only have moments to accomplish the same. That can not be done if you have no understanding, training etc.
Add to that the fact that you need to have at least basic medical understanding, CPR etc. You need to be able to detect warning signs in clients as well. Not all problems are physical, some are mental or emotional in nature.
Domination is a lot more than just the kink aspect, you are touching people on a deeply psychological and emotional level. If you have no training, no experience not only will you give others a bad name, but you can truly mess someone up.
SSC and RACK are not something you can overlook. Your submissive client must not only be happy when he leaves, but also must know that he can safely put his life into your hands again. That is exactly what they are doing. Many areas of BDSM can cause serious damage if you are untrained and uneducated about what you do.
The sign of a true professional is that she will take her time, listen closely and will control her temper at all times. She seeks to give the submissive client a good and safe experience without loosing her dominance in the process. No I do not allow topping from the bottom and once the scene begins I am in charge, but I am also always listening closely, watching even closer and am aware of all the signs his depicts of discomfort and being out of step with what he needs.