Are you submissive or are you just a sucker? In all fairness that’s a relative question. Relative because what some may view as a person being pushed around or bullied can in fact be something the one being tormented is enjoying.
Look at these lyrics to Use Me sung by Bill Withers in 1972:
My brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I’m sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I said, brother, if you only knew
You’d wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
But at what point do you draw the line? Is there a line in the sand for the submissive who enjoys humiliation? Well I’m here to say that if you don’t have a line in the sand you had best get one in a big hurry my meek friend.
Believe me I understand what Bill was singing about and if being humiliated is your thing I will fight for your right to enjoy it the way you want to however I’m hearing more and more about men who have taken submission to a whole, not so good, level.
An easy example is the submissive who is off to see his first Pro Domme. He makes the mistake of being too submissive. He allows the Domme to do what ‘she’ wants and leaves feeling disappointed and ripped off but feels he can’t do anything because he has no right to complain after all he’s submissive.
BULL SHIT! When you decide to PAY for a service from a Pro Domme you have every right to tell that Domme what you want and the experience you want to have. Why? Because you are paying for a service. If she gets pissy because you’re telling her what you want then scream NEXT and move on because she’s not a Pro. It doesn’t mean you dictate the entire experience, that’s up to her but if you’re not in to pain and she pulls out the cane that’s when you say HELL NO gimme my money back.
I know some of the ladies out there will scream, ‘but these guys take advantage of that,’ yes I know there are freaks and morons everywhere but that is the price of doing business my dear. You get ripped off from time to time. There will always be whiners. You simply don’t book them again. Give them their money and tell them to move along. You are providing a service and you should still try to make that experience all about the paying customer.
That example was a simple and easy one but I always find giving you guys real-life stories is best to illustrate my point and I have a couple that should if nothing else make you stop and think.
I have a client who engaged in cuckolding with his wife. Against my advice he allowed his wife to resume a previous relationship with a gentleman who she was having an affair with a couple years prior, and this guy became the bull. Long story short the bull and the wife went too far and ran over the husband. In a short amount of time, I’m talking months here, this guy had the wife tattooed, impregnated her, had the husband in chastity with no access to the key and she was in love and leaving her husband.
There were several times I tried to get him to intervene in what was going down. I told him point blank that this guy was taking his wife, for good. This wasn’t a fantasy, this was real. He was so caught up in his submission and the fact that he was living ‘the dream’ that he played dead at the worst possible times and has now lost his family and almost his home.
Now I know some of you will read that and think, ‘wow that’s so freakin hot!’ and I understand why you think that but at what cost is your lust?
I have three, yes three other clients who have been made to have sex with animals against their will. Two of the Doms were male, one was female. This sickens me on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin. In all three cases the submissives only did it because they didn’t want to disappoint their Mistress/Master.
And once again I ask the question, where’s your line in the sand? I am personally very against the use of animals in any sex scene and you guys know I’m a pretty liberal bitch. I think pushing a sub to do anything they are not psychologically ready for says more about you the Domme/Dom than it does about the sub. The sub is simply doing what you ask of them. With that comes a deep trust and many very twisted individuals feed on that trust. It took months of sessions to get these individuals back to a place where they could look in the mirror and not feel intense shame and horror.
I ask of you as a submissive to please figure out your line in the sand and never, ever breach that line for anyone or anything. Saying no does not make you less of a sub, it makes you a human being and that is what you are before anything else.
As a Domme/Dom I ask that you respect that you are entrusted with an individual’s mind, body and spirit. You are not there to break that person down, you are there to break them free. Learn the difference between the two before you think of picking up the whip.
‘My friends feel it’s their appointed duty
They keep trying to tell me
All you want to do is use me
But my answer, yeah to all that use me stuff
I want to spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me upMy brother sit me right down and he talked to me
He told me that I ought not to let you just walk on me
And I’m sure he meant well
Yeah, but when our talk was through
I said, brother, if you only knew
You’d wish that you were in my shoes
You just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me upSometimes, it’s true
You really do abuse me
You get me in a crowd of high-class people
And then you act real rude to me
But, oh baby, baby, baby, baby,
When you love me, I can’t get enough
I want to spread the news
That if it feels this good getting used
Girl, you just keep on using me
Until you use me up
Until you use me up
Talkin’ ’bout you usin’ people
It all depends on what you do
It ain’t too bad the way you’re usin’ me
‘Cause I sure am usin’ you to do the things you do’
to do the things you do
hmmmm wonder what i am Dr
for sure submissive but i cannot help but feel like a sucker and it definately huge turn on losing control and wearing the horns
As someone who enjoys ethical BDSM play, I absolutely H A T E when a new potential pet messages Me and tells Me he has no limits and will do “whatever YOU want, Mistress!” Nothing will turn Me off faster than knowing I’m going to have to play 120 questions to figure out what they REALLY enjoy and what will 100% make them run screaming for the hills…
I don’t have many limits. 1. I will not involve living things that did not or cannot consent (creatures that are not sentient and humans which are underage, or some girl on the street who you didn’t ask first, etc.) 2. I will not involve something that was once living (I’m talking no corpses. If you wanna fuck deli meat, more power to you) 3. No vomit – it just squicks Me xD
So like… Castration? I’m curious. you said no limits, should I go get the bands? No? How about knife play? I’m pretty experienced with it, but I hope you like scratch marks cuz I don’t go gentle… What about getting tattooed for Me? My real-time slave doughboy did it, and I loved it!
As Dr. Sue said, you don’t give the Domme a heading, you go away unhappy. I make all of My real-time clients either give Me a “Hell yes” and “Hell no” list, or else purchase and fill out My extensive BDSM checklist with their likes/dislikes. I refuse to deal with someone in the flesh space who doesn’t know what they want. But even online it is very upsetting. Believe Us – when you go away unfulfilled, so do We. Sure, We may have enjoyed making you slam your dick in a toilet seat for 30 minutes, but when you ghost and never come back, it’s no a good feeling.
OMG Kiara I’m the same way. As soon as they say, do what you want, I bring out the blow torch and forks! LOL Still okay to do anything I want?
Dear Dr Sue,
I might not have liked your alpha/beta article, but I do respect the fact that you allowed me my say without censoring me; even when I spoke harshly of you.
But you have earned my true respect just now, after reading this article. Submissive people, please take heed of Dr Sue’s advice here.
Hello Mark,
I don’t expect everyone to be happy about what I say on here. But I am a firm believer of exercising your right to free speech and if you don’t like what I have to say of course you can voice it. I never censor unless is silly. Like your Fuck a Duck comment. LOL! You just need to understand that even though you might not like what’s being said, others understand and need to know that it’s okay to be submissive. You don’t realize how hard it is for sub males to deal with being sub in a society that thinks it’s weak. I dig that you don’t like it but have a little heart for those dealing with it. 😉
Very well said, Dr Sue. I concur, on so many levels.
At what cost is your lust? I’ve been asking this since forever. Every time I’ve written you about an internal conflict I’ve had about submission, it’s been because of this issue.
Unfortunately, the potential for abuse or failure to moderate oneself is ever present in BDSM. Some fetishes are more prone to abuse by sadists and predators than others.
Cuckolding, as you’ve already demonstrated, financial domination, and female supremacy, are particularly dangerous in this regard. I find people that are into these fetishes elevate it to a moral issue; if you don’t want it, no questions asked, no limits, then you’re not a true sub.
“This is the natural order of life.” “You’re living unnaturally.” “This is what nature intended.” “You’re denying the truth.” “It’s all you’re good for.” Dom/mes and subs, equally, will hurl these authoritarian epithets at you in these fetishes if you actually have a functioning brain and choose to exercise it. It has all the makings of a cult. I’ve given up arguing these points with true believers. Their minds are immune to logic.
So, while I think you’re warning is spot-on, it will likely be missed by those who really need it, while people like me will scream, “Preach on, Sister!”
Hopefully, it reaches someone before they get too far down the rabbit hole.