I hate to shit on the kumbaya moments some of the ladies in this industry try to create with their ‘Femme Domme Sisterhood’ ideas but in my opinion it’s all crap. YES CRAP!
I’d love for all of the women in female domination to live our lives in a tampon commercial; running slowly through a field of flowers on a beautiful sunny day, hair billowing, flower print dress flowing as our equally beautiful friends run towards us with their arms outstretched ready to embrace our sisters in love and respect.
Unfortunately that’s NEVER going to happen.
In reality you might find one or two ladies who will support you and be friendly as long as everyone has had their Snicker™ bars. What’s more likely to happen is those same women running toward each other with the tampons in their mouths, blood dripping down their chins, hot and sweaty in their leather and latex with a flagrum in one hand and a cell phone blasting social media in the other.
You can say I’m cynical and you’d probably be right but I like to think of my cynicism as realism. I’ve been around the block in this industry and business enough to know better.
Here’s why the ideal of women helping women in female domination won’t work and one is the same reasons why female supremacy will never work despite what some of you would like to believe.
MONEY
.001% of women in either professional or online domination are in it because it’s in their soul and don’t get paid for it; the key being not getting paid for it. Of course many women are naturally dominant but once you start getting paid for it the game changes, now its business and once money comes in to play both women and men get territorial and mean.
Every week I’m approached by women telling me yet another horror story to add to my own about something yet another Domme has done to ‘destroy’ her in some way, shape or form. Just check your Twitter timeline it’s not hard to find.
These attacks can take the form of simple social media insults and unfollows to websites being hacked to real-life identities being exposed and ruined to stalking and physical confrontations. Let’s face it girls no one fights dirtier than we do. And this foolishness can come from something as simple as a ‘slave’ being ‘stolen’. (Why the quotes? Because if you guys had half a brain you’d realize there is NO LOYALTY in sex. You can’t steal something that was never yours to begin with. Men will ALWAYS be looking for the latest, shiniest, newest woman out there in the ridiculous hope they will be the answer to their domination prayers.) This is called COM-PE-TI-TION and its part of doing business. Now before all you good boys come out saying “HEY I’M NOT THAT WAY,” yes there are a few of you gentlemen who behave like a real submissive and love and adore your Domme but you boys are RARE and this is something all you ladies out there need to beat in to your brains.
As long as money is involved there will be no warm fuzzies between Dommes. Think of it this way, do you see Burger King cuddling up to McDonalds putting out commercials about the Burger Brotherhood? No! Does Ford put out advertisements to get your next car at their bestie Toyota’s dealership? No!
EVOLUTION
Sorry girls but we haven’t evolved enough to pull off any sisterhood femme domme or otherwise. And the aforementioned behavior is my case-in-point. As long as women continue to fight, scratch and claw at each other for a myriad of retarded reasons it will never happen. We fight each other instead of the men who keep us in a minority, repressed position. I’m not a feminist and even I can see that. Without getting overly political men want minorities such as women and people of color for example fighting amongst ourselves, it keeps us busy and not moving forward. Fighting equals stagnation. So the irony in all of this is, the more you bitch and moan at each other the more you’re a puppet of men, the same ones you claim to control.
Yes there is always strength in numbers and collectively mankind will always move forward in a marvelous (I’m trying not to use the word great for obvious reasons) way when we all work together for a common goal. But what is the common goal of a femme domme sisterhood? A bunch of business owners most of whom loathe each other giving virtual hugs. Until you can come up with a strategy, a mission statement that defines what you’re trying to do, you’re wasting your time. Most women who are trying to create these femme domme sisterhoods spend their time mediating audacious arguments.
Look I’m not saying you can’t acquire friendships in this business, of course you can. I have a few myself, a few as in I can count them on one hand, on purpose. But I will say that most of the women I was once friends with I am no longer for various reasons, not all of them negative but some. People come and go in your life that’s totally normal.
I’m not trying to say don’t be friendly, of course be friendly, be supportive just don’t waste all of your time trying to get everyone to get along or to try to be best buddies with everyone you encounter. This is business not a support group and in business there are no safe zones. No little rooms that you can run to and pet a puppy to make yourself feel better.
Listen if you come out of this life with one ride or die friend then you are truly blessed, in business expect none. Stop wasting your time trying to be everyone’s best friend, it won’t work and it causes you to take your eye off the prize, your business. And when it comes to business learn to mind yours and quit worrying about what everyone else is doing. Put your efforts in to refining your craft and building a niche for yourself. The best Dommes are the quiet ones not getting in to drama. They’re the ones laughing all the way to the bank while the idiot squirrels chase each other’s tails and throw nuts at one another. Cause ladies if men wanted drama, they’d go offline and listen to their wives.
It is a very unfortunate truth that you’ve highlighted here. I have been around since 2005, and I have one friend in the business who’s stuck by me (that’s YOU, Sue!). Mixtrix is also another great one who has never steared Me wrong. The rest have stabbed my back in minor ways that have made Us both look bad on social media, or major ways which have caused Me over $1,000. The only other ones who I have been able to call friends and can guarantee will support Me and not tear Me down are the ones I’ve mentored, Dom Mal and Empress Hana, and We were friends from the start, I just showed Them the ropes and sent Them on Their way. I have mentored others in the past and they have simply walked away from the business and the lifestyle, and that may happen again, but these 2 have been through the ringer and back with Me.
Don’t get Me wrong – I’m by no means enemies with every other Domme out there. I can count My guaranteed ‘enemies’ on one hand just like I can count My guaranteed friends and supporters on the other. But everyone else sort of exists in this gray area middle ground. I’m always civil and polite, but because I’ve been burned I’m also always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is She messaging Me because She thinks She can use My success to further Herself? Is She trying to steal My style so that She can attract those who are serving Me currently to Her flock? Is She being fake nice so that She can learn a little about Me to bash later to make Herself ‘look good’ in comparison? Pro tip – the drama is NOT positive. Not ALL publicity is good publicity.
slaves talk, and some of the horror stories I’ve heard about some of the TOP DOMMES in the scene right now is enough to make Me cringe. But am I going to bash Them publicly? No. That’s going to make Me look petty, and that’s NOT the kind of Bitch I want to be.
I have always said: “It’s a Doggess eat Doggess world”
I have ever been hopeful that women would stand together in unity,and appreciation for the strength we possess in numbers when it comes to opposing the mantle of male oppression,but alas it seems as if I dreamed the impossible dream. Of course I have the option of preaching from my own little piece of the pulpit,which I have done,but even I weary of wasted breath. The concept of sisterhood all comes crashing down when money becomes a driving motivation.
I understand the hunger,hell hunger and I were constant companions in my younger years,but as I matured and made my mark in the workplace I realized that there was no need to suppress others in my quest for success,but due to the much publicized pieces in regards to findom,the fallout has spread it’s seeds far and wide. What we see now is nothing like it once was. Findom has evolved into a straight up cutthroat business. It is clips,and sessions. It is greed and desperate hunger. It is tit for tat,and pay for play. Gone are the days of worshiping a woman as a multidimensional being,instead the males flocking to the scene are here for the satiation of their sex drive. Women to them are the candy in the window. Treats that they demand free samples of,while displaying zero appreciation,and due to hunger we are seeing women accept objectification,and dehumanization all for the God of greed(the dollar).
Do I still hold hope that women will recognize how they are being maneuvered by males and the money they possess,and take a stand of camaraderie,NO. I am a realist as well,and accept that the only actions I can fully control are my own,so I do my part for promoting sisterhood by not talking ill of other women,nor attempting to engage in petty drama.
People really need to calm down. Not easy when social media makes it so easy to send out thoughless comments.
I have seen a million dommes come and go. There seems to be a large fresh batch right now!
Dr. Sue and GBD are some of the first people I met and I’m glad you are still here; I still learn from you.
That’s the Rub. Honestly I do not think there’s even a “Brotherhood” with males either and it doesn’t have to involve money Males always bash one another for dumb ass reasons. Yes I see it with women all the time even those that are not in the BDSM lifestyle I have worked in offices were I was the only male and damn if I didn’t see the women being two faced as hell behind each other’s backs. I believe it’s an evolutionary throwback dealing with genetic survival there always has to be an “Alpha Male and Alpha Female” and those “Alphas” have to bash their way to the top of the “food chain” so to speak. back when we were just starting to walk on two legs that meant being the strongest and the most futile. Now it’s who’s got the biggest set of the metaphysical balls in a given geographical area.
All I can say here is one big fat “Amen” and that comes from a woman who used to believe in the Sisterhood. Used to believe in a ton of things matter of fact, but not anymore. It’s a cold hard truth you stated and I don’t even want to imagine the backlash you’ll get from it once again., but it’s a truth never the less.
It’s not about being cynical, jaded, bitchy or anything here, it’s about having been around long enough to realize that there has to come a time you stop fooling yourself. The rose colored glasses come off and what you are left with often times is something we don’t want to see in OURSELVES, because guess what even the nicest person after a while will get sick of the constant attacks and BS. The claws will come out, we are all (both genders – and every fucking one) animals in the end.
As to your note about “stealing” “slaves”, this is the bleeding Internet, there is almost nothing real in this place and the few rare “good boys” who are there, don’t even make up 0.002% of those who talk about it. But we all want to play the Illusions game, that we are all perfect, that everything is fucking perfect, etc. It’s not and it never will be. At least not for a very very long time. Maybe the next reincarnation of our reincarnations reincarnation will get it right, that’s if we haven’t destroy each other before than.
We can’t even get relationships and friendships right in this time and age, Sisterhood and Supremacy goes a big step above. So yeah, I’d say you were spot on and that is what is the saddest part of all, because guess what those who actually do enjoy it and have it in their blood, will sooner or later get tired of being around it. Politics which are just as much about the money and power and Fetish / Kink don’t belong together and they don’t mix, but they keep getting made bedfellows.
I said a long time ago that when things become “Popular” and “trendy” they lose their meaning, and sorry all but that is what this has turned into now. It’s just another trend to follow, another game to play, another place to fool yourself into believing you are superior to someone else and oh so bleeding special. Humanity is out of it and so is appreciation, honesty, and taking responsibility for ones own actions. It’s all just a joke these days that everyone takes WAY TOO SERIOUS. When the laughter stopped, the genuine laughter and was replaced with hatred, loathing, disgust and finger pointing, it stopped being fun for everyone.
Oh and it’s not just the men who are sick of the constant fighting, clawing, attacks, and other BS. Belief it or not some of the unfollows are done because we other women who really don’t want to be part of the asinine acts until we get backed into a virtual corner respond, they are done because we come online too to get away from the drama with our “partners” and “spouses”. Oh stop it all, no relationship is perfect.
Just as the men who are our clients can go offline and talk to their wife to get the drama, so can we the women. Look it’s equality at it’s basest right there, because if we wanted all this freaking drama and BS all the time we could go and just log off. It’s actually rather refreshing.
Good luck to all of us Ladies and Gents. Welcome to the human race, were we are all still a bunch of screw ups with a lot to learn, and that includes myself.
Goddess Bella Donna (Regina)