July 2009

How to Find a Pro Domme

Finding just the right Pro Domme is equivalent to finding just the right hairstylist. It takes some time and a bit of trial and error. The most important part is the connection. You have to have a connection with her, if there’s no connection the relationship is a waste of both of your time.

Start by hitting the internet and typing in pro domme and then what ever city you live in or live near. Figure out ahead of time how far you’re willing to travel. There are an insane amount of Pro Domme top lists and directories out there. Websites like Collar Me and other forums are great places to do your research. Even Yahoo chatrooms for your area can be a treasure trove of available dommes.

You want to start by looking at her website and seeing what she’s in to and if she’s compatible with your own needs and desires. Not every domme is in to every fetish. You want to be attracted to her so check out her pictures but don’t limit yourself to looks. Once you find a domme that’s a possibility, email her and explain what you’re looking for and a bit of what you’re in to. An online correspondence is important to get to know one another first. If you email her and she doesn’t respond, forget about her. Unless she emails you saying she was out of town or on vacation there’s no excuse to ignore you.

You have to remember, even though you’re dealing with a dominant female and you want her to take control during your session, you’re still a paying customer. Now that doesn’t mean you can make a ton of demands and act rude, that’s just a sure fire way to get yourself blacklisted. There’s also very little room for fee negotiation. If you start haggling with her, you’ll lose her. There are more submissives out there who are willing to pay more than the going rate for a good session then they can handle so keep that in mind.

When it comes to your first session with her, if you haven’t had an extensive online ‘getting to know you’ time period your first session should be only that, getting to know YOU. She should spend a good deal of time finding out your needs, your wants and the especially the things you don’t want. That’s not to say that a good domme won’t push your limits, she will, but after she gets to know you and gets to know your mind. If she just takes you to her dungeon and begins a session without talking to you first leave, she’s not a professional and has no regard for you.

A first session for you is to see if you have that connection. Is this the goddess you’ve been looking for? Do you feel a pull to her? If you don’t have a connection, don’t re-book but give her the courtesy of telling her that the connection isn’t there for you. If she’s a professional she won’t be put off by this.

It may take you a few first sessions to find just the right lady but it will pay off in the long run. The more time you take choosing your domme the better and more memorable your sessions will be.

What is Financial Domination?

Articles, Featured, Financial Domination

Financial Domination comes from a deep need for a loss of control. Financial Domination can be played in a myriad of ways but the main idea is a dominant woman seductively or harshly manipulating money from a submissive male.

For the submissive the idea of having a woman take money from him or manipulate him into a state of wanting to give money to her is incredibly erotic. In some cases the submissive male even dreams of complete financial ruination. This is extreme but has been done by many femme dommes in the past. Usually Financial Domination just involves the taking or giving of money either on a scheduled basis, through coercion or blackmail, or just out of an intense need to give.

Now for those of you who are reading this thinking, ‘you’d have to be nuts to get off on that,’ let me remind you that everyone has their own erotic fantasies however if you’ve ever taken a woman on a date, you’ve been financially dominated. If you’ve ever been screwed over in a divorce, you’ve been financially dominated. So don’t be too quick to judge. For some it’s painful, for others it’s very hot.

This is another fetish that has an underlying current of humiliation as well, but again it depends on the individual. To hear a woman laughing and telling you what a sucker you are can be very arousing.

Financial Domination can be done by phone, mail, live sessions or just about any way that’s imaginable. Being a Sugar Daddy is a more controlled form of Financial Domination but usually involved sex. The true fetish doesn’t involve sex at all because the dominant female wouldn’t dream of having sex with an unworthy submissive. The fact that he’s giving to her is simply because he feels that he isn’t worthy of the money but she, being more powerful and beautiful, should be made to enjoy her life with his money but without any tangible benefit to him. The mere fact that he has given the money is the benefit to him.

I use this metaphor a lot when I’m describing the feelings of the submissive in Financial Domination. When you go to a Christian church there is a time in the service where the plate is passed around and every one gives money to help keep the church running. No one there expects anything from that offering. They certainly don’t expect the pastor to get down and say blow the congregation in gratitude. (Lol that’s probably a whole other fetish.) No, in fact you give because you WANT to, you want to make sure your church is there for you next week, that the pastor can eat for the week and the bills can be paid. It’s the exact same thing with submissive men. If it’s done correctly they look at the woman as a goddess, a deity. To offer up money to their goddess is just the right thing to do. Her life is ALL that matters. As a submissive male you want to eat, sleep and breathe this woman. She IS your religion.

What is a Cuckold or a Cuckold Relationship?

Articles, Cuckolding, Featured

Cuckolding, when we boil it all down to its basic premise, is when the dominant half of a relationship – and because this site deals with primarily female led relationships I’ll use it in that context – decides to take on other lovers with or without the consent of the submissive partner. The cuckold is the submissive partner.

Now let’s look at it in all its individual glory. Those of you who know me know that I hate everything being put in nice, neat little boxes and that I hate the word normal. Cuckolding is as individual as those couples who are participating in it. For the most part though, the male feels inadequate, and usually is from a penis size perspective (remember I’m talking generalities here), and wants to watch his partner have sex with another man who is usually larger, more dominant/alpha and therefore more worthy of his partner than he is.

The key to making cuckolding work for you is to make it totally your own. As a couple you need to agree on parameters that will work for both of you. The keys to success are compromise and communication. Here are some ideas to mull over when you’re considering making cuckolding part of your life.

Does the cuckold want to watch or just be told about what it was like for the woman to have sex with the other man? Some men want to watch, some men don’t. Some figure that the old green-eyed monster will kick in if they’re in the room during sex. (If that’s the case I’d suggest really thinking it over BEFORE you go ahead with this.) For the cuckold’s who don’t want to watch, being descriptively told about what it felt like, how big the other guy’s cock was, how long the sex lasted etc, works just as well. You may even consider taking your cell phone to the encounter if it’s in a hotel and calling the cuckold at home and letting him listen.
For those who are watching, will you be allowed to participate in some way? Some cuckolds are tied to a chair at the end of the bed and left there not able to masturbate during the session or they are put in chastity. Some with bi-fantasies are made to suck the alpha male hard first preparing him for his partner. And some cuckolds are allowed to hold his partner’s legs back facilitating entry or even to hold the alpha’s cock and guide it in to her.
Will the cuckold be humiliated verbally? Many submissive males enjoy being humiliated during a sex session with an alpha male. Either by the alpha male the female or both. Hearing your partner tell you how much better it feels being fucked by a bigger cock, listening to the alpha male say how much he loves being inside of her and that he’d never let anyone fuck someone as beautiful as this etc.

All of these are just ideas to get you started. Remember to make it your own by coming up with your own ideas that work for the both of you.

Want more CUCKOLDING? Listen to Cuckolding on In Bed with Dr Sue CLICK HERE!

What Exactly Is a Sexual Fetish?

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A sexual fetish put quite simply is sexual arousal that’s brought on by objects, body parts or situations that society deems as not normally being sexual in nature.

Because psychology has many theories about well…everything, and many different methods of not only treating but diagnosing, there is no single agreed upon reason as to why a fetish is born, which is why I’ll discuss my own observations and theories.

Through my studies both during and after I was a Pro-domme, I have come to the personal opinion that they are born usually pre-adolescent, but understand that this isn’t true of every person. To give you an example a client of mine told me the following story about his own fetish because he is one of the rare individuals who can remember precisely when it was activated.

A 3 year old child is playing under the kitchen table while his mother and her friend are gathered talking. Each of these ladies is wearing pantyhose and neither have shoes on. The child begins to touch the feet of the ladies in a playful way exploring the feeling of the nylon and the women even engage in tickling the child with their feet or offer games where they wiggle their toes to the delight of the child. This child grows up to have a very strong fetish towards pantyhose and women’s feet. However you must remember that there could have been 3 kids under that table interacting the same way and none of them would develop a fetish at all.

I think the best way to put it is that a fetish is like a seed that is planted generally pre-adolescent. The seed could remain with the child their entire life and never begin to bloom. Or it could at some point have water poured on it and the seed begins to bloom and blossom and take on a life of its own.

In my opinion we spend far too much time trying to figure out the past. What really needs to be decided and can only be decided individually is whether the fetish causes someone distress and is ruining certain aspects of their life, or if it brings them pleasure and joy in which case it’s best to embrace it and have fun with it. In the case where it’s causing distress then treatment is needed. Treatment of an imposing sexual fetish is usually done with one or sometimes with a combination of cognitive therapy/behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis or medication.

Archives for July 2009

Want more CUCKOLDING? Listen to Cuckolding on In Bed with Dr Sue CLICK HERE!

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