2009

Cuckolding for Ladies – You’re Getting Carried Away Girls!

In this first-in-a-series on cuckolding for ladies I’m already reprimanding you guys. 😉

But it’s very important that this subject gets top billing because it’s integral to your success.

Cuckolding can be a fabulous boost to what may have been a dry and lifeless sex life, but it can have its pitfalls if you’re not very careful. The key to making cuckolding work in your relationship is communication.

Let’s face it girls, there are times when we can get carried away when we really start to realize just how much power we have. Now that’s not necessarily a bad thing but it’s all in how you wield that power.

Remember that even though you are the dominant partner you are a partner. There is another human being involved in this. Notice how I said, human being not submissive. When it comes to communication with your partner you have to have neutral ground. You have to have discussions where there are no roles being assumed. Where both of you can voice concerns, ideas and boundary issues.

This isn’t a game that you’re trying to win, it’s a sexual lifestyle. Note I said, sexual lifestyle. Unless you both agree to life a D & S lifestyle full time you’ll probably just be using cuckolding to spice up your sex life and for the most part will live your lives as a ‘regular’ couple.

Power can be a heady drug and sometimes we start getting off course without even recognizing that we’re doing it. That’s why the communication is so important. Having regular discussions about how each of you is feeling will keep feelings of resentment and hurt from destroying your relationship.

There is no right or wrong way to practice a cuckolding lifestyle. But you can minimize problems by sitting down and discussing what each person wants, needs and desires. You will probably find conflicting wants, that’s completely natural, you won’t see eye-to-eye on every topic but NOW is the time to discuss them and come to an agreement not after you’ve started playing.

Ladies just try to remember that during these discussions you are not in domme-mode. This isn’t the time to start pulling the, ‘my way or the highway,’ attitudes. These are neutral discussions aimed at minimizing potential relationship killers.

First and foremost it’s imperative that you keep in mind that you are both human beings before you’re dominant or submissive, and as human beings there are emotions, fears, and feelings involved. Don’t let the power go to your head or you’ll find that you’ll be left with no one to cuckold.

The Best Fetish Hook up Sites

Doc Recommends, Fetish Dating

Revised and Updated June 2014

One of the hardest things you’ll deal with when indulging your fetish is to find like-minded or complimentary mates. It’s not like you can put a profile on E-Harmony and tell everyone you love being spanked. Probably wouldn’t go over well. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find the perfect person to share your life and your kink with. Here’s some of the sites I personally think are worth your time. Notice I said ‘time’, that means you DO have to put time into creating your profiles.

You’ll probably notice that there are only 2 places I recommend. That’s because after owning my own dating site for many years I know quality when I see it. Every body and their brother has a ‘dating site’ now but that doesn’t mean that they are worth your money. These are tried, tested and remain true because THEY WORK! They are one of the oldest on the net for alt and no strings sex for a reason! Nothing I’ve found comes close to these guys.

(All links/sites open in a new tab or browser window so you won’t wander to far from The Review)

Alt.com

Alt continues to be and always will be THE BEST in Fetish dating of any kind. For years I’ve asked my clients who I know have used online services for their fetish what service they use and every single time they tell me ALT! It’s been around the longest and has the largest database of members ANYWHERE on the net. More importantly, it WORKS!

Alt.com has been around since 1996. With over 2 million members you’re sure to find that perfect playmate and who knows maybe a life long partner. Standard Membership is FREE and allows you to chat, instant message and browse member profiles. Other memberships start as low as $9.95 per month and Gold is only $29.95 per month. It’s definitely worth the small investment to get you in touch with that perfect person.

Adult Friend Finder

AFF is another one of my favorites but for different reasons. I have recommended AFF to men who are in what I consider to be sexless marriages; their wives libido’s for one reason or another no longer exist and they no longer get sex. I always tell them to hit up AFF for a play partner and the feedback I received was fantastic. Remember, you are a sexual being and just because someone has cut you off for whatever reason, doesn’t mean you have to suffer. That’s where AFF comes in handy. Again, run by the folks at ALT they have a massive database of sexy partners who want to play, ‘on the side’ with ‘no strings’.

Adult Friend Finder is another site that’s been around since 1996 as well. AFF boasts 31 million members and it’s great for any kind of hook up your looking for, swinging, gay, straight, trannies and more! They offer FREE Standard Memberships as well and also offer premium memberships starting at $9.95 a month. The cams alone are worth it!

How to Find a Pro Domme

Articles, Femme Domme

Finding just the right Pro Domme is equivalent to finding just the right hairstylist. It takes some time and a bit of trial and error. The most important part is the connection. You have to have a connection with her, if there’s no connection the relationship is a waste of both of your time.

Start by hitting the internet and typing in pro domme and then what ever city you live in or live near. Figure out ahead of time how far you’re willing to travel. There are an insane amount of Pro Domme top lists and directories out there. Websites like Collar Me and other forums are great places to do your research. Even Yahoo chatrooms for your area can be a treasure trove of available dommes.

You want to start by looking at her website and seeing what she’s in to and if she’s compatible with your own needs and desires. Not every domme is in to every fetish. You want to be attracted to her so check out her pictures but don’t limit yourself to looks. Once you find a domme that’s a possibility, email her and explain what you’re looking for and a bit of what you’re in to. An online correspondence is important to get to know one another first. If you email her and she doesn’t respond, forget about her. Unless she emails you saying she was out of town or on vacation there’s no excuse to ignore you.

You have to remember, even though you’re dealing with a dominant female and you want her to take control during your session, you’re still a paying customer. Now that doesn’t mean you can make a ton of demands and act rude, that’s just a sure fire way to get yourself blacklisted. There’s also very little room for fee negotiation. If you start haggling with her, you’ll lose her. There are more submissives out there who are willing to pay more than the going rate for a good session then they can handle so keep that in mind.

When it comes to your first session with her, if you haven’t had an extensive online ‘getting to know you’ time period your first session should be only that, getting to know YOU. She should spend a good deal of time finding out your needs, your wants and the especially the things you don’t want. That’s not to say that a good domme won’t push your limits, she will, but after she gets to know you and gets to know your mind. If she just takes you to her dungeon and begins a session without talking to you first leave, she’s not a professional and has no regard for you.

A first session for you is to see if you have that connection. Is this the goddess you’ve been looking for? Do you feel a pull to her? If you don’t have a connection, don’t re-book but give her the courtesy of telling her that the connection isn’t there for you. If she’s a professional she won’t be put off by this.

It may take you a few first sessions to find just the right lady but it will pay off in the long run. The more time you take choosing your domme the better and more memorable your sessions will be.

What is Financial Domination?

Articles, Featured, Financial Domination

Financial Domination comes from a deep need for a loss of control. Financial Domination can be played in a myriad of ways but the main idea is a dominant woman seductively or harshly manipulating money from a submissive male.

For the submissive the idea of having a woman take money from him or manipulate him into a state of wanting to give money to her is incredibly erotic. In some cases the submissive male even dreams of complete financial ruination. This is extreme but has been done by many femme dommes in the past. Usually Financial Domination just involves the taking or giving of money either on a scheduled basis, through coercion or blackmail, or just out of an intense need to give.

Now for those of you who are reading this thinking, ‘you’d have to be nuts to get off on that,’ let me remind you that everyone has their own erotic fantasies however if you’ve ever taken a woman on a date, you’ve been financially dominated. If you’ve ever been screwed over in a divorce, you’ve been financially dominated. So don’t be too quick to judge. For some it’s painful, for others it’s very hot.

This is another fetish that has an underlying current of humiliation as well, but again it depends on the individual. To hear a woman laughing and telling you what a sucker you are can be very arousing.

Financial Domination can be done by phone, mail, live sessions or just about any way that’s imaginable. Being a Sugar Daddy is a more controlled form of Financial Domination but usually involved sex. The true fetish doesn’t involve sex at all because the dominant female wouldn’t dream of having sex with an unworthy submissive. The fact that he’s giving to her is simply because he feels that he isn’t worthy of the money but she, being more powerful and beautiful, should be made to enjoy her life with his money but without any tangible benefit to him. The mere fact that he has given the money is the benefit to him.

I use this metaphor a lot when I’m describing the feelings of the submissive in Financial Domination. When you go to a Christian church there is a time in the service where the plate is passed around and every one gives money to help keep the church running. No one there expects anything from that offering. They certainly don’t expect the pastor to get down and say blow the congregation in gratitude. (Lol that’s probably a whole other fetish.) No, in fact you give because you WANT to, you want to make sure your church is there for you next week, that the pastor can eat for the week and the bills can be paid. It’s the exact same thing with submissive men. If it’s done correctly they look at the woman as a goddess, a deity. To offer up money to their goddess is just the right thing to do. Her life is ALL that matters. As a submissive male you want to eat, sleep and breathe this woman. She IS your religion.

What is a Cuckold or a Cuckold Relationship?

Articles, Cuckolding, Featured

Cuckolding, when we boil it all down to its basic premise, is when the dominant half of a relationship – and because this site deals with primarily female led relationships I’ll use it in that context – decides to take on other lovers with or without the consent of the submissive partner. The cuckold is the submissive partner.

Now let’s look at it in all its individual glory. Those of you who know me know that I hate everything being put in nice, neat little boxes and that I hate the word normal. Cuckolding is as individual as those couples who are participating in it. For the most part though, the male feels inadequate, and usually is from a penis size perspective (remember I’m talking generalities here), and wants to watch his partner have sex with another man who is usually larger, more dominant/alpha and therefore more worthy of his partner than he is.

The key to making cuckolding work for you is to make it totally your own. As a couple you need to agree on parameters that will work for both of you. The keys to success are compromise and communication. Here are some ideas to mull over when you’re considering making cuckolding part of your life.

Does the cuckold want to watch or just be told about what it was like for the woman to have sex with the other man? Some men want to watch, some men don’t. Some figure that the old green-eyed monster will kick in if they’re in the room during sex. (If that’s the case I’d suggest really thinking it over BEFORE you go ahead with this.) For the cuckold’s who don’t want to watch, being descriptively told about what it felt like, how big the other guy’s cock was, how long the sex lasted etc, works just as well. You may even consider taking your cell phone to the encounter if it’s in a hotel and calling the cuckold at home and letting him listen.
For those who are watching, will you be allowed to participate in some way? Some cuckolds are tied to a chair at the end of the bed and left there not able to masturbate during the session or they are put in chastity. Some with bi-fantasies are made to suck the alpha male hard first preparing him for his partner. And some cuckolds are allowed to hold his partner’s legs back facilitating entry or even to hold the alpha’s cock and guide it in to her.
Will the cuckold be humiliated verbally? Many submissive males enjoy being humiliated during a sex session with an alpha male. Either by the alpha male the female or both. Hearing your partner tell you how much better it feels being fucked by a bigger cock, listening to the alpha male say how much he loves being inside of her and that he’d never let anyone fuck someone as beautiful as this etc.

All of these are just ideas to get you started. Remember to make it your own by coming up with your own ideas that work for the both of you.

Want more CUCKOLDING? Listen to Cuckolding on In Bed with Dr Sue CLICK HERE!

What Exactly Is a Sexual Fetish?

Articles

A sexual fetish put quite simply is sexual arousal that’s brought on by objects, body parts or situations that society deems as not normally being sexual in nature.

Because psychology has many theories about well…everything, and many different methods of not only treating but diagnosing, there is no single agreed upon reason as to why a fetish is born, which is why I’ll discuss my own observations and theories.

Through my studies both during and after I was a Pro-domme, I have come to the personal opinion that they are born usually pre-adolescent, but understand that this isn’t true of every person. To give you an example a client of mine told me the following story about his own fetish because he is one of the rare individuals who can remember precisely when it was activated.

A 3 year old child is playing under the kitchen table while his mother and her friend are gathered talking. Each of these ladies is wearing pantyhose and neither have shoes on. The child begins to touch the feet of the ladies in a playful way exploring the feeling of the nylon and the women even engage in tickling the child with their feet or offer games where they wiggle their toes to the delight of the child. This child grows up to have a very strong fetish towards pantyhose and women’s feet. However you must remember that there could have been 3 kids under that table interacting the same way and none of them would develop a fetish at all.

I think the best way to put it is that a fetish is like a seed that is planted generally pre-adolescent. The seed could remain with the child their entire life and never begin to bloom. Or it could at some point have water poured on it and the seed begins to bloom and blossom and take on a life of its own.

In my opinion we spend far too much time trying to figure out the past. What really needs to be decided and can only be decided individually is whether the fetish causes someone distress and is ruining certain aspects of their life, or if it brings them pleasure and joy in which case it’s best to embrace it and have fun with it. In the case where it’s causing distress then treatment is needed. Treatment of an imposing sexual fetish is usually done with one or sometimes with a combination of cognitive therapy/behavioral therapy, psychoanalysis or medication.

Archives for 2009

Want more CUCKOLDING? Listen to Cuckolding on In Bed with Dr Sue CLICK HERE!

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