I get asked a lot about the difference between an alpha male (also known as a
master, bull, dominant male, daddy, or real man among many other terms), and a beta male (also referred to as the sub male, slave, bitch, or loser). There are a million terms to describe either one and yet there’s still some confusion about their place in BDSM or cuckolding, why I don’t know, it seems very clear to me.
Alpha males are the seed spreaders, their primary reason for living is to spread as much of their dominant seed as possible. This goes back to evolution when it really was survival of the fittest just like in the animal kingdom. Alpha males are usually built as such; tall, broad shouldered, large penises, and usually very handsome with defined bone structure. They are cocky and confident. They know when they enter the room they can do or have anyone there. The downside to alpha males is that they’re too cocky, arrogant, and tend to clash with dominant females. This is precisely the reason why dominant women only fuck alpha males and then kick them to the curb. A dominant woman living with an alpha male can get very ugly and rarely works. That’s why dominant women would rather be with the submissive male except for sex.
Most real alpha males suck at making money because they’re too distracted by their penises and their own sense of importance to bother. Besides, why should they when the beta’s are there to do the work for them? Alpha’s are con-artists and usually have a flock of beta’s in some way doing all the grunt work while they take the glory.
Beta males are the worker bees of the world. I liken it to bees because it’s very similar in structure as a hive. Beta or submissive males are the ones working the hive, gathering the pollen, keeping the hive tidy for the Queen, kicking out intruders. They tend to look submissive, wimpy and usually have small penises although there are exceptions to every rule. Whereas the drones’ only purpose is to fertilize the eggs laid by the Queen to ensure the hives colony is always strong. Granted this is a very glossed over version of bee colonies but you get the idea.
Now understand this has nothing to do with the work world. I’m talking relationships here. There are a lot of who I like to call ‘soldier bees’ out there who disguise themselves as alphas throughout the day because they need to be alpha to succeed in business. These are your corporate heads, your CEO’s and CFO’s who spend the day making huge, very important decisions and then when they get home at night fall to their knees and are more than happy to let their Mistress take over the controls. These boys are also the ones who usually fall in to the abyss of financial domination because they have the money to burn and are usually married to submissive women for some sad reason.
As I’ve said before, the absolute worst is the beta male who thinks he’s alpha. My clients will remember this as I’ve said many times, no matter how alpha or GTL or Guido or Clooney you ‘think’ you are, at some point you’re going to have to drop your drawers and then it’s GAME OVER. (Sideline: for those of you like me, who got sucked in to the train wreck TV program Jersey Shore, I’d liken this type of beta male to ‘The Situation’ I swear he’s the only one who doesn’t realize he’s a bitch).
An extreme example of problems that can occur with these imposter alpha’s, are these guys who end up beating on their submissive women. They’re so busy trying to be something they’re not, trying to prove themselves to no one because most people could care less, that they get so frustrated and freaked out about their submissive, insecure thoughts that they subsequently take it out on their submissive women. For these idiots I have 2 things to say; there’s a dungeon with your name on it and a whole heap of dominant women who’d love to have you for dinner (literally), and grow up and quit trying to control something you can’t control. No matter how often you look in the mirror as a dog and say, ‘I’m a cat, I’m a cat, I’m a cat’ it’s never going to make you a cat. So on behalf of women everywhere, for the love of god please stop trying to be something you can never be. Just accept who you are, there’s way more beta males than there are alpha males and real women want you more anyway.
Be proud, be BETA!
I think there is a lot of confusion between being Alpha and being masculine. I’m a very masculine man. I look masculine. I AM masculine but that is not to be confused with being Alpha.
I’m not sexually dominant naturally. I can be if I need to be for fun but I much prefer to be submissive. I LOVE to serve sexually.
When I walk into a room full of men, such as a bar, I immediately sense who the Alpha males are and I don’t fuck with them because I WILL be knocked down either literally or figuratively should I challenge one of them and he is superior in strength and fighting skill.
However, I have come up against some Alpha males who I have topped intellectually, financially, skillfully and in other ways and its not a big deal.
I don’t like to get hurt. I don’t like to fight. I don’t like aggression. I am not a sissy wimp, I guess you could just say I’m agreeable,….I’m a pacifist…I’m a nice guy LOL…whatever, but I just don’t care if I’m the most dominant man in the room.
I can hold my own in a conversation with any Alpha male and more than likely have equal or even superior skills and attributes to his. I’m an accomplished professional musician…a drummer who can set drums on fire with speed and flash.
I’m a Regionally recognized competitive Rifle and Pistol Shooter. I have a black belt in Taekwondo. I am known and respected by my peers as an experienced and knowledgeable professional. No one can tell just by looking at me how I am sexually. Even my best vanilla male friends have no idea. None.
The ONLY advantage an Alpha male has is that is he much more aggressive and successful in getting sex from women. I am masculine, but an Alpha male is Ultra Masculine and has one important skill Beta’s don’t have but would love to have, the ability to attract women and get sex anytime and any way they want. And an Alpha male will never submit or serve anyone. It’s all about him, which makes him a selfish asshole. To women, he’s a ‘Bad Boy’, sexually desirable and capable. But an asshole. He can fuck a woman silly and she will beg for more.
I can’t do that. I have tried. Women see that I’m masculine. Good looking. Talented. Nice. But I’m not a Bull. I don’t FUCK. I make love. I don’t have a big cock and I can’t fuck hard for hours and make a woman scream in ecstasy or squirt….an Alpha male can IF he has the body and skills to do so. Its not unusual that these men have NO others skills and are not desired by women for ANY other reason.
Alpha males Bulls are just like the animal, well built, in shape, strong, powerful, full of testosterone, extremely virile and excel at sex. That is what they do better than anything else in life.
Behind closed doors, in my ideal sexual environment, I’m a submissive faggot pussy boy who likes nothing better than to be on my knees and have my wife watch me suck off her black Bull while they both call me faggot LOL! Its a fetish. Its fun and I only do it for fun. I know my worth and I know I’m not inferior to anybody. In fact, I am quite comfortable with my sexuality. I like who I am and what I do.
I’ll happily guide his giant cock into my wife’s willing pussy and let her experience the best sex of her life. The thing is, I’m not a little, wimpy twink. I’m a man. I’m just submissive. I CAN fight. I can think. I’m not stupid and I know what I’m doing but I’m just not an Alpha male. Actually, I don’t want to be. I think the kind of sex I like is much more versatile and interesting.
I see a lot of guys on these sites who say, “I’m Alpha, but I’m a submissive bi-sexual cuckold that loves to service my wife and her lover”. I would say, no, you’re not. You are submissive …you may be very masculine and are at ease with your masculinity, proud of it, as I am and rightfully so. But you are submissive and therefore Beta.
Its not a bad thing. I don’t mind being a Submissive Beta one bit. I’d say I get just as much pleasure out of what I do as any Bull gets out of what he does, its just a different pleasure. But what matters is the wife’s pleasure anyway and if it makes her happy to be married to a submissive but masculine Beta male who loves her, is dedicated to her, is faithful to her, is nice to her, provides for her and allows her to have a Dominant Alpha Bull lover for her fun and pleasure, then how can I not just smile?
I think most women would appreciate a man like me.
Mike S.
I agree with what you said and I want to comment the last line “be proud, be beta”.
I myself am an alpha male, exactly the way you described it aestheticaly. Yet I’m not overconfident, or too cocky. I honestly am not able to see any flaws on me except getting angry easily with the stupid.
But then again I am submissive aka slave aka “beta”. Yet I or anyone who knows me would not title me as beta. There is no way I would consider another man better than me. Probably equal, better no.
I am a King who bows(literally) to his Queen. I got two kinds of Queens. One, my own, which is my girl/wife/mistress/whateverifihadone and the other is the woman in general. The female.
I’m the exception to the rule.
What all of this has to do with the last line? Am I saying them for no reason and I’m just trying to show how great I am? I’m saying all of this because I approve the last line
Fuck those “alpha” men, most of them are assholes anyway. Dont feel bad about being submissive. It’s like saying that the high school bully is better than the victim. Maybe you’re thinking “well ok sardonic, you’re saying that because you look good etc”.
Well my friend, my situation sucks. All the women who approach me want me to be aggresive, teach them a lesson for being bad girls, spank them, grab their throat a little, fuck their brains out. Sometimes I do it, and guess what, I dont like it. I do enjoy having sex, but instead of having sex a whole afternoon I’d prefer being on the floor next to a womans feet.
And then when, I decline a “request” from a woman, some buddy of mine will ask “dude why not”. Then I’ll have to come up with an excuse.
And you all know how tough it is for us to confess our feelings to a woman. And not just the classic being in love feelings, but the submissive feelings. With the way I am, I atract mostly women who enjoy being on the bottom. I cant wait until I trust them enough to talk to them about it. I cant do something I dont enjoy until then.
Do you understand my situation now?
I wrote more than I expected. In the end, again, be proud. And if some “alpha” male talks shit to you, tell him your boy sardonic will take care of it.
You put it so well Sardonic thank you for this lovely opinion!
I finally get it – i am a beta. I need to hand over everything to my wife and be her cuckold. Oh goodness I hope she will allow me to treat her better and be her bitch so she can have better sex.
I don’t know if i want to fluff, eat cream pies, but i will do whatever it takes ot make my wife happy. I know my role.
Now just enjoy it and don’t fight it. Tomorrow you may feel alpha.
Why would any guy in his right mind be proud to be Beta? Not getting to fuck your woman and acting like her servant sounds like a bitch of an idea to me.
Guys, unless you’re already submissive, don’t listen to this crap. Don’t settle for being the sub in a relationship, look for a good woman who loves sex with you, and steer clear of dommes like Dr Sue who will try to brainwash you with this toxic rubbish.
Far better to study dating material for men such as the dating skills review podcast.
Please don’t respond if you’re a submissive guy, this response is not for you, it’s for straight guys reading this from a guy who cares about men and believe all men deserve respect. For you guys, please don’t dabble in this sort of site if you want to have a normal sex life. Dr Sue gives you candy flavoured poison here.
Mark, thanks for your concern but I know what I’m getting into when I indulge in these fetishes and I think most men here do too.
We all know the vanilla world thinks we are perverts, degenerates and other negatives but to us, its the ultimate high. We love it or we wouldn’t be here taking about doing it. Yes, it can be dangerous. You can lose your life, marriage, job,……..everything. Its already happened to me once but the fault was mine.
Not in that I should not have taken the role of being the Beta male humiliated by my dominant wife and her ultra dominant black Bull, but that I didn’t understand all of the dynamics of it prior to starting my first truly serious and real cuckolding.
I thought I knew what I was doing and I didn’t. I fucked it up for all of us. But, I learned from it. If I ever did it again, I know what I’d do differently, I know how I’d do it correctly so that all of us would love it. It takes a lot of education, communication and knowledge to get the kind of erotic results for ALL and that takes time and research.
Being a submissive cuckold to your wife and her Bull is a learned skill that takes dedication, commitment and practice and if you don’t have a passion for it, you won’t like it. Those of us that do have a passion for serving, sucking, fluffing, watching, licking and being totally humiliated by your wife and her lover, LOVE it and always will.
The seeds of my cuckolding were planted deep into my mind 40 years ago and though I could choose to uproot this monster by the roots, choose to nourish it instead and enjoy the beauty of it. And, certainly, there IS beauty in it, not just for me, but for the wife and her Bull too. Dr. Sue is not trying to harm anyone and is not giving bad advice, she is just trying to help men see more clearly the paths and consequences of their actions.
In my case, I have been married and divorced 3 times but only the last one was because of this fetish. My first two marriage failures had nothing to do with sex…the first failure was due to my immaturity and my religious beliefs, and the second was because of lack of passion after 14 years.
So, thanks for trying to help but don’t worry, we only live once and if we do it right….once is enough!
Mike
This is complete bull. There are many dimensions to life. You are only stating the “physical” plane. What you fail to realize is that knowledge is power, and we are all here on this earth to learn different things. Those same CEOs are mind machines. They, (just like you), know that the majority or the world, male and female alike are “beta” individuals, who cannot think for themselves, thus follow the leader and succumb and fall victim to dumb shit like this article. You, my friend, are taking advantage of the weak minded man, just like CEOs of the world control the world (or sheeple should I say). And another thing, there are tons of built, long dicked men out there that are extremely sensitive. The guy from “The Real World” series on MTV who killed himself comes to mind. Again, we are all here to learn something different on this earth, and once you discover that and mature, shit like this just becomes rubbish.
In my opinion Beta males thinking they are Alphas is one of the big fundamental problems with this society. It spawns so much confusion and hurt on so many different levels and ways.
It confuses girls to what a alpha male is, it confuses beta males trying to be themselves when they see guys who are obviously not ‘Alpha’ getting laid every day by naive girls. Then it makes Alpha males think they are doing something wrong and they try to be beta until everyone is just fronting. I could go on and explain what I mean by all this all night as I know this to be true but I will leave that to sue as she does it best here… Fantastic Article.
Dr. Sue,
You write with compassion and realism, and reading this has made me feel momentarily better about being submissive. However, in the real world it’s not okay to be beta.
You ended the article saying women prefer to be with betas but I disagree. That statement sounds like the girls who always told me that I was such a great guy, handsome, sweet and that I’d make a great boyfriend – for somebody else. It’s almost impossible to get out of the “friend zone” if you’re beta.
The thing is women want the alpha male for sex and intimacy and everything that isn’t platonic. Well, that’s just not realistic. The rest of us don’t want to be your best girlfriends, ladies. Women play just as big a part in perpetuating this machismo culture that so many guys feel they have to fit in to. If women want beta males to accept being so then they have to step up to the plate and be proud to be with a beta, not constantly remind us that we’re not alpha.
i LOVE Dr Sue’s insight. Honestly, i talk to Her about my situation and She understands everything. She is brilliant, smart, perceptive. i am humbled to have been even allowed access to Her. i really mean that. A Woman like Dr Sue doesnt give the time of day to ‘men’ like me. Thank You Dr Sue. i am indebted.
Honestly anyone who writes “As I’ve said before, the absolute worst is the beta male who thinks he’s alpha.” is no more a doctor than a teenage girl. I get it you are trying to explain very complex human relationships, but we are not wolves, we are far more complex than that. I beg you to provide an example of these ‘alpha males who suck at making money but have a bunch of betas working for them giving them their money.’ When you listen to it I hope you realize how stupid it sounds. I’m sure you wont allow what I say to be posted because of a sudden pang of fear that overcomes you in thinking that your unchallenged viewpoints are suddenly finding an opposing viewpoint. Maybe you don’t care at all. All I know is that this article isn’t going to make anyone’s day better, and therefore its irrelevant.
I wont be back to check for a rebuttal, I just wanted you to read this.
Once again missing the point. We’re discussing dominant/submissive sexuality here not day to day living. There are many men who live their business lives as alpha and go home and completely submit because they’re sick of the extreme responsibility they live in throughout the day. They just want the peace of having someone else call the shots. What I find more interesting is that this article is inciting so many ‘my way or the highway’ comments. This is precisely what we need to stop doing as a society. What’s wrong with some men wanting to be sexually submissive? Why is this so threatening?
There is nothing wrong or threatening with being submissive. Thomas doesn’t understand that there are leaders and followers. Everyone can’t be a leader, nor can everyone be a follower. Nature created us to be either one for a reason. I actually feel better by reading your article.
Why would any guy in his right mind be proud to be Beta? Not getting to duck your woman and acting like her servant sounds like a bitch of an idea to me.
Guys, unless you’re already submissive, don’t listen to this crap. Don’t settle for being the sub in a relationship, look for a good woman who loves sex with you, and steer clear of dommes like Dr Sue who will try to brainwash you with this toxic rubbish.
Far better to study dating material for men such as the dating skills review podcast.
What’s threatening is that you have no idea how insulting you are to men. You are an absolute female chauvinist pig.
thomas you wont understand this. As a beta male, i can tell you that i am seeking a situation where i can serve a dominant woman and her alpha if she so desires. i have been close to that before but trying again. There are more beta males in this world than you can imagine.
What a beautiful, beautiful article Ma’am. Any time I feel down, I read this piece again … and my heart warms again, knowing You’ve described my true place in this world. Oh, Dr. Sue, I AM proud to be a beta male … a very happy worker bee.
Good boy Tom…
Thank You, Dr. Sue. And who’s to say this would NOT apply in the business world? I’ve never had a Female Boss. But it’s been an almost lifelong dream of mine to work tirelessly for a savvy, intelligent Woman, and watch Her glow as I follow behind and help Her succeed. That, to me, would be enough satisfaction. Believe me, I WOULD do all the work if I could find the right Female as my supervisor.
Now that you mention it, I have a female boss and I can’t get used to working for men anymore.