Articles

So Your Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex Anymore

Many of the men I talk to tell me that they are no longer having sex with their wives. In some cases women have shut down for over a decade or more. That makes me sad. Here they are in this perfectly viable relationship and she has closed up shop. But why? Why do so many women reach a point in their relationships where they seem to take their sexuality, pack it in a box and then put the box on a shelf in the back of the closet?

Well there are a myriad of reasons but what I’ve noticed from the couples I’ve counselled it primarily comes down to her not being sexually satisfied and rather than bring it up and discuss it, she simply shuts down.

Because I’ve worked with so many couples who live the cuckold lifestyle I’ve been able to really find out what causes this shut down. And quite honestly it really is the fact that either the male is too small or just doesn’t know how to please her in bed. So rather than call it quits on a perfectly good relationship these women call it quits on their sex lives. They sacrifice their own sexual satisfaction for the sake of having a good friend, great husband and/or father and provider for the family. And really when you look at it that way it makes sense. You can see the thought process in that. “Ok, so he sucks in the sack, I’m not about to break up over that.” And what they do is, just like most humans, rather than confront the situation which could possibly cause their partner pain; they slowly start to shut down.

Women aren’t as invested in sex as men are. It’s not that we don’t love it, we do. But because we are the care givers and nurturers we learn from a young age to put ourselves last for the greater good and that’s exactly what goes on in the breakdown of sex lives.

The pattern is usually the same for men with small to average penises and/or men who suck at sex. You start dating and everything is hot. You’re having sex sometimes two or three times a day. Then you get married and it slows to a couple of times a week. NOT because she wants it to be that way, but because the responsibility load is greater. There’s career, kid and family obligations up the wazoo. And by the time you find the time to fuck, you’re too tired. Then the sex starts to slow to a couple of times a month. Then every couple of months until it dwindles down to nothing.

So when a man comes to me and says, “Whaaa my wife won’t fuck me anymore,” I ask him, “What did you do to kill her?”

Now some of you might think that’s harsh but truth usually is. Because the fact is, if she was really in to the size of your dick and how you fuck, she would make the time for it. If fucking has become a chore that she easily gives up, that’s on you.

How do I know this? Because of watching these same women, women who have shelved their own sexuality, come to life again with the right dick.

Now before you freak out and say sex isn’t everything in a marriage. I agree with you BUT you still have to take this in to consideration if the sex was ‘ok’ at the beginning. Why did it stop?

Of course as I stated earlier, there can be a myriad of reasons why couples shelve their sex lives. There can be medical issues on both parts, there can be a lack of connection as partners but many times when we really drill down it’s because the wife was NEVER that in to sex with her husband in the first place. And in those cases when something different and new is introduced it breathes new life back in to the wife. But that takes men wanting to do the work to keep the sex interesting and not many men want to, either due to fear of their wives thinking anything new will cause them to freak out or it’s all just too much work. It becomes easier for them to just throw on some porn and jerk off. And in almost all cases, NOTHING is ever said, mentioned or brought up between them. Everyone goes on their merry way living life in complete blissful denial.

And no I’m not saying that every couple with a shitty sex life needs to cuckold but you DO need to change up the routine. You need to be honest with one another. Your wife needs to be able to tell you the EXACT reasons why she’s not in to it anymore. And YOU need to LISTEN – even if it hurts. Then you both need to decide to make the necessary changes.

Here are some suggestions:

SEX TOYS – if your dick is too small for her, go to the sex shop TOGETHER and get a dildo that is more suited to her size preference. Buy two and keep one in the car for spontaneous play outside of the house.
- Get some remote controlled sex toys, one for each of you so you can play randomly throughout the day if you’re both working. You never know when you’ll get a charge from your partner.
CHANGE OF PLACE – If you’re always having sex in the bedroom, try peeking your head out and picking a new room. Even better, find new places to have sex away from your home like the car, public bathrooms or secluded parks. (Just don’t get caught)
ROLE PLAY – Role plays can be great fun! You can pick from a range of scenarios the obvious ones being cop/prisoner, teacher/naughty school kid, super hero/villain. Anything that gets you being creative with one another. This is also a great way to switch common roles. Let her be in charge, you boys know that’s what you want anyway. This is a great way to let her test the waters without it being weird and scary.
LIFESTYLE – If you’re feeling adventurous and you think your relationship is strong enough try experimenting with different lifestyles such as cuckold, hot wife/voyeur or swinging.

So instead of whining that your wife is no longer having sex with you and calling her a frigid bitch maybe you need to do a relationship check-up to see where you killed her. When did you murder your wife’s sex drive? Cause a woman who loves her man’s dick, doesn’t put it in a box on the shelf. So if you’re in the back of the closet in that box along with her sex drive you need to find out why. Time to man-up gentlemen, find out the truth and actually talk to the woman you, at one time, found hot enough to marry and maybe breathe life back in to her forgotten sex drive.

Hypergamy is Not Female Empowerment

Articles, Femme Domme

Chris writes:

“I’ve been thinking a lot about sexual dynamics and where the world is headed right now. Actually, I think that however the media tries to sugar-coat it, males are currently being deprived of their sexual power and everything is headed towards servicing the hypergamous tendencies of women. I also think, however, that this is the right way to go and is actually the natural state of humankind.

While men’s sexual interest is to spread their genes, women are (and should be) the judges of which males are worthy of procreating. And of course when given free hand (i.e. without the constraints imposed by the patriarchy), women will only mate with Alpha Males, who constitute a minority of men: the most attractive, strong, tall men who do not need “resources” or “power” to be attractive, and whom women desire sexually simply because of their top-tier genetics.

For us betas, it is of course a hard pill to swallow that we are deemed unfit for reproduction, but it is something that must be accepted. Beta men suffer terribly because society holds a standard before them that they can never attain due to their beta genetics, and not being Alpha is deemed as having failed at life.

The way forward is, I think, a social acceptance of the fact that most men will never be attractive to women. For these men, the path of servitude should be something socially accepted, so that instead of trying to be something they are not, they could fill their role in society in a respectable way.

I think the ideal (but yet very far-off) version of this would be a society where Alphas live as breeding specimens with the sole duty of pleasuring women sexually and impregnating them when a woman desires a child. And us Betas would work in servitude to women and the Alphas – a good model would be where each Beta could apply or be assigned to be owned by a woman and her Alpha, providing for them financially and taking care of household chores.

I’d be interested to hear your views on this topic, and also in what do you suggest for a beta male trying to find one such couple to serve today.”

First of all Chris, thank you for writing in and let me know how you’ve been doing since we last communicated. I was very impressed to hear that you took my advice and instead of wallowing in what you don’t have you literally took lemons and made lemonade by becoming an affluent male.

What I told Chris essentially was that instead of whining like most men do about not being the alpha male on the book cover of a Harlequin Romance™ novel with the 10” dick and billowing hair the best way to get in to the pool of women he wanted to be in was to make money. And that’s what he did.

Red Green a redneck character created by Canadian comic Steve Smith, (stupid af imho) has a tag line that says, “If the women don’t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy.”

And my advice is based on that line. If you can’t be the alpha male she wants to fuck you can at least make her life easier in other ways. The first and easiest way is financially. And for those of you whiners in the back row who say they can’t because making money is too hard, well then get used to being alone and saying, “Would you like fries with that?” and rubbing one off in your parents basement.

Here’s another pop-culture reference that illustrates it as well. In the movie Scarface, Tony Montana is sitting at the outside bar with Manolo explaining how basically the U.S. works with his famous line, “In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Money will buy you a certain amount of power.

Now don’t get me wrong, all the money in the world isn’t going to make you alpha or grow your dick BUT it can buy you the attention of the women you crave so badly. Is the attention sincere? Probably not but you can’t always get what you want.

In my opinion though, hypergamy puts women in a submissive and disparaged position by only coming up OFF OF MEN and I’m never down with that. Whatever you want to call it, hypergamy or gold digging, the idea of coming up based on social class (men’s social class) has been going on for millennia. There’s really no difference between that and arranged marriages. The guy with the most goats got the prize of the female. Sure maybe hypergamy gives the woman a teeny bit more power than that but not by much.

You see Chris, in your scenario, you have alpha males and alpha females as cohabitating and living some blissful life eating Alphaghetti™ and Alphabits™ with their alpha dogs and alpha cats. In reality there can only be one alpha dog in the house. I could never live with an alpha male because I’d kill him. You also keep referencing, “work in servitude to women and the Alphas,” like the woman is second to the alpha male, what happened to alpha females? See I’m not diggin’ on your hierarchy here Chris.

Plus you’re also not looking at the reality of what you pointed out. If these men are for breeding purposes only, why would they ‘settle down’ with any female, submissive or dominant? Alpha males are the seed spreaders that’s why they have a hard time being monogamous. It’s why women who fall for them end up months or years later wondering why their man is cheating on them. It’s because seed spreaders gotta spread that seed baby, it’s what they were born to do.
I’m not saying all alphas can’t coexist together of course there are exceptions to all rules but for the most part you don’t put two bulls in the same pen unless you want a fight. But I also think you have a skewed idea of what being alpha is.

I could see a compromise in your ideal world model where the alpha males are used for breeding purposes only and the beta males serve everyone, including the beta females.

Maybe what’s more important to look at in this entire discussion is WHY women have had to come up any way they can off of men. If men would stop fearing women and people of color the world would be a lot easier to live in. But unfortunately what men fear most is the loss of their perceived power.

Perhaps what really needs to happen is more of what you said about society allowing males to be who they are instead of pushing these ridiculous ideals on them. Thus helping to eliminate the scourge of domestic violence caused by males trying to be something they inherently aren’t. And the deep scars it leaves on the souls of the beta males who try so hard to be a ‘real man’ when in fact they always were.

As for my advice on how to serve an alpha couple, I would say stop trying to limit your scope to an alpha couple which will be hard to find. Just serve in the best way you can, EVERYONE you can. Otherwise I’d suggest a cuckold relationship for you where you can serve everyone as I just mentioned but still be in a loving relationship with a strong woman at the helm.

The Truth Volume 1

Articles, Dr Sue's Thoughts

Ok let me start this with a warning for you sensitive fetish fetuses to grab your comfort puppies and hang on tight cause I’m about to slap some sense in to your asses and as we all know I don’t hold back punches and I don’t blow smoke up your asses unlike the faux friends you surround yourselves with.

A call I took on Niteflirt yesterday was the straw that broke the bitches back. I get confused with a certain flirt all the time and one of her mental minions must have had a dementia moment as they seem to do and thought I was her.

Long story short after letting him talk and hang himself he said that apparently I told him years ago that I had parties that included my dogs. At that point I verbally castrated him and told him in no uncertain terms that I would blow the brains out of anyone attempting to do anything to my dogs and that anyone who engages in this garbage needs a psychiatrist including him therefore clearly he had the wrong person.

Now our mental midget proceeded to ask me where I lived etc., and by saying ‘oh you aren’t so and so?’ “Ah…. no you freak start.” (Side note: I blocked him and as of right now he favorited me *eye roll*) But I kept him on the line long enough to confirm who he was really wanting to discuss this doggy depravity with. Unfortunately it’s all here-say. Because I have nothing in writing there’s nothing to hang him or her on. And the story is much bigger than what I’ve reiterated here but you get the gist.

Now before I start slapping let’s put this “everybody has the right to do whatever they want in their own home,” bullshit away RIGHT NOW! If you engage in this you’re fucked in the head. And that’s my clinical assessment, you can take that to your primary care physician, “Dr Sue says I am Fucked in the Head.”

Now we can go round and round about it being done for millennia etc. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK! I’d like to think we’ve evolved since those times. (I know even I’m laughing at that last sentence.) But in 2019 there are realities you males and females who are entertaining this psychosis are either not thinking about or you just don’t give a fuck either way.

There’s a reason why your main service providers such as Niteflirt, Clips4Sale, IWantClips, ManyVids and Adult Work have Terms of Service. Is it because they are the moral police? NO. Trust me, as business owners they don’t give a fuck what you do either. BUT the almighty banking system, run by old white men ARE the moral police and as we all know in this game that we are all unwilling contestants in, the ones who have the most money make the rules. And I’m sorry to say that’s not you, or me or anyone reading this. Therefore we monkeys have to jump through their hoops and dance to their organ grinder whether we like it or not.

So where does that leave you, you little dominatrix rebel you? You, “NO MAN IS GONNA TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO!” femme zealots out there? It leaves you realizing you really aren’t all that. You are controlled like the rest of us sweet cheeks and if you continue to fuck with the rules you will, in the end, FUCK US ALL!!

You see if it gets out that you’re a purveyor of perversion and you’re going against TOS of whatever platform you’re on, and it gets back to the PAYMENT PROCESSOR du jour of said platform, THEY CAN SHUT DOWN THE SITES ABILITY TO ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS. You know, like what happened to IWantClips during the FOSTA/SESTA bullshit along with a few others.

Now some of your narcissistic twits will probably think, “So what, they’ll just get another one.” Yeah see that’s not assured, nor that easy you fucking twat and it could also come with even stricter rules or worse, the business owners could say FUCK IT ALL. I’m tired of trying to wrangle retarded cats I’m closing the doors and ALL OF US ARE OUT OF WORK. Now I don’t know about the rest of the ladies and gentlemen who are PSO’s and clip producers but I’m going to very, very pissed if we lose our jobs because of some stupid cunt trying to make a buck.

So my suggestion is, if you insist on engaging in that end of the fetish spectrum go to a site like Talk to Me where they are clearly self-financed and where you can talk all you want about taboo subjects. They are the most expensive in the industry as far as your commissions are concerned, in other words, you make squat but if you don’t want to do that then get your own fucking phone line and do that shit somewhere else because you’re fucking with other people’s lives when you indulge this bestiality, paedophilia, incest and body fluid bullshit.

If your business is so bad that you do this shit because you need whatever coin is coming your way, you need to re-think and re-examine your business model. Content is King right now folks, calls used to be over-flowing but times and business changes and you need to change with it or you’ll whither on the vine. But what you don’t do is go to the lowest common denominator because in the end it makes you a target.

And BTW if any of you bitch about this post, know one thing, it’ll make everyone turn a side-eye to you because if you’re defending this behavior, well…

Body Worship is Not a Right

Articles, The Submissive Mind

A classic ‘tell’ of the sub of convenience (when a male is submissive only when it suits him) is when they contact you and ‘assume’ that YOUR body is THEIR playground.

When I first speak to a sub I ask them what they’re in to. Now if the first thing that comes to mind and out of their mouth is body worship, alarms start going off. It’s right up there with, “I want to be your sex slave.” That one always makes me laugh.

For those of you who are sitting there with your mouths hanging open thinking, “but… but… isn’t that what a slave is for?” I say to you, close your mouth and NO that’s not what a slave is for.

I know in your male brains you think a Dominatrix uses her slaves/subs to have wild sex with at her will but I hate to burst your bubbles boys, that’s so NOT what we do. Not if we’re good anyway. (More on this later)

When you look at domination logically why would the tongue of a slave be allowed anywhere near the body of a Goddess? Yet so many of you automatically feel your idea of slavery is to savour the flesh of a woman.

If you’re Christian do you wake up in the morning thinking, “Mmmm I can’t wait to suck Jesus’s dick!” I think not! But there is no difference if you’re viewing this the right way because THIS IS YOUR GODDESS!

Look at this way, in days of yore, when say Queen Victoria or Lizzy or any of those lovely ladies were in power, would they have allowed a mere serf to even gaze upon their flesh let alone touch it, or sexually service it? Absolutely not. That was the point of having a LADY in waiting. It was women who bathed and dressed their Queens and the only male who sexually serviced the Queen was of her choosing and it was NEVER a slave. (And for you history buffs I’m sure you could find many instances of slaves fucking Kings and Queens but you’re missing the point and grasping at straws)

Because of the technological age we live in and the overabundance of crappy porn you boys get it in your head that you have some inalienable right to a woman’s body and nothing could be farther from the truth.

A truly dominant female would never let a slave near her flesh, male or female. You either have to earn that privilege, IF THAT’S EVEN AN OPTION, or if she so chooses she may post pictures of her body to lure you in. But to assume that you have the goddess given RIGHT to just paw and drool all over ANY woman will be your downfall.

What a dominatrix chooses to show you is HER RIGHT, not the other way around. You are to take what you are given and be grateful for it and if that is NOTHING then so be it.

And I will take this a step further and say, if a dominatrix is having sex with her subs she SUCKS at domination. Why? Because once you have sex with a sub you’ve ruined their experience and leveled the playing field. You are no longer dominant you are neutral, even if you use them and kick them to the curb when you’re done.

Too many of you boys think that your submission is all about YOU and what YOU want and YOUR needs. Now think about that for a moment, does that sound submissive? Sounds pretty selfish to me. And isn’t selfish the antitheses of submission?

So my suggestion to you boys who have body worship on your platter of fetishes and kinks is to get rid of it, take it out of your repertoire because it doesn’t belong with submission. It belongs in a little box, locked up and put on a shelf in your closet when you are interacting with a truly dominant woman. Because your sexual wants and needs are of no consequence.

Let me give you an example. Say you have a breast fetish. You love you a nice pair of titties. Great! Now does that mean I’m going to instantly whip out a tit? NO! As a matter of fact I’m going to withhold my glorious fun bags now that I know you want them.

Here’s another more basic example. If I’m training a dog, do I give the dog the treat before he does the trick? NO! At that point I no longer have the dog’s attention because he’s in to his Scooby snack. But once he does what he’s been told to do CORRECTLY, then he gets a treat and even then I might switch it from a Scooby snack to a ball. Not quite what he wanted but it’s still fun. So using the example of our tit enthusiast, would he get a glimpse of my globes? Maybe, or I might flash a bit of thigh. The point is you take what you are offered IF you’re offered anything at all and you’re grateful for it and you wag your tail just like a good dog.

Statements such as, “I want to hump your leg and cum on it then lick it off,” and likewise with cumming on feet etc. Why on god’s green earth would I allow your genetic garbage to touch my body? It is completely illogical in the context of BDSM and any kind of heirarchy.

And all of this holds doubly true for ANY woman you meet in your daily life whether she is in BDSM or not. You do not have a right to anyone’s body…period.

True submission comes from suffering and sacrifice. You earn anything that you are given. So gentlemen, put your tongues back in your mouth were they belong because we don’t want them, we don’t need them and it says way more about you and your porn addictions than your pseudo submission.

For those of you who were offended by my comment that a good domme would never have sex with a slave. Let me clarify my thoughts. I’m referring to professional domination and online domination. I’m talking about PAID services. You know, how we make our money.

When you are in a LIFESTYLE D&s relationship the dynamics are completely different. I never push the foolishness of not having sex with someone you love and care for, of course you would and if you don’t you stand to suffer more issues with your relationship.

As for a double standard regarding male doms, YES there is a double standard whether anyone wants to admit that or not. Male/female domination is VERY DIFFERENT from Female/male. In the case of M/f part of his power comes from sex. Not so with F/m, our power comes from the witholding of sex, the one thing men want and have used to control women for centuries. F/f is yet again a different dynamic. As for M/m that is yet another completely different ballgame. See where I’m going with this?

I speak from where I am. Providing a service to male submissives in various ways for MONEY. And as soon as you lie down with a male submissive BECAUSE of the societal double standards in the vanilla world AND the kink world (which you can’t do a fucking thing about becauase men have been in power for millenia, so don’t blame me for that) you level the playing field if that sub is paying for you to dominate them. Therefore you just fucked up their experience.

And I did say, if you want to have sex with your subs you go, but in my opinion you’ve moved on from domination to escort.

Get it?

Domme or Psychopath?

Articles, Femme Domme

I figured this one would raise a few eyebrows but I’m not doing it so you doubt your Dom/Domme. In fact, during the many years I’ve been studying psychopathy I always found the similarities quite fascinating. [insert Spock eyebrow raise]

Psychopaths actually get a bad rap from the media. When we say the word psychopath the first thing that comes to mind is… serial killer – ooo how spooky. The fact is psychopaths make up between 1 and 4 percent of the world’s population and if they were all serial killers we wouldn’t have a population problem. That means that there are many psychopaths living amongst us; 1 in 25 to be exact – ooo even spookier. And if that’s the case then couldn’t your Domme be one?

I did a show teaching women how to spot a psychopathic predatory male (you can listen below) but I got to thinking, “pump the brakes here, if anyone is more apt to run in to a psychopath it’s a submissive – male or female.” Granted there are far more psychopathic males than females; the ratio is actually 20 to 1, but that doesn’t mean those wicked women aren’t out there in BDSMLand. In order to look at who in our little community might be a psychopath we need to explore what traits psychopaths’ exhibit.

I’m going to start by dispelling a myth. There is no real difference between a psychopath and a sociopath. Dr. Robert D. Hare, whom I consider to be the godfather of the study of psychopathy, and creator of the Hare Psychopathy Checklist describes the difference in his book, Without Conscience: The Disturbing World of the Psychopaths Among Us, that “the choice of term reflects the user’s views on the origins and determinants of the clinical syndrome of the contents of this book,” which is of course psychopathy. So just wtf does that mean? Well basically you have half of clinicians and sociologists that think “this is a disorder that is forged by social forces and early experiences.” Hence sociopathy. But there are those, such as Dr. Hare and I have to agree (and we all know how important that is), that “the disorder is a combination of psychological, biological and genetic factors.” Hence psychopathy. So you see it’s just a matter of point-of-view. I’ve found that the media will use one or the other depending on how much they want to sensationalize the story or project. Sociopath is a softer word than psychopath. Just so we’re clear though it’s a tomato – tomahto, issue or more succinctly the nature vs. nurture debate.

Now let’s look at what makes up a psychopath. Psychopathy is defined by Dr. Hare as a “cluster of both personality traits and socially deviant behaviors.” Yeah I know, that’s helpful. Let me explain what he’s talking about.

Many people will lump the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder in with psychopathy and the two are distinctly different. Antisocial personality disorders are what fill our prison system. They are the folks who exhibit criminal or antisocial behaviors. However you rarely find a psychopath in prison because they are capable of operating on the “shady side of the law” and stay out of prison. That’s why you hear the phrase ‘common criminal.’ They don’t have the slickness that a psychopath has. You won’t find a psychopath knocking off a liquor store but you will find him talking the store owner into a free case of booze and the owner will thank him for the pleasure. See the difference?

Now as far as individual psychopathic traits are concerned I’ll take a few from Dr. Hare’s book again that pertain to what you might find in the BDSM community.

Superficial
Egocentric and grandiose
Having a lack of remorse or guilt
Lack of empathy
Shallow emotions (unexpressive)
Deceitful and manipulative
Impulsive with poor behavior controls
Lack of responsibility

Hmmm, I don’t know about you but I’m seeing the basic make-up of your average Domme – to a point. I mean aren’t most of these traits what you gentlemen are looking for in your Domme? You want her to be a queen (superficial – egocentric – grandiose – unexpressive), you want her to take control of you preferably in an evil way (deceitful – manipulative – lack of remorse). I would say that if it’s a good Domme that your list ends here because we don’t want the lack of empathy, poor behavior controls, and a lack of responsibility or we start going down a much darker road. And unfortunately there are many who do exhibit these more negative behaviors.

You’ve heard me describe many things regarding sex and sexuality as being like an audio mixing board. One like this one:

If we were to push all the psychopathy slides up to the top you’d have your serial killer. But most psychopaths are sitting in the middle. And these are the guys we WANT in society. Why? These are folks such as surgeons or military special ops. I don’t want my surgeon to be upset over cutting in to me, I want him to be precise and really in to what he’s doing. I’d like to hope if I’m going in to battle with someone that they aren’t going to wimp out under questioning or torture. Obviously I’m not saying that all surgeons or special ops are psychopaths but it fucking helps.

In his book, The Wisdom of Psychopaths: What Saints, Spies, and Serial Killers can Teach Us About Success, Dr. Kevin Dutton along with his psychopath best buddy Johnny, whom he grew up with, teaches us that not only are there varying degrees of psychopathy but that many of us could learn to be more psychopathic in our behavior and become more successful in life. That may sound crazy but for many of us we could use being less of a push-over and more assertive. To basically learn how to ‘not give a flying fuck’ instead of being paralyzed by fear.

So you see psychopaths aren’t all bad and actually, given the right circumstances can be extremely useful in various occupations. As for your Domme, provided she isn’t so cold that her empathy chip is missing, maybe she is a little psychopathic but isn’t that what makes her an effective Domme? What do you think? Sound off in the comments below.

(Please note that this information isn’t meant for you to diagnose yourself or anyone else with a mental disorder. Also if you think you are being manipulated in a negative way; eg. I’ve been hearing that some of these new insta-Dommes are getting in to your computers and placing child porn on them to take control of your life and your money, you need to seek legal counsel immediately.)

Are YOU a Needy Sub?

Articles, The Submissive Mind

The issue of a submissive being too needy comes up way more than you’d think. No matter what type of domination is being done; pro, online, lifestyle or a combination thereof, an overly clingy sub will pop up from time to time. But how do you know if you’re that guy?

The best way to tell if you’re being too needy is to look at your behavior based on the time you’re occupying with your Domme/Dom. Are you occupying an enormous amount of your Mistress or Master’s time? And be honest with yourself. Look at all of your interactions with them including social media, phone/cam calls, assignments, emails, texts and chat. If it’s several times a day with any of those things, you probably have a problem.

Now don’t get me wrong. We love you overzealous boys and what you’re doing isn’t horrible behavior it is nonetheless hard to deal with without your Domme coming off looking ungrateful which I can assure you they are not. But when you start to occupy your Goddess’s time what you’re failing to see is your own selfishness in the process.

I know, you’re sitting there thinking, ‘Well wtf, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t,’ and you’d be right. It is sort of a tight-rope walk but the key to this is… balance. Just like on a tight-rope you need to balance yourself, a little too much tilt to either side, and you fall.

Remember these are relationships you’re forming and there is a level of give and take. As a submissive you try to give, give, GIVE and that can be overwhelming if it’s constant. So what you view as being a really obedient boy might be coming off as me, me, ME! Keep this thought in mind when you are evaluating your submissive behavior. Needy equals greedy. Say that phrase over and over in your mind. Needy equals greedy.

When you are constantly in your Domme’s face it makes you like a mosquito, a pest that needs to be swatted but not in a fun D&s way. More like a, ‘get me a can of Raid and let me kill that fucking thing,’ way. But because you are essentially a really good boy she puts up with it for a while until she finally blows and you’re left standing there wondering what you did wrong. See what I mean about relationships?

I find needy subs are much more prevalent in online domination because of the physical disconnect. When you aren’t in the physical presence of your Domme there is a disconnect that occurs because even though you know she’s real, there’s still a piece missing. And because it’s missing many of you will treat your Goddess as though she’s just your personal play toy available whenever you want. And that comes out in time consumption.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself:

Do I talk to my Domme more than once a day? (using any form of communication)
Do I constantly look for my Domme’s approval?
Do I need to be given orders every day?
Do I try to get my Domme’s attention for validation daily?
Is my behavior stopping other subs from enjoying my Domme?

I’ve had many subs over time propose scenarios they want to live by that are simply unrealistic and intensely selfish. Daily assignment emails or texts for example. Even if you pay for those assignments they take an enormous amount of time to create, deploy and monitor. Time that rarely gets paid for.

Phone calls can become another issue. I’m not saying that we don’t want you to call us, of course we do, it’s part of our service BUT if you are calling every day for two and three hours a day that doesn’t leave much left of your Domme for other subs who may want her services. Again, needy equals greedy. You are not her only sub unless the Domme is brand new and your constant attention seeking means others can’t enjoy her the way you do. And if you think, GOOD, then again, you’re not being submissive you’re being selfish.

As a person whose career is now basically 100% phone based I will tell you a secret. Talking all day long on the phone gets tiring. It is draining, which is why I get so angry when you boys jizz and hang up without even so much as a good bye. We are human beings on the other end of that phone line and we deserve common decency and manners.

And again, no one is bitching this is what we do and we love what we do, all that any of the ladies are asking is learn balance. We don’t want to have to tell you to fuck off because you’re driving us crazy over something as silly as your own selfish, needy behavior because we know you’ll go all ‘hurt bunny’ over it.

So I’m writing this so you guys can analyze your own behavior and see if you’re occupying too much of your Domme’s time. And if you’re not sure, ask. Ask your Domme if you’re being too clingy and don’t pout if she tells you yes. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to ever talk to you again, it just means you need more balance.

The phrase, everything in moderation is very true of basically anything in life. And I know sometimes when you’re new or just really in to being a sub you can get caught up in it like a new Baptist who’s found Jesus behind their couch and are now saved, they want to save everyone.

And with balance my dear boys comes REWARD! I know no one wants to hear the word, moderation. I mean seriously, that’s like walking in to a candy store and being told you get half a stick of gum. But here’s where the reward pays out and it applies to everything we over indulge in, the less you do it, the better it gets when you do. And that can be sugar or your Domme’s attention.

Having time away from your Domme is as important as the time you do spend with her. The time away allows you to reflect and deepen your bond to both her and your submission. It allows you to do part of the backbone of submission, suffer.

True submission is based on sacrifice and suffering. If you’re always getting your fix you end up craving more and more because you don’t get the same high you did when you first started talking to her. It’s why many of you boys jump from Domme to Domme looking for the next best high. But you wouldn’t have to do that if you served ONE DOMME in moderation.

Suffer for her when you are away from her. Sacrifice your time with her, so she has more for others who also need her. Long for the sound of her voice. Play chastity games by not touching yourself during your Domme Downtime. It doesn’t have to be November to play No Nut November. Play sacrificial games by going for the month with no lunch and sending her the money. The ideas are endless but you see my point.

For you needy boys you need to look at serving your Goddess a couple of times a week or better yet, ASK HER. I can’t tell you guys how important that is. Every woman is different in how she dominates so ask her what you can do to make your time together better for both of you.

If you recognize that you are a sub who needs more time from your Domme, that’s ok, but make sure your Domme has that type of time to give you. Don’t assume that she does.

By analyzing and recognizing your behavior and actually talking to your Domme about how you can be better, you’ll both end up with a much more rewarding experience.

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