A classic ‘tell’ of the sub of convenience (when a male is submissive only when it suits him) is when they contact you and ‘assume’ that YOUR body is THEIR playground.
When I first speak to a sub I ask them what they’re in to. Now if the first thing that comes to mind and out of their mouth is body worship, alarms start going off. It’s right up there with, “I want to be your sex slave.” That one always makes me laugh.
For those of you who are sitting there with your mouths hanging open thinking, “but… but… isn’t that what a slave is for?” I say to you, close your mouth and NO that’s not what a slave is for.
I know in your male brains you think a Dominatrix uses her slaves/subs to have wild sex with at her will but I hate to burst your bubbles boys, that’s so NOT what we do. Not if we’re good anyway. (More on this later)
When you look at domination logically why would the tongue of a slave be allowed anywhere near the body of a Goddess? Yet so many of you automatically feel your idea of slavery is to savour the flesh of a woman.
If you’re Christian do you wake up in the morning thinking, “Mmmm I can’t wait to suck Jesus’s dick!” I think not! But there is no difference if you’re viewing this the right way because THIS IS YOUR GODDESS!
Look at this way, in days of yore, when say Queen Victoria or Lizzy or any of those lovely ladies were in power, would they have allowed a mere serf to even gaze upon their flesh let alone touch it, or sexually service it? Absolutely not. That was the point of having a LADY in waiting. It was women who bathed and dressed their Queens and the only male who sexually serviced the Queen was of her choosing and it was NEVER a slave. (And for you history buffs I’m sure you could find many instances of slaves fucking Kings and Queens but you’re missing the point and grasping at straws)
Because of the technological age we live in and the overabundance of crappy porn you boys get it in your head that you have some inalienable right to a woman’s body and nothing could be farther from the truth.
A truly dominant female would never let a slave near her flesh, male or female. You either have to earn that privilege, IF THAT’S EVEN AN OPTION, or if she so chooses she may post pictures of her body to lure you in. But to assume that you have the goddess given RIGHT to just paw and drool all over ANY woman will be your downfall.
What a dominatrix chooses to show you is HER RIGHT, not the other way around. You are to take what you are given and be grateful for it and if that is NOTHING then so be it.
And I will take this a step further and say, if a dominatrix is having sex with her subs she SUCKS at domination. Why? Because once you have sex with a sub you’ve ruined their experience and leveled the playing field. You are no longer dominant you are neutral, even if you use them and kick them to the curb when you’re done.
Too many of you boys think that your submission is all about YOU and what YOU want and YOUR needs. Now think about that for a moment, does that sound submissive? Sounds pretty selfish to me. And isn’t selfish the antitheses of submission?
So my suggestion to you boys who have body worship on your platter of fetishes and kinks is to get rid of it, take it out of your repertoire because it doesn’t belong with submission. It belongs in a little box, locked up and put on a shelf in your closet when you are interacting with a truly dominant woman. Because your sexual wants and needs are of no consequence.
Let me give you an example. Say you have a breast fetish. You love you a nice pair of titties. Great! Now does that mean I’m going to instantly whip out a tit? NO! As a matter of fact I’m going to withhold my glorious fun bags now that I know you want them.
Here’s another more basic example. If I’m training a dog, do I give the dog the treat before he does the trick? NO! At that point I no longer have the dog’s attention because he’s in to his Scooby snack. But once he does what he’s been told to do CORRECTLY, then he gets a treat and even then I might switch it from a Scooby snack to a ball. Not quite what he wanted but it’s still fun. So using the example of our tit enthusiast, would he get a glimpse of my globes? Maybe, or I might flash a bit of thigh. The point is you take what you are offered IF you’re offered anything at all and you’re grateful for it and you wag your tail just like a good dog.
Statements such as, “I want to hump your leg and cum on it then lick it off,” and likewise with cumming on feet etc. Why on god’s green earth would I allow your genetic garbage to touch my body? It is completely illogical in the context of BDSM and any kind of heirarchy.
And all of this holds doubly true for ANY woman you meet in your daily life whether she is in BDSM or not. You do not have a right to anyone’s body…period.
True submission comes from suffering and sacrifice. You earn anything that you are given. So gentlemen, put your tongues back in your mouth were they belong because we don’t want them, we don’t need them and it says way more about you and your porn addictions than your pseudo submission.
For those of you who were offended by my comment that a good domme would never have sex with a slave. Let me clarify my thoughts. I’m referring to professional domination and online domination. I’m talking about PAID services. You know, how we make our money.
When you are in a LIFESTYLE D&s relationship the dynamics are completely different. I never push the foolishness of not having sex with someone you love and care for, of course you would and if you don’t you stand to suffer more issues with your relationship.
As for a double standard regarding male doms, YES there is a double standard whether anyone wants to admit that or not. Male/female domination is VERY DIFFERENT from Female/male. In the case of M/f part of his power comes from sex. Not so with F/m, our power comes from the witholding of sex, the one thing men want and have used to control women for centuries. F/f is yet again a different dynamic. As for M/m that is yet another completely different ballgame. See where I’m going with this?
I speak from where I am. Providing a service to male submissives in various ways for MONEY. And as soon as you lie down with a male submissive BECAUSE of the societal double standards in the vanilla world AND the kink world (which you can’t do a fucking thing about becauase men have been in power for millenia, so don’t blame me for that) you level the playing field if that sub is paying for you to dominate them. Therefore you just fucked up their experience.
And I did say, if you want to have sex with your subs you go, but in my opinion you’ve moved on from domination to escort.
Get it?
wormdick
Dr Sue, most of us pervy types do realize that touching a women’s body is of limits to us…No hot women in their right mind is going to allow some maggot to touch their bodies…We pay women money to be in their presence so we can perve on their tits and legs and wank off… if we are lucky we sometimes get a bit of foot worship…In the past, I once tried to grope a Doms tits and I regretted it…I got my balls completely kicked into a pulp..I cam with plums and left with grapefruit…
Pat
I’m glad I’m not a Domme and I don’t have to deal with that sheeit, Dr Sue!
Unfortunately, for many men this is what they see in BDSM pornography. Not that I consume that much of it, mainly because the scenarios don’t particularly interest me. For instance, I have always been into the CFNM fetish even before I knew what a fetish was. I just found the power dynamic incredibly hot. However, when I found out this was a fetish catered to by porn, I also discovered that the scenes usually end with the women jerking or sucking the guy off. What the hell? He suddenly becomes the sexual god that a room full of females can’t keep their hands and lips off of. That’s not submission – that’s Penthouse Forum.
Submission, to me, has never been about sex. It is sexually arousing, but sex is not the end goal. You hit it on the head with this:
“The point is you take what you are offered IF you’re offered anything at all and you’re grateful for it and you wag your tail just like a good dog.”
My thoughts exactly! And it is a lot more fun that way – you know, with the dominant in charge? However, many men probably engage with Femdom porn for years before engaging with real Femdoms – and that is the disconnect.
Dr Sue
Porn really HAS done a lot to bastardize most of BDSM and sex in general. I still have men asking me why their gf’s don’t squirt gallons across the room…
Master James
You have just reinforced everything that I’ve said. I’m not submissive quite the opposite but I have many dominant lady friends. One in particular who is very well known doesn’t have sex with her submissives or slaves and doesn’t allow them to touch her body let alone see her intimate parts. My thoughts on this is males who want to see mistresses and be dominated want to have the attention of an extremely beautiful woman. This I stand by. My dominant lady friend at the time disagreed with me but now I think I’ve changed her views on such matters.
There’s two types of female domination: one is true domination where there is no sex involved and when the submissive does exactly as he just told for no other purpose than carry out his mistresses’ instructions. That is a true submissive. The other type is Fem Dom porn which is pure pornography aimed at males who want to be dominated and used as a sex slave, and end to a means. Sex! To me that isn’t domination. As I previously said this is just pure pornography and there is a market for it.
Incognitothomas
Dr. Sue
I know there are times when my selfishness rises up (She does an excellent job of squashing in her unique way) but what hits home in this article is the simple fact that if you are male submissive you follow her lead and obey. She has every right to show or say whatever to the sub that she is comfortable with sharing. Suffer and sacrifice! Accept and Obey! And in the end whatever Scooby snack or treat she gives to you Thank her and appreciate it.
Beast
Are there body parts I like? Hell yes but I don’t need to see them as I prefer engaging with another’s mind to see how great of an imagination they have. Now to me that’s beyond sexy as hell
Dr Sue
That’s because youre sapiosexual which is marvelous.
Bubblebuttsissy
I love ya Dr Sue but I can not totally agree with this. I completely agree that sexual contact of any kind should never be expected by a sub from a Dominant. Those who think booking a session or serving a Domme will lead to sexual servitude are fools. But to say any Domme who has any type of sex with a sub “sucks at domination” seems a bit extreme to me. My belief has always been that a Domme should be pleased/served in the way she wants/desires. If that just so happens to be sexual servitude of some type from one of her subs then why should she refrain from what she truly wants? Sex is a beautiful, pleasurable thing. Why that changes when the Domme/sub aspect gets involved has always been a mystery to me.
Dr Sue
I get your point BBS and I’ve written a caveat to explain.
DuaneTheSeeker
Amen, Dr. Sue!
Dr Sue
Thanks Duane!!