As I promised, I think it’s a good idea to have some information ‘out there’ to help you guys who are stuck in the findom rut of addiction.
Financial domination is NOT something you want to play with if you have an addictive personality. Many men have lost everything, their life savings, their families and in some cases have become homeless all for a stroke of the cock. And yes I know that sentence, for many of you, will actually turn you on.
Let me first say that if you’re looking for a magical pill that will take your compulsions away – there isn’t one. If there was we could eradicate all addictions. Getting rid of your need to play in the financial domination world is going to require soul searching and behavior modification. Two things most of us can’t stand. However if you’re serious you CAN kick the financial domination monkey on your back, to the curb.
As with any addiction, the first thing you have to do is WANT to quit. And when I say, ‘want to quit,’ I mean really want to quit. Not some casual, “I really need to stop this,” or your attempt will fail miserably and will only fuel your self-loathing because you’ll most likely go back to your old behavior and spend even more. And I know you’ve already done this many times so you know what I’m talking about.
All addictions boil down to the same thing, behavioral patterns. Once you remove the chemical dependency, so say for example you have a heroin addiction, once the chemical dependency is gone, which isn’t that long, you face the battle of dealing with your behavioral thoughts and patterns and these are the real demons. If they weren’t the problem you’d be able to kick an addiction as soon as the chemical leaves your body.
But what about financial domination, since there’s no chemical you’re sniffing or shooting shouldn’t it be easy to kick? Well, yes and no. The thing is you ARE fighting a chemical addiction and that’s to DOPAMINE!! Every time you engage in sending a broad money you get your dopamine fix. What’s dopamine? It’s a neurotransmitter that gives you PLEASURE!!! The problem is you can’t rid yourself of dopamine. But you can rid yourself of the reasons you need it and then find it in another more positive way.
If addictions didn’t feel good we would never get them. Whether it’s smoking, eating, drinking, drugs, sex, masturbation or any compulsive disorder what you’re really doing is looking to feel good. And the act of engaging in your addiction gives you that dopamine rush combined, in some cases, with yet another chemical such as meth for example.
But the real question that you need to ask yourself is why? Why am I seeking this? What am I distracting myself from?
Addictions are distractions. We use them to deal with thoughts and feelings we don’t like as a temporary way to feel good. The problem is after the high, you feel like shit. Why? Because it didn’t take the problem you were distracting yourself from away. It only took it away for the time you were engaging in your addictive behavior. So when you aren’t engaging in it, you feel the need to because you’re faced with whatever it is you’re trying to escape from.
This explanation of addiction is a very simplified analogy of how it works but you don’t need to become an addiction specialist to understand the main points of your issue. When you engage in addictive behavior you are running from negative thoughts, memories, beliefs or patterns of thought.
So the first step in dealing with a financial domination addiction is to take responsibility for your behavior. That means you admit that no one held a gun to your head and made you get in touch with a financial dominatrix to give her hundreds if not thousands of dollars. She did not seek you out, you sought her out once you tripped over the kink and thought it would be hot. How do I know this? Because these women never knew you existed until you knocked on their door. Oh maybe they did some advertising but it’s a business and that’s what advertising is for. You succumbed to the advertising. Just like someone who saw that new tool on T.V. at 3 am that would change their lives forever. You know full well that the tool will just sit in your garage unused but the advertisers made it look like you could build yourself a new house in an afternoon with that handy little tool so you just HAD TO HAVE IT! But did that advertiser MAKE you buy it? No you could have changed the channel as many people do. It’s the same with findom.
STEP ONE – Take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming the women who do this for a living. Or blaming your mom for not holding you enough. Or blaming the government for the earth being flat. STOP! You did this, no one else. You are an adult with free will and free will can be a bitch.
So now you’ve admitted that you were the one that sought out financial domination. Great! That is a big step because it’s easier to blame than to take responsibility. Congrats.
Well now you need to do something just as hard as taking responsibility and that is, asking yourself the question why. Why am I doing this? What am I avoiding?
That can be a tricky bitch of a question too. You see many times it’s not just financial domination you’ve been addicted to. You may have landed on findom after many other distracting addictions, porn being one of them. So you may have to go back further than your findom addictive habits. Regardless, you need to keep peeling that onion to see what it is you’re distracting yourself from and it’s usually negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself.
You might be thinking what does it matter what I think about myself when I’m sending money and jerkin’ my gherkin? Because people who are confident and know themselves don’t engage in this type of behavior.
I can’t tell you why you’re doing this because it will be different for every single individual. But for the most part it comes from low self-esteem. You’re doing this because you are pushing away nasty shit in your head. But unless you deal with that shit you will just bounce from one negative addiction to another.
You can do this on your own or you can seek out the help of a reputable therapist to help you peel those negative layers and learn how to deal with them so you can move on with your life.
I will say, doing it on your own is not easy but I get it if you’re broke and can’t afford a therapist because you gave your paycheck away, if you’re lucky enough to get a paycheck. But it CAN be done on your own. You just need to be completely honest with yourself and want to do the work to kick this habit.
So just know that if you want to completely get rid of your addictive behavior you MUST address why you’re engaging in findom to begin with. And you need to dig further than, because it feels good.
We are bombarded with negative thoughts all day long. Everyone does it. There are very few people walking this Earth who don’t hate themselves in one form or another and all for differing reasons. These are the thoughts or mind squirrels as I call them, that you need to work on. I would suggest you listen to my show Dealing with Depression and Anxiety on ways you can get rid of negative thoughts.
STEP TWO – Ask yourself WHY am I doing this? What am I avoiding? And work on dealing with those issues.
Here’s the rub though. Most people with addictions have addictive behavior patterns period. What I mean by that is, if you weren’t addicted to financial domination you’d probably have something else you’d be addicted to. Remember me telling you this is probably not the only thing you’ve been compulsive about in your life. In other words, you probably have addictive behavior patterns from a life of constantly avoiding your negative thoughts. So if you look back on your life you may notice that you have been addicted to other things besides just financial domination.
For many being an addict means being an addict of almost anything. If it wasn’t financial domination it would have been something else. But instead of looking at this as a negative and thinking, what’s the point if I’m doomed to be an addict, you can actually use your addictive personality to your advantage by replacing your negative addictive behavior with a positive one.
So if you really don’t want to do the inner work you need to do and I know most of you don’t then you can use your addictive personality to find something else you can put your focus on besides findom but the key is it should be something that is just as pleasurable or something that will give you that same dopamine rush. That means finding a habit that you can throw yourself into that is more positive than your findom addiction and I don’t mean switching to gooning or something else within the sex realm. You need to look outside of sex for other ways to engage yourself.
That again, means you need to soul search and look for other things to put your focus on. If you’ve always wanted to learn something new, now is the time to do that. I don’t care what it is as long as it’s a positive thing to put your focus on. Hobbies, sports, games, exercise or even religion are just a few of what you can look into to start pulling yourself away from findom. Again, it’s based on your interests what you choose to move yourself towards but the point is to move your focus away from financial domination and on to something that is just as enjoyable and believe or not there are things just as fun.
STEP THREE – Replace a negative behavior with a positive one.
When you look at most 12 step programs you’ll find this is what they do. You take responsibility, you make amends (and I’m not even making you do that but if you’re married you SHOULD come clean and use that to keep you on the straight and narrow), you work on why you’re doing the behavior in the first place and in many cases they teach you to replace the behavior with a more positive one.
The only really hard part in all of this is doing the inner work and looking at those scary, negative thoughts you’ve been trying to drown with distraction, but it’s also the only real way to conquer and obliterate your addiction to financial domination or anything else for that matter. You can sidestep the work slightly as I mentioned above but you run the risk of relapse far more so than if you do the inner work.
It takes courage to face your fears and personal negative thoughts but the reward of shooting your squirrels and getting your life back under YOUR control is far worth the effort it’ll take. You can do this! As a matter of fact you could turn your addiction to giving money to bimbo’s who don’t give a rats ass about you into an opposite addiction of saving money. Doesn’t have the stroke value but you didn’t have findom before you found it and you got off just fine. So don’t use that as an excuse. You got this!