Once Again I Grieve

My heart has a hole in it that cannot be filled, nor would I try to fill it. It is with intense sadness that I am letting you know of the death of one of our community’s greatest human being’s that I had the honor to call my dear friend, Brian last night. You may know him by the name he went by on Niteflirt, BriansChevyParts. I won’t publish his real last name out of respect for his family which probably never knew of his kink side. I know many Dommes, especially Eisanna Eiger will be devastated by his passing as he served many ladies through the years in various ways.

Brian and I had a very special connection. It transcended D & s, as a matter of fact I rarely spoke to him in a D & s fashion. He was the most tortured soul I have come across in a very long time. I worked with him for years trying to get him to let go of his self-hatred something that was brought on by family dynamics. Although he did try, it wasn’t enough and he got viral cancer (yes there is such a thing) and spent the last 3 years of his life fighting it.

I’m going to miss our long talks. Yes he was one of only 3 submissives I’ve met who had my home phone number and would call, most respectfully, if he was feeling down. He was quite honestly the only submissive I’ve met who really understood the word respect. He was the ultimate gentleman who had the most amazing integrity. He was and he knew this, the only man I would ever consider leaving my boyfriend for and yes my boyfriend knew this as well. I had a spiritual connection with Brian I have only ever had with another human being once. He was a very rare jewel both in the kink community and as a person. This world is much darker place without him in it and I just wish I could have killed the demons that haunted him but that was up to him.

I’m telling you about his passing not so that you’ll feel sorry for me at all. I want you to learn from him. Brian was in to kink for all the wrong reasons. Although he LOVED it, I believe part of the reason why he got in to it at all was as a form of self-punishment. I want all of you to understand that the only person you hurt with the negative thoughts you have about yourself is YOU. It’s the reason why you always hear me talk about being HAPPY. Find your HAPPY. We would talk about his for hours because Brian had lost his HAPPY years ago and tried to find it a bit too late. Our thoughts have the ability to raise our lives up from the gutters to nirvana if we choose. Unfortunately they also have the ability to kill us if we believe the negativity they spew forth. Brian was caught in that web of negativity as many of us are, until it finally destroyed him. Please, if you take nothing from this, take the fact that being HAPPY is the most important thing you can do with your life. Listen to HAPPY by Pharrell, really listen to the lyrics and you’ll see that he’s talking about the basis of all of your lives. DON’T LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR HAPPY AWAY FROM YOU!

I love you Brian, I always will and I know you’re no longer suffering and have been reunited with your Mom in to the arms of the Pure Love we all come from. I’ll miss you like crazy but I know I’ll see you again. <3

P.S. If anyone knows Eisanna Eiger please let her know about his passing. I can’t find any recent contact info for her.