The Dr Sue Review

Straight Talk on Twisted Subjects

New Year Same Chew

Dr Sue's Thoughts

I’m always being asked why I don’t do much Domination work anymore.  It’s not that I don’t do it. I do. I will always be a Domme first and a shrink second but it is my honest opinion that there are no worthwhile male subs anymore.

Remember this is my opinion, I know some of you boys will be offended by this but I am constantly being shown evidence to back up my opinion.  I have had several boys ask to serve recently and each one has proven to only be in to their kink for themselves.  Not a true submissive.  Most of you gentlemen who feel you’re submissive don’t even know the meaning of the word let alone how to be one.

Because D & s is on a sliding scale, just as any sexuality is, you boys ‘think’ you’re submissive or are having momentary submissive feelings and search out a Domme proclaiming your ever loving servitude and then it loses it’s thrill and you do as my dear friend Queen Kitty calls it and poof! Poof! You’re gone, you’re bored or you don’t like the fact that all I want is your money.  Those of you boys who read The Review and have read my article on How To Serve an Online Domme know that when you break it all down there is NO OTHER WAY TO SERVE from a distance other than financially.

I recently deleted my Evil Dr Sue Twitter account and unfollowed and blocked you boys who do just what I mentioned above, you serve when it’s convenient for you.  It doesn’t work that way in my world.  I’m old school. Yes some may say I’m just plain old.  Doesn’t matter, the point is I know true D & s when I see it and I haven’t seen any of it for several years now.

When you boys get pissy thinking ‘all these Dommes want is money,’ use your god-given brains, what the fuck else do you have to offer?  Seriously.  Yes most of us could use a sissy-maid, someone to mow the lawn, do the dishes but when you’re 2000 miles away that’s not likely to happen.  So what does that leave?  Platitudes and words of flattery? We hear that ALL THE TIME!  I call it Eddie Haskell syndrome.  (For those of you who are fresh out of the womb, Eddie Haskell was a character on an old 50’s sitcom called Leave it to Beaver.  You probably heard that title in a porn parody or two.  No I’m not that old but I did watch re-runs as a kid. Eddie was known for being a very obvious suck-up.  Wikipedia puts it perfectly, “…insincere sycophants.”  For example, “That’s a lovely dress you’re wearing, Mrs. Cleaver.”)  That’s all well and good, and yes we love hearing how amazing we all are but it doesn’t pay the bills.  Spoiler Alert boys! We have to pay the bills and get shit done the same as YOU!

I also recently deleted my Amazon Wishlist and I’ve noticed many of the ladies have as well.  Why? Because there comes a time when you have all the ‘crap’ you need.  If we want cash it’s because we should be able to live off of YOU.  Pay for my mani-pedi’s, pay my mortgage, pay for my car make yourself truly useful.  You can call it whatever you want financial domination, gold digging (that makes me laugh) or just plain being greedy again, no one cares it just comes down to plain, cold, hard facts.

So let’s see some changes this year, not for me cause I’m just too skeptical.  Instead, do it for yourselves.  Get over the, ‘all she wants is my money,’ whine.  Yes that IS all we want.  What do YOU get out of it?  For the most part NOTHING, and that’s the way it should be.  As another wonderful Domme Ms Toxic Goddess says A LOT, (which proves you don’t listen) we’re not your Mother, your Wife, your Girlfriend, or your Friend.  We are the exact opposite of them.  We’re here to remind of you of who you REALLY are.  We don’t care about you, that’s your family’s job.  So instead of getting all butt hurt over our demands maybe you need to ask YOURSELF a question first.  Am I really submissive, or just feeling submissive.  There’s a difference.  And the second one wastes our time.  That’s what phone Domme’s are for!  You’re feeling submissive so call one! She gets paid, you get your pathetic needs met, it’s a win-win!  Just don’t proclaim servitude and bug the living shit out of us and expect our attention for FREE.

I’m taking the word Loyalty very, very seriously this year.  If you’re not planning to be a loyal, reliable sub ‘out there’ working for ME, then just phone a Domme.  It’s actually very simple.  However because I know you boys won’t just take my advice I decided the first full-length hypno mp3 to be released by me is going to be programming you boys to be loyal, reliable and devoted to your Domme! It will be able to be used by ANY sub or Domme to program better behavior.  I actually took the complaints I received from Dommes on the How to be a Good Pet show and addressed them in this recording.  It’ll be released in the next couple of days.

In the meantime boys remember this please, I’m a very busy person.  Dr Sue is not a character, a gimmick or my schtick it’s who I am.  I have real clients that I work with, I’m hosting a brand new podcast called Exposed with Dr Sue, I will be answering questions on Kink E Magazine and will be a regular on KEM Top Talk Web TV, in addition to creating and recording hypno mp3’s and living my cuckoldress lifestyle so don’t approach me with your servitude unless you have read the above and get it!

Because this old bitch is all about herself and unless you’re contributing to my bottom line in some way, you may exit stage left.  Yes loyalty works both ways but I think I more than live up to my end of the bargain.

loyalty

Real, Fake or Fu*k It!!

Dr Sue's Thoughts

Remember when the question of real or fake was usually associated with a woman’s tits? Normally I wouldn’t bother with this bull but someone this week accused me of pretending to be popular sex educator Sue Johanson.  Now if I have to be tossed in to the ranks I think that the ladies I’m about to show you are pretty damn good company. However, I take offense to her saying “I’m putting myself out there and pretending to be Sue Johanson,” of which I have NEVER done, nor would I.  But for those of you idiots who jump before actually gathering facts, which, let’s face it, is pretty much everyone especially in our community, I’ll break this all down for you and put it all in one place.  Let the window licking commence (yes I’m bitter, my world, my rules).

Sue Johanson

Sue Johanson

I have been listening to Sue since she first started on Q107 in Toronto back in the late 70’s.  She’s a ballsy, straight from the hip lady who tells it like it is, doesn’t mince words and doesn’t run from a question.  She has never called herself Dr. Sue, ever as a matter of fact she will correct you if you say that to her.   Her genre is primarily vanilla sex. You can visit Sue’s website by clicking on her name or image.

Dr Susan Block

Dr Susan BlockSuzy is a wonderful woman who has been teaching folks to relax and enjoy their sexuality and leads by example. She embraces her own sexuality and her entire aura is one of a very sexually free female, which in my opinion is refreshing. And what’s not to love about her hats!!  Dr Suzy’s genre crosses all lines. You can visit Suzy’s website by clicking on her name or image.

 

 

And me! Dr Sue

Dr SueSee? I’m not those ladies, nor am I Dr Ruth, Dominatrix Greedy Goddess Sue or any other person you may have swimming around in your petty little heads.  The difference? I specialize in primarily Fetish, Kink & BDSM. I do not have a doctorate but have never said I did, the Dr was a moniker given to me years ago because of all the help I gave to patients of local doctors. I hold many degrees including psychology and what you get with me is EXPERIENCE.  I am a former Pro-Domme, yes back before most of you ladies were even teething and I was doing FinDom when most of you thought it was a shark fetish (I’m old, there, I said it let’s move on shall we? yawn!),  followed by vanilla life for a while, then sex shop owner, alternative dating magazine founder and editor, couples therapist, and yes ONLINE Therapist, ONLINE Domme, author and radio show host. I’m also a real-life cuckoldress.  I’ve lived what I talk about, what I haven’t lived I certainly have been exposed to and understand on many levels, more so than most therapists, with the exception of the ladies above.

So for those of you morons who spend your time looking for ways to ‘expose’ Dommes or accuse others of things without gathering the facts first, do everyone a favor and find something better to do with your time, like, how about go make some money? You know, run your business and stop throwing out senseless accusations.

And for those of you who are about to go screaming off saying that I’m being a hypocrite because I’ve gone off on people before, yes I will admit doing it but only if you push. If you drag me in to your crap OR go off on a friend of mine for no reason be prepared to hear what you don’t want to hear. I will tell you precisely what I think of you, no regrets on my behalf.  I own it!

Long story short, if you have a problem with me, email me.  I have several websites and here I’ll make it easy for you:

inbedwithdrsue.com
evildrsue.com

All my sites have contact pages. I am the only one who gets your emails. I get a lot so bear with me but I will respond. My entire point of both this website and inbedwithdrsue.com and the show is to educate, uplift and get people to open their minds to new possibilities and if nothing else maybe the exposure to new and different things will teach you to live and let live.  This kind of nonsense just pisses me off and makes me wonder, why bother?  My message has been sidetracked by vicious women to the point where I will say that I am now kicking Female Supremacy to the curb. I get it, I’ll defend your right to be that way, but I cannot now, nor will I ever be able to say that ALL WOMEN are better than men.  Because in my heart I know that’s not right, and I am constantly shown that it’s not right by disgusting behavior.  You don’t have to love me, but shut up and move on.

I’m real. I’m not Sue Johanson or anyone else. Case closed.

Female Supremacy or Inferiority Complex

Articles, Femme Domme

I’ve said it on the show and I’ll say it again here I LOVE PAT!! <3

Think about it...Why would I love someone who argues with me on certain articles? Because he’s thought provoking. He’s not another ‘yes’ man automatically assuming that everything that is said is gospel and he’s done it again and since my rant yesterday I found it rather timely.  He suggested it as an article topic and I think he’s made a very valid point and his ideas bare some serious thought.

Here’s what he wrote:

Hi Dr Sue,

It seems you can’t read a femdom blog anywhere these days that doesn’t go in the female supremacy or FLR route.   The themes are always the same:

  1. Women should own and rule everything
  2. Wives should wear the pants at home
  3. Men should be made to suffer as women have suffered
  4. Complete role reversal with men as the second sex.

You get the idea. Anyway, it seems to me that all of these desires stem from an inferiority complex on the part of these women. They are so bitter about what was once “The Patriarchy” that they want to disenfranchise, objectify and degrade all males in the present. They believe they can make things right by oppressing men in the modern age. If they can just put men in their place once and for all then that will prove that they are better than men or at least as good.

But they’re fighting ghosts. The men that did these things to women are dead and gone. For the last 30 years we’ve been bending over backwards to build up women and girls. And it’s working. There’s never been a better time to be female. I just don’t get what they are so angry about.

So, here’s my question. Is female supremacy linked to an inferiority complex in women? If so, is this the best way to go about rectifying it?

I think for some the answer is yes. It could actually be inferiority along with low self-esteem and in so doing they then over compensate. Now before I have all my girls screaming at me, please note I said ‘for some’.  In my opinion there are women who truly believe and are living their lives this way that are great examples of the concept. But for some, they have taken the concept and gone berserk.  This is the reason why I said in my rant yesterday that I’m now reversing my thoughts on Female Supremacy because I witness so many of these women, who in my opinion give ‘women’ a bad name, period.

The problem is there will always be radical extremists in EVERYTHING! And they will always be the ones getting the attention. It’s these women who make the whole concept of Female Supremacy leave a bad taste in anyone’s mouth.

I was talking to one of my clients yesterday and he made a valid point, and I’m not saying this to generalize or to pigeon hole anyone but it was his observation as well as mine after talking to thousands of people over the years that most in the adult industry, any part of it, were abused in some way in their lives. Now I’ll take that one step further and say that a vast majority over the age of 30 no matter what industry they are in have been abused. So doesn’t it stand to reason that there will be an over compensation by anyone who’s been abused, who is embracing Domination for the first time to try to regain lost control from their abusive past.  Now of course this isn’t true for everyone, it’s just an observation I’ve made and so did he as he is very much in the business.

So short answer Pat, yes, long answer is it of course depends on who you’re talking to.  As for rectifying it all anyone can do is offering education and information on the subject and hope that it gets heard.  Don’t call attention to the radical ones but do call attention to people who are sane about their beliefs.

Now I know some of you ladies might be pissed about this article. That’s cool, that’s what the comment section is for and please be my guest and let me know your views.  But try to do it in a civil manner. It really is a thought provoking idea.

Submission with Condition

Articles, Featured, The Submissive Mind

Hi boys and girls, I’m back with another opinion piece and who knows, maybe some valuable advice will come out of it.

I’m noticing a not-so-nice trend within our community. Unfortunately boys I’m going to come down on YOUR butts for this. It’s the unfortunate behavior of submission with condition and the really ironic thing is that for those of you who do this you’re actually cheating An Offeringyourselves.

So many of you boys seem to see submission as being some sort of commodity that you can bargain with…news flash…it isn’t.  When you start submitting with only your own gratification in mind you’ve just lost the point of submitting at all.

There seems to be some growing trend with you boys to only submit provided there is some sort of reward at the end of the tunnel. I’ve observed this not only in financial domination, which I would have to say is rampant with it, but also in real time as well.

Let me just say that even if you’re paying for your session if you’re going in to that session, any session,  with a ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude you completely blow past the entire submissive experience. Now it’s just a client-provider relationship.

True submission is an act of selflessness, it comes with the attitude of ‘what can I do for you?’ with no strings attached. I discussed compersion in a previous article about submission Are You a Sub or Not. Compersion is the joy created from a selfless act that brings another joy, relief or happiness.

I was speaking with a client of mine who had an epiphany one day when he realized that he was essentially wasting his own time by having expectations in his relationship with his Domme.  He couldn’t figure out why he felt empty and why the whole experience lacked any real ‘feeling’.  Then it dawned on him that he was going in to it the wrong way the whole time.  He had been one of these guys who jumped around from Domme to Domme always looking for greener pastures until he realized that it wasn’t greener pastures he was looking for. That in fact his pasture was as green as could be but it was HE who through his expectations of ‘what do I get?’ was completely missing the entire submissive experience. He changed his outlook and started submitting with zero expectation, relying only on the act of pleasing with no reward and he finally found his Utopia.

So many of you subbie boys go in to this with a ‘well I just sent you a gift off of your wishlist so send me a pic of your hooters’ attitude that you are defeating the purpose of submitting in the first place. Of course you feel empty afterwards, you weren’t giving from a selfless place you didn’t get to experience compersion and only until you reach that point of pleasing with no expectation will you stop feeling like your submission is boring or that your Domme is just greedy.

Here’s perhaps a more compelling story that was told to me by a slave of mine.  He heard the story of a Domme who had been in a horrible car accident. Her friend, also a Domme, gave her the use of her best slave during her convalescence.  This slave did everything for her, ran her errands, did her housecleaning, made sure she ate properly and each day when his duties were finished he left quietly without any expectation of reciprocity. He just served, and was quite happy to do so.

Later, when the Domme was healthy and was back in true form both she and the slave’s actual owner secretly conceived of, and then delivered, a double Domme session with this every unsuspecting and now very happy slave.  So you see?  To serve without expectation of something in return usually will bring you great rewards anyway. Those of you who truly submit selflessly are the only boys and girls who can say they are truly submissive and know the feeling of servitude. So ask yourself this…do you serve with expectation or without?

How to Serve an Online Domme

Articles, Featured, The Submissive Mind

First of all let me preface this article by saying that I will be stating the obvious which in turn will piss some people, mostly guys, off.

There seems to be some sort of misconception in the world of BDSM that you can serve an online Domme by just ‘being there,’ and that just doesn’t cut it.

So as a service to you boys who may be new to the game or are just wandering around feeling confused and wondering wtf  or maybe you’ve been called a ‘time waster’ or a flake here’s most likely the reason why.

Obviously if you lived near your Domme there wouldn’t be an issue, provided she was for it, to serve her in various ways; cleaning, household chores, errands etc.  But if you don’t live near her or don’t have the means by which to physically serve it poses an obvious problem.

A lot of you boys who serve online do so because you’re married or live in a small town and in some cases you just don’t have the balls to serve in real time and all that is okay because that’s where serving an online Domme can become very convenient.

Now here is where some of you will get pissed off.  There is really only one way to serve online as a submissive male and that is financially.  No this is not some stupid ploy to promote financial domination it is, as I state earlier, logical and obvious.

That’s not to say that you perhaps can’t be of service in other ways such as if you’re good in web design or graphic arts you might be able to How to Serve an Online Dommeserve her by helping with her website and such. I’m not here to give a whole bunch of ideas in which to serve virtually because you have to decide what your strengths are and what you can do for her and then you have to see if she needs what you have to offer.

If you can’t come over and scrub my floors and mow my lawn because you live halfway around the world what can you do for me? Remember the point is to satisfy that urge to SERVE. Sure there are some guys who get off on giving or having their money coerced out of them but when we look at this logically there is no other way in which to really serve online unless it’s monetary.

Okay maybe you’re not independently wealthy and no one says you have to be.  It’s actually not that big of a deal. Say for example you’re a foot guy (I don’t know why I always pick foot guys for examples) and you’ve found a Mistress whose feet you adore and maybe you can only afford to pay for her pedicures. GREAT! That’s a way to serve. It’s not about cashing in your 401k or retirement fund. It’s about knowing that you just paid for her feet to be pampered which YOU would do if you could be there in person but can’t.  Maybe you’re a shoe guy and love high heel shoes. Well head to her wishlist and find a pair you find particularly sexy and buy them for her.

So keeping this in mind I’ll lay out some simple rules to follow if you’re going to serve an online Domme.

  1. First of all determine if you’re submissive or just a fetishist. For that you might want to read my article on Are you a Sub or Not.  The reason for this is don’t pester a Domme, any Domme if you’re not truly submissive and want to SERVE her in some way. If you’re just a fetishist in a certain area it doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun with a Domme but remember she’s looking for loyal, consistent subs. As a fetishist you’re not likely to be either of those.
  2. If you have no money and no viable means of serving a Mistress then don’t bug her or keep telling her she’s wonderful on the off chance you might get her attention. This only serves to irritate most women. You boys who behave this way are like mosquitos and are only annoying.
  3. If you only have the means by which to pay for a pedicure here and there, TELL HER. Don’t put yourself out there as Diamond Jim when you’re not because it’s really obvious. Remember we’re talking any online Domme here not Financial Dommes. Financial Dommes want Diamond Jim and if you’re not you’ll be kicked to the curb so fast it’ll make your head spin.
  4. Always be respectful. You would think this would be obvious but a surprising number of you boys get very crabby when a woman says, “If you want to serve me then do so with a tribute.” She’s not necessarily being a money grubber it’s just like I said YOU have to answer the question, “What can you do for me?” and if it isn’t something she needs then money really is the only logical choice.
  5. If you tribute or send a $20 gift certificate don’t expect her to gush about how wonderful you are. Or more importantly don’t think she’s going to give you the sun and the moon when it comes to her time. What you guys have to realize is that this is a BUSINESS. If you were to walk in to Walmart and try and barter for price on a chocolate bar you’d be asked to leave. Use your heads. Would $20 buy you hours of stripper fun…no.  I think for some reason men think this is some sort of virtual game. That Dommes just sit back and file their nails and watch Maury all day long. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Most of the ladies who do this type of work are doing so to pay the bills just like you. Many of them are putting themselves through school, as cliché as that may sound it’s true. Her time will be limited and it just stands to reason that it will be spent where the money is.  That’s just good business sense. So don’t take it so personally when she doesn’t fawn all over your $20 tribute. I’m not saying it’s not nice, it is but $20 doesn’t buy you much in this economy no matter where you’re doing the spending.

I guess what I’m trying to get you guys to see is that asking for tributes or gift certificates is all part of doing business online and getting angry over it is ridiculous and actually insulting.

Here’s an example that happened to me. I raised my rates a while back from $1.99 per minute to $2.99 per minute and man did I ever hear you boys throw temper tantrums. I haven’t raised my rates since I started working on Niteflirt in 2008.  When you do the math $1.99 per minute works out to $119.40 an hour and I have to say that’s hella cheap for REAL THERAPY which I provide. But I was told that I was being a bitch, a snob, that because I was on the radio I was full of myself.  So apparently the cost of living doesn’t apply to me. Prices go up around me but I’m supposed to stay the same, which by the way I did just because everyone freaked. So I have to now make serious budget cuts because it’s getting harder and harder to live on the $1.99 per minute. I’m not whining I’m showing you how all of this is a business. It may kill the fantasy for you guys be everyone on Niteflirt, Talk Sugar and all the other phone services have to pay rent or mortgages like you do.  You may think of it as entertainment and that it’s disposable but WE as in the ladies and gentlemen you do business with DO NOT! This is our life.  So stop being so bitchy about the answer to the question How Can I Serve You?  Money talks, bullshit walks.

Tell me what you think.

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Are you a Sub or Not?

Articles, The Submissive Mind

If you’ve ever had the words fake, flakey or just plain not submissive used by a Dominant to describe your behavior then you probably want to read this. I’ll address this to men because I honestly don’t see this happening in the Femme-sub world.

I see a lot of behavior both in my job as a therapist and in my job as a Domme that is so NOT submissive behavior that I feel the need to clarify a rather un-clear subject as best as I can.

As I’ve taught you guys so many times we are all both Dominant and submissive. Yes ALL of us. Even the most Dominant of persons can be Are you a sub or not?submissive depending on the situation and vice versa.  What I think seems to be the issue with the whole D & s subject is what I just stated. We are all BOTH.

Here’s an example. Say you’re a guy who loves women’s feet, loves to lick them, suck them and go crazy on them. That’s great but does it make you a submissive male? No. It means you have a foot fetish. It means that in that moment that you are adoring a lady’s feet you may just be submissive, however does that mean you are then a 100% submissive male? No.  Just means that with the right pair of feet you’re submissive. Done.

Too many of you boys who proclaim yourselves to be submissive really aren’t. A fully submissive male is submissive to the female ALL the time. They feel that way ALL the time. Not just around her feet.  They actually are only happy when they are of SERVICE to a strong female.  If she gives a command he readily jumps at the chance to make her happy. The best way to describe this would be compersion. (“Compersion is an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy.” Wikipedia)  If you ever balk at, cringe or even feel the slightest bit of refusal at that command you’re not a fully submissive male. But here’s the thing, THAT’S OKAY!

Because we are all both D & s no one should be expecting you to be 100% one way or the other. It will always depend on the situation. Where the conflict comes in is when you put yourself ‘out there,’ meaning the D & s world as a submissive and you’re not really that submissive then it leads to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and anger on the part of the Dominant.

If we go back to our example guy, he loves a strong woman’s feet, feels submissive when in the presence of those feet then just say you’re submissive for feet, that’s it. Don’t tell everyone you’re a submissive who wants to SERVE A WOMAN because that’s not who you are.  You can tell her you love her feet, feel weak for her feet that’s all good but to turn around and say I want to be submissive all day every day to a strong woman and do whatever she commands me to do is WRONG. This is where the communication is going awry.

If you love a woman’s feet but when she gives you the command to drop to your knees and you think, “fuck you bitch I’ll drop when I feel like it,” you’re not submissive you have a fetish for women’s feet. That’s it.  Are you getting this?

I think too many men who have fetishes think that they are automatically slave material and this is the issue we’re having in this community. This is also where we get a lot of what I call “Domme Hopping” behavior. Guys who jump from Domme to Domme to Domme thinking the next one will somehow make everything work. You’re looking for something that doesn’t exist. You’re not completely submissive so therefore find the one woman who’s feet you desire; again using our example guy, don’t put yourself out there as a slave or as completely submissive if you’re not and certainly don’t profess to serve a woman if you don’t want to or just feel submissive for a few minutes to get your rocks off.  This is where Dommes get pissed. You say to them “Oh Goddess you are the greatest most wonderful woman in this world and I’m here to serve you in any way,” then go talk up another Domme and profess to serve them the same way when all the while you don’t really feel this way. You THINK YOU SHOULD feel this way.

It’s this all or nothing society we live in that brings forth this mentality of  if you profess to be submissive you think you need to be 100% submissive 24/7 and to be honest there are not a lot of men who are this way.  But you do need to be honest with the Domme you’re conversing with.  Try this instead, “Goddess I truly love and would like to worship your feet.”  Just be more specific and stop trying to be something you’re not. It’s okay to be only slightly or specifically submissive.

It all comes down to communication and an understanding of yourself. If you feel you ARE the 100% submissive guy who wants to serve a woman no matter what she asks of you, GREAT put yourself out there as such. If you just like a particular fetish such as feet, nylons, spanking or any other of the millions of fetishes out there, then just SAY SO but don’t say you’re are a slave, say you’re a slave to _____. I think you’ll find this will end any nastiness you might be receiving.

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