Hi boys and girls, I’m back with another opinion piece and who knows, maybe some valuable advice will come out of it.
I’m noticing a not-so-nice trend within our community. Unfortunately boys I’m going to come down on YOUR butts for this. It’s the unfortunate behavior of submission with condition and the really ironic thing is that for those of you who do this you’re actually cheating 
yourselves.
So many of you boys seem to see submission as being some sort of commodity that you can bargain with…news flash…it isn’t. When you start submitting with only your own gratification in mind you’ve just lost the point of submitting at all.
There seems to be some growing trend with you boys to only submit provided there is some sort of reward at the end of the tunnel. I’ve observed this not only in financial domination, which I would have to say is rampant with it, but also in real time as well.
Let me just say that even if you’re paying for your session if you’re going in to that session, any session, with a ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude you completely blow past the entire submissive experience. Now it’s just a client-provider relationship.
True submission is an act of selflessness, it comes with the attitude of ‘what can I do for you?’ with no strings attached. I discussed compersion in a previous article about submission Are You a Sub or Not. Compersion is the joy created from a selfless act that brings another joy, relief or happiness.
I was speaking with a client of mine who had an epiphany one day when he realized that he was essentially wasting his own time by having expectations in his relationship with his Domme. He couldn’t figure out why he felt empty and why the whole experience lacked any real ‘feeling’. Then it dawned on him that he was going in to it the wrong way the whole time. He had been one of these guys who jumped around from Domme to Domme always looking for greener pastures until he realized that it wasn’t greener pastures he was looking for. That in fact his pasture was as green as could be but it was HE who through his expectations of ‘what do I get?’ was completely missing the entire submissive experience. He changed his outlook and started submitting with zero expectation, relying only on the act of pleasing with no reward and he finally found his Utopia.
So many of you subbie boys go in to this with a ‘well I just sent you a gift off of your wishlist so send me a pic of your hooters’ attitude that you are defeating the purpose of submitting in the first place. Of course you feel empty afterwards, you weren’t giving from a selfless place you didn’t get to experience compersion and only until you reach that point of pleasing with no expectation will you stop feeling like your submission is boring or that your Domme is just greedy.
Here’s perhaps a more compelling story that was told to me by a slave of mine. He heard the story of a Domme who had been in a horrible car accident. Her friend, also a Domme, gave her the use of her best slave during her convalescence. This slave did everything for her, ran her errands, did her housecleaning, made sure she ate properly and each day when his duties were finished he left quietly without any expectation of reciprocity. He just served, and was quite happy to do so.
Later, when the Domme was healthy and was back in true form both she and the slave’s actual owner secretly conceived of, and then delivered, a double Domme session with this every unsuspecting and now very happy slave. So you see? To serve without expectation of something in return usually will bring you great rewards anyway. Those of you who truly submit selflessly are the only boys and girls who can say they are truly submissive and know the feeling of servitude. So ask yourself this…do you serve with expectation or without?
I believe this trend is a by-product of “Goddess shopping,” which You wrote about in the past. If a slave doesn’t like his commands, he looks elsewhere — where he seeks to negotiate what should really be beyond his control. By never escaping a comfort zone, he never gets to experience the deep, challenging, satisfying nuances of a truly rewarding Mistress-slave relationship — of living for the Superior Her.
I’ve had that blessing, serving only one Mistress for 11 years. She has tapped into my deepest thoughts — things I can never tell anyone else; cuckold fantasies, dreams of serving a Female Executive, sissy & cock-sucking desires, ass/leg/foot worship, and much more. I have spent countless hours as Her online secretary, performing the writing and routine Web functions for two of Her online Femdom Audio stores and Her main blog.
She summoned me after I wrote something sheepish on one of Her former cuckolding Web sites. The day She began to use me was one of the happiest days of my life. I could write a book about what She has taught me, but one of the most pleasant surprises is this: When a slave has one Femdom fetish, others quickly surface.
Yes, my Mistress grants me allowances for work, family, church and community service activities. But it’s at Her blessing, not mine. When I wake up each morning, my first thought is about Her — and how I need to serve Her that day. My job gives me flexibility, and I have served Her for short spurts at every hour of the day and night. She approves my days off, and She allows me to join family activities — since obviously, they don’t know about Her.
It’s not always as pleasurable as it sounds. One Thanksgiving, She decided that I needed to be put into my place — so I had to follow conflicting orders for tasks that took most of my free time just before the holiday. It sapped me of energy for my family. But She explained why I needed this. Today, I remember it as a necessary step for making me a better slave.
Over the years, She went through some very difficult personal/family issues. When that happens, I put on my cheerleading skirt and support Her in any way I can. I mention Her always-shining presence, and I do whatever I can to put Her heart at ease.
She has also taught me the sexual satisfaction of financial domination. Fortunately for me, She has instilled the value of slow, steady Tributes rather than the $1,000 or $3,000 extraction. As sweet as that sounds, She and I have both come to realize that I actually give Her more over time with slow giving — some of which I volunteer; others of which She requires. It has added up to thousands of dollars over the years. I want to believe it has helped Her shine like the Heavens.
If it sounds as if we have become friends, please don’t conclude that. If I send Her a message and request to chat, She will ignore me if She has more important things to do. I am Her slave first, always, and ever. I feel more comfortable in that role with each day. I believe I will continue to grow in my subservience to Her and the Superior Gender, even after more than a decade under Her.
I never forget that just because a Woman is strong, Her immense and occasionally overloaded heart is something for a lucky slave like me to comfort. And to celebrate.
Poor Tom, this has gone WAY beyond the line between ‘healthy’ and ‘unhealthy’.
She grants him ‘allowances for work , family, etc.’,
She ‘allows him to join family activities’.
She saps his energy for his family.
No ‘compartmentalization’ for Tom. No healthy balance in his life.
And the worst possible type of dom.
This sub definitely needs to read your other articles and call you,
or someone, for a very Therapeutic session.
I guess the quote “The joy is in giving not receiving” applies here.