I had a great question from K come in and I could have sworn I did an article on this but when I looked I realized I had only touched on it lightly in another piece so here’s the scoop on just WHY it’s difficult to maintain your subbie feelings when you cum.
Many men request CEI (cum eating instruction) from me and quite rudely I might add because it’s usually phrased in the form of a challenge. “Can YOU make me eat my own cum?” I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA! Like it’s some sort of magical skill that some women have and some don’t. The truth is, it’s all on you boys. It has nothing to do with us chicks and our mad skills at being forceful.
[Drum roll] The real reason you guys lose your submissive feelings after an orgasm is because of a HORMONE!! And that annoying little hormone is known as Prolactin. Yes the same hormone that produces breast milk in women causes you to lose your submissiveness for approximately forty five minutes after an orgasm.
Prolactin is a feel good hormone when it comes to sex. It’s the afterglow feeling you get after you just finished fucking. For women it makes us cuddly and content but for some of you boys, you go through what I call the ‘false self.’ In those moments after an orgasm you will feel as though you have total mental clarity. The problem is that’s the false self. (Side note here: this is also part of the reason why you guys hang up after you spew your goo while on a call without saying thank you or goodbye. The other part is because you’re just being a selfish, rude, asshole and are ashamed at your own behavior.)
What happens is, you have an orgasm and your body gets a shot of prolactin. This is when men start the ‘regret cycle,’ which is why I call this the regret hormone for men. This is when you start with the mind chatter ESPECIALLY if you just indulged in some form of fetish play that you have feelings of shame around. So for example, a male sub just finishes sucking some guy’s dick, now our dick sucker is in no way gay, just submissive which can screw with the mind of most hetero guys on a good day. So they’re really submissive and they follow through with what they’ve been dreaming of doing, they do it, they have an orgasm and then BOOM, the regret starts flooding your system. “What the fuck did I just do?” “What sort of a man does this shit?” followed in the end by…. “I’M NEVER DOING THIS AGAIN!” Sissies go through this one as part of purging. I believe it also contributes to the guy you meet at a bar, you sleep with him and then he just wants to bolt or as the saying goes, “chew his own arm off,” to get out of there.
In these moments immediately following your orgasm the prolactin pushes the submissive feelings away and you begin the negative chastising narrative in your mind. In those moments you believe you’re thinking very clearly but you’re not, you’re under the influence of a hormone but because we don’t get memos from our bodies saying, “HORMONE ENGAGED PLEASE WAIT,” we think it’s the true self instead of the false self.
But just how do we know it’s the false self and not you having some moment of super, alpha male clarity? Because once your body relaxes for about 45 mins to an hour you’ll find your submissive feelings are right back where they were all safe and sound. And those feelings remain. That’s because THAT is your true self not under the influence of a hormone.
Now you can see the real reason behind chastity. It’s not just to torture you, although that IS fun, it’s about controlling the orgasm. Control the orgasm, control the male. Orgasms screw with the submissive mind big time because of this hormone (and others, but prolactin is the main culprit).
This brings us back to our cum eating challenge. For those of you boys who feel that it’s ALL OUR FAULT because you can’t eat your cum after you orgasm, now you can see it’s not. I tell anyone who asks for CEI the same thing, unless I’m standing right next to you when you cum and PHYSICALLY make you eat it, the chances of someone over the phone making you eat your own cum is very minimal unless you listen to instructions at the time of your orgasm which is basically, HURRY UP AND EAT IT! You have to eat it within those first few seconds after the orgasm or you’ll never do it. And in most cases, when you’re talking on the phone, you’ve hung up because you waited too long and then blame the woman saying she sucks at domination. Quelle surprise! Get in line, we’re used to being blamed for everything but the truth is, if you just start doing it a little at a time right after each orgasm, you’ll be a cum eater in no time.
So in K’s case he was worried he wouldn’t make an effective cuckold if he lost his submissive feelings after an orgasm. Well that’s an easy one K, just don’t cum. Your orgasm should be the LAST thing that ever happens if that happens at all. Remember our motto:
CONTROL THE ORGASM, CONTROL THE MALE
So if you want to eat your own cum, and you’re alone or on a call with a Domme, do it in the micro seconds after you squirt your genetic garbage in to your hand or plate or whatever you’re using and you’re golden. Wait, and you’ll be thinking you’ve lost your mind for ever thinking about eating your own cum in the first place, well… until you finish your after sex sammich then you’re back to your true subbie self, wishing they mayo on your sammy was self-made.
In the end though, you don’t get a pass for shitty behavior based on your hormone levels. If we, as females, have to hold our shit together with the myriad of hormones we experience on an average day, you do too. Therefore, you don’t get a free pass for being a jerk after you cum because for those of us in the know, we’re just sitting her waiting with the chastity device and lock ready to CLICK you back to reality.
What do you think? Leave a reply below!
Wonderful article Dr Sue. I think the recover period depends also from the age. Personally I’m 60 yo heterosexual male submissive in my relationships and heavy masturbator. I don’t like chastity devices to control my orgasm, I prefer to control it by practicing edging. I’ve seen during all this years that I need one to two full days to recover my real selves. As a younger I felt confused and I tried to reject it but now with the invaluable help of my masturbation coach when I ejaculate, I really feel frustrated until I return to my nature! Masturbation and submissiveness are for me, two complementary poles, the one feeds the other.
I would like to ask you, for the max period between two ejaculations, for someone can wait when practicing edging, without having issues with his prostate or any other health issue.
Thank you for giving me the answer to a question that has always bothered me. So many of the things you say are things that I am going through. I am a cuckold wannabe and my wife is aware of my fantasy but has not agreed YET. But I believe women have more control than you think in regards to cum eating / tasting. I recently told her I wanted to taste my own cream pie. When I finished inside her she said well… aren”t you going to eat it. I shook my head no, but then she said you are such a pussy. I was not going to let her be right. Because I may be a sub and beta but I am no pussy. Then she says I am pathetic, well that there just right on did it and I dove in tongue first. I am so glad I did, because I didn’t know what I was missing. Our fluids mixed together tasted fine and I got rock hard again. I had tasted my own cum before but I was always like what the hell am I doing a real man / alpha would not do this and then the next day I am at it again. I also never did it in front of her. Well she made me do it alright and I am glad I did. I haven’t ate my cream pies since but at least I know I can. I always thought it would be easier to eat another man’s cream pie, which I hope is next for me. It is amazing what revealing my cuckolding fantasy has done for our sex life. Prior to me telling her about it about a year ago, we would only have sex once or twice a month. Now we do it 2 or 3 times per week. I believe with just the right vocabulary and a little bit of dom behind her she could make her faithful sub do anything. Sorry I went off on a little tangent here, but yeah my point is that most of these women have more control than they even know exists. Keep up the great work Dr. Sue because without your cuckold part 123 articles I wouldn’t be even close in my cuckold journey. I followed them to a tee, but I am plateauing in the role play stage… oh wow there I go off subject again. Well thanks again Dr. Sue… stay hot!!! Regards, PJ
Email me PJ
I think this is a great article, but it fails to acknowledge the flip side of the coin: that hormones are also responsible for making men (and women) horny. So chastity could just as easily be said to be reinforcing a false self. Getting over shame in general is probably the best way to accept/enjoy one’s kinks.
In a perfect world.
Thanks for this article, it was super enlightening! I had no idea that the culprit was an actual chemical, a medically documented response. I thought the guys were just selfish little pricks. I mean, they are, as you pointed out, for not trying to control themselves better, but there’s also this Prolactin stuff adding to it.
The number of times I’ve had subs come at Me all gung-ho for play, wanting “TPE” and “Lifetime servitude” just to run screaming as soon as they squirt… It’s uncanny. But they do always come back, and I have to assume it’s because the hormone dissipates and they’re right back to their old selves again.
Makes Me want ALL My subs in chastity FOR SURE. Of course, I’m now second-guessing all of My kindness in letting them cum “one last time” before the big lockup…
Love your articles. They’re always so interesting, straight to the point & brutally honest.
Interestingly, I used to get that guilt/shame hit after orgasm, until I got into my late 20’s early 30’s. Around the time I got heavily into FemDom & BBC porn.
I spent so much time masturbating to that kind of material back then, I think I literally jerked any post orgasm remorse reflex right out of myself. And these days I feel great after cumming, with no negative drop or downside at all afterwards.
Perhaps it’s just age & the acceptance that I’m a beta male & also that I’m really enjoying exploring my particular place in the world.
I certainly wish I’d learned all this much sooner & saved myself years of trying to live up to something I thought I should be & never was.
I can honestly say that having the Women I like, know just what a harmless doormat of a guy I am & that I’m more than happy for them to wind me all the way round their little fingers, has not only been eye opening, but also the best experience ever.
I’ve certainly done a LOT of chores in the last few years, as well as been ballbusted, caged & pissed on a few times, & loved every second of it.
Anyway, can’t wait to read your next article.
Many thanks for all the informative insights Dr Sue …
Simon
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your experience with my readers Simon. Yes this is something that, with practice, you can learn to overcome. Many subs have. It’s not a death sentence, just insight which can help you work past it in the long run.
Wow! Very eye opening and informative, thank you Dr Sue!
You’re welcome Mike. Thank you for the comment!
Great read very imformtive! Thank you for writing it Dr Sue.
You’re welcome Scott!