Pat wrote in and brought up another really good point, he writes…
…I thought of this while I read one of your posts on financial domination. You said if a guy has been ruined in a divorce, then he has been financially dominated. You then explained that for some it’s painful while for others it’s erotic. That leads me to my question.
It seems fetishes form inappropriate erotic associations. The example of a guy getting off on being financially ruined is an extreme example, but how many other fetishes are “ruining” men in more subtle ways?
I’m thinking of a guy who can’t have an orgasm unless he’s licking his wife’s feet while jacking off. Or a guy who can’t form relationships with women who treat him well because he’s so hell bent on being humiliated. It’s hard to know the difference between a healthy fetish and one that may lead to a self-destructive path.
What do you think? Is it healthy to nurture a fetish or is it a path to ruination?
There’s going to be many differing opinions on this subject. In my opinion, provided you aren’t becoming obsessive about it, it’s very healthy to nurture your fetish.
These thoughts are inherently a very large part of who are psychologically. As many of you who have tried to suppress your fetishes have found out, they always tend to come back.
I believe to nurture your fetish gives balance. It’s the yin-yang theory. If you keep these thoughts and feelings pent up inside of you all the time you become a very frustrated individual. Subsequently you become a nasty person to be around, therefore everyone is affected. But remember what we’ve been taught from a young age, ‘everything is great in moderation.’ Like any other indulgence be it food, drugs, alcohol or sex, your fetish can become an addiction. Therefore you have to be very cognizant of your own behavior. If you notice yourself getting too carried away, it’s time to rein it in. That said if things were that easy no one would be an alcoholic, drug addict, overweight, or sex addict. It’s a fine line that takes your own common sense and resolve to police.
I think to try to squelch it and make it go away just makes bigger issues in the long run. I always say, if you feel guilt, fault, shame or blame about any of your behavior, it’s time to stop what you’re doing. Things such as sex and fetishes are meant to be enjoyed and expressed with no guilt or shame involved. If those negative feelings are there, then you need to look at why they’re there and deal with that before continuing on.
We are here in this life to experience joy. No more, no less. Provided your joy doesn’t hurt yourself or someone else, be like Nike and ‘just do it’. A joyful person spreads more joy and we can all use more of that in our lives.
Hello, i know in my case and i have stated before i’ve been with my Mistress for quite sometime, she’s pretty abrupt when i have entertained the idea of getting out of this lifestyle and emailed her stating my position, she doesn’t go into a long drawn out response it’s usually something like and exuse the language but she has emailed me back with shut the fuck up, and if i’ve caught her on a real bad day she will usually tax me for my disobediance. This was sometime ago mind you, she’s very pretty and very intelligent and overtime has amazed me with the ways she has kept me down and weak for her. She has also emailed me with video responses dressed in very sexy tight dresses and skirts, pantyhose, high heels, hair all done up, make-up, telling me that this is the only life i know and will ever know, that being with her and serving her is what i of course was destined to do, she attacks my weakness for her both mentally and physically. I do admit i see how she keps many men hooked that try and leave as i know they’re getting basically the same type of molding and training. It makes me think of one guy and he looked in his younger twenties but entered into blackmail with her, and for some reason i knew him being young and more than likely not taking her serions agreed to pay her a weekly amount set by her which he agreed to and subsequently started missing payments to her, well that was it she posted all of his info all over, everything about him. I forseen this happening. Some Mistresses do have that knack for keeping you very weak for them and are masters at what they do, and i’m not surprised because in the case of my Mistress, she has seven or eight loyal and obediant pets that she has put good time in and she basically has all of her bills covered, plus the extra’s she gets from us, she is very serious about keeping her owned property weak for her at all times.
Of course she is Rich, this is her job if she didn’t take her job seriously I would question her ability to be an effective Financial Domme. I do always find it funny when these ladies post info on their websites about their slaves if they screw off. That doesn’t do a thing unless the wife or gf are watching her blog and I highly doubt that. That tactic is ineffective. The only way to teach that slave a lesson is to send the info to the significant other or who ever is being used as leverage. Otherwise, who the hell cares?
Hello Dr. Sue, thankyou very much. The info posting that bothers me is yes i see your perspective who wil ever see if it’s lost in some blog, but i see where these girls tag it to when the guys real name is googled this is when the specific post comes up, then it’s just a matter of clicking on the link and bingo it’s all there. That’s what worries me i guess is even looking for a job nowadays i think most employers might even google someons’ real name just for curiosity if anything to see what mght come up. I have read a few girls journals where i see they have posted a guys real name so for the heck of it i went and googled it, and it did take me right to the post.
Good point Rich. I have to admit I never thought of the employer Googling issue. Spouses don’t usually Google their SO unless there is already an issue with the relationship though.
And you enjoy this, Rich?
I admit it, I don’t get the blackmail fetish, but to each his own. However, you have expressed a desire to end this? And she replies with, “shut the fuck up?” At what point does this become an abusive relationship?
But………I don’t know that I am at all sober from my addictions.
Um, but isn’t something like a financial fetish inherently self-destructive? The more one indulges this fetish, the harder they make their own life……
You could say that about literally everything in life howie. It only becomes self-destructive if you over indulge. There are many, many, many men who handle it all just fine, they appease their fetish and don’t lose control to the point of imploding financially. But you do have to know your own limits and abide by them.
You are right, Dr Sue, but sometimes it is so difficult. Especially when that arousal starts and beckons more of the indulgence.
Ah but howie, where did I ever say it was easy? Does someone who’s addicted to ice cream not long for it, crave it, and get pleasure from it? There’s no difference. But you do have to be able to say ‘stop’ to yourself, if you can’t do that, then you have bigger issues than just the domination because I will guarantee you’re over indulging in other areas as well.
I have been able to stop in the past and am currently not indulging in any of that. But I have also been made to feel guilty about stopping as well by the Women who have dominated me that way. I know that I need to be moderate when it comes to this, but, as I said earler, it can be difficult.
And as I’ve said many times…they’re just doing the job you pay them to do my boy. If they didn’t make you feel guilty there would be no point in playing the game with them. howie = victim Be careful what you wish for howie, remember the only person who makes you a victim is YOU.
Yes Dr Sue. And I didn’t mean to try to imply that I was being made a victim. It can be very difficult to resist. That was all I was trying to say. And thusly, it can be very difficult to not be aroused by the words or the implications or the attitude.
If I am able to say ‘stop’ to myself, do I owe it to my Mistress to tell Her that I am stopping as well?
That is strictly up to you. There are two school’s of thought on that;
Whatever way you decide to try to leave your ‘other life’ the point is you have to be dedicated to your own sobriety from whatever it is you’re trying to be sober from. I think there are times when you should be a gentleman and a good slave, and times when you just have to throw yourself the life vest and let everyone else swim or drown.
In other words, you don’t OWE anything to anyone but yourself…
Thank You, Dr Sue. Thank You very much. I appreciate everything You have told me.