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Is it Wise to Have Sex with Your Submissive?

Articles, Cuckolding, Financial Domination, For Ladies Only, The Submissive Mind

Camilla asked this question in an email to me and I think it bears discussing. There is a lot of contradictory information out there regarding the subject of sex with submissives, and in this case I’m talking submissive males of course.

The first thing I want to point out is that there are no hard and fast rules that have to be followed when it comes to D & s with the exception of sanity and safety. In order to clarify the subject lets break it down in to a few areas; Pro Dommes, Lifestyle Dommes and Cuckolding.

My view and the way I was trained is that if you are a Pro Domme and you have sex with your submissive that’s a big NO NO. Why? Because when you have sex with the submissive you’re leveling the playing field. You’re no longer dominating him, it’s now even. So in the case of Pro Dommes it’s not recommended because in the long run the submissive is paying for a service and it’s mainly a feeling they’re paying for. Sex with a sub in this format ruins it for the sub. Now I’m not talking oral or strap-on play obviously. I’m talking intercourse with the submissive. It doesn’t work because when you have full intercourse there is no longer any D & s. Now I know there are Domina’s out there who will disagree with me and that’s cool, again no hard and fast rules.

Now in the case of a Lifestyle Domme where the submissives are living with her and are being cared for by her it takes on another meaning. Can it be done? Yes and it is done but it’s considered a huge reward and privilege. It is usually reserved only for the top submissive in the house. It is an honor and the submissives know that. Does it level the playing field? Not usually because they will either be removed from the Domina’s sleeping quarters and returned to their cell when they are finished or chained to the foot of the bed. So you can see the difference between a Lifestyle Domme situation and a Pro Domme situation. As a Pro Domme you don’t have the ability when it’s over to put them back in their place.

Cuckolding takes on a whole gray area that is really very much up to the Superior Female. As the Superior Female in the relationship it is strictly up to you whether you have sex with your cuckold. Lots of women eventually deny completely, tapering off as they go along. Some women will let the cuckold only have sex after the alpha is finished. This solidifies the cuckold’s place because he then feels how stretched his female is by the alpha male and he can see for himself that she cannot feel his usually tiny dick because he can’t feel anything either. Sex can also be used as a reward system or even as a game. It’s all up to both of you how you decide to play it out.

Can you have a full relationship with a submissive male and still have it work out? Yes but it usually takes on a cuckolding atmosphere eventually.

In Camilla’s case she was wondering if it would work having a D & s relationship AND financially dominate him. This rarely works. The reason why is because a spouse or partner doesn’t usually have the leverage that’s required with Financial Domination. There’s a ruthlessness that is needed to properly financially dominate, a fear level that usually isn’t reached in a partnership. Not to say that it can’t be done it just doesn’t work well. That’s why most married men who want to be financially dominated do so with someone outside their relationship. It may be possible if the D & s portion of the relationship is established before it turns sexual. But again it usually ends up turning in to a cuckold relationship anyway.

As with everything I tell you guys, YOU make the rules. Whatever works for you and your partner is perfect.

Alpha Male – Beta Male

Articles, Cuckolding, The Submissive Mind

I get asked a lot about the difference between an alpha male (also known as a master, bull, dominant male, daddy, or real man among many other terms), and a beta male (also referred to as the sub male, slave, bitch, or loser). There are a million terms to describe either one and yet there’s still some confusion about their place in BDSM or cuckolding, why I don’t know, it seems very clear to me.

Alpha males are the seed spreaders, their primary reason for living is to spread as much of their dominant seed as possible. This goes back to evolution when it really was survival of the fittest just like in the animal kingdom. Alpha males are usually built as such; tall, broad shouldered, large penises, and usually very handsome with defined bone structure. They are cocky and confident. They know when they enter the room they can do or have anyone there. The downside to alpha males is that they’re too cocky, arrogant, and tend to clash with dominant females. This is precisely the reason why dominant women only fuck alpha males and then kick them to the curb. A dominant woman living with an alpha male can get very ugly and rarely works. That’s why dominant women would rather be with the submissive male except for sex.

Most real alpha males suck at making money because they’re too distracted by their penises and their own sense of importance to bother. Besides, why should they when the beta’s are there to do the work for them? Alpha’s are con-artists and usually have a flock of beta’s in some way doing all the grunt work while they take the glory.

Beta males are the worker bees of the world. I liken it to bees because it’s very similar in structure as a hive. Beta or submissive males are the ones working the hive, gathering the pollen, keeping the hive tidy for the Queen, kicking out intruders. They tend to look submissive, wimpy and usually have small penises although there are exceptions to every rule. Whereas the drones’ only purpose is to fertilize the eggs laid by the Queen to ensure the hives colony is always strong. Granted this is a very glossed over version of bee colonies but you get the idea.

Now understand this has nothing to do with the work world. I’m talking relationships here. There are a lot of who I like to call ‘soldier bees’ out there who disguise themselves as alphas throughout the day because they need to be alpha to succeed in business. These are your corporate heads, your CEO’s and CFO’s who spend the day making huge, very important decisions and then when they get home at night fall to their knees and are more than happy to let their Mistress take over the controls. These boys are also the ones who usually fall in to the abyss of financial domination because they have the money to burn and are usually married to submissive women for some sad reason.

As I’ve said before, the absolute worst is the beta male who thinks he’s alpha. My clients will remember this as I’ve said many times, no matter how alpha or GTL or Guido or Clooney you ‘think’ you are, at some point you’re going to have to drop your drawers and then it’s GAME OVER. (Sideline: for those of you like me, who got sucked in to the train wreck TV program Jersey Shore, I’d liken this type of beta male to ‘The Situation’ I swear he’s the only one who doesn’t realize he’s a bitch).

An extreme example of problems that can occur with these imposter alpha’s, are these guys who end up beating on their submissive women. They’re so busy trying to be something they’re not, trying to prove themselves to no one because most people could care less, that they get so frustrated and freaked out about their submissive, insecure thoughts that they subsequently take it out on their submissive women. For these idiots I have 2 things to say; there’s a dungeon with your name on it and a whole heap of dominant women who’d love to have you for dinner (literally), and grow up and quit trying to control something you can’t control. No matter how often you look in the mirror as a dog and say, ‘I’m a cat, I’m a cat, I’m a cat’ it’s never going to make you a cat. So on behalf of women everywhere, for the love of god please stop trying to be something you can never be. Just accept who you are, there’s way more beta males than there are alpha males and real women want you more anyway.

Be proud, be BETA!

My Best Financial Domination Haul

Articles, Financial Domination

I’m usually always asked about the most amount of money I have ever taken from a financial slave. I don’t mind telling you because I know for you guys who are standing on the edge of the financial domination fetish but don’t have the funds or the balls to go through with it, you get off on the stories of what could possibly happen to you so here you go.

Several years ago I had a slave in Europe who used to only talk to me on Yahoo IM. He never called, never even needed to hear my voice which I thought was kind of bizarre but hey, whatever floats your boat. I would send him pictures of myself in certain items of clothing he particularly enjoyed. I won’t go in to too much detail because I try to keep my clients identities anonymous. Anyway suffice it to say that I made him pay between $1000 and $3000 a picture, which he did. He loved it. Loved getting fucked over. Loved when I would make him pay and then send him a picture of a cat instead of my own pussy, things like that. (And understand I would never, ever send out a picture of any of my body parts. Why? No true Domme in her right mind who has any self-respect would ever sell pictures of herself naked. In my opinion, you’re not a true Domme if you do that. Most men aren’t worthy and it levels the playing field. I know that’s going to piss some Domme’s off but I did say it was my opinion. It’s the same when I hear of a Domme having sex with her slaves. Again, it levels the playing field. You’ve just lost that submissive’s respect and ruined the whole D & s thing for the slave. I know some will argue with me and that’s cool but that’s the way I feel. You’re not a true Female Supremacist if you’re prancing around naked, at that point you’re just like every other phone sex operator or porn star.)

Anyway sorry I went off on a rant there. The total haul from that one client was $30k in one week. Now keep this in mind too. Sometimes guys who have money and are faced with losing half in a divorce are more than happy to dispose of it in any way that screws the soon to be ex-wife. And I’m more than happy to be the recipient.

How to be a Good Money Slave

Articles, Featured, Financial Domination

I tend to put a lot of focus on the Dommes of financial domination and I think it’s only fair to shed some light on the slave himself. When I was doing financial domination hardcore, and yes I still dabble, I found that you guys who claim to be financial slaves can be some of the most frustrating clients a Domme can have. Why? You’re flaky. So I’ve decided to put in some simple guidelines to follow if you want to get the best experience out of your fetish.

Make up your mind ahead of time. So many of you ‘think’ you want to be financially dominated when in fact you’re far too afraid. You have to keep in mind that sometimes your fantasies are best left that way, fantasy. Reality can be frightening, and nothing wastes a Domme’s time more than flaky slaves.
Don’t ask to be blackmailed unless you do. Granted there are many Domme’s who say they’re doing research on you and don’t. However, there are those of us, and I am included in that group, who do the research and the background checks. If you panic when I tell you what I have on you you’re missing the entire point of the experience. Fear! There is a fine line between fear and eroticism, yes it’s scary but that’s the point. For those of you who fall into this group see #1.
Don’t promise to make a payment and then not do it. You’re only cheating yourself out of the experience. You can’t be financially dominated and not pay.
Worship 1 Goddess at a time. So many of you guys troll for Dommes and end up spending a little here and a little there. Again, you’re wasting the Domme’s time and you’re ruining the experience for yourself. As I said in the ‘What is Financial Domination?’ post, find one woman who you know you can truly devote your time to and your fetish will be meaningful and very erotic. You’ll also save money in the long run by finding one Goddess to truly worship. Trolling costs money because you spend money on women you have no connection with.
Follow her rules. Most Dommes have their own set of rules or standards that they are very particular about. Be wise and find them out before you start to worship at her temple. The last thing you want to do is piss off a Financial Dominatrix.

These are just a few of the pet peeves I know get on my nerves. I’m sure that other Domme’s will be more than happy to tell you some of the issues they’ve had in the past. Stay true to your fetish and your fetish will reward you ten fold.

Can Cuckolding Ruin a Marriage?

Articles, Cuckolding, Featured

Of course it can if you’re not open.

Here’s the best foundation to make cuckolding work in your relationship:

It’s essential that each partner be honest and upfront about their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to cuckold. The trick is to make it work for the two of you. There are so many different ways to cuckold that the possibilities are endless but at no time should one person jump ahead and do something without consulting the other, unless you agree on that ahead of time.

I always suggest that couples have at least one day a week where they aren’t dominant and submissive they’re Bob and Carol. During this time you sit down and discuss what’s working and what isn’t for each partner. The number one key to making cuckolding work is communication. If one partner resents something the other is doing, you’re in for a big fall. Sounds obvious but it’s easy to get carried away with your roles and just start to assume that the other person is cool with whatever you have in mind.

Lay out ground rules before you start. For some couples the cuckolded male wants to watch his partner get properly fucked. Other couples find that the cuckolded male wants to only listen or hear about the session after it’s over with no participation at all. This just has to do with what senses you use in eroticism. Some people are auditory they want to hear it all but not see it and vice versa. This actually works well to start off with too. Sometimes it’s easier for the newly dominant female to jump on board with the idea of cuckolding if she can choose her fuck toy herself and break the ice by fucking him on her own but telling her partner about it after the fact. Remember, baby steps, don’t rush things and go with whatever makes each person comfortable. Once the ice is broken and she’s more comfortable then she might start bringing her toys home with her for the cuckold to watch.

If during your ‘Bob and Carol’ once a week meetings one person says, ‘I’d rather be there with you when this is going on,’ make sure the other is ready for that. Remember guys, sometimes it’s hard for a woman who’s been newly introduced to cuckolding to get past the fact that you aren’t going to leave her for cheating, or call her a whore during a fight. That’s a BIG no-no. If you decide to go this route, you can NEVER…EVER hold what you do behind closed doors against the other person. The biggest hurdle for a woman to get over is this fear of you doing just that. You can’t have it both ways.

All this being said, I’ve found that most cuckold relationships are actually stronger than their vanilla counterparts. Why? Because there’s no cheating and sneaking around. Everything is above board and both partners are getting what they want. There’s no need to go behind someone’s back.

My Husband has a Fetish…Now what?

Articles, For Ladies Only

The first thing you need not do is panic or jump to conclusions. Having a fetish or a chronic sexual issue doesn’t make your partner a sexual deviant. Unfortunately our society is still very skittish when it comes to sexual expression. I say it’s unfortunate because I know that if everyone were left to their own devices and providing simple, logical and common sense rules are followed there is no reason why we can’t be more sexually expressive and be very healthy human beings.

That being said you’re probably sitting there thinking, ‘I don’t care about society, I care about my relationship with this guy who is obviously not who I thought he was.’ The first thing I would suggest you do is read my article on what a fetish is and how it originates and you can do that here. If you’ve already read it we’ll go on…

Knowing that a fetish is simply a set of circumstances that came together at the precise right moment in time usually as a pre-adolescent, I want you to understand that for that reason this isn’t something your partner sat down and chose and if it was something they were truly okay with themselves they’d be singing it from the rooftops and not care what others think.

There’s a certain amount of shame that comes with these feelings so if you discovered this on your own through evidence around the house then you can understand why he’s been secretive. It’s got nothing to do with him doing something wrong he just doesn’t know how to tell you. And let’s be honest, if he sat down and told you it probably wouldn’t have gone well. So here are some steps I would take when you discover this or he’s led you to this post because he’s too chicken to tell you himself. 🙂

Educate yourself instead of jumping to horrific conclusions. You’ll find most fetishes involve the male being submissive and this can prove to be a big plus in your life if you learn about it and use it, which is what he wants you to do anyway.
Sit down and discuss it with him AFTER you’ve done some research. This does not mean you sit down and spend 3 hours chastising him. Keep a cool head and learn from him. Every single person who has a particular fetish will have their own subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) nuances that they enjoy that won’t be in any research you’ve done.
After you’ve done your homework and you’ve talked to him NOW do your thinking. Is this something that you might be able to work with? Are you willing to give up on the relationship because of a small sexual issue? Remember fetishes are usually not a big deal. We’re the only ones who make them a big deal so do some serious thinking before you trash a perfectly good guy over something like this especially since as I said before, most of what you’ll find is submissive behavior and that’s very easy to work with.

Try to keep in mind that a fetish isn’t a reflection of you or your relationship. Don’t take it personally which we women tend to do. ‘What did I do wrong?’ ‘Maybe if I’d been a better lover.’ These feelings were there way before you came along I can assure you. As soon as you start thinking, ‘who is this guy?’ you’re mind will be happy to fill in those blanks and give you all sorts of negative and usually unfounded thoughts.

My suggestion is always to try to work with the fetish and not against it because the more you push against something the bigger it gets. And if you really need more help you can always contact me and I’d be happy to shed more light on it for you. Just don’t throw in the towel too quickly, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at what a little knowledge and patience will do for YOU!

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