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Fetish and Society

Why are we all so quick to condemn things we don’t understand? Unfortunately tolerance isn’t a human strong point. I’d like to say that all of this will change but I doubt it will in our lifetime.

The problem with society and fetish is clearly ignorance and that can even take place within the fetish community itself. I’ve been to many gatherings that were exclusionary and elitist to that group. Those of you who know me, know I constantly get on my soapbox about not putting everyone and everything in to nice neat little boxes. Life isn’t that perfect or easily defined.

I have clients who worry they’re gay or bi, who the hell cares? Quit labeling yourself and everyone else around you. Even comments on this site can be very one sided. Just because you don’t understand something doesn’t make it wrong.

We as individual human beings cannot possibly keep up with or please everyone else and we spend way too much time trying to do so. Hell most of the trouble people are in financially is because of getting caught up in having the latest, shiniest new toy that the dude next door has or better yet a bigger one. If we can’t tolerate differences in race, sex, lifestyle, religion or anything else for that matter how the hell are you supposed to please society?

Here’s what I tell most people who are concerned about what ‘others’ may think of what they enjoy sexually. STOP IT!! What you do behind closed doors is your business. Will someone else ‘get it’ probably not, so don’t try to beat your head against a wall explaining it. We came here to experience joy and love and happiness and that can be so easily attained if we all just mind our own business.

Now do we have to draw a line in the sand? Yes. Obviously if you’re bliss and your joy affect someone, or something else against their will then you’ve crossed a line. Your sexual fun should never hurt or degrade someone else who isn’t in to it, who isn’t consenting.

Sure there are some of you who enjoy pain being inflicted, humiliation, degradation and other forms of submission similar and that’s AWESOME! Go for it, have a ball and do what you want but if the person having the pain, humiliation or other torture is not enjoying it or it’s being inflicted against their will then it’s wrong. Things such as child pornography or enslavement, beastiality (or zoophilia), human sex slave trafficking are wrong because you are imposing your will against theirs and that’s to say nothing of the morality of it but even that’s subjective.

The point is, instead of thinking ‘that person is totally fucked up because they enjoy being bossed around by a woman,’ just mind your business. If they like it, it’s going to make them a happier person therefore anyone around them is going to benefit. It may not be your bag but it doesn’t make it wrong or in any way deviant.

What is a Ruined Orgasm and Why Would I Want One?

Articles, Cuckolding, The Submissive Mind

You probably don’t. LOL. Ruined orgasms are used in cuckolding and male control. It’s a way of draining the submissive without the pleasure of the orgasm.

We’ve all had one at some time or other usually unintentionally. You build up and pull back to that orgasm tip over point so many times that if you’re not careful your orgasm will actually fizzle and die. In the case of cuckolding or just male control you do it to drain the balls and that’s it. The ejaculate will actually just pour out and there will be no muscle spasms or fun stuff to go with it.

Most men don’t want a ruined orgasm but their Mistress doesn’t want them experiencing pleasure for a variety of reasons. One reason is it keeps the focus off their cocks and on the Mistress where it should be.

Is it bad for you, no. It won’t do anything harmful it just doesn’t feel good because you don’t experience a full pleasurable orgasm.

There is no perfect way to perform a ruined orgasm either. You need to know your submissive well enough to be able to feel with your hand when he’s getting to that edge obviously. Never go by his expressions or what he might be saying cause let’s face it he’ll try to get that one slip over the edge. Like everything else it just takes practice. You can also use prostate massage the same way.

Financial Domination and Blackmail

Articles, Financial Domination

Rich once again, has brought up a couple of good points for you newbies who are considering getting in to financial domination that should be mentioned.

Blackmail was and still occasionally is something I love doing. Unlike many of the girls I never had a slave or blackmail application. I think asking someone for all their info is quite honestly anticlimactic. You fill out the form with all your info and hell what’s there for the Domme to do It takes away a huge part of the thrill; knowing she’s found out info about you that you didn’t give her. Of course you will always let things slip in conversation with her which always helps and gives her a starting point. For me I love hunting for info on you guys, I enjoy it so it’s fun for me and that’s why I don’t go the easy route.

The point Rich brought up was blackmail contracts. Blackmail contracts are a crock. If you think they are legal and binding you are very sadly mistaken. If you think that just because you have an agreement with a Domina with a buy-out clause that you’re safe, again you are very wrong. Don’t get caught up in the false sense of security of a contract that has no value. Your Domme doesn’t have to abide by it nor do you for that matter so it’s all smoke and mirrors.

So you have a contract or an agreement of some kind with a Domme, you feel like ‘hey this is no problem I can always get out of it,’ WRONG!! When you enter in to any kind of arrangement with a financial Domme it is her way or the highway guys. As Rich pointed out, you’re there to make her life easier, pay her bills etc. Do you seriously think that turning off that tap is going to make her happy and she’s going to let it go? If you’ve been contributing to her mortgage or her utilities and you just say ‘I don’t wanna,’ she’s going to say ‘Oh okay, see ya!’ Not a chance Lance. Now not all girls are that ruthless but it’s best to err on the side of caution and assume that she is. Oh and by the way, crying, begging and pleading has no effect on a true financial Domme, it just makes us smile more because it shows we’re doing our job.

Advice to you newbies is to really think about it before you enter in to any agreement with a Domme. I make guys think at least 2 days before saying they want to jump in the deep end. Now I’m not as hardcore as a lot of the girls and usually, depending on the reason, I let you buy out but if the reason is lame or I’m in a bad mood, you’re not going anywhere and neither is your cash.

There’s lots of ways to play the financial domination game without long term commitment too. You can play in spurts of having her take a lot once in a while as opposed to promising to pay a set amount at a certain time all the time. You can simply mail her money or Visa cards or buy her gifts from her wishlist. It’s dancing on the edge without really getting sucked in but don’t think that she won’t try to sink her teeth in while you’re doing this. Financial domination is a dangerous but incredibly erotic and sexy game to play and as with anything just be careful who you’re playing with. Or don’t and really feel the thrill of the roller coaster ride from hell, but man it’s a hot way to go.

Feminization and Crossdressing is there a Difference?

Articles, Cross Dressing/Feminization/Transsexual

You better believe it! Most people, because they don’t understand the subtle differences, lump all of this in to one category when it fact they are distinctly different.

Men who Crossdress or CD as you’ll see it sometimes represented, enjoy the feel of being dressed in women’s clothes. In most cases these men are heterosexual and are usually in relationships. They may dress in their partner’s clothing or go and buy their own. They may keep their desires hidden or they may be in a relationship where their partner allows them to be who they want to be with no consequences. Some go as far as wearing make-up and wigs etc but honestly for the most part they don’t, it’s just the clothing they enjoy. They usually have no desire to have any surgery such as breast augmentation or sexual re-assignment done. They’re perfectly happy keeping what’s between their legs.

To be Feminized is completely different. A man who enjoys being feminized likes the idea of being transformed in a woman usually by another more dominant woman. They look at it as almost being a caterpillar in a cocoon just waiting to be the beautiful butterfly. The idea of a dominant woman turning them in to a creation is the turn-on. They sometimes fantasize about being taken under a woman’s control and completely waxed head-to-toe, dressed in beautiful pieces of lingerie, having the woman do their make-up, hair and nails, even down to the jewelry and then unveiling them in the end. It’s a literal transformation which is why you’ll see it referred to as ‘being feminized’ as opposed to being feminine. There are subtle psychological differences between a man wanting to be feminized and a man who cross dresses. And again these gentlemen rarely want to have any surgery to look more female.

Now if I take it a step further and bring Trannies in to the mix we get in to even more psychological differences. A male who is Transsexual (and women too but we primarily discuss the boys on this site) feels that they are female. That they are the opposite of what their physiological or biological gender is dictating. It could be likened to being trapped in a body that isn’t their own or just doesn’t feel right. When they transform themselves they feel right or ‘normal.’ One could argue that somewhere in the genetic stew things got scrambled. They have a female brain and a male body. Are they gay? Well that is a chicken and the egg argument. Some would say yes that because they are biologically male and may be sexually attracted to men that it would make them gay but really again I say, let’s stop putting everyone in to neat little boxes. Nothing in sexuality is that black and white.

Most transsexuals keep their genitalia as is. Many transsexuals get breast augmentation, voice box shaving, hair removal and hormone treatments but again not all. I always say you get the best of both worlds in many trannies because they’re usually stunningly beautiful and have the added bonus of a dick.

Transgendered individuals are those who go for sexual re-assignment and become the new gender of their choice, men in to women, women in to men but usually go through a long psychological battle through most of the above areas before reaching this decision. This is not some fetish or hobby as could be argued about feminization and cross dressing. It is a very long process that involves a lot of thought processing, therapy and hormone treatments. It should never be entered in to lightly or as a joke as I see many Dommes do, fooling around with hormones and such with their submissives. And the journey is not fun, it’s difficult and arduous.

As you probably noticed I say ‘may or may not’ a lot in all my articles. That’s because as I stated earlier sexuality is not black and white there is an enormous gray area that has to be considered. Some of those I tried to categorize will blend and cross over in to other areas. That’s why I always remind everyone that we MUST as a society stop labeling everything. Will it happen in our lifetime, probably not but instead of trying to categorize everything let’s try, every once in a while, to let everyone be who they want to be on their own terms instead of ours. We’re all here to experience joy, whatever your personal joy may be has nothing to do with anyone else. Ah in a perfect world!

Why Do I Like to be Humiliated?

Articles, Humilation

I get a lot of questions regarding humiliation and fetish. Some guys don’t think it’s good for them even though they enjoy it. Some guys think they’re going nuts because they shouldn’t enjoy it. It can be a confusing subject that needn’t be confusing.

Humiliation usually runs alongside another fetish such as Financial Domination or Feminization for example and is very common. In the case of Financial Domination some men enjoy the humiliation of having had their wallets raped. But there are submissives who just love being humiliated, period. That usually runs side-by-side with small penises. They love being told that their penises aren’t worth fucking, that they aren’t alpha males and never will be or that they just don’t deserve to be having sex in the first place. Whatever the enjoyment the key that you need to remember is ENJOYMENT!

Is humiliation bad for you? That’s a fine line that you need to monitor yourself. Here’s a rule of thumb that I teach; if when you’re humiliated you feel really bad either while it’s being done or afterward then yes this will have a detrimental effect on your self-esteem. However if you find it erotic and a turn-on and you don’t come out of a session feeling like a sack of shit then it’s fine to play.

And yes I realize that feeling like a sack of shit is part of the turn-on, hence the word humiliation but that’s why I say it’s a very fine line. If it’s just a straight turn on and when it’s all over you can compartmentalize that it’s all in name of a good time you’re doing great and go ahead and indulge. However if you start to feel like you aren’t worth anything, that you really do suck as a human being then we have a problem.

Just because you’re submissive and a Domme is telling you you’re worthless doesn’t mean you’re worthless as a human being. (Sorry ladies but submissives have a place in this world too and a valuable one at that.) Everyone has a place in this world, a reason to be here and joy to bring to themselves. How you get your joy is your own business but it should never, ever be at the expense of your own self-esteem. Everyone is worthy of something. Your dick may be too small but you will be very useful in other ways.

So I reiterate my point that if the humiliation is compartmentalized and you use it to get off and you’re cool with yourself when it’s all over, GO FOR IT. But if you come out of a session honestly thinking you’re useless, STOP PLAYING!

Can You Actually Make a Living as a Financial Dominatrix?

Articles, Financial Domination, For Ladies Only

Rich emailed and asked if it’s actually possible for someone to make a living at financial domination and blackmail. And the answer would be, yes of course!

He found it strange that at the end of the week a woman wouldn’t be getting a steady pay check. Let’s look at this realistically. Is it easy to make money as a Financial Domme? Absolutely not. There are many women who get in to the game thinking it’s a way to make fast money. ‘I’ll throw up a website and then men will come flocking to me and give me all their money.’ They soon realize that’s not the way it goes.

As a Financial Dominatrix you are self-employed. Now according to Rich it’s safer to get a pay check at the end of the week but let’s face it millions of people are self-employed and don’t get a steady pay check. That’s capitalism baby. If you’re self-employed you know you don’t get a check at the end of the week. You hustle your ass to make sales or do whatever it is you do. Self-employment is very rewarding no boss, you set your own hours, and your salary isn’t capped. It’s up to you by however much effort you put in to your work how much you make. On the downside your income fluctuates and if you’re not a disciplined person and make yourself get out there every day you’re probably better working at Walmart.

Many girls make a very good living at being a Financial Domme. Very few make a fantastical living.Â The ones who think it would be a breeze and they can just watch soap operas all day while their bank accounts fill up are gone pretty quick looking for greener pastures somewhere else usually the local 7-11 when it dawns on them that this is work!!

For those of you who doubt that you can make a sustainable living at Financial Domination you need to take a look at one of the oldest (not by age) and most successful Financial Dommes that I know of. I think it’s safe to say that if she wasn’t the one who pioneered the fetish she was one of the ones who did, and that would be Princess Sierra. Princess Sierra is one of the most ruthless, cruel, heartless women in the business, qualities that are essential in this line of work. Now if you guys are going to run over to Sierra’s site thinking you’ve found the Domina of your dreams, my advice to you is WATCH IT! You are playing with the ultimate fire. If you succumb to her, you don’t get free. She’s not one who plays at this like most of the other so-called Financial Dominatrix’s out there. This has been her life for many years and she makes more than a comfortable living at it BUT she is the ultimate Mafia Princess, once you’re in you can’t get out. She doesn’t fuck around.

Girls you can learn by watching her but it wouldn’t be wise to think you can outsmart her or steal her subs or any other juvenile behavior that is floating through your mind right now. She doesn’t take prisoners whether its men or baby dommes who try to screw her over. Whatever you do, don’t just look at someone like Princess Sierra and think you can just copy and duplicate her. She is successful because what she does isn’t an act., it’s who she really is and THAT makes the difference right there.

That said you have to remember that a lot of what real Financial Dominatrix’s get is not necessarily a lot of cash per se but gifts. If you have enough cash to cover your bills and then your entire house and life are paid for by others it’s a good deal. But again, it’s rare.

So can you make a real living being a Financial Dominatrix? Yes. Is it easy? No.

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