Of course it can if you’re not open.
Here’s the best foundation to make cuckolding work in your relationship:
It’s essential that each partner be honest and upfront about their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to cuckold. The trick is to make it work for the two of you. There are so many different ways to cuckold that the possibilities are endless but at no time should one person jump ahead and do something without consulting the other, unless you agree on that ahead of time.
I always suggest that couples have at least one day a week where they aren’t dominant and submissive they’re Bob and Carol. During this time you sit down and discuss what’s working and what isn’t for each partner. The number one key to making cuckolding work is communication. If one partner resents something the other is doing, you’re in for a big fall. Sounds obvious but it’s easy to get carried away with your roles and just start to assume that the other person is cool with whatever you have in mind.
Lay out ground rules before you start. For some couples the cuckolded male wants to watch his partner get properly fucked. Other couples find that the cuckolded male wants to only listen or hear about the session after it’s over with no participation at all. This just has to do with what senses you use in eroticism. Some people are auditory they want to hear it all but not see it and vice versa. This actually works well to start off with too. Sometimes it’s easier for the newly dominant female to jump on board with the idea of cuckolding if she can choose her fuck toy herself and break the ice by fucking him on her own but telling her partner about it after the fact. Remember, baby steps, don’t rush things and go with whatever makes each person comfortable. Once the ice is broken and she’s more comfortable then she might start bringing her toys home with her for the cuckold to watch.
If during your ‘Bob and Carol’ once a week meetings one person says, ‘I’d rather be there with you when this is going on,’ make sure the other is ready for that. Remember guys, sometimes it’s hard for a woman who’s been newly introduced to cuckolding to get past the fact that you aren’t going to leave her for cheating, or call her a whore during a fight. That’s a BIG no-no. If you decide to go this route, you can NEVER…EVER hold what you do behind closed doors against the other person. The biggest hurdle for a woman to get over is this fear of you doing just that. You can’t have it both ways.
All this being said, I’ve found that most cuckold relationships are actually stronger than their vanilla counterparts. Why? Because there’s no cheating and sneaking around. Everything is above board and both partners are getting what they want. There’s no need to go behind someone’s back.
Hi
Question for you. My (now ex) bf likes to be cuckolded. Either he drops me at theirs and waits or he watches and partly joins. He told me very early on about his fetish and I allowed it to happen after about one year of dating (we’ve been dating two years ago). Now I do find it exciting and also a turn on that he seems me as a goddess however… I would rather we had vanilla sex. I did it only to please him. I did it so he won’t leave me for another woman who will cuckold him. I could never fully understand how him wanting me to be with others meant he loved me. He got upset and said he thought that I wanted to be with other guys and broke up with me. He says he doesn’t want to date me anymore but wants me to date others and text him to tell him about it. This has been going on for three months now. I’ve refused to do it as without a relationship from him then I do not want to sleep with strangers. I do not want to give him sexual satisfaction without having my needs met either. I feel so unloved. So hurt. So confused. Is he using me? What should I do?
I answered you here: A Distorted View of Cuckolding
My husband of 8 years (together for 11) told me 3 months ago that he wanted to see me with another man. We talked about it and role play about it and realized that we wanted to move forward with the Hotwife/cuckhold lifestyle. One of my boundaries I set was that I did not have the same feeling about seeing him with another woman and that I did not want this line to be crossed. He assured me that he did not have any desire to be with another woman just to see me with another man and that he wasn’t trying to coax me into swinging with another couple. Fast forward a couple months and we are about to go to a sex club to find a guy for us and he admits that it’ll be hard for him to say no if a woman offers him a blowjob since I will be getting to be with someone else and since he would be alone and getting nothing he had a “fleeting” thought of accepting a bj from someone else (even though we BOTH had agreed to him just watching and it not being a foursome couples swing). Now I’m feeling like he had ulterior motives and that he was trying to ease me into a lifestyle beyond cuckholding that he knew I wasn’t comfortable with. I feel like setting boundaries and being able to trust that we will both honor those boundaries is so important in this and I feel like that trust was broken. I know he didn’t act on it but just that he is thinking it makes me want to shut the whole thing down. I’ve since reiterated that I don’t feel comfortable with his getting a bj from someone other than me and he says he wouldn’t but now I’m just worried in general. Should we shut it down all together? He said he would be willing to have a night where he watched me with another guy at the club to prove/show that he wouldn’t engage with another woman but I’m too worried to even attempt that! What do I do?? Thanks!
Yes. Shut it down. He’s clearly not in the right head space for cuckolding. He’s simply sexualized voyuerism because if it was coming from him being submissive he would NEVER have thought that let alone say it out loud. That sentence broke your trust, whether it was followed through with or not. I would suggest the two of you read this article Top 6 Reasons Cuckolding Can Kill a Relationship. But you certainly don’t reward behaviour like that with giving him what he wants. I say NOPE!
I’ve been fostering a feminized, cock-caged, creampie-eating sissy cuckold fantasy about my sexy wife for some time, but obviously there are safe sex issues that curtail jumping on that particular bandwagon without some preliminary hurdles to jump through. If this is something that develops into a possibility with STD testing and long-term interest, does the power dynamic and reward system tend to set itself up for the outside male “falling for” the wife and vice-versa, with the sissy cuck left behind? Are there any stats to consider before moving toward this possibility?
Your question will also be answered in a post very shortly. These are great questions.
Thank you for this article.
I’m a 40 year old male and have had strong cuckolding fantasies since before I even knew it was a thing (more than 20 years now). When I finally discovered the term for this fetish I was surprised to discover how stereotypical my thoughts actually were. Which leads me to think if this is really not a “new” thing but rather something reflective of our nature.
Although I can’t be sure, I think the seed was planted in my first relationship as my partner got a LOT of attention from guys and that undertone was ever present. Eventually, she cheated which was painful at the time. This seems to be a common trigger for guys that have this fetish. Or at least so it seems when reading personal stories.
For most of my adult life I have not believed this to be a sustainable relationship form. And I haven’t tried to find a partner that is into this proactively. I’ve mostly been single by choice, after that first relationship. Then had one short vanilla one but am now in a relationship with a woman that is very open sexually.
Of all the things I have read about this fetish/lifestyle there is one question that I have still not found the answer to. It’s a tricky one as there are all the biases as are with all other kinks that bring a third party into the bed. You only hear the success stories, for any research on couples actively living this out, you will of course only find the ones that this is currently working well for. The other couples are no longer couples right. And then of course, people are only so honest when it comes to sharing various details, even when it’s anonymous.
And the question is this: Isn’t it simply inevitable that a woman that cuckolds a man and sees that man letting it happen and even enjoying it in some way, will loose respect for him. If not in part, then completely? And if not consciously, then on a sub conscious level?
We are complex beings. We are part nature and part nurture and all that. But where do you really get in touch with your innate nature if not in the context of dealing with procreation and the opposite sex? There must certainly be a core that is some form of what we might call our “true nature” and I wonder if we are not going against that nature by cuckolding.
I would love to see some real discussion on this. I’ve searched quite a bit on-line and all I come up with is the basic stuff about communication, boundaries, previously set rules etc., etc., I would like to see something that goes deeper than that.
K.
Your question deserves a full post. I’ll put the link here when it’s up. Here it is >> Top 6 Reasons Cuckolding Can Kill a Relationship.
We’ve had a cuckold marriage for over 20 years now. My husband feels most loved by me when I have sex with other men. And I want him to feel loved by me as often as possible. We arranged for our wedding photographer to have sex with me just before our wedding, and we had 23 men join us on our wedding night to help consummate our marriage. We have had men live with us throughout the years which has not only been very nice, but also convenient.
Most everyone we know knows about our relationship, even mine and my husband’s parents and siblings. We do not hide who we are. My husband loves to see me with other men. And I will admit that I do like all the attention. Being able to cuckold my husband has made me happier, and love him more, than anything else ever could have.
Knowing that I can make my husband happy, and feel loved by me, by loving other men makes me feel special. I like knowing that my enjoying other men makes my husband feel most loved by me. And being able to have other men enjoy me, a married woman, fulfills their fantasies, too. And that means a lot to me and my husband.
Every year on our anniversary, my birthday, my husband’s birthday, New Years, Christmas Eve, etc. we have men to our house and they all make love to me, in the presence of my husband. I am their gift, and what they give to me is their gift to my husband, and to me. My husband gives to me what these other men can’t give me, and the other men give to me what my husband can’t. It’s a balance.
Although most of the other men do more with and to me, sexually, they make me love my husband more each time I am with them. I believe that cuckolding is what has made both me and my husband happiest, and our love for each other stronger.
Thank you so much for sharing that. I love hearing from the ladies who are doing this right! Congrats to the two of you!
To say that ”most cuckold relationships are actually stronger than their vanilla counterparts” is completely ridiculous!
In 35 years in and out of the Lifestyle (swinger), I’ve know about 50 couples hotwifing or cuckolding, only 2 lasted 10+ years, most imploded within weeks, months or 1-2 years. In some cases the wife became attached to one man and eventually left and in others she would start lying to her husband about condoms, specific activities, secret encounters, etc….in most cases the same pattern occured, the wife would lose interest in her husband sexually and just take care of him with no emotion, quick hj mostly, doing it like it was a chore and eventually avoiding sex with him in any way possible. I also noticed that the wives would be irritated by anything their husband would do or say.
Because at first it is amazing, she seems the same and it is a boost to the sex at home doesn’t mean it will always be the same. Relationships are alive, they constantly change, just like humans and in this case couples are toying with a very explosive catalyst, sex with others and fantasies.
More than 80% of Hotwife and cuckold couples fail and if they stay together it’s more like roommates or business partners.
I have been in a successful cuckold relationship for decades now. Actually it will be 23 years. I have counselled many couples who have been cuckolding for decades as well. So although you are right that many, who play stupidly, go up in flames. Many do not. If the relationship isn’t solid to begin with or they go down the ridiculous road of having no sex with their partner then YES it will implode.
I am a 30yo female never been married. For the past year I have been having an affair with a married man also age 30. The affair started years after knowing him and first began through an online messaging app. At the time when we started the affair I was with a boyfriend of almost 9 years, but within three months of starting the affair began to have feelings that I should leave my current partner and later chose to do so. My AP has been married for a similar length of time-eight years. The affair has been very textbook so far- him having doubts here and there and suddenly stopping things saying that he felt guilt, then within a few days texting, calling, and back to his old ways.
We were always kind of kinky from the beginning, we started out in a sort of Dom/sub relationship where he was my Master and I was his slave. The sex was rough and passionate and forbidden! It was rather exciting and fun and I loved the race play and racially inspired names we had for one another. My affair partner is white and I am mixed, so that made for some great interracial fun and an even greater taboo.
As time has wore on, we have become much closer, often meeting more often through the week, but only for sex. We talk constantly through text messages all day long, but it is usually very sexual or some sort of sexual undertone is present and we talk on the phone a few times per week about actual life and conversations are less sexual in nature. We have expressed that we both love that we are overly sexual almost taking pride in the fact that we love sex and pleasure so much. He is an amazing lover! I know very little about his actual marriage. He never talks badly about his wife. The most he has ever really said about her is that she is “very serious” and vanilla and would never try any of the things that we do together. He has also expressed that he has tried to be more adventurous with her by trying to introduce toys into the bedroom with her, but stated that they were “kinda lame”. He mostly talks about his children and what he is up to, but rarely if ever brings up the wife. He use to always wear his wedding ring during visits with me. The only time he removed it was when we went on a spur of the moment trip to Florida.
However, over the past six months, my AP has opened up to me about a desire he’s had since he was 15 years old…cuckolding. At first, he started out by talking to me about the type of porn he really enjoyed, which was interracial porn, which predominately shows white women with very hung black men. He would send me videos or pictures through our messages and little by little revealed cuckolding to me. I did some research and thought hell I am a very open woman, I am liberated, I love sex. Little by little my affair partner and I talked more and more about making his dream a reality. I downloaded apps and started making matches….Fast forward 4 months. My affair partner and I are in a full blown affair. He no longer deters between feeling guilty for his actions. He has since taken off his ring and often alludes to us being together soon full time. My AP wants to make our cuckolding relationship a 24/7 lifestyle for us. About a month or two into cucking my now boyfriend as he likes to call himself now, he began saying how madly in love with me he is and how perfect we are together…he often professes that I am his best friend and his lover. He often says that we make an amazing team and that he is the happiest he’s ever been. Since starting to cuck my AP/boyfriend I have slept with 10 different black men all at his encouragement and awe. He has been present for two and even participated, the rest of the times I will send pictures and videos and sometimes will FaceTime…when I return home, he ravishes me.
My boyfriend often talks about how he has always loved sluts and the more men I sleep with, the sluttier I am, the more he falls for me. He has said that he is “Messed up in the head” and is not sure why he has these feeling towards loose women, but he always has for as long as he can remember. He states that I am the perfect slut because I look very proper to the outside world, but have a very kinky side no one would ever imagine. Our cuckolding relationship consists of me pegging him, feminizing and emasculating him, and more so recently he has begun to have more of say of our bulls. We have created a joint email account, are active on public Kik groups, are now on FetLife, and have followers on Reddit pertaining to our adventures. Since the start of the new year, my boyfriend has become much more involved and wants us to be very a part of the lifestyle…even making friends within it online and immersing ourselves with it as best we can.
Honestly, though a very small part of me believes that he is leaving his wife or is planning to. However, I am not sure I even want him in that way. Why would I want a man that not only cheats on his wife with another woman, but also has convinced his lover to cuck him and participate. I believe that my AP/boyfriend is very manipulative. I believe my AP/boyfriend has a porn addiction. I believe that he is somewhat lazy and has an excuse for things he knows need to get done, but often never does….a part of me believes that his marriage truly is over. However there has been no genuine discussion of how or when this will take place. He consistently alludes to us being together soon and has crafted almost a fantasy relationship for the bulls we see and other kinkster friends we have made online.I guess my question to you is that though I know cuckolding can be made very individual, is what I am doing wrong in any way? Should I walk away from this man or continue to see where this part of myself is going. I do not believe fully in marriage and I often think that social constructs have warped people’s minds into living mediocre existences often leading to uphappy lives.
Hi Setrine,
What a fantastic story. Thank you for sharing it.
To be totally honest, if I read between-the-lines, I think you have already made your decision. I’ve been in a similar but more vanilla situation but like you, I was the side piece and I get where you’re sitting. These guys very rarely leave their wives. Men HATE confrontation and avoid it at all cost. So right off the top I’d say he won’t leave his wife. Why would he? He’s having his cake and everyone else’s cake too and is gorging himself. You are providing his fantasy life and his wife provides his regular life.
But really that’s incidental compared to what you wrote here; “I am not sure I even want him in that way. Why would I want a man that not only cheats on his wife with another woman, but also has convinced his lover to cuck him and participate. I believe that my AP/boyfriend is very manipulative. I believe my AP/boyfriend has a porn addiction. I believe that he is somewhat lazy and has an excuse for things he knows need to get done, but often never does…“. All of this tells you everything you need to know. Maya Angelou once said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
This man has some very serious issues that he is refusing to address by distracting himself with you and your fetish fun. Do not for one minute think that if you were to get in to a full time relationship with this man, that you’d not be dealing with everything you just laid out, you will along with everything he’s hidden from you. Rest assured his present wife is dealing with issues on her end with him as well.
I don’t think this guy is capable of feeding your emotional needs which is what we expect in a relationship. He will continue to manipulate, lie, cheat and more because that’s all he knows. If it’s a meaningful relationship you want with some kink thrown in, this isn’t the guy for that.
Im 21. I am a male who has a boyfriend. With this relationship and the ones before, i noticed that when i fucked them, the only way for me to stay hard was by thinking about them desiring someone better (larger in most cases). I told my recent boyfriend about this fetish and he thought it was very weird and once thought i wasn’t attracted to him (doesn’t think that anymore). We continued the topic for about aweek till things got too awkward. He was at first down and excited. He was happy to see that i was getting turned on just by him telling me stories. I told him I’m not to sure about all of it yet because its a highly emotional situation for me. My biggest fear is that he’ll cheat on me but alsomy biggest turn on. If i know hes only mine and gave no doubts, my performance in the bedroom is saddening. Ive had my suspicions about him cheating including grindr and his addiction to porn (massive cock porn) and some of his late night acts have kept me wondering. The last story i told him to tell me was a real one while we were together. He stayed quiet and said he doesn’t know. Then continued by saying he never cheated. I said it’s ok if you have i won’t be mad. He said he’d make one up but the story he told was quite detailed. I asked if was it when we got into our last argument (trying to get info/keep the role going) and he instantly got angry. He said he wasnt down for weird fetish i have and if i want to talk to others i can do it without him.
I get the feeling hes the want his cake and eat it too type of guy but im not to sure about that yet
My biggest fear is him cheating, but also my biggest turn on. I don’t know what to do but i need advice.
What i ultimately want is for him to be content with our mediocre sex and him just be with be while i enjoy my fetish in my head, but there are signs of him cheating thats hard to ignore. I feel thsmat if i cant get what i want, diving into my fetish is the only way to keep myself from going into years of heartbreak. Please respond
Hi Davis,
Sounds as though you’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are petrified of him cheating but by pushing cuckolding on to someone not into it you’ve created resentment in your partner which could have the effect you fear. He could be thinking “Fine if you want me to fuck other guys I WILL!” He could be feeling as though you don’t care about him because you said you thought about this type of relationship.
Just like with women you have to be careful how you approach the subject because of this type of reaction. Which is totally normal when you think about it. Your partner comes to you and says, “Hey I wouldn’t mind seeing fuck other guys,” your first instinct is, he doesn’t care about me. Which in turn causes them to cheat.
You have to keep in mind that most people don’t understand the what cuckolding is because they don’t know about it. You don’t know, what you don’t know. Now because mainstream media has been latching on to cuckolding lately the info is becoming very sketchy and quite honestly GARBAGE. Which doesn’t help because if he goes looking for info he’s more apt to find junk.
Cuckolding isn’t about lying and cheating, it’s about avoiding that. But that said, you can’t force someone to do it.
My suggestion would be to have a serious talk about your fears and you may have to realize that he doesn’t want anything to do with the idea of cuckolding and you may have to keep it as a fantasy in order to get off.
We can’t always get what we want, as Mick Jagger says. But the bigger issue is your communication with him. If you love each other you will be calm and talk together about your kinks and what will and will not work for each other. Not forcing the issue but being honest. Cuckolding, regardless of the relationship CANNOT work without clear, complete communication and cooperation.