Being sexually submissive can often be a confusing road to travel. For many of you, men and women alike, submission can even become disappointing when you’re trying to navigate the world of domination because it can feel like you’re doing it all wrong based on the different reactions you get.
Because you get so much conflicting information, especially on the internet, I thought I’d make it easier for you by breaking it down to a simpler set of core principles that you can use in any D&s (Dominant/submissive) situation.
Now for those of you who might be reading this and you have no BDSM or kink background what I’m about to describe might make you feel as though I’m condoning abuse and that is not what happens in a consenting and sane D&s relationship. So let’s frame it this way – this is based on consenting adults who enjoy what they do and in no way are harming one another.
Some of you may have heard me talk about the three S’s of submission on my radio show and I thought it would be a good idea to go over them in more detail here in The Review.
What are the three S’s of sexual submission?
If you can remember those three words you’ll be golden no matter what situation you’re in.
In any D&s situation the question that should be going through your head at all times is – Am I serving, sacrificing or suffering? By asking yourself this you’ll be able to catch any possible behavioral issues that might get you in shit.
Let’s break each S down so you can get a clearer picture of what each one really means.
You would think that this was a no-brainer but you’d be surprised. Ask yourself, “Is what I’m doing/proposing/asking, serving my dominant partner in some way shape or form?” So for you gentlemen who feel as though busting a nut is some form of servitude ask yourself this question; “Does spewing forth my genetic garbage serve my Queen/King when not asked to do so?” The answer to that question would of course be, NO.
Servitude is just what the word says, being of service to someone or something else. Volunteering is a form of servitude. You volunteer your time or help in some way to further that particular cause. Easy peasy.
When you’re serving, be it online or off always ask yourself, “Am I serving myself or my Queen/King?” If the answer is yourself, then you’re not serving and you’ll probably get smacked down in some way. How you serve your dominant in a real-time situation would of course be very individual and based on what your dominant wants. It could be domestic chores, repair work, or just being a human foot stool, like I said that’s up to your domme/dom.
Being an online submissive can make serving a bit trickier. Many of you boys get angry because online Dommes/Doms require tributes. Now I get it, if you read The Review you know what I think of financial domination – it’s garbage. BUT we have to make a concession when it comes to serving online.
As I told you previously, in reality, the only way you can serve online is financially. That’s not a money grubbing statement, that’s just a fact. Whether you call it findom or not is up to you. But if you live halfway across the country or around the world you can’t scrub my toilets, you can’t mow my lawn or clean my pool, nor can you pick up my dry cleaning. So when it comes to online servitude there’s not a whole lot of options unless your dominant needs you do some sort of online work for them such as being a VA (virtual assistant), web designer, social media manager, graphic designer or something similar.
It does not mean you have to open your wallet and end up in tribute hell, not at all. If you don’t have much money and let’s face it, many don’t, then I would suggest using your money in the best way possible and that is to call your dominant. Don’t just tribute. Develop a relationship by calling and getting to know them. Even if it’s only 10 minutes at a time it still contributes to their business therefore their bottom line and allows you to build the relationship and serve all at the same time. Just don’t call with your dick in your hand, that’s not serving.
If you come up empty handed (pardon the pun) on servitude then the next question to ask is, “Is what I’m doing/proposing/asking, sacrificing for my Queen/King?” Sacrifice can be a wonderful and humbling experience. And there are many ways you can sacrifice for your Domme/Dom.
The most common sacrifices would be adjustments to your living routine. For example, if you’re going to the gym or playing golf on the weekends you sacrifice that activity and give the money you would have spent on it to your domme/dom. You then use that time in service to your Queen/King by completing tasks of their choosing. The point is to give up something you enjoy to be of service to others, in this case your domme/dom. I have, on occasion, had my subs take a second job around the holidays under the guise of giving me the money only to have them donate the money to a local charity or have them buy their wife a piece of jewelry for Christmas.
Suffering is where it gets a little more interesting and for some of you a little distasteful. If you’ve come up dry with servitude the last question to ask yourself is, “Am I suffering for my Queen/King?” And I’ll add a caveat to that question with, in a manner of their choosing.
So what do I mean by suffering? Suffering can take many forms which is why I say in a manner of your dominant’s choosing. Let’s say you serve someone in real-time then suffering can be physical. If you are a sadist, as I am, suffering is a magical gift for your domme/dom. Physical pain, unusual tasks, endurance challenges are just a few of the ways you can suffer for your dominant in-person.
Online suffering actually bounces back to sacrificing. The removal of things you love to do in your life is a great way to suffer. If you love hockey/basketball/football imagine going the whole season without watching one game but instead being made to sit in a room during game time and write essays on the evils of that sport.
Chastity is a fantastic form of suffering that will benefit everyone involved and you can do that in-person or online.
However you and your dominant define suffering is up to you but again, if you come up with a big nothing on the suffering you’re out of options.
You don’t have to do all three but if you can’t find a way to fulfill at least one of the three S’s of sexual submission when you present yourself to a dominant you’ll probably end up with a verbal spanking at the very least because it means you’re coming at your submission from a selfish perspective.
So the next time you find yourself on the receiving end of a nasty message or response from a dominant it’s probably because you didn’t put one of the three S’s of sexual submission on the table. And why you always try to build relationships with dominants which allows you to get to know what they want, need or require of you. That is what leads to long term servitude and a very enriching relationship.
What do you think? Sound off below.