I was speaking with a gentleman who is right now, living his life in a way many of you boys dream of – ruined. I can assure you that whatever you’ve fantasized about it’s nothing even close to reality. Reality is much harsher.
When I started speaking with him, which wasn’t that long ago, he was living out of his car. But fortunately was able to get short term accommodation and he was able to make a bit of money by driving for the ride sharing apps. But yesterday his car was repossessed. There goes his way to make money. So what brought this very normal, average, guy to this point in his life? By playing around with financial domination and becoming addicted.
He reached out to me after speaking with two other ‘therapists’ about what had happened to him. The first one, who is alleged to have recently acquired a PHD, chose to bad mouth me for some reason (I have never spoken with this woman in my life) and then recommend another ‘therapist.’ This second ‘therapist’ after hearing his story literally laughed at him. (I have seen the screen shots) When he returned to the first one, she blocked him.
First of all why am I putting quotes around the word therapist? Because you can have all the letters you want behind your name but you can’t teach compassion. Compassion is something you either have or don’t have. And usually if you don’t have compassion, you have sociopathy. And given the line of work we can’t be surprised by a lack of compassion because that’s not what you go to a dominatrix for. Read my article Domme or Psychopath.
This man needed someone to listen to him. That’s it. Could he go to a ‘normal’ therapist? No. First because he doesn’t have the money and second the chances of this man not being judged would be slim to none because most conventional counsellors don’t understand fetish.
So what was the next logical step? Turn to the women who are purporting themselves to be therapists within the community. And he did his due diligence because he wasn’t looking for mock therapy. He made sure they said they had some counseling background. But look at how he was received by those same people who say they are therapists within this community. He was laughed at and blocked. Blocked probably because this person felt he was wasting their time with no monetary payout. Laughed at because he got himself into this situation and therefore shame on him, he asked for it.
Now I get it. We get approached by myriad men and many are legitimate time wasters but just as many are not. And if you’re going to put yourself ‘out there’ as being someone who is there to help and not mock, then how can you treat someone this way? He didn’t need to hear about some woman’s hate-on for me or to be laughed at. He just needed someone to LISTEN.
Having a financial domination addiction leaves a man in a complete vacuum. There is almost no one he can turn to. So he’s forced to deal with not just the obvious monetary issues but the shame involved in how he got there. Because when you boil it all down, yes it was his responsibility. He is to blame for where he is but he’s well aware of that. It’s like people who feel the need to point out to a fat person that they’re fat. Or a short person that they’re short, “you’re really tiny aren’t ya?” Trust me, they know. He knows he’s the reason he’s where he is. But he still needs someone to talk to who won’t kick him while he’s down. Try finding that in our society. I dare you.
People, mostly dommes, get pissed because I “kink shame.” And they call it kink shaming because they don’t like hearing the truth. They don’t want to be told that maybe what they’re doing is having a detrimental effect on their clients. So if they disagree with you and can’t take accountability they will say you’re kink shaming.
But I’m nothing if not fair. As I’ve discussed here on The Review before. This entire subject becomes the chicken or the egg. Is it the Domme’s fault for preying on a person who comes to her to be preyed upon? Or is it the fault of the male who can only think with his dick? But as I said before in, Who’s to Blame, Domme or Sub?, you can’t blame the pusher.
In further discussions with the gentleman who is homeless, he told me of the ways that he felt Dommes took advantage of their clients. I understand his viewpoint and on the surface he’s right about his observations BUT (there’s always a ‘but’ isn’t there?) what always gets missed is this, YOU CAME TO HER FOR EXACTLY THE THING SHE DID TO YOU. It’s like suing McDonald’s for making you fat when you ate every meal there. Did anyone hold a gun to your head? I didn’t think so.
However this entire discussion on blame is a moot point because people aren’t that stupid. They may be in denial from time-to-time but for the most part a person knows when they fucked up. This man has had enough shame to last a lifetime. Now is not the time to laugh at him because you see pictures of him living in his car. He needs someone to hear him.
Financial domination addiction is as real as an opioid addiction. And there is serious shame that goes along with it just like there is with any other addiction. Maybe even more so because when anything involves sex it adds to the embarrassment. The last thing anyone wants to hear is, “you asked for it,” even if it’s not in so many words.
So regardless of who reaches out to who, don’t be too quick to decide if someone is just a time waster. Because the shame and lack of resources for true financial domination addicts puts them in one of the most lonely and dead end places. You may not be getting paid to care, but for once maybe put lives over money and see what happens.
Where does this leave the gentlemen I was speaking with? Well, he has two days to find something or he’s on the street. And I can assure you, he’s not jerking off to his predicament. He’s terrified. But if he chooses, he will come back from this better and much wiser than before. Unfortunately there’s no guarantee that he can kick his addiction and he might relapse once the money flows again, only time will tell.
If you’re having issues with Financial Domination addiction you can start by reading my article on Obliterating Your Financial Domination Addiction and seeing an addiction specialist in your area who can work with you using Cognitive Behavioral Therapies among others.
What do you think? Sound off in the comments below.