I get accused of hating men on a frequent basis and I understand how from an outsider point-of-view dominant women look as though they are man haters but in reality that’s not even close to being true.
I have to admit that over the years I’ve become more feminist-like. I would never call myself a feminist. But even for those ladies who are feminists that doesn’t automatically mean misandry.
In order to be a good Domme you can’t possibly hate men it just doesn’t work. Yet I can’t tell you how many times I’ve spoken with women over the years who when they find out I’m a retired dominatrix they automatically say they would make a great Domme because they’re really mean, especially on their periods. Or they spit out the classic, “I could whip a man,” with the cliché evil grin. To which I tell them, “you’d suck at it.” Once I tell them what true female domination is, they immediately lose interest.
Female domination is not about torturing men and making them ‘pay’ in some way. It’s about creating an atmosphere of pure power exchange thereby allowing the male the ability to drop the incessant alpha programming and giving him the freedom and the safety to release himself in to what, in some cases, he feels is his true nature. How this is broached is strictly up to the Domme and the submissive. And obviously that will include a variety of different ways to express that submission whether it be through pain, humiliation, loss of control or the myriad of other delicious modalities of D&s.
Good Dommes know that submissives, be they male or female, are exposing their souls to them and that to be trusted with such a treasure is nothing short of an honor. To think you can just pick up a whip with absolutely no training is the equivalent of a garbage man picking up a scalpel. And no I’m not being dramatic. You can inflict horrific damage and in some cases death if you don’t know what you’re doing. So to say that you’d be good at whipping a man when you know nothing of the art of using that instrument tells me you’re reckless and cannot be trusted with the life of a sub.
And yet I hear story after story about women reading an article online and instantly they’re a professional dominatrix because they went to the local sex shop and bought a cheap ass whip. Not even giving a thought to actually learning this profession. These are the women who should be doubted as to whether they hate men or not.
If a woman has the opinion that men need to be taken down a few pegs she is instantly thought of as a man hater, feminist and female supremacist. The incel alarms go off in basements everywhere feeding their self-loathing. Then while they’re seething and filled with shame because they not only listened to my show but were turned on by it they sit down at their keyboards and regurgitate messages like this:
“There is no diff between feminism and female supremacists. It’s all about demeaning men, hurting us, devaluing us, and empowering women at the [sic] expence of male dignity. It’s why i haven’t dated since I was 24 (now 46) and I’ll never date again.”
This gentleman actually claims to write femdom fiction. You can see where the confusion comes in. I understand that from the outside looking in, that that’s what female domination looks like to people who don’t ‘get it’ but messages such as this just tell me that the issue is with the male who wrote it.
In actuality I love men. I would rather spend my time with a man than a woman any day of the week. If I have a choice I like to be in the company of submissive men, not because I want to spend my time bullying them but because I find most alpha males to be boorish. It’s also my personal opinion that female supremacy works in theory but not in principle. But that said, I also believe that men have been fucking up this planet for a very long time and it’s long overdue for them to step aside and quit trying to grasp on to the manhood they seem to think we’re coming for because we’re not, we just think you’ve had enough time in the sandbox.
So instead of freaking out when a vagina has an opinion that perhaps triggers you or pushes your buttons you should take a step back and ask yourself why it’s triggering you. Nine times out of ten you’ll find it’s because deep down inside you might know we’re right and that’s what scares you.
What do you think? Sound off below.
As a Dominatrix myself, I truly appreciate this article. Us Pro Dommes get labeled misandrists more times than not. But as you say, there is no way we could be both misandrists AND Pro Dommes. It would never work. That being said, some of my clients enjoy it when I’m angry, dare I say maybe even…. throw in a touch of misandry….to a degree. All within the context of the sessions, of course. It really turns some of them on.
I could write volumes about my (not so good) experiences with men prior to becoming a Domme. And I naturally have a soft spot for submissive men. Sub men are the cream of the crop, in my view. There are men from my past with whom I couldn’t session. If they came to me, I would gladly assist them in finding a different Domme, but having had a not so great personal past with them would prevent me from sessioning with them, if that makes sense. Of course, that is all moot, as the likelihood of men from my pre-Domme past showing up is extraordinarily low.
Excellent article. I’ve been hearing what “man haters” professional dommes are the entire time I have been in the lifestyle, and that spans a couple of decades. But…it’s all been from outsiders who only glance at it for a second and think they are REALLY summing it all up with the statement that pro dommes are just “man haters with whips”. I’ve sessioned with quite a few pro dommes in my time. There was one in particular who gave off the vibe that she may have held some resentment towards men. Or…it could have been that I reminded her of a man from her past. At any rate, my bottom felt it for days. Which, in itself, certainly wasn’t a bad thing. Spankings are my absolute favorite part of sessions. Matter of fact, sometimes I like to get sessions that are domestic discipline where I get several spankings. And that session was very fun. I just always wondered if there was perhaps something more to it. Then again, that could have been a total misread on my part.
I sessioned with a domme who had a very difficult past with men. She had been abused. However, she worked through that and none of it was reflected in her work as a dominatrix. She told me that her having been abused by men and becoming a pro domme had NOTHING to do with one another and how BDSM is not about getting revenge on men. It wasn’t about putting men on the receiving end of the physical and emotional abuse. She said that if anything, BDSM was an escape from her past. A new beginning for her. Now, to that end, I will say, I have done role plays before where I am a man who has done a woman wrong and now I have been lured in and once I’m caught up in the spider’s web, so to speak, the woman takes her sweet and satisfying revenge on me. All within the context of a role play, of course. And revenge role play is HOT!!
The most recent domme I’ve sessioned with…my goodness…she’s something else. And I mean that in a good way. You would never know she is a dominatrix because she’s one bubbly, airheaded gal. But once she gets into the domme mindset….she’s as strict and severe as they come. I speak from experience. My poor bottom needs LOTS of lotion after a session with her.
I like your opinion, a lot. Because I am submissive and would love to be in a relationship with a woman with your understanding of my sexual desires.
As far as men destroying the planet and I being a white male would have to put white males at the very top of the list I agree again however I have spent my entire life fighting against the society of greed, war, racism, etc.
My difficulty arises more from the flak I get from the female gender for being male after being battered all my life by the very system females have been oppressed by. I never played ball with the get a job, go to work, and build more bombs lemming stampede parading over our landscape but chose to play my violin everyday for sixty years. Now that I am nearly flown I am upset by the venom I perceive unjustly hissed my direction.. peace, jonathan
Agreed Jonathan. But I’m so happy to see you living your life on your own terms.
Ok but like can this just be considered ‘required reading’ for new Dommes? Like, maybe make it a popup on Twitter when you create a new account, and it doesn’t go away until you’ve ACTUALLY read the whole articke?
My rule is that I won’t do something to a sub that I haven’t at least considered doing to Myself. If you want to learn, learn on yourself or a trusted partner/play partner. It’s not fair nor safe to take your “I can be a Domme, lookit me swinging the whip!” out on an unsuspecting client.
Very well stated. Your words would greatly benefit our community if this article were read by the plethora of females who dilute and destroy the beauty of the possibilities of true levels of a FLR. Pro session or by marriage. I would like permission to post a link to this dialog on my twitter and my Fetlife. Please let me know.
Anytime darlin!