The issue of a submissive being too needy comes up way more than you’d think. No matter what type of domination is being done; pro, online, lifestyle or a combination thereof, an overly clingy sub will pop up from time to time. But how do you know if you’re that guy?
The best way to tell if you’re being too needy is to look at your behavior based on the time you’re occupying with your Domme/Dom. Are you occupying an enormous amount of your Mistress or Master’s time? And be honest with yourself. Look at all of your interactions with them including social media, phone/cam calls, assignments, emails, texts and chat. If it’s several times a day with any of those things, you probably have a problem.
Now don’t get me wrong. We love you overzealous boys and what you’re doing isn’t horrible behavior it is nonetheless hard to deal with without your Domme coming off looking ungrateful which I can assure you they are not. But when you start to occupy your Goddess’s time what you’re failing to see is your own selfishness in the process.
I know, you’re sitting there thinking, ‘Well wtf, I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t,’ and you’d be right. It is sort of a tight-rope walk but the key to this is… balance. Just like on a tight-rope you need to balance yourself, a little too much tilt to either side, and you fall.
Remember these are relationships you’re forming and there is a level of give and take. As a submissive you try to give, give, GIVE and that can be overwhelming if it’s constant. So what you view as being a really obedient boy might be coming off as me, me, ME! Keep this thought in mind when you are evaluating your submissive behavior. Needy equals greedy. Say that phrase over and over in your mind. Needy equals greedy.
When you are constantly in your Domme’s face it makes you like a mosquito, a pest that needs to be swatted but not in a fun D&s way. More like a, ‘get me a can of Raid and let me kill that fucking thing,’ way. But because you are essentially a really good boy she puts up with it for a while until she finally blows and you’re left standing there wondering what you did wrong. See what I mean about relationships?
I find needy subs are much more prevalent in online domination because of the physical disconnect. When you aren’t in the physical presence of your Domme there is a disconnect that occurs because even though you know she’s real, there’s still a piece missing. And because it’s missing many of you will treat your Goddess as though she’s just your personal play toy available whenever you want. And that comes out in time consumption.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself:
- Do I talk to my Domme more than once a day? (using any form of communication)
- Do I constantly look for my Domme’s approval?
- Do I need to be given orders every day?
- Do I try to get my Domme’s attention for validation daily?
- Is my behavior stopping other subs from enjoying my Domme?
I’ve had many subs over time propose scenarios they want to live by that are simply unrealistic and intensely selfish. Daily assignment emails or texts for example. Even if you pay for those assignments they take an enormous amount of time to create, deploy and monitor. Time that rarely gets paid for.
Phone calls can become another issue. I’m not saying that we don’t want you to call us, of course we do, it’s part of our service BUT if you are calling every day for two and three hours a day that doesn’t leave much left of your Domme for other subs who may want her services. Again, needy equals greedy. You are not her only sub unless the Domme is brand new and your constant attention seeking means others can’t enjoy her the way you do. And if you think, GOOD, then again, you’re not being submissive you’re being selfish.
As a person whose career is now basically 100% phone based I will tell you a secret. Talking all day long on the phone gets tiring. It is draining, which is why I get so angry when you boys jizz and hang up without even so much as a good bye. We are human beings on the other end of that phone line and we deserve common decency and manners.
And again, no one is bitching this is what we do and we love what we do, all that any of the ladies are asking is learn balance. We don’t want to have to tell you to fuck off because you’re driving us crazy over something as silly as your own selfish, needy behavior because we know you’ll go all ‘hurt bunny’ over it.
So I’m writing this so you guys can analyze your own behavior and see if you’re occupying too much of your Domme’s time. And if you’re not sure, ask. Ask your Domme if you’re being too clingy and don’t pout if she tells you yes. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to ever talk to you again, it just means you need more balance.
The phrase, everything in moderation is very true of basically anything in life. And I know sometimes when you’re new or just really in to being a sub you can get caught up in it like a new Baptist who’s found Jesus behind their couch and are now saved, they want to save everyone.
And with balance my dear boys comes REWARD! I know no one wants to hear the word, moderation. I mean seriously, that’s like walking in to a candy store and being told you get half a stick of gum. But here’s where the reward pays out and it applies to everything we over indulge in, the less you do it, the better it gets when you do. And that can be sugar or your Domme’s attention.
Having time away from your Domme is as important as the time you do spend with her. The time away allows you to reflect and deepen your bond to both her and your submission. It allows you to do part of the backbone of submission, suffer.
True submission is based on sacrifice and suffering. If you’re always getting your fix you end up craving more and more because you don’t get the same high you did when you first started talking to her. It’s why many of you boys jump from Domme to Domme looking for the next best high. But you wouldn’t have to do that if you served ONE DOMME in moderation.
Suffer for her when you are away from her. Sacrifice your time with her, so she has more for others who also need her. Long for the sound of her voice. Play chastity games by not touching yourself during your Domme Downtime. It doesn’t have to be November to play No Nut November. Play sacrificial games by going for the month with no lunch and sending her the money. The ideas are endless but you see my point.
For you needy boys you need to look at serving your Goddess a couple of times a week or better yet, ASK HER. I can’t tell you guys how important that is. Every woman is different in how she dominates so ask her what you can do to make your time together better for both of you.
If you recognize that you are a sub who needs more time from your Domme, that’s ok, but make sure your Domme has that type of time to give you. Don’t assume that she does.
By analyzing and recognizing your behavior and actually talking to your Domme about how you can be better, you’ll both end up with a much more rewarding experience.
What do you think? Sound off below: