Can a Woman Respect a Sexually Submissive Partner?
Can a woman respect a sexually submissive partner? I get asked this quite often by men who are contemplating cuckolding and more specifically sucking cock in front of their partner. Don asked this recently in our comment section and the answer isn’t really easy and comes down to not only your definition of respect, but also a ton of variables.
So let’s break this down. In the broad scheme of things the answer is yes, of course she will respect you in every way possible, except sexually. However you can’t ask her to respect you sexually it doesn’t work if you have a Dominant/submissive relationship and I’m going on the premise that you do or at least want one such as a cuckold relationship.
As the man that I love and care for and want to spend my life with of course I will respect you. In some cases as the father of my children I will respect you. As the sole or part provider for our home I will respect you. As a human being I will respect you. But in the bedroom, when you’re on your knees and you’re sucking my bull’s cock the only thing I respect is that you’re being a good little bitch and doing what you’re told.
Now let’s look at it from the submissive’s perspective. In the bedroom, when you’re being my bitch, you don’t want me to respect you. That defeats the purpose of our relationship. In this room, it’s not about me respecting you, it’s about you respecting me. That’s the double-edged sword you walk in these situations and why I always say you have to have a very strong foundation in your relationship before you engage in any kind of kink play because if you don’t have good communication and that solid foundation it will all crumble.
And let’s not forget the variables I spoke of earlier such as how much D/s is in the relationship. Does it bleed in to your daily lives or does it remain behind bedroom doors? The more hardcore you integrate D/s in to your relationship outside of the bedroom the less respect there will be in the day-to-day activities. If your dominant wife is handling all the money and/or making all the money she’s less likely to respect you regarding money. See what I mean? It’s quite individual.
When it comes to cuckolding I would rather see you have a loving relationship that is equal in every way except in the areas you don’t want it equal. I’ve found the fear of a lack of respect comes from a fear of your own submission; that somehow she won’t see you as a man. But what does it matter if she sees you as Krusty the Klown as long as you’re happy and getting your sexual needs met? The key is to stop getting caught up in societal ideals of what a man should or shouldn’t be. If you enjoy her not respecting you in ANY way who cares? It’s like the old song Use Me by Bill Withers, “and I wanna spread the news that if it feels this good getting used, Oh you just keep on using me, until you use me up.”
I lost respect for my husband after he let me dominate him in bed. I just can`t see him the same way again. He enjoys it too much.
Thank you for this Vicky.
Thanks to you for giving me this outlet, Dr. Sue. What would you advice me?
The problem Vick is this, he put on a mask to get you in the first place. Once that mask is ripped off and his true nature shines through, as it has with your domme play, you can’t put that mask back on. You can’t get the respect back because you see who he really is now. Your choices are, stay and tell him you’ll OCCASIONALLY dominate him, or leave him and move on. But let me give you a grass is greener piece of advice. 80% of all men across the world are sexually submissive. They are all forced to put on the mask of being an alpha male because that is what society expects from them but it’s not who they are at the core. True alpha males are very rare and not good for relationships anyway. Find a good submissive guy who isn’t a fucking wimp and you have yourself a loyal dog. So it depends on the degree to which he submitted to you and again, your own line in the sand. But you could in fact have yourself someone who will be, as I said, quite loyal to you. And you may be surprised at how much fun YOU can have training him to be what you want from a submissive male. I’m sure the sex was mediocre at best. YOu CAN have your cake and eat it too. All up to you.
Would you advice me to push his boundaries beyond the bedroom just like other comments say?
You only play with him in this way if you choose to keep your relationship. You don’t start to push his boundaries out of anger or resentment. What is your definition of beyond the bedroom?
Our everyday life at home. Maybe even outside, in public.
You never take this public. The public is considered innocent and you leave them alone. No one wants to see you humiliate your husband. What you choose to do with this is just that, your choice. But I will say that you need to ask yourself if you’re just doing this out of spite and you want to humiliate him to hurt him and if that’s the case, just leave him. You never use someone’s submission against them because you’re pissed that’s who he is.