Ah you boys, you’re so cute, you’re cruising around the internet or more precisely Pornhub™, when suddenly, “What’s this? Why, that guy is watching his wife fuck another guy right in front of him. And he’s TURNED ON BY IT!” You start to put yourself in the position of the observing husband, your mind flooding with thoughts of your wife being fucked by another guy and before you know it, you’re stroking daily to both the porn on your computer and the porn in your head.
For some of you gentlemen, once you get these thoughts bouncing around your skulls you become a zealot about your newly found kink and you begin your quest. What quest you ask? Why, the quest to get your beloved wife to bang another guy.
“As God is my witness, I shall see my wife get plowed by a huge cock!”
I mean, come on, how could she not love it, right?
But just what does go through your wife’s mind when you ask her to have sex with another man because it gets you hot?
Well first she hears the screeching of tires and for some women it’s followed by the feeling of the floor dropping out from under them. Her world turns upside down. Her body goes into fight or flight mode trying to process what you’re asking her to do.
All the while you’re sitting there like an excited puppy wagging your tail waiting for her to say, “Sure honey, we’ll do that next Tuesday after the Henderson’s come over for dinner. Marge always said Jerry had a big cock.”
By now she will be having a myriad of thoughts racing through her mind some of them (not in any order) will sound like,
“This is some bullshit attempt to get me to fuck another guy so he can fuck another woman and not feel guilty about it.”
“This is so fucking stupid! What a fucking pig!”
“What kind of happily married man would not only allow that but encourage it?”
“How could he just throw me away like that? I thought I meant something to him but if he can toss me off to another guy so easily maybe I was wrong.”
“I guess I’m just not good enough or enough at all.”
See where she lands? In the exact opposite place you wanted her to land. And notice how it goes from disbelief all the way to blaming herself in the end for not being good enough.
I’m going to tell you a true story about a woman who reached out to me to help her understand and indoctrinate her into a cuckold lifestyle.
Many of you may remember that I mentioned about two and a half years ago that I was going to work with a woman and document her journey of going from being asked by her husband to actually becoming a cuckoldress with my help. We’ll call her Mary.
When Mary first approached me she told me her husband wanted her to cuckold him and she wanted to learn how to do it properly. Seemed rather straightforward to me but after our first session together it became very clear this was not a good idea for them.
Mary had been at the top of her game in her career and was feeling very powerful and confident when her husband asked her to cuckold him, however instead of her having a positive reaction, just as I mentioned above, her world crashed.
Mary started to second guess herself in everything in her life, not just with her sex life. Once I heard the back story I immediately took cuckolding off the table. The relationship wasn’t stable enough to make it through any type of alternative lifestyle.
Instead Mary and I worked on getting her self-esteem back. But that was not to happen. You see when her husband asked her to cuckold him or as most of you boys put it, “fuck another guy for me,” Mary became hyper aware of his behavior. So much so that it started to drive a hideous wedge between them.
She began to resent his porn watching, something the two of them did together as a ritual in their sex life. And I must add that in my opinion he does have a porn addiction issue beyond watching it together before sex. She became distrustful of him because right after he brought up cuckolding he started showing interest in a female friend of theirs. Now it turns out it was nothing and Mary was overthinking the entire situation but it was too late. Because she was so hyper aware of his activities, anything he did was suspicious.
Mary’s career went down the tubes at the same time because she became slightly agoraphobic and she wouldn’t leave the house – possibly subconsciously to keep an eye on her husband. She kept thinking her husband was always looking at other women when they went out. So much so, any time they went anywhere it lead to a fight. “I saw you looking at that waitress.”
For two years I tried working with Mary to get her back on her former confident feet but nothing worked for a variety of reasons but the most prominent being that she had come to a point where the fighting and continuous mean jabs and accusations was all she knew. It was as if she hated her husband but loved him at the same time.
They had been building a house together from scratch; as in her husband built it all by himself with her help. For years they were living in a tiny little trailer. This alone put a strain on the marriage but I had hoped once the stress of living in such tight quarters was over and they moved in to their dream home that she would relax a bit. Plus Mary hadn’t been working and money was also getting tight which didn’t help matters any.
Well they finished the house and moved in not too long ago and things only got worse. By this time her suspicions and complete lack of confidence had become a pattern that she couldn’t break. The fighting got worse, her husband couldn’t make move without be accused of something to the point where last weekend he pulled the plug on the marriage after twenty four years and asked her to leave.
Are there other issues beyond the cuckolding inquiry that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship, yes, but it was the cuckolding request that knocked her off of her stride. Remember she was happy and successful and loving her career and her life despite the fact that they were living in a trailer.
She told me she felt as though she wasn’t good enough and would never be good enough. That she couldn’t be the women in the porn he was always watching. She couldn’t compare to those women. Once the cascade of negative thoughts hit her career she felt she wasn’t good enough to do that anymore either. It became a perpetuating negative spiral that just got worse and worse. She could no longer have sex with him because she felt she was being judged.
This is a very sad true story. You guys know me I’m a huge believer in incorporating your partner into your kink if you can, so to see a relationship go down in flames for just that is heartbreaking and unnecessary.
So what went wrong?
Well as I said there are things I won’t get in to here but the primary take away is that his request catapulted her to a place where she felt totally unsafe. She couldn’t trust her partner. She hated herself. She disintegrated and took it out on him. Why? Because he was the one who caused her pain. He was the one who she allowed to punt her from her confidence. Because in the end, it doesn’t matter how hard a woman works, or how well she keeps her body, men are never satisfied and are always looking for greener pastures.
I’m not saying every male who approaches his wife about cuckolding ends up in this type of situation but I’ve certainly seen many who were similar. I think part of the problem is the difference between how men and women think. Men tend to require sex and think about sex far more than women do.
I found this after a ten second Google search and it’s from WebMD, granted not a shining example of academia but here’s what they had to say about the difference between how men and women view sex:
“Well, yes, they do. Study after study shows that men’s sex drives are not only stronger than women’s, but much more straightforward. The sources of women’s libidos, by contrast, are much harder to pin down.
It’s common wisdom that women place more value on emotional connection as a spark of sexual desire. But women also appear to be heavily influenced by social and cultural factors as well.”
“Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context,” says Edward O. Laumann, PhD. He is a professor of sociology at the University of Chicago and lead author of a major survey of sexual practices, The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States.”
The first takeaway in that piece is this, “men’s sex drives are not only stronger than women’s, but much more straightforward.” And this is where things usually go horribly wrong. You see boys, because you think about sex in a more straightforward way, you tend to drop your desires on women in the same way. “Oh honey, let’s say tonight you tie up my balls and get the ping pong paddle to swat my ass hmmm?” when prior to this your sex life consisted of missionary position every Tuesday night for the last fifteen years. So when you find this new toy, this shiny new object and you want to play with it you simply think, “Why wouldn’t anyone want to play with this?” So you’re that excited puppy wagging his tail but because you chose to please your mistress by chewing up her Louboutin’s proudly you don’t get the reaction you want and instead get a swat across the nose or worse.
And as Dr. Laumann states, “Sexual desire in women is extremely sensitive to environment and context.” The key word in that is ‘context.’ You can see where dropping a bomb probably wouldn’t work out well when she has no idea where it came from.
Remember, you’ve been sitting in the dark when she goes to sleep yanking your noodle to these thoughts for probably months while she’s been going along thinking her life is just peachy. Let alone the fact that most women don’t know what the sweet fuck cuckolding is in the first place and all she hears when you ask is, “Hey sweetcheeks, I want to see some other man defile you for my pleasure cause you mean nothing more to me than that bone I threw out for our dog Rex this morning. Thursday good for you?” So you can see how important context is. We aren’t in your head (thank god) so we don’t know what’s been getting you horned up over the last six months nor can you expect it to make us horny the way it does you. You’re partners, you aren’t the same person, she has her own tastes and it’s probably not (SPOILER ALERT), about some guy with a twelve inch dick. That is all in your fantasies.
So as much as you may think that she is going to look at you and say, “GREAT! Bring on that dick!” it’s probably not going to happen that way. And if she was that quick to say yes, I’d raise an eyebrow anyway.
Keep this in mind. Because we raise all of our children in the puritan ways of boys always having to be strong alpha males and girls being raised to be submissive, sweet and quiet, it means that when men go into the dating game, they have no choice but to present themselves as that strong, alpha guy. And that is what your partner believes because that is what you chose to portray to her.
[Enter submissive feelings…]
Now we have a majority, not minority, of men who are in these relationships in roles they don’t identify with deep down. You gentlemen are now stuck in a relationship that is basically a façade based on conforming to societal norms. But where does that leave your submissive side?
Well now that you’ve found your submissive self and you want to experience it you think, “Oh how I’d love to see another man satisfy my wife in ways I can’t,” the ultimate cuckold fantasy. But your wife is still sitting with the alpha guy façade that she married and when you dumped this on her after say ten years of marriage, she’s left standing there thinking, “who the fuck did I marry?”
This is why making a list of all your kinks and handing it to her, or who am I kidding, leaving it under her pillow cause you’re afraid of confrontation, can lead her to being drop kicked in to WHAT THE SWEET FUCK land feeling betrayed and disposable.
This is why I don’t recommend sitting down with a laundry list when you have any kink or new lifestyle interest. The poor woman doesn’t know what she doesn’t know. So you can’t expect her jump in the deep end with you. You have to take her by-the-hand gently into the shallow end first and then move her slowly to where you want her to be and if in the end she chooses not to go there with you, you have to respect that.
You also need to ask yourself what your motivation is behind you wanting to see your wife have sex with another man. Is it because you’re a genuine cuckold who wants nothing more than to see his wife pleased in ways he can’t, or is it because you just want to see your wife get plowed by another guy cause it makes your dick hard. Not that option one doesn’t make your dick hard too, but when you’re a voyeur it’s coming from a more selfish perspective. Voyeur’s are usually the ones who use the term “hot wife,” whereas true cucks are all about their wives pleasure over their own.
If you’re motivation is just to see your wife pummeled by a big cock then you need to ask yourself why? Why do you want to see your wife hurt that way? Do you secretly have a grudge or even hate her?
And if you’re a man who wants to see your wife truly enjoy sex more, then it’s time to sit down and have an open and honest conversation not about what YOU want but how your kink can benefit her. It’s all in your delivery gentlemen. By showing her why you want this, over it just making your dick hard, you’ll get a much better response. But in the end, as I’ve said, if she doesn’t want to, she doesn’t have to and she should NEVER do it just to, ‘make you happy.’ That is a recipe for disaster.
Let me know what you think in the comments below: